IEI-ESI relationships usually based on a facade?

[serenaeva]

I am an ESI and i've been noticing that anywhere i go (especially if it's a community of some sort, where i have opportunity to be seen publicly as argumentative/volatile) i have IEI men ALWAYS flock to me in the exact same way. The most frustrating part about it is that i feel like they are projecting some image onto me and not seeing me for who i am. Which is far more irritating than their seeming helplessness or whatever else.

They always say they ADMIRE me, that they love how blunt and strong i am and so on. I guess i am blunt and perhaps objectively speaking a "strong person" but they really seem to exaggerate these Se qualities they see in me and imagine me as some kind of domineering powerful woman which is definitely not how i see myself. Their seeming interest and attraction towards me always therefore seems like it's based on some kind of super annoying fallacy and you cannot get rid of them.

When i tell them i am not really that way they will not believe me and say "oh but what do you mean, YOU ARE!". It's like their false perception of me remains unshattered and that's what they seem attracted to, whereas any other type i meet mentions sooner or later how shy i am and as so on. So it's definitely some projection that specifically only comes on that type's end

I've only once in my life connected to an IEI man, just as a friend. He seems to be able to recognize that i am not some SLE woman of his dreams after getting to know me, he acknowledges that i am shy and sensitive and everything else. Maybe it's because he actually ended up getting to know me in an intimate/1:1 setting and says i definitely am different from what he thought at first. He still seems to love my honesty/blunt qualities and all but it does not seem like it's some worship thing like it usually ends up being which i appreciate.

Can anyone else attest to this? It's definitely a pattern i see and usually frustrating because it feels dishonest.

[BrainlessSquid]

Well, my guess is that intuitive typology enthusiasts are fascinated by their inferior function. Remember that, as a repressed and unconscious function, one has little ability to infere one's capabilities and level of clarity in that given function, so anyone who appears decent in those aspects will tend to generate some childish addictive fascination in them/us.
You need also to remember that they're speaking from their perspective. People generally will invariably believe what they see, even if it's only the tip of the iceberg. So maybe YOU are just being insecure about your strong qualities, and you don't seem to see it in yourself because it is under a cotton veil of all the other facts you know about yourself that get in the way of understanding your strength.
Basically, let the children enjoy their piece of cake.

[Sol]

they are projecting some image onto me and not seeing me for who i am

Your type is EIE (not ISFJ), as I remember based on typing data.
What is an example of _your_ mistake in self-perception.

In case it's FN indeed then they by _surface_ info may suppose personality traits more correct than other types.

[Expansion]

They are in a +benefit relationship with ESI.

My ESE relative/cousin always thought I was interesting and asked for my perspective on life's challenges or philosophy.

As growing up together he thought a lot of me.

I was always taken aback by it somewhat, because I didn't understand his enamored interest. What was he seeing?

We got along fine, and anybody close to me I see them as someone as my own. Like look after them.

He had high Fe and was a caregiver in adult life - a psyche nurse at a prestigious hospital in Chicago.

[FDG]

are you still ashton's girlfriend? Say to him hello from FDG : )

[Cuddly McFluffles]

I had an interest in an IEI male years ago. We were friends, but I have no idea what he saw in me. (I say that as a statement of fact, not one of self-pity.) I found him very calming, though; his mere presence tended to keep me from losing my shit at antics in my section at work. I was interested in him and even said we should hang out sometime, but nothing ever materialized. I did seem to have a habit of picking up... softer, sub-y males back in the day, but I could not tell you what they were attracted to; I'm no longer in contact with them, so I cannot ask.

[adage]

The thing I saw IEIs simping over was more logical consistancy, and it was cringe to watch.
Some people say we are more attracted to HA than suggestive at first due to it being more conscious, so we know we need it while we may be unaware of needing the suggestive.

I'm thinking about some video I watched about beta males simping over women similarly to what you describe, it's possible you attract a kind of men who think by complimenting you, they will win you over. Those compliments can take any shape, the basic being "beautiful" and could be influenced by the social atmosphere and/or an attempt at manipulating you by inflating your ego, y'kno "strong women" being a feminist thing and all that.
Maybe they think "strong" will flatter you personally for some reason.
Might be something else entirely.

