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Thread: Betas and thoughts about death

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    Default Betas and thoughts about death

    fellow betas, do you feel like you think about death more than other people? I definitely do. I think about death all the time. Even though it's not like I'm horribly depressed or anything. Nor do I worry about death, I just think about it, like as a part of life. I'm kind of fascinated by it. Is this a beta thing or a 4 thing, or what? I've always been drawn to cemeteries. When my twins were born we were living in New Haven and I used to push them in the stroller through the Yale cemetery and read the tombstones, they were super interesting--you could see like when a family was hit with illness there would be a bunch of child deaths within a short time. Some of those in that cemetery were really old for the US, like 1700s.
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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Heh, I think about death or dying in some form every day. I was actually just meditating and I had this vision of a brightly multicolored dinosaur eating a horse. The head and spine of the horse proceeded to crawl back up out of the T-rex's throat and flop down on the ground, where a bunch of mice scurried over to it and began crawling all over it, in and out of the eye sockets, squeaking "Daddy! Daddy!" in happy voices.

    I also have spontaneous impulses to kill people; I don't really feel like killing them, or live it out in my head, per se, but I just get this sort of impulsive "flash" of feeling, like an instantaneous mental image (but not an actual image, just a feeling that says "this is what happens next"). Like my roommate will bend over to the side while standing near me and I just feel like the situation calls for me to lop his head off with an axe.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    Heh, I think about death or dying in some form every day. I was actually just meditating and I had this vision of a brightly multicolored dinosaur eating a horse. The head and spine of the horse proceeded to crawl back up out of the T-rex's throat and flop down on the ground, where a bunch of mice scurried over to it and began crawling all over it, in and out of the eye sockets, squeaking "Daddy! Daddy!" in happy voices.
    wow. my son has dreams and visions like this. he's almost 8 years old. should I be concerned? haha
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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    I dunno, but be prepared for him to turn out like me Same thing happened to me; I thought about death every night when I was a kid.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    I also have spontaneous impulses to kill people; I don't really feel like killing them, or live it out in my head, per se, but I just get this sort of impulsive "flash" of feeling, like an instantaneous mental image (but not an actual image, just a feeling that says "this is what happens next"). Like my roommate will bend over to the side while standing near me and I just feel like the situation calls for me to lop his head off with an axe.
    I can't believe I'm admitting this on a public forum... but when I was little, probably 7 or 8 I had a vision of these little baby chicks running around my bedroom and I had this strong desire to suffocate them one by one.
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    Totally unrelated, but I like cemeteries because they're peaceful, pretty, and quite.

    Sort of like someone I know

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    I don't think I think about death that often... I think about violence a lot, but actual death not so much
    Easy Day

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I can't believe I'm admitting this on a public forum... but when I was little, probably 7 or 8 I had a vision of these little baby chicks running around my bedroom and I had this strong desire to suffocate them one by one.
    Welcome to the real of being human and having repressed aggression that, in a world where our bodies were used for the purposes they are biologically designed to fulfill, you would probably be forced to vent on other living things to survive.

    Now we have grocery stores
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Gilly I know what you're talking about of the flash of aggression. It's like this urge/heat/instinct boiling up inside you. There's some mental imagery associated with it but it's just like this flash thing but it operates primarily on a visceral level. It's hard to put in words. It's just that fiery natural violence of hate when you think about kicking somebody in the face or choking them, but you know the consequences of that so you don't. But still, I read somewhere that most people have actually killed other people. Either through accidents or otherwise. Isn't that interesting?

    Well if you take the military even if it's tried to made 'official' or they make up excuses for it, it's still gruesome death, and most of the guys I know in the army and such have killed other people. Plus car accidents, or just in the heat of the moment..... or a jealous lover, my sister works with case reports or homicides all the time. And well sometimes the killer just isn't caught. Yes nowadays they have DNA testing and all that other crap but it still isn't perfect. And if you calculate something *completely* in your own mind and make sure you don't get caught and you are cool and callous about it, killing another person really isn't that hard. Plus I'm pretty sure most of us remember the inhumane way we were treated by preppies in high school. The columbine killers, it's only understandable that they did that.

