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Thread: INFjs/ENFps saying what you think

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    Danielle's Avatar
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    Default INFjs/ENFps saying what you think

    Another question. Do any of you think you censor yourselves more than other people censor themselves?

    When I look at how others comment on these forums, they can be very snarky. Now I think many snarky thoughts, and I often type snarky comments (and erase them). I typically share a lot of my snarks with my friends. I can be quite cutting, sarcastic, and good at insults. But I can't bring myself to speak this way in "mixed company". At worst, I become almost artificially formal and keep a lot of thoughts to myself.

    Should I try?
    EII
    4w5, sp/sx

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    i'll tear down the sky Mattie's Avatar
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    My behavior typically has me gauging the environment and what parts of myself I would feel comfortable with exposing and others parts to keep to myself. Also, I am mindful of consequences to things I say and do, so if I find there will be more negative consequences to saying a certain thing, I'll keep it to myself. So I'll be acting differently with different because because I have different comfort levels with different crowds I do act too formal at first when I'm not comfortable or whatever, but don't really like it, I prefer to be with people I can be completely myself with.

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    Lobo's Avatar
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    For me, the question is what would you gain by throwing snarky comments? I don't know what kind of feedback I would get that's actually useful if I did that.

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    tereg's Avatar
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    If i'm not in control of my emotions and I'm really annoyed, sarcastic quips tend to come out of me. Otherwise, I show a lot of restraint about what I say when I'm around people.
    INFj

    9w1 sp/sx

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    Danielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sereno View Post
    For me, the question is what would you gain by throwing snarky comments? I don't know what kind of feedback I would get that's actually useful if I did that.
    The relief of not feeling like I've been walked over because I held back when others don't?
    EII
    4w5, sp/sx

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    Quote Originally Posted by Danielle View Post
    The relief of not feeling like I've been walked over because I held back when others don't?
    Hmmm. Well, I have a kung fu style mentality when people say mean comments to me. I try to redirect their negative energy back to them, and never be the one to start it.

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    The Greeter's Avatar
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    Like you, Danielle, I think of a lot of snarky comments but eventually delete them. Sometimes, though, I let some slip in this forum. In real life, I am an honest person and have a reputation of being one. So much so that whenever I do say something bluntly most people, rather than seeing it as a snarky remark, see it as a genuine commentary without any malicious intent.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereno
    For me, the question is what would you gain by throwing snarky comments? I don't know what kind of feedback I would get that's actually useful if I did that.
    Moreso than feeling that you haven't been walked all over, to me, is to let them know that they are either behaving foolishly or saying something without putting serious thought into it.
    Ceci n'est pas une eii.




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    UDP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danielle View Post
    Another question. Do any of you think you censor yourselves more than other people censor themselves?

    When I look at how others comment on these forums, they can be very snarky. Now I think many snarky thoughts, and I often type snarky comments (and erase them). I typically share a lot of my snarks with my friends. I can be quite cutting, sarcastic, and good at insults. But I can't bring myself to speak this way in "mixed company". At worst, I become almost artificially formal and keep a lot of thoughts to myself.

    Should I try?
    Should you try to what?
    All of that seems kind of natural. Not everybody says everything on their mind, and some people are more private about their thoughts.

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    dattebayo's Avatar
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    to answer the op

    it depends. If I know you really well I wil say exactly what is on my mind. Good and bad.

    If I'm not that close with you I wont bother to start with. Neither to tell you when I disagree with what you are saying, nor to tell too much about myself. I will most likely not criticize you either. In the end I wil just talk and talk and talk and end up saying everything anyways This is what usually happens, but I will initially try to hold back a little
    n00bIEE

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    I say what I want. Sometimes I want to say WAY more than what I want, so yes I sequester my wild, out of control self a bit. IDK, this is universal to everyone depends on where, when, what, how etc of what's going on and who they are communicating with.

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    So fluffeh. Cuddly McFluffles's Avatar
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    I censor myself quite a bit. I wish I didn't so much. Then there is my sister; she's very, very blunt, and it can be off-putting. Rather ironic.
    Johari/Nohari

    "Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."

    Fruit, the fluffy kitty.

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danielle View Post
    Another question. Do any of you think you censor yourselves more than other people censor themselves?
    Yes. Not as much as some, and not in attempts to deceive. But when I look at how the average person expresses themselves I seem to hold back more on average than they do. Or at least am more silent on some matters and in some ways.


    Quote Originally Posted by felafel View Post
    so what would you do? maybe generalizing this to Delta NF.

    i've found it really upsets me letting out what i really think when negative. not to mention it comes out undiplomatic etc.
    Yeah, that's one reason to hold back, sure.
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by felafel View Post
    Are you referring to (or implying) other reasons? I can personally think of several more, but what i mentioned is the most immediately easy to assess for me.

    Others would refer to potential consequences. And still more to the veracity of the statement - coz even if there's strong distaste there's also some degree of other sentiments present. What do you think?
    Well, you're right that spouting off my internal negativity can sort of prolong and deepen it, both for myself and others. But, yeah, there are others, like consequences (which you mention). Though "consequences" is a really broad term. Depending on the circumstances, expressing my angst might prevent or divert whatever positive trends might be happening. For example, say there's some interpersonal conflict happening in a work environment. There could be people talking and working toward (what might be a resolution) but if I interject with how I'm feeling that could derail things, especially if I'm in any sort of leadership position. (Being a leader, either officially or via simple respect, makes a difference in how I feel I can express myself, too.)

    Also, if I'm feeling badly toward someone, it seems if I tell other people how I feel about them it can end up being destructive long-term - like if they become better then I've spread bad feelings about them. Or it could just be my perspective at the time. Or I could even just be overreacting. So while it can be tempting at times to just be "ARGH they're driving me crazy and are such and such and do these horrible things" I do tend to try to hold back on that.

    I find I hold back not just on negativity, but generally speaking, including positive emotions and thoughts. Sometimes (usually?) I feel like I don't want to impose my emotional state on others - they have their own plus enough to deal with as it is. It depends on the people and the circumstances, of course. With some people I feel freer to express my internal state; I've noticed closeness isn't always the determining factor, though...
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Snark is what makes my world go 'round, go ahead and give it a shot!
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

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    Éminence grise mikemex's Avatar
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    Fi types in general "censor" themselves as you say. I noticed it one day when I went to the university and there was this pushy SEE around. He started rubbing me the wrong way but I didn't need to tell him anything, he just stopped it when he noticed I started to get angry.

    I love black humor, I just dislike merry types doing it. They are so focused into preserving the mood that it quickly turns into abuse. In general, bullying is a Fe issue.
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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    So fluffeh. Cuddly McFluffles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    In general, bullying is a Fe issue.
    Not really. There are different kinds of bullying. You can bully someone physically, by shunning them from the group (for Fe or for Fi reasons), by trying to make them feel like scum for a certain habit or belief, by constantly saying how stupid they are... it's a pretty long list.
    Johari/Nohari

    "Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."

    Fruit, the fluffy kitty.

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    Éminence grise mikemex's Avatar
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    Yeah, everything qualifies as bullying then...
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

    You know what? You're an individual, and that makes people nervous. And it's gonna keep making people nervous for the rest of your life.
    - Ole Golly from Harriet, the spy.

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    So fluffeh. Cuddly McFluffles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    Yeah, everything qualifies as bullying then...
    Your point was incorrect, and I explained why. No need to be dramatic about it.
    Johari/Nohari

    "Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."

    Fruit, the fluffy kitty.

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