[serenaeva]

I had an interest in an IEI male years ago. We were friends, but I have no idea what he saw in me. (I say that as a statement of fact, not one of self-pity.) I found him very calming, though; his mere presence tended to keep me from losing my shit at antics in my section at work. I was interested in him and even said we should hang out sometime, but nothing ever materialized. I did seem to have a habit of picking up... softer, sub-y males back in the day, but I could not tell you what they were attracted to; I'm no longer in contact with them, so I cannot ask.

Yeah that's the thing, i understand that Beta NF men can appeal to some women for being "soft" so to speak.. especially to younger women. But why such a man would be interested in an ethical introverted women like us?? I don't understand. There is something they are attracted to (that doesn't seem to be what is really there) indeed.

[serenaeva]

are you still ashton's girlfriend? Say to him hello from FDG : )

I will !

[serenaeva]

Well, my guess is that intuitive typology enthusiasts are fascinated by their inferior function. Remember that, as a repressed and unconscious function, one has little ability to infere one's capabilities and level of clarity in that given function, so anyone who appears decent in those aspects will tend to generate some childish addictive fascination in them/us.
You need also to remember that they're speaking from their perspective. People generally will invariably believe what they see, even if it's only the tip of the iceberg. So maybe YOU are just being insecure about your strong qualities, and you don't seem to see it in yourself because it is under a cotton veil of all the other facts you know about yourself that get in the way of understanding your strength.
Basically, let the children enjoy their piece of cake.

It does not only happen among typology enthusiasts, quite frequently it happens outside of these communities. But i suppose you are still right, they see in me what they repress and it's as simple as that.

[Muira]

Yeah that's the thing, i understand that Beta NF men can appeal to some women for being "soft" so to speak.. especially to younger women. But why such a man would be interested in an ethical introverted women like us?? I don't understand. There is something they are attracted to (that doesn't seem to be what is really there) indeed.

Yk attraction stems from more things than just type, it could be from your demeanour, looks, etc. You probably have interesting insight, etc, to other characters that you might seemingly undermine.

Either way, from my understanding it seems like people can't help but like someone, romanticizes someone, etc. It's not surprising for a NF beta type to romanticize someone of their interest really.


PS; I kinda noticed you seem more sp4 than sx4, means nothing really.

[FaeSoleil]

If your avatar is how you usually look, you do present yourself like that kinda domineering woman aesthetically. That can color first impressions a lot, and unfortunately, most people aren't good at seeing past first impressions. ^^;

Men especially.

[pixie dreams]

Clothes (self expression) and mere presence and mannerisms says a lot about a person. You carry yourself with pride and strength despite being shy or sensitive (good posture and being respectable). You can be both simultaneously. I think great strength can be correlated to fortitude as well.

[timber]

I don't think its based on a facade. I think it sounds like this particular person is just a little immature and has growing to do still.

Plus as a ESI, and if you believe in intertype theory, your being and your approach and your beliefs, style, net benefit him. Maybe the way you feel about things is exactly what you could show to him, to help him understand authenticity. In the end, he will learn and grow, or not, depending.

[FDG]

Anyway the reason is they think you're LSI (not that they consciously "think" that, but that's the start of the attraction). Which is usually very easily proven wrong because ESIs have holographic cognition (negativist-static) - however holographic cognition is the dual of synergistic cognition (positivist-dynamic) and shared by ESIs and SLEs so yeah, that's another point of attraction...
All these points are common to every benefit relationship.
I did have a thing for IEE women in the past, especially on a mental level, they're like SEEs but with the same cognitive structure as your dual so...

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

I actually used to have this same exact issue...but only in the past, back in my teens and 20's. Ultimately, what stopped it was that I learned/gained authentic confidence, self-esteem, and strength. It naturally caused me to present with a much more laid back vibe. My aggression is still there, but I stopped wearing my aggression outwardly as much as I used to back then.

Here, people don't see that, since I'm drawn to artwork that I feel like my inner self can relate to, and I use said art as PFPs. IRL, I present as someone who is quiet, soft, and chill...and only the assholes ever meet the monster and find out exactly how wrong they were to assume that Jeckyll has no Hyde.