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    TV shows about murder makes it sound like the "bad guys" are always caught to give people a false hope and sense of security, but in real life it isn't like that.....most people get away with it. Because if you do something you know is illegal but you know you're not going to have any remorse for, the first thought in your head is how am I going to get away with this?

    I justify some cases of murder. It's silly to say it's 'always wrong.' What if somebody psychologically tortures/molests your loved one or kids or somebody you feel close to? There are already so many fucking smelly people on this planet, its already such an annoying overcrowded world that it is , even in my shithole of a suburb- that in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter if a few people die. They say 'WAAAH WELL THAT PERSON CAN DO SOMETHING REALLY GOOD FOR SOCIETY/PEOPLE.' Guess what? The best thing you could EVER do for something is to LEAVE IT THE HELL ALONE- and that's exactly what Death does. =D

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    Gilly I know what you're talking about of the flash of aggression. It's like this urge/heat/instinct boiling up inside you. There's some mental imagery associated with it but it's just like this flash thing but it operates primarily on a visceral level. It's hard to put in words. It's just that fiery natural violence of hate when you think about kicking somebody in the face or choking them, but you know the consequences of that so you don't. But still, I read somewhere that most people have actually killed other people. Either through accidents or otherwise. Isn't that interesting?
    I know what you're talking about, but that's not really what I meant.

    Well if you take the military even if it's tried to made 'official' or they make up excuses for it, it's still gruesome death, and most of the guys I know in the army and such have killed other people. Plus car accidents, or just in the heat of the moment..... or a jealous lover, my sister works with case reports or homicides all the time. And well sometimes the killer just isn't caught. Yes nowadays they have DNA testing and all that other crap but it still isn't perfect. And if you calculate something *completely* in your own mind and make sure you don't get caught and you are cool and callous about it, killing another person really isn't that hard. Plus I'm pretty sure most of us remember the inhumane way we were treated by preppies in high school. The columbine killers, it's only understandable that they did that.
    I could kill someone so easily I feel like all the people they show on forensics shows do such a bad job of cleaning up after themselves. I would be so fucking anxious, I would do EVERYTHING. I'd fucking shave my whole body before killing someone, then cover myself in plastic like the guy from The Departed, make sure I have a good alibi, and just put a bullet in the guy's head. If I had to dispose of the body, I'd get a big ass cardboard box or cooler, break the limbs, stuff the body in, fill it with quikcrete, and dump it way the fuck out at sea.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    ftr I don't think this is quadra-related (maybe enneagram-influenced, somewhat). anyway...

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    I also have spontaneous impulses to kill people; I don't really feel like killing them, or live it out in my head, per se, but I just get this sort of impulsive "flash" of feeling, like an instantaneous mental image (but not an actual image, just a feeling that says "this is what happens next"). Like my roommate will bend over to the side while standing near me and I just feel like the situation calls for me to lop his head off with an axe.
    Yeah, same. And LOL @ the roommate example. I sometimes worry when that happens to me, especially if it's with someone I care about. Maybe the murderous desire is just a distortion of my undying love

    But like, in some public area, these 'impulses' will hit me rapidly -- sometimes to the point where I just tune everything out. But this is partly cause people are disgusting and should probably be exterminated.

    Welcome to the real of being human and having repressed aggression that, in a world where our bodies were used for the purposes they are biologically designed to fulfill, you would probably be forced to vent on other living things to survive.

    Now we have grocery stores
    lmao exactly... how I would love to light some Giant up

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    I could kill someone so easily I feel like all the people they show on forensics shows do such a bad job of cleaning up after themselves. I would be so fucking anxious, I would do EVERYTHING. I'd fucking shave my whole body before killing someone, then cover myself in plastic like the guy from The Departed, make sure I have a good alibi, and just put a bullet in the guy's head. If I had to dispose of the body, I'd get a big ass cardboard box or cooler, break the limbs, stuff the body in, fill it with quikcrete, and dump it way the fuck out at sea.
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    how did my thread on thinking about death turn to murder and violence?
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    Quote Originally Posted by krae View Post
    :wink:


