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Thread: ISTps do you have problems having feelings for people?

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    jessica129's Avatar
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    Default ISTps do you have problems having feelings for people?

    Do you have problems having feelings towards people? Are you capable of loving someone outside of immediate family?

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    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    Do you have problems having feelings towards people? Are you capable of loving someone outside of immediate family?
    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
    DCNH: Dominant --> perhaps Normalizing
    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
    Astrological sign: Aquarius

    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

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    I'm assuming you posted a pic. What of? I can't see pics.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    Do you have problems having feelings towards people?
    No.

    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    Are you capable of loving someone outside of immediate family?
    Yes.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    I'm assuming you posted a pic. What of? I can't see pics.
    A lethal T-800 terminator cyberdyne systems is thinking about feelings, family, etc
    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
    DCNH: Dominant --> perhaps Normalizing
    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
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    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

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    I think probobly a robot

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    Not only can they love someone outside of immediate family, but from my experience when they do love they love very intensely and concretely. That depth of emotion is a precious commodity for them and they're really careful about just spreading it around. It's buried far beneath the surface but once it gets going it's on autopilot. They'll do anything and everything for the people they love. They just don't love a lot of people, that's all.

    Aww I kind of miss my first boyfriend (SLI).
    EII
    4w5, sp/sx

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    Quote Originally Posted by Danielle View Post
    Not only can they love someone outside of immediate family, but from my experience when they do love they love very intensely and concretely. That depth of emotion is a precious commodity for them and they're really careful about just spreading it around. It's buried far beneath the surface but once it gets going it's on autopilot. They'll do anything and everything for the people they love. They just don't love a lot of people, that's all.

    Aww I kind of miss my first boyfriend (SLI).
    Yeah this is true. I've only felt like that with one person and I've dated a lot. It's kinda scary to think that might be a one time deal kind of thing. It kinda brings up that whole thing of "is there really only one person meant for us" debate that I don't want to get into but am almost starting to belive.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    Yeah this is true. I've only felt like that with one person and I've dated a lot. It's kinda scary to think that might be a one time deal kind of thing. It kinda brings up that whole thing of "is there really only one person meant for us" debate that I don't want to get into but am almost starting to belive.
    For me it brings up the other quandary: is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I've never been in love. At the moment, I think it would be worse to be in the position of having had that kind of love and then never having it again, so I feel you.
    EII
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    Yeah this is true. I've only felt like that with one person and I've dated a lot. It's kinda scary to think that might be a one time deal kind of thing. It kinda brings up that whole thing of "is there really only one person meant for us" debate that I don't want to get into but am almost starting to belive.
    The one is whoever you make them to be.

    Chin up.
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Maybe it's a trust thing? I'm realizing that I very quickly allow myself to start the process of learning to love someone when I feel like they are attractive enough for boyfriend material. I feel the feelings and think the thoughts and just get overwhelmed that I must pursue this possibility. It seems like SiTe don't really work that way, there's this slow warming up to, a long case of trust and becoming permanent. I think it's because SiTe become loyal, almost to a fault, once they get into a relationship, and wouldn't want to invest that much energy, especially if they are insecure about this section of themselves, in someone who's not worth it and will take advantage of them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Danielle View Post
    For me it brings up the other quandary: is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I've never been in love. At the moment, I think it would be worse to be in the position of having had that kind of love and then never having it again, so I feel you.
    Most definetly. I think it's infinitely worse to have loved and lost.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    Yeah this is true. I've only felt like that with one person and I've dated a lot. It's kinda scary to think that might be a one time deal kind of thing. It kinda brings up that whole thing of "is there really only one person meant for us" debate that I don't want to get into but am almost starting to belive.
    Don't give up Jessica. You are capable of finding and giving great happiness. SLIs just need to find one of the right people out there and realize it in time.
    ISTp
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    Don't give up Jessica. You are capable of finding and giving great happiness. SLIs just need to find one of the right people out there and realize it in time.
    I can vouch for this.

    Sometimes you guys are my only source of sanity.