[Cuddly McFluffles]

I had an interest in an IEI male years ago. We were friends, but I have no idea what he saw in me. (I say that as a statement of fact, not one of self-pity.) I found him very calming, though; his mere presence tended to keep me from losing my shit at antics in my section at work. I was interested in him and even said we should hang out sometime, but nothing ever materialized. I did seem to have a habit of picking up... softer, sub-y males back in the day, but I could not tell you what they were attracted to; I'm no longer in contact with them, so I cannot ask.

Well, after talking with my Gamma NT friends, I apparently have something of a hardass, intimidating aura that I project. Maybe that's why I keep picking up egos.

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

@Cuddly McFluffles

Gotcha dawg: https://youtu.be/7vlp1TtIUb4

[Cuddly McFluffles]

@Cuddly McFluffles

Gotcha dawg: https://youtu.be/7vlp1TtIUb4

I'm not entirely sure what this is for/what the purpose of it is.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Dunno I see ESI women exactly for who they are- and that's why I tend to end up repulsed by them. Lol I don't project shit in them- I just see thru them clearly and I am not amused by them. I don't like your post because it feels like not-so-secret self-congratulatory bullshit at the expense of a scapegoat type that doesn't even exist in a fake psychology theory.

Maybe u shouldn't generalize ppl, even though I also generalize ESI women as being unhealthy ppl sexually attracted to asshole Gamma NT trailer trash. So no, I would not follow them around and kiss their ass about anything. But they tend to be annoyed by me, because I can be fake nice and polite in public and I'm not really rude to ppl like Gamma NT people often are- so I get that it's a turn off for them. Because I am a bitch and an asshole myself, but admittely- not really in the same way Gamma NT males are.

Yeah of course I get that ur shy and sensitive - that's why ur attracted to extroverted Gamma Nt males cuz its like Yin and Yang. But Jesus, what sort of cuckish IEI men are you hanging out with? Lol. But I mean, people are naturally contradictory in a way. U can be both powerful and shy etc. I can see somebody like @Pookie going 'You go girl!' in a kind of mocking playful way and he's IEI str8 male.

I guess u just meant IEI str8 men though. I can't imagine being an IEI str8 male how sad. Though I suppose all IEI males are used to getting cucked, gay or straight. ;D

[serenaeva]

I actually used to have this same exact issue...but only in the past, back in my teens and 20's. Ultimately, what stopped it was that I learned/gained authentic confidence, self-esteem, and strength. It naturally caused me to present with a much more laid back vibe. My aggression is still there, but I stopped wearing my aggression outwardly as much as I used to back then.

Here, people don't see that, since I'm drawn to artwork that I feel like my inner self can relate to, and I use said art as PFPs. IRL, I present as someone who is quiet, soft, and chill...and only the assholes ever meet the monster and find out exactly how wrong they were to assume that Jeckyll has no Hyde.

Off-topic but i love your profile picture !

[serenaeva]

Well, after talking with my Gamma NT friends, I apparently have something of a hardass, intimidating aura that I project. Maybe that's why I keep picking up egos.

I suppose it's similar for me, so that makes sense!

[serenaeva]

Dunno I see ESI women exactly for who they are- and that's why I tend to end up repulsed by them. Lol I don't project shit in them- I just see thru them clearly and I am not amused by them. I don't like your post because it feels like not-so-secret self-congratulatory bullshit at the expense of a scapegoat type that doesn't even exist in a fake psychology theory.

Maybe u shouldn't generalize ppl, even though I also generalize ESI women as being unhealthy ppl sexually attracted to asshole Gamma NT trailer trash. So no, I would not follow them around and kiss their ass about anything. But they tend to be annoyed by me, because I can be fake nice and polite in public and I'm not really rude to ppl like Gamma NT people often are- so I get that it's a turn off for them. Because I am a bitch and an asshole myself, but admittely- not really in the same way Gamma NT males are.

Yeah of course I get that ur shy and sensitive - that's why ur attracted to extroverted Gamma Nt males cuz its like Yin and Yang. But Jesus, what sort of cuckish IEI men are you hanging out with? Lol. But I mean, people are naturally contradictory in a way. U can be both powerful and shy etc. I can see somebody like @Pookie going 'You go girl!' in a kind of mocking playful way and he's IEI str8 male.