    They are related anyway
    yeah yeah...
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    I don't know if it's a beta thing but I definitely think about death more often than normal people... Not always in a bad way, it's more of what happens when we die. Or if we die, or what dying feels like. That's just me though.
    LSI (ISTj)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    I also have spontaneous impulses to kill people; I don't really feel like killing them, or live it out in my head, per se, but I just get this sort of impulsive "flash" of feeling, like an instantaneous mental image (but not an actual image, just a feeling that says "this is what happens next"). Like my roommate will bend over to the side while standing near me and I just feel like the situation calls for me to lop his head off with an axe.
    Yes, I have way too many of these types of thoughts. It concerns me a bit sometimes, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one like that.
    , Se-sub
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    No, I don't think about death very often. Death just is, in the same way as life is.
    INFp

    If your sea chart does not match reality, go with reality (Old mariner saying)



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    Quote Originally Posted by Wittmont View Post
    No, I don't think about death very often. Death just is, in the same way as life is.
    so you don't think about life either?
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    I think about death a lot mostly due to my contact with Buddhism. Buddhism has a huge preoccupation with death and dying. The Buddha even recommended that his monks go to the charnal grounds and meditate on the corpses as they gradually decomposed. He also said that Maranassati (death meditation) was the fastest way to enlightenment. I spent a few months doing many of these meditations and it really helped me gain some perspective on life.

    Also, recently there was a deadly train accident on D.C.'s Metro line. This was a train that I took almost every day at around the time the accident happened. It helps to recognize the fact that death is not waiting for us at the end of our life; it's walking with us every step of the way. We can know this intellectually, but nothing replaces the really felt experience of a close call.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    so you don't think about life either?
    Hmm, good question :wink:. I think about life and living a lot of course (being a 4), but I accept there is death and that death is a part of what makes life valuable and worth living.
    INFp

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    Quote Originally Posted by Baby
    Also, recently there was a deadly train accident on D.C.'s Metro line. This was a train that I took almost every day at around the time the accident happened. It helps to recognize the fact that death is not waiting for us at the end of our life; it's walking with us every step of the way. We can know this intellectually, but nothing replaces the really felt experience of a close call.
    You live in D.C.? I didn't hear about that accident (well, maybe I did... day-to-day happenings always seem to merge into one large, amorphous form of randomness and satire). I like your phrasing -- "walking with us every step of the way" -- very grim and true. I suppose this awareness is what induced me to "seek out" things that would bring that awareness closer to the forefront -- my varying levels of boredom with normal life.

    As for that whole "death and life just are, based on one another" thing, ok sure. But the fluctuations and impacts are still the same, and I love them all
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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    You live in D.C.? I didn't hear about that accident (well, maybe I did... day-to-day happenings always seem to merge into one large, amorphous form of randomness and satire). I like your phrasing -- "walking with us every step of the way" -- very grim and true. I suppose this awareness is what induced me to "seek out" things that would bring that awareness closer to the forefront -- my varying levels of boredom with normal life.

    As for that whole "death and life just are, based on one another" thing, ok sure. But the fluctuations and impacts are still the same, and I love them all
    Yeah. I'm near Cleveland Park for the time being. The accident got pretty heavy coverage the week it happened at which point it was promptly replaced by Michael Jackson, lol. Awareness of death has a similar effect on me. It prompted me to really discard all my self-constructed barriers and fear-driven bullshit, and engage more actively.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Quote Originally Posted by Baby View Post
    Yeah. I'm near Cleveland Park for the time being. The accident got pretty heavy coverage the week it happened at which point it was promptly replaced by Michael Jackson, lol. Awareness of death has a similar effect on me. It prompted me to really discard all my self-constructed barriers and fear-driven bullshit, and engage more actively.
    same. thinking about death gets me moving.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baby View Post
    Yeah. I'm near Cleveland Park for the time being. The accident got pretty heavy coverage the week it happened at which point it was promptly replaced by Michael Jackson, lol.
    I was at the beach that week, which explains why I didn't hear about it (not that I give a fuck about the news, outside of the abject entertainment it sometimes gives me ). Cleveland Park... not sure where that is (north, south, etc.?) I'm in the Montgomery County area. We should meet up in DC and hit a blunt or something