    Amazing people
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    I thought we were the cause for your insanity!

    Jim
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    Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.

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    That too.

    Don't worry Jessica. There is definitely more than one person out there for you.
    IEE

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessica129
    Yeah this is true. I've only felt like that with one person and I've dated a lot. It's kinda scary to think that might be a one time deal kind of thing. It kinda brings up that whole thing of "is there really only one person meant for us" debate that I don't want to get into but am almost starting to belive.


    (heh, song aside, to answer the question, point or something; there's plenty folk out there, corners, turning them, going round 'em and such)


    Quote Originally Posted by 1981slater View Post
    Get to the chopper!!!!! Oh wait, that be another film, hmmm.

    Although the cyberdine just sort of look genuinely pleased to see you (someone else, whoever) there.

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    I have no problem loving other people. What I have problems is realizing the state of the relation between me and the other person. I have no idea somebody is interested in me romantically unless they outright say it to my face. I always assume I'm friends with people. This can also be a problem sometimes. Recently a person through I was hitting on her because I wanted to be friends. I was completely oblivious that my actions could be interpreted as advances. I honestly just wanted to get to know her. (Actually it never occurred to me that my actions could be "interpreted". I normally interact with people with clear intentions. As in I state them to them. If asked or if it's relevant.)

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    Quote Originally Posted by tiny_dancer View Post
    That too.

    Don't worry Jessica. There is definitely more than one person out there for you.
    Im sure Jessica has all the men she could want. I'm betting that her problem will be "settling" on one. SLIs view all things critically, avoid commitment, and dislike extremes. So we are supposed to fall head over heals in love forever? Fat chance. I think we have to accept that our best outcome will be to find someone who loves us even at times when our doubting nature seeks to break us apart.
    ISTp
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    Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.

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    So we are supposed to fall head over heals in love forever?
    No. That's an assumption based on a lot crap that Hollywood puts out. I don't view "love" in that way at all. I view it more as finding your best friend, and the relationship resembling friendship far more - enough space to do your own thing, but enough closeness to appreciate the company of your friend as enriching the experience, not "dragging you down" or "hampering your freedom".

    I think the expectation that true love is euphoric and permanent is what keeps a lot of people from finding their duals. They're always looking for more because the person in front of them isn't good enough.
    IEE

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    Quote Originally Posted by tiny_dancer View Post
    No. That's an assumption based on a lot crap that Hollywood puts out. I don't view "love" in that way at all. I view it more as finding your best friend, and the relationship resembling friendship far more - enough space to do your own thing, but enough closeness to appreciate the company of your friend as enriching the experience, not "dragging you down" or "hampering your freedom".
    THIS.

    I may type a better response when I have more time, but I wanted to pop in and say that I agree 100%.

    I think the expectation that true love is euphoric and permanent is what keeps a lot of people from finding their duals. They're always looking for more because the person in front of them isn't good enough.
    Probably very true.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    Im sure Jessica has all the men she could want. I'm betting that her problem will be "settling" on one. SLIs view all things critically, avoid commitment, and dislike extremes. So we are supposed to fall head over heals in love forever? Fat chance. I think we have to accept that our best outcome will be to find someone who loves us even at times when our doubting nature seeks to break us apart.
    Not really although I somehow always seem to find myself in a relationship one way or another. That in itself is problematic as you get a bit numb to dating and the whole experience. I won't even be looking to get into one and then it happens and they all seem to follow the same prescribed route of having a really good time and being enthusiastic about where it could go and after about two months it becomes monotonous and one big chore. It's depressing and wonder when that cycle will ever end. I guess it doesn't help when you never express how you feel... But then again I haven't felt a feeling worthy enough of being expressed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    Im sure Jessica has all the men she could want. I'm betting that her problem will be "settling" on one. SLIs view all things critically, avoid commitment, and dislike extremes. So we are supposed to fall head over heals in love forever? Fat chance. I think we have to accept that our best outcome will be to find someone who loves us even at times when our doubting nature seeks to break us apart.
    Spoken like a true SLI.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Perhaps the people you think are SLIs are really not. I remember when IcePick brought a girl here that ended up being SLE.

