Duality: for those who are single and looking

[stevENTj]

poll

[Warlord]

I'll accept anyone hot who wants me

[stevENTj]

I'll accept anyone hot who wants me

lol, I did mean "relationship" of course, not just someone you want to score with.

[717495]

I don't think that I'll end up with my dual. I've always been attracted to ExFjs very much ... and in that way ... and I understand well and have experienced "duality" ... but when it's come to the crunch, I've always been attracted to introverts "like me" more. I'll probably end up with my identical. I don't really care if socionists want to say that "that's not ideal" ... I think that they're full of shit.

Identicals are boring, in the sense that there is far less to learn. So yeah, if you like to learn less from someone, then I would settle for my identical. There is plenty of challenge with identicals. Though its more competitive challenge and far less a challenge of learning and trying to see things differently, that you can experience firsthand, that I find attractive. I've always been most attracted to my dual and what they do on a day to day basis, how they think, and how they can include me in this, and how attracted they are to me. If I were looking for someone, it would probably be my dual. Of the few people I've dated, they have all been duals or activators. The relationships were never bad. They were just shortlived because of immaturity and lack of commitment as just kids.

[717495]

I have trouble seeing duals as more competitively challenging, unless you're just highly self-critical and insecure, thus have some stuff to get over. Can't speak for everyone.

[Warlord]

lol, I did mean "relationship" of course, not just someone you want to score with.

I don't really care if socionists want to say that "that's not ideal" ... I think that they're full of shit.

Hehe. Seriously I think FeSi and FeNi are only types I would reject because their personalities are too incompatible and difficult. There's no way I could stand that much Fe. But it might be that aggressor girls that are only ones that are either direct or persistant enough to actually get me.

Also I don't like the idea of being too anal about requirements, and rather keep an open-mind. People have relationships with people not with theoretical concepts or shoppinglists. Therefore the kind of restrictive overt dual-romanticism annoys me.

[Jarno]

The more you are aware of socionics effects of relationships (which you are if you've heard about socionics...), the quicker you tend to notice the downsides of the specific relationships.

The only ones who seems good enough to last, are the quadra relations. Other relationships are usually a waste of time, because:

A) dating doesn't go really smooth
B) there's a big chance you don't get passed the dating phase
C) in the end you'll break up anyways (but ok, who cares if you can fuck in the mean time)
D) you are missing out on something better; quadra or especially duality of same subtype

[FDG]

Even when I was single and looking, I'd always naturally get the most attracted to my duals; in fact all my girlfriends so far have been duals

[717495]

Even when I was single and looking, I'd always naturally get the most attracted to my duals; in fact all my girlfriends so far have been duals

Yeah. I used to think they were all different types, because they have their own personalities. The more I've understood socionics, the easier I've seen all of them as my dual type.

[sarinana]

I really don't care about type as long as he is good looking and doesn't go on my nerves...

[Jarno]

Even when I was single and looking, I'd always naturally get the most attracted to my duals; in fact all my girlfriends so far have been duals

wow.

[redbaron]

I really don't care about type as long as he is good looking and doesn't go on my nerves...

for some reason, this made me laugh.

[munenori2]

I'd say I'm pretty open, though to be honest I'm not that great or keen on typing every girl I interact with so I'm not sure I'd say I'm using much socionics anyway. There are a couple women I've been talking with a little and someone I was chatting with this morning but aside from being cute and seeming interested in me I don't have a clue about any of their types.

I will say though that I have a teacher this semester that's my age and screams ILE. We've pretty much clicked to the point that I totally would go for a duality relationship.

[Banana Pancakes]

In theory, I'm a duality purist.

In practice, I'm growing tired of looking for a dual and only finding ones that are:
a) In a relationship (which they'll never leave)
b) Ho bag McTrampytons
c) Mentally disturbed

So at this time, I'm open to just about anything. Lately attracting a lot of Delta STs who can be kinda pointy by comparison but still fun.

[Brilliand]

c) Mentally disturbed

Maybe you could resurrect one of these.

[Banana Pancakes]

Maybe you could resurrect one of these.

When did they die that they need resurrection? They're only dead inside because life is such a tragedy :/

[Brilliand]

When did they die that they need resurrection? They're only dead inside because life is such a tragedy :/

'Tis what I meant. Revive their spirits.

[stevENTj]

@stevENTj: May I still vote since when I was single I was determined to wait for two years to find my Dual, or to comfort with the first come if unsuccessful after that period?

It sounds like right now you're only open to Duality, so vote accordingly.

[Danielle]

I've never dated a dual, so I'd just like to try it. I've already tried a number of the other relations (i.e. activity, partial identity, super-ego, kindred, beneficiary), we interacted exactly as Socionics would predict, and I don't see why go backwards.