    Awareness of death has a similar effect on me. It prompted me to really discard all my self-constructed barriers and fear-driven bullshit, and engage more actively.
    Same. I think it was more gradual for me, because I've been a morbid fuck for as long as I can remember. In early youth it took a more naively curious turn; eventually the awareness was honed.
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    same. thinking about death gets me moving.
    ahahah Such perfect phrasing. That is true for me too, though. A little grim chill up and down the spine, vague awareness of looming danger and some angst always does the trick
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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    I was at the beach that week, which explains why I didn't hear about it (not that I give a fuck about the news, outside of the abject entertainment it sometimes gives me ). Cleveland Park... not sure where that is (north, south, etc.?) I'm in the Montgomery County area. We should meet up in DC and hit a blunt or something
    Yeah, I don't watch the news either, but it was on all the channels that day. Cleveland Park is northwest, near the Zoo and the Uptown theatre. We should definitely meet up. Although, preferably for "or something" because pot triggers my depression.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Quote Originally Posted by krae View Post
    First, be smart from the very beginning. Pulverize all teeth, burn off fingerprints, and disfigure the face. Forcing a DNA test to establish identity (if it ever comes to that) might introduce the legal/forensic hurdle that saves your ass down the line. An unidentifiable body can, in a pinch, be dressed in thrift store clothes and dropped in a bad part of town where the police are less likely to question it. I don't reommend that disposal method, I'm just saying an easily identifiable body is an even bigger threat than the opposite.

    Assuming you have it inside a house where you can work on it a bit, the first thing you want to do is drain it of fluids. This will make it easier to cut up, and slow decomposition a little bit. The best way to do this quick and dirty is to perforate the body with a pointed knife, and then perform CPR on it. Cut the fronts of the thighs deep, diagonally, to slit the femoral arteries. Then pump the chest. The valves in the heart will still work when dead, and the springback of the ribcage can put apply a fair amount of suction to the artria. Do this in a tub. Plug the drain, and mingle lots of bleach with the bodily fluids before unplugging the drain to empty the tub. This should help control the stench of death, which would otherwise reek from your gutter gratings. Do everything you can to control odors. Plug in an ionizer, burn candles, leave bowls of baking soda everywhere. Ventilate the room in the middle of the night, but otherwise keep it closed. Keep the body under a plastic sheet while it's in the tub.

    If you want to bury, I recommend seperating the body into several parts, and burying them seperately. For one thing, it's easier to dig a deep enough hole for a head than for an entire body. this reduces your chances of being discovered while you are actually outside and digging the grave. That is the one thing you can't do inside the doors of your house, and represents a vulnerable moment you want to keep brief, under 2 hours. Do it between 3 and 5 am. It's also less likely for someone to call the police if their dog digs up some chunk of meat, than if they dig up an enitre body. They may assume it's an animal carcass disfigured by decomposition, and leave it alone or dispose of it. It's also more likely that the dog will consume all of it before anyone knows the difference. A whole skeleton is another story. You can cut a body into 6 pieces faster than you think. It's not much different than boning a chicken, but it takes more work, a big knife, and time. A hammer will be useful for pulverizing joints or driving the knife deep where it doesn't want to go. Anyway it's wise to crush as much of the skeleton as you can along the way. It will aid in making the body less identifiable for what it is as it decomposes.
    Don't return to the same site 6 times for 6 burials.You'll attract suspicion from anyone nearby, and you'll wind up placing the body parts close enough together to be found by any serious investigation. Put them in plastic bags with lots of bleach, and store in a freezer until you have enough time to bury them all.
    Depending on what tools you have available, you may find that you're get really good at deconstructing the body. You might prefer to slowly sprinkle it down a drain without leaving your house. This avoids the long-term risk of discovery associated with burial, and the overwhelming supply of bacteria in a sewer accellerates deconomposition, whil e providing a convenient cover smell.

    Truly grinding down a body takes a lot more work, and you run the risk of fouling your plumbing and calling in a plumber. So don't try it unless you know how to clear bones and meat out of a drainpipe. A good food processor can be useful. But don't over-use it, or power drills or saws. They're noisy and they attract attention. And forget the kitchen sink. It's better if you actually remove one of the toilets in your house from its base, which will give you direct access to one of the largest sewer pipes that enters your house. Follow any disposals with lots of bleach and then run the water for 5 or 10 minutes on top of that. And plug that pipe when you're not using it, to prevent any sewer gasses from backing up into your house. Usually, a U-trap inside the toilet does that for you.