    As introverts, the natural tendency of the SLIs is to internalize the person they love, often to a compulsive degree. It's important to keep in mind their hidden agenda: Fi. Above anything else, the most fulfilling experience for any SLI is to feel that they have established a positive and mutual bond with a person which is unbreakable.

    One interesting fact is that, of the SLIs I know, more than half are married to ESIs. Perhaps this is because ESIs are pretty consistent and unambiguous about their bonds with others and this makes SLIs to feel safe.

    In the downside, SLIs are rarely truly happy with ESIs. They resent the harshness of Se and the relative narrow mindedness of the Ij temperament. The idea of leaving the safety of the relationship, however, is too scary for them, and they tend suffer in silence.

    Not only SLIs are perfectly capable of loving, but perhaps they can teach others many lessons about endurance and loyalty.
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    the relative narrow mindedness of the Ij temperament
    What does temperament have to do with being narrow minded?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    ...best outcome will be to find someone who loves us even at times when our doubting nature seeks to break us apart.
    This is interesting. I'm trying to put to words the thoughts it stirred up.

    Just made me think that in my relationship with SLIs I do seem to have asked "is that how you really feel?" or words to the same affect. The answer always being "no."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marie84 View Post
    What does temperament have to do with being narrow minded?
    Rationals > Irrationals.
    Introverts > Extroverts.

    Ij > Ej / Ip > Ep
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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    - Ole Golly from Harriet, the spy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    I am full of crap, and I have a funny hat.
    I concur.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    Rationals > Irrationals.
    Introverts > Extroverts.

    Ij > Ej / Ip > Ep
    That didn't clarify anything.

    I really don't see Ijs as being narrow-minded at all. "Narrow-minded" is a descriptor that has nothing to do with Socionics, except perhaps to tell you something about the person using the term and what it means to them.
    EII
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wrong Way Ticket View Post
    Cyrano:
    I think we have to accept that our best outcome will be to find someone who loves us even at times when our doubting nature seeks to break us apart.

    Wrong Way Ticket:
    This is interesting. I'm trying to put to words the thoughts it stirred up.

    Just made me think that in my relationship with SLIs I do seem to have asked "is that how you really feel?" or words to the same affect. The answer always being "no."
    Better answer would have been, "I doubt it."

    It's just how we are wired. We are quietly critical, outwardly polite. We seek happiness and good relationships, but we have trouble being happy.
    ISTp
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    Better answer would have been, "I doubt it."
    Haha. Yeah. I'd interpret that as "no," of course!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    Better answer would have been, "I doubt it."

    It's just how we are wired. We are quietly critical, outwardly polite. We seek happiness and good relationships, but we have trouble being happy.
    I think it has to do with finding something uncomfortable in the other person, that doesn't make you feel at ease. Maybe finding out that they like to watch teletubbies and not knowing what to do... "Should I leave the relationship?" "Is this going to work out??" . I imagine that Si types are sensitive to details that make them uncomfortable, and so they are not completely happy with someone all the time. They have to get used to things with time. I understand this way of thinking, because I'm the same way, but I believe that the triggers are different. In my case it's more of what I perceive as "flaws" in me being able to trust/care for the other person.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    Rationals > Irrationals.
    Introverts > Extroverts.

    Ij > Ej / Ip > Ep
    Quote Originally Posted by Danielle View Post
    That didn't clarify anything.
    It really didn't

    I want to know what temperament has to do with:
    "Limited in outlook or lacking in tolerance; not liberal; bigoted; prejudiced"- definition of narrow minded
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marie84 View Post
    It really didn't

    I want to know what temperament has to do with:
    "Limited in outlook or lacking in tolerance; not liberal; bigoted; prejudiced"- definition of narrow minded
    Rationality is a kind of mental economy: instead of generating judgments over and over, memory serves the purpose of registering decisions as they are generated. Later, when faced with a similar problem, the rational just retrieves the previous conclusions without engaging into the process of analyzing the situation in depth. This saves a lot of time, but also makes all rationals prejudiced (previously-judged) and thus narrow minded according to your definition.