[Creepy-male]

I can't control who I become infatuated with, but having experience duality in close friendship, I'm not going back, no. In terms of "drawn out drama-fest", it could be any time, but for a proper relationship? Only a dual, and only a compatible one at that.

[Jarno]

The poll would give more interesting results when people also had to vote whether they've had a dual relationship before.

Because (IMO) probably the ones who have had a dual relationship in the past would wait for the next dual, and the ones who didn't have the dual experience don't care to much, because they don't know the value of it compared to other relationships.

[redbaron]

Because (IMO) probably the ones who have had a dual relationship in the past would wait for the next dual, and the ones who didn't have the dual experience don't care to much, because they don't know the value of it compared to other relationships.

I agree with this.

[Joy]

Heh, Carla. I feel like identity relations are the "gay" relations. Not that its bad, I'm just saying.

Sort of like masturbation? I know I'm not usually attracted to people who are too much like me. It's like... That would just be weird.

<3 introverts

[redbaron]

Sort of like masturbation? I know I'm not usually attracted to people who are too much like me. It's like... That would just be weird.

<3 introverts

lol I actually think it's more common for introverts to like (and pair with) other introverts than extraverts to extraverts.

(although now that I said that, I'm thinking that I know at least two E-E couples who've been happily married for a long time... on the other hand, I know countless I-I couples)

[jewels]

I prefer dating my dual if possible. If not, semi-dual. I've really decided I need an introvert w/ Si. Long term, I've decided I want to marry a dual or semi-dual.

I do date other types though, as I always think "ah well maybe I'm wrong and socionics is too!" And then I end up cringing and thinking "why did I even try this?"

There is just something about introvert energy (specifically w/ that Si!! yay!) that draws me in, and extrovert energy (that despite being fun), sort of repels me. It's like two people trying to lead at the same time and stepping on each other's feet.

I really noticed this after going dancing the other night. I could instantly tell what types the guys were by how they lead/moved and whether or not I followed them well. There was an ISTj who clearly made the leads, so I could follow it ok, but it felt sort of robotic and like "oh no, hope I don't do this wrong!" Then an ISTp who despite being way shorter than me, easily lead everything (even moves I didn't know at all) and when I'd flail about and get something wrong he just seemed amused. Then an ESFp who despite having "flashy" moves really annoyed me as he was sort of throwing me all around and we were both competing for the spotlight basically (bad).

That energy that you feel around someone is really important. For me, that has been more important than most other things (looks, height, education, money, where he lives,etc.). So much so that some of my friends thought I needed professional help after dating a shorter, less attractive guy who was not rich like all of their boyfriends. But I was seriously sooo into his energy and thought he was hot.

[redbaron]

I prefer dating my dual if possible. If not, semi-dual. I've really decided I need an introvert w/ Si. Long term, I've decided I want to marry a dual or semi-dual.

I do date other types though, as I always think "ah well maybe I'm wrong and socionics is too!" And then I end up cringing and thinking "why did I even try this?"

There is just something about introvert energy (specifically w/ that Si!! yay!) that draws me in, and extrovert energy (that despite being fun), sort of repels me. It's like two people trying to lead at the same time and stepping on each other's feet.

I really noticed this after going dancing the other night. I could instantly tell what types the guys were by how they lead/moved and whether or not I followed them well. There was an ISTj who clearly made the leads, so I could follow it ok, but it felt sort of robotic and like "oh no, hope I don't do this wrong!" Then an ISTp who despite being way shorter than me, easily lead everything (even moves I didn't know at all) and when I'd flail about and get something wrong he just seemed amused. Then an ESFp who despite having "flashy" moves really annoyed me as he was sort of throwing me all around and we were both competing for the spotlight basically (bad).

That energy that you feel around someone is really important. For me, that has been more important than most other things (looks, height, education, money, where he lives,etc.). So much so that some of my friends thought I needed professional help after dating a shorter, less attractive guy who was not rich like all of their boyfriends. But I was seriously sooo into his energy and thought he was hot.

I love this. Jewels you are so cute!

[jewels]

In theory, I'm a duality purist.

In practice, I'm growing tired of looking for a dual and only finding ones that are:
a) In a relationship (which they'll never leave)
b) Ho bag McTrampytons
c) Mentally disturbed

So at this time, I'm open to just about anything. Lately attracting a lot of Delta STs who can be kinda pointy by comparison but still fun.

I really like how you phrased this! Lol. Especially "b" haha.

[Jarno]

I do date other types though, as I always think "ah well maybe I'm wrong and socionics is too!" And then I end up cringing and thinking "why did I even try this?"

haha, I recognize this.