I guess u just meant IEI str8 men though. I can't imagine being an IEI str8 male how sad. Though I suppose all IEI males are used to getting cucked, gay or straight. ;D

The fact that you are repulsed by them means that you are at least self-aware. And that's the point of the thread, confusion about the sheer lack thereof in (apparently) so many IEI men. I don't typically generalize people and always recognize each person's unique traits and disposition, however.... isn't the whole point of typology discussion making generalizations and observations about the different types and their common/reoccurring behavioral patterns? If the notion of that offends you, i am not sure why you're even here.

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

Off-topic but i love your profile picture !

Thanks!

You look pretty in yours. Actually, it's sort of funny, your vibe in that picture reminds me of the way I also carry myself. It's difficult for me to put it into words exactly, but there's a certain "forwardness" in energy. You seem to have more sexuality in your vibes than me though - which there's nothing wrong with, you do you. I'm just saying I vibe differently in that area because it's just not me. I carry myself with guardedness rather than than sex appeal.

redacted

[serenaeva]

Thanks!

You look pretty in yours. Actually, it's sort of funny, your vibe in that picture reminds me of the way I also carry myself. It's difficult for me to put it into words exactly, but there's a certain "forwardness" in energy. You seem to have more sexuality in your vibes than me though - which there's nothing wrong with, you do you. I'm just saying I vibe differently in that area because it's just not me. I carry myself with guardedness rather than than sex appeal.

redacted

Thank you! I understand completely and you're right, i can definitely see similarity. It's the Se for sure . But yep, that's true as well (that i seem more sexual at least outwardly). You look very pretty as well, i love the hair color.

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

Thank you! I understand completely and you're right, i can definitely see similarity. It's the Se for sure . But yep, that's true as well (that i seem more sexual at least outwardly). You look very pretty as well, i love the hair color.

Heyyyy, do you mind editing my pic out of your post, please? Wanted to delete it after posting.

But yeah, I was also thinking it seems Se.

[serenaeva]

Heyyyy, do you mind editing my pic out of your post, please? Wanted to delete it after posting.

But yeah, I was also thinking it seems Se.

Of course, it's removed!

[Pookie]

Dunno I see ESI women exactly for who they are- and that's why I tend to end up repulsed by them. Lol I don't project shit in them- I just see thru them clearly and I am not amused by them. I don't like your post because it feels like not-so-secret self-congratulatory bullshit at the expense of a scapegoat type that doesn't even exist in a fake psychology theory.

Maybe u shouldn't generalize ppl, even though I also generalize ESI women as being unhealthy ppl sexually attracted to asshole Gamma NT trailer trash. So no, I would not follow them around and kiss their ass about anything. But they tend to be annoyed by me, because I can be fake nice and polite in public and I'm not really rude to ppl like Gamma NT people often are- so I get that it's a turn off for them. Because I am a bitch and an asshole myself, but admittely- not really in the same way Gamma NT males are.

Yeah of course I get that ur shy and sensitive - that's why ur attracted to extroverted Gamma Nt males cuz its like Yin and Yang. But Jesus, what sort of cuckish IEI men are you hanging out with? Lol. But I mean, people are naturally contradictory in a way. U can be both powerful and shy etc. I can see somebody like @Pookie going 'You go girl!' in a kind of mocking playful way and he's IEI str8 male.

I guess u just meant IEI str8 men though. I can't imagine being an IEI str8 male how sad. Though I suppose all IEI males are used to getting cucked, gay or straight. ;D

Bullets, is that you?

But yeah, fair assessment.

[Hope]

Being Ni, IEI tend to mix a lot of their inner world thats their personal or subjective intuition (imagination, fantasy etc) with reality. So this is why they could be projecting this dual subconsious seeking into you. Also I know IEIs who actually match with ESI, they have kids with them etc. Probably its easier for IEI men to find female ESI than SLE.

[Simplylee]

Your type is EIE (not ISFJ), as I remember based on typing data.
What is an example of _your_ mistake in self-perception.

In case it's FN indeed then they by _surface_ info may suppose personality traits more correct than other types.

@Sol Why do you want to type everyone as EIE?

You must unpack your own unconscious bias.

[Muira]

@Sol Why do you want to type everyone as EIE?

You must unpack your own unconscious bias.

Wasn't the guy banned?