    Introverts have a tendency to pay more attention to their own opinions than to the opinions of others, making them less tolerant. This manifests itself in their tendency to be individualistic. For example, even tough they are irrationals, ILIs are often considered to be judgers in the MBTI system.
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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    - Ole Golly from Harriet, the spy.

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    without the nose Cyrano's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sereno View Post
    I think it has to do with finding something uncomfortable in the other person, that doesn't make you feel at ease. Maybe finding out that they like to watch teletubbies and not knowing what to do... "Should I leave the relationship?" "Is this going to work out??" . I imagine that Si types are sensitive to details that make them uncomfortable, and so they are not completely happy with someone all the time. They have to get used to things with time. I understand this way of thinking, because I'm the same way, but I believe that the triggers are different. In my case it's more of what I perceive as "flaws" in me being able to trust/care for the other person.


    Do you see it as a flaw, not being able to trust others? I never looked at it that way. I just prefer a small circle of friends, and don't seek to expand it beyond one or two at a time. I trust most everyone superficially. I think you are much quicker to adopt people. What do you do with alll of those friends? Where do you store them?
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post

    Introverts have a tendency to pay more attention to their own opinions than to the opinions of others, making them less tolerant. This manifests itself in their tendency to be individualistic. For example, even tough they are irrationals, ILIs are often considered to be judgers in the MBTI system.
    I think Introverts are better listeners, Extroverts are doing the talking. people don't learn so much while talking. I still have alot to learn Mikemex.
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    Rationality is a kind of mental economy: instead of generating judgments over and over, memory serves the purpose of registering decisions as they are generated.

    Later, when faced with a similar problem, the rational just retrieves the previous conclusions without engaging into the process of analyzing the situation in depth. This saves a lot of time, but also makes all rationals prejudiced (previously-judged) and thus narrow minded according to your definition.
    No, this is called weak not rationality

    Introverts have a tendency to pay more attention to their own opinions than to the opinions of others, making them less tolerant. This manifests itself in their tendency to be individualistic. For example, even tough they are irrationals, ILIs are often considered to be judgers in the MBTI system.
    EII INFj
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    Rationality is a kind of mental economy: instead of generating judgments over and over, memory serves the purpose of registering decisions as they are generated. Later, when faced with a similar problem, the rational just retrieves the previous conclusions without engaging into the process of analyzing the situation in depth. This saves a lot of time, but also makes all rationals prejudiced (previously-judged) and thus narrow minded according to your definition.
    Is this not exactly what you're doing when you state that Ijs are narrow-minded?
    Ceci n'est pas une eii.




  39. #39
    Poster Nutbag The Exception's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marie84 View Post
    What does temperament have to do with being narrow minded?
    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    Rationals > Irrationals.
    Introverts > Extroverts.

    Ij > Ej / Ip > Ep

    I don't consider myself narrow-minded. I think the creative helps with that.
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    Just because you don't like to be called narrow minded, it doesn't mean it's not true.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    I think Introverts are better listeners, Extroverts are doing the talking.
    While there is some truth in that extroverts and introverts have different tendencies, I don't think introversion or extroversion alone determines how expressive or attentive you are.

    I believe it has more to do with inhibitions than anything else. Our interests and intelligence level play a major role in our ability to relate to others. In the end, our level of identification will determine if we're encouraged or discouraged to talk.

    A person who is constantly discouraged to talk is likely to become atentive in the long run. In the contrary, if a person is encouraged to talk, it is likely to become expressive.

    I, for example, dislike in extreme bending my opinions to please others. I rather say something unpleasant, but true, than something pleasant, but false. Since this preference often wins me discouragement to talk, I've become rather quiet.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    people don't learn so much while talking.
    Extroverts do. We're unable, for the most part, to do those "internal talks" introverts are used to.
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