[Creepy-bg]

I prefer dating my dual if possible. If not, semi-dual. I've really decided I need an introvert w/ Si. Long term, I've decided I want to marry a dual or semi-dual.

how you doin?

[jewels]

how you doin?

LOL. I forgot all about that Joey guy on friends! I used to say that all the time

[jewels]

and sadly, I just went on yet another random date w/ someone who appeared to be ISFp and ended up being ENFj. I kept thinking "wait, where is the Si?" He actually picked a dark table in an awkward spot by glaringly loud music, lol.

[Jarno]

and sadly, I just went on yet another random date w/ someone who appeared to be ISFp and ended up being ENFj. I kept thinking "wait, where is the Si?" He actually picked a dark table in an awkward spot by glaringly loud music, lol.

it's funny cause you've probably decided after noticing he's enfj that the date isn't going to work out, while the enfj is still interested in you for the rest of the evening.

[greed]

(specifically w/ that Si!! yay!)

Out of curiosity, what do you find that Si does for you? I have a hard time pinpointing when exactly I see it in other people..

[tiny_dancer]

haha I went on a date with an enfj once, and we realized about midway through that it totally was not working. awkward. But at least we both came to the same conclusion and had no regrets about not seeing each other again!

I like Si because somehow we end up doing the most random stuff, whatever we feel like doing, and it ends up so much more fun than anything we ever could have planned.

For instance, when my SEI sister came to visit, one night we went to dinner, then decided we hadn't played Scrabble in forever, so we ran to Target and bought it, took it to a bar patio and played a couple games, then ended up joining another person and celebrating a friend's birthday at another bar until midnight. Nothing was really planned except dinner.

Another day, instead of doing the typical cheesy tourist stuff, we ended up going to a historic cemetery and doing grave rubbings, also on the spur of the moment.

She just reminds me to live and enjoy "now" and not plan too much or worry too much. It's easier for me to relax and not try too hard around her.

[Cyrano]

haha I went on a date with an enfj once, and we realized about midway through that it totally was not working. awkward. But at least we both came to the same conclusion and had no regrets about not seeing each other again!

I like Si because somehow we end up doing the most random stuff, whatever we feel like doing, and it ends up so much more fun than anything we ever could have planned.

For instance, when my SEI sister came to visit, one night we went to dinner, then decided we hadn't played Scrabble in forever, so we ran to Target and bought it, took it to a bar patio and played a couple games, then ended up joining another person and celebrating a friend's birthday at another bar until midnight. Nothing was really planned except dinner.

Another day, instead of doing the typical cheesy tourist stuff, we ended up going to a historic cemetery and doing grave rubbings, also on the spur of the moment.

She just reminds me to live and enjoy "now" and not plan too much or worry too much. It's easier for me to relax and not try too hard around her.

What would we do without the Tiny_Dancer?

[Joy]

lol I actually think it's more common for introverts to like (and pair with) other introverts than extraverts to extraverts.

(although now that I said that, I'm thinking that I know at least two E-E couples who've been happily married for a long time... on the other hand, I know countless I-I couples)

Maybe because it's okay if neither person is talking, but it doesn't really work very well if both people are talking.

[redbaron]

Maybe because it's okay if neither person is talking, but it doesn't really work very well if both people are talking.

exactly. although I have to say one thing: I know an SEI/EII couple and they are so bad with communication. they never talk to each other. they only say what's absolutely necessary. Makes me sad. Married 21 years. Two kids. They seem okay with it. the SEI is a 9 and peace is most important so he just shoves issues under the rug until and unless something comes up that absolutely must be dealt with. I could not handle that.

[Joy]

Yeah, doesn't sound like a very good situation.

[redbaron]

Yeah, doesn't sound like a very good situation.

nope. but he's stubborn that way. would never leave her no matter how unhappy he is. I don't think she's exactly thrilled with it either.

[jewels]

it's funny cause you've probably decided after noticing he's enfj that the date isn't going to work out, while the enfj is still interested in you for the rest of the evening.

yeah I don't know though. I was surprised for the beginning part because I wasn't liking him, and kept thinking (wait, shouldn't I feel more comfortable? Why do I feel so uptight?). He also sort of criticized me, was firing away questions, etc. It was very strained, tiring and boring all at once (I have known ENFjs who were way more fun fwiw). It was also an empty bar and I didn't want to get more than one drink since he was probably buying and I didn't like him. So for two hours I sat there with an empty drink trying to pinpoint what wasn't working, and then I realized he was ENFj -- so it came after, not before.

Yeah for some odd reason, despite the hugely terrible date, he seemed to still be interested, until I made it completely clear there was no chance in hell, as our types were horrible. He seemed to take it fine and understand .