    The best method is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit.
    They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 90kg in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume 2kg of uncooked flesh every minute. That's 2kg/uf/m.
    Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

    How do you know so much about all this?
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



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    He kills gypsies...
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    pluie's Avatar
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    think about death nearly every day. i think about the possibility of dying, and the after-effects.

    and i'm largely sure i can relate to what gilly said about killing people; i sort of think of that too, and of ways to die.

    but yeah, it generally doesn't get to me. sure it freaks me out, cuz i'm like "shit do i need a shrink or something?" and then i get pissed because i hate the idea of dependency on someone to solve my issues. it's not a very productive attitude lawl. anyway, it passes, so it isn't a big deal.

    and i also realize that imagining things and actually doing them are very different experiences for myself. in other words, i'm all talk and no action, basically. or... more.. all imagine and no action

    i wonder if it is a common beta thing. interesting. i wouldn't be all that surprised.

    yeah, and i wanna say this too. when i was about 8 or 9, i'd cry sometimes because i would think of how i'm going to die, and how there could be nothing but darkness.... but that wouldn't make sense, because how can there be darkness when there is nothing? how can there be light? so there has to be clarity-- the absence of everything. but that's unimaginable. anyway, i was terrified of the idea of just ending like that. i'd cry about it and go to my parents, say things like "i don't want to die, mommy". blah blah. based on movies one might think that they'd have me checked out but they didn't. if anything, i've asked many a time for a counselor. lolll
    "If you can find out little melodies for yourself on the piano it is all very well. But if they come of themselves when you are not at the piano, then you have still greater reason to rejoice; for then the inner sense of music is astir in you. The fingers must make what the head wills, not vice versa."- Robert Schumann

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    pluie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by warrior-librarian View Post
    How do you know so much about all this?
    el oh el
    "If you can find out little melodies for yourself on the piano it is all very well. But if they come of themselves when you are not at the piano, then you have still greater reason to rejoice; for then the inner sense of music is astir in you. The fingers must make what the head wills, not vice versa."- Robert Schumann

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    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
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    It's weird, last week my LSI friend (whose topics of conversation are usually drugs, boobs and how terrible everyone else is at everything) said, out of nowhere, "I've been thinking a lot about death lately." Then he didn't say any more about it. I've had similar experiences with an SLE, but it's always a bit jarring - I'm used to IEIs having well-developed theories about death and life and, well, everything - but my conversations with beta STs tend to be anything but deep, and then, once you think you understand them and all the rules of your relationship are dictated, they'll suddenly want to talk about profound things, and just as suddenly the conversation will shift back to boobs.

    Thinking about death used to paralyse me, but now it's just always there, in the back of my mind. It sometimes depresses me, sometimes I feel a weary sense of acceptance. I'm not emotionally affected by thinking about the mundane details of death though, nor my own death, except in terms of practical considerations (what would happen if I died and my parents went through my computer, for example). I guess I don't have dependants, so I don't need to think too much about money and all that. I've had many conversations about how best to kill someone and get away with it, and I like krae's pig method . The LSI wants to publish an informational pamphlet that teaches people how to commit suicide correctly, since "so many people seem to fuck it up". What gets to me are the wider considerations - millions of people being born, going through childhood oblivious of the certainty of death, realising it, then struggling to accept it for the rest of their days - waves of people, going through the same cycle, endlessly - it seems so pointless. And yet, humanity goes on, and progresses, with people making their small contributions, never knowing whether they've really made a difference... I have lots of thoughts like that, which are extremely difficult to verbalise.

    Movies about death sometimes get to me too - Garden State makes me so depressed. I really have to be in the mood for them.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Lovely post krae.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Just think of it as going to sleep after a hard day's work.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Poster Nutbag The Exception's Avatar
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    I'm not beta but I think about death alot too. My fear isn't so much about death per se, its more about living an unfullfilled life and fading away into oblivion. I was having a discussion with a friend about death and I think he's also an LII. We had a debate about the pros and cons of knowing the exact date of your death, if that was an option. My friend would definitely want to know. His rationale being that you could better plan out your life that way. I on the other hand, would definitely not want to know. If I knew the exact date, it would always come to haunt me, even if it's in the distant future. It would make it difficult to enjoy anything in the present. We also discussed whether or not we wanted to know how we would die. My friend definitely wanted to know the how too. I would definitely not want to know. For example, if I knew I would from a car accident, I'd feel a great deal of fear everytime I got into a car, wondering if this car ride would be my last.

    I also think alot about how I would like to die. I would like my death to be as physically painless as possible. Dying peacefully in my sleep would be ideal. Would I rather die suddenly like in a car accident or gradually from something like a terminal illness? I've thought alot about this and I'm not sure. The advantage of dying suddenly would be I wouldn't have to deal with the emotional pain associated with knowing I'm terminally ill. The disadvantage would be that I wouldn't have the chance to get affairs in order- like saying my final goodbyes to loved ones or planning my funeral. I think dying suddenly would be harder on my loved ones.

    There are lots of things in life that I'd like to learn about and experience. I've barely scratched the surface. There are numerous places I've never visited, great books I've never read, beautiful pieces of music I've never listened to, etc. I could live to be 1,000 and I'd probably still only have the surface scratched. I don't know if I'd want to live forever, I suppose eventually I might get restless having done everything I've wanted to, but it would take an extremely long time to ever reach that state. Like maybe millions of years. I find it deeply unsettling that there just isn't enough time to do/learn/experience everything I'd like to.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



  35. #35
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Weird, I'm so the opposite. I feel so world-weary most of the time that I think going insane might be the most entertaining option. I'm fairly sure I'll die in one of the following ways:

    1. Suicide
    2. Drug overdose or related accident
    3. Mental instability leading to a homicidal spree, some kind of large accident, or suicide
    4. Cancer

    I wouldn't want to know when or how I'm going to die, but if you put a card in front of me with all of the info, face down, I'd probably flip it over and read it anyways or if you gave me an envelope with the info inside, I'd probably open it one random day out of sheer boredom.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

  36. #36
    Kim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    Weird, I'm so the opposite. I feel so world-weary most of the time that I think going insane might be the most entertaining option. I'm fairly sure I'll die in one of the following ways:

    1. Suicide
    2. Drug overdose or related accident
    3. Mental instability leading to a homicidal spree, some kind of large accident, or suicide
    4. Cancer
    .
    You are even a drama queen when it comes to death! :wink:
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

  37. #37
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    How could I not be? :wink:
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

  38. #38
    redbaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    You are even a drama queen when it comes to death! :wink:
    It's so funny though!
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    Weird, I'm so the opposite. I feel so world-weary most of the time that I think going insane might be the most entertaining option.
    Same. And it's not based on any desire to be a badass rebel – I could care less about such petty pursuits. It's just the most instinctual reaction I have to all the shit that disgusts me everywhere I go. Today I went, out of all things, "job hunting" (such a gay phrase lol). And I don't know, but all I remember from the entirety of the experience, was this unavoidable pall of indifferent hate. lol. I really couldn't care less about what that means.

    I'm fairly sure I'll die in one of the following ways:

    1. Suicide
    2. Drug overdose or related accident
    3. Mental instability leading to a homicidal spree, some kind of large accident, or suicide
    4. Cancer
    Agreed (not sure if your order was based on likelihood; if I was to do so, I would only rearrange 1. and 2.). At this point, I just wouldn't want to go any other way. Maybe I'll eventually reach some state of solace or whateverthefuck it is these "wise ones" preach – but in all honesty, that feels pointless.

    I wouldn't want to know when or how I'm going to die, but if you put a card in front of me with all of the info, face down, I'd probably flip it over and read it anyways or if you gave me an envelope with the info inside, I'd probably open it one random day out of sheer boredom.
    This is where I disagree. If the face down card actually predicted how I was to die, I would burn it and probably go smoke or something. But then again, if the indifference reached a high enough point, and I had a death envelope sitting around, I might browse it for morbid entertainment – but I wouldn't take an ounce of it seriously.
    4w3-5w6-8w7

  40. #40
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    This is where I disagree. If the face down card actually predicted how I was to die, I would burn it and probably go smoke or something.
    lol, this is probably more likely.

    But then again, if the indifference reached a high enough point, and I had a death envelope sitting around, I might browse it for morbid entertainment – but I wouldn't take an ounce of it seriously.
    Yeah, assuming I didn't know that it was true, probably the same.

    As for a state of solace...if I do what I'm here to do, then yeah, I see it being conceivable, but it's not something I can relate to entirely at this point in my life.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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