Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 40 of 48

Thread: INFjs and ENFps how do you show your interest in someone?

  1. #1
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default INFjs and ENFps how do you show your interest in someone?

    Delta NFs - how do you show interest?
    (....and what attracts you?)


    Particularly, how do you show or indicate interest in someone? What should one look for as indications of relationship development, particularly persona/intimate relationship interest?

    I'm also curious about what attracts delta NFs, but, I'm not sure if that should be a separate thread or not.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    2
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I indicate interest in someone with some difficulty! A clumsy attempt at flirting usually. It's only easy if they are clearly interested in you really as then you can just follow their lead.

    What attracts me is outgoing dynamic people who are not afraid to say who they are and what they think but are open minded and interested in what I have to say as well - explorative, appreciative people with just a bit of wickedness!

  3. #3
    i'll tear down the sky Mattie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    South Florida
    TIM
    NeFi
    Posts
    1,108
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    For me personally, the best way to find out is how much attention I'm actively giving you. This might be a little hard since NeFi (at least) tend to be sociable and out with different people often, as well as very warm and attentive to you while you're around, but, for at least me, there's some tell-tale patterns.

    I will pretty much give into sharing contact information and making plans with little to no hesitation, or if you're not the type to initiate plans, I will suggest some ideas or joke like "Oh, that's your favorite movie too? Let's watch it sometime!" and "I really need to start getting in shape, I should come over more often and use your pool with you!" Of course, everyone does this, and to varying degrees of importance, but you'll know if I'm interested in your company if it seems like I'm completely free and there are no obstacles (sans work) to us hanging out. I will be open to doing things that I'm not usually comfortable with, for example, the SiTe I know wants to take me to the shooting range one day, and before I talked with him, I NEVER touched a gun before and never even thought about shooting one, was pretty anti-gun until I started to become more moderate about it, and when he suggested it, it came to a shock that someone presented an idea I didn't think I'd ever do of my own volition, but I said I would try it!

    I feel like I'm constantly presenting situations that insinuate that I'm interested and I want the other to take the first step, but something tells me that this isn't too obvious to the other person, or, if they also someone who doesn't really feel comfortable initiating romantic situations at first, then we'd both end up just poking around and not trying to breech each other's comfort zones. I'm learning to get over that, I find that I have to just grit my teeth and blurt out/do whatever to make a romantic situation happen, but it helps if I know the other person is alright with it or I wouldn't get too much of a negative reaction.

    Also, I will call/text very easily with you when I like you. Especially texting, you'll get as immediate responses as you can lol I won't call often because I don't want to be pushy/smothering, but when I do call, or if someone else calls, I will usually turn the talk to going out and doing something, or meeting up in some manner. I prefer to be with a person of interest in person, so if you find me wanting to see you often, it's pretty much a gimmie there.

  4. #4
    A Tiger livin' in a zoo.
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    304
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by look.to.the.sky View Post
    For me personally, the best way to find out is how much attention I'm actively giving you. This might be a little hard since NeFi (at least) tend to be sociable and out with different people often, as well as very warm and attentive to you while you're around, but, for at least me, there's some tell-tale patterns.

    I will pretty much give into sharing contact information and making plans with little to no hesitation, or if you're not the type to initiate plans, I will suggest some ideas or joke like "Oh, that's your favorite movie too? Let's watch it sometime!" and "I really need to start getting in shape, I should come over more often and use your pool with you!" Of course, everyone does this, and to varying degrees of importance, but you'll know if I'm interested in your company if it seems like I'm completely free and there are no obstacles (sans work) to us hanging out. I will be open to doing things that I'm not usually comfortable with, for example, the SiTe I know wants to take me to the shooting range one day, and before I talked with him, I NEVER touched a gun before and never even thought about shooting one, was pretty anti-gun until I started to become more moderate about it, and when he suggested it, it came to a shock that someone presented an idea I didn't think I'd ever do of my own volition, but I said I would try it!

    I feel like I'm constantly presenting situations that insinuate that I'm interested and I want the other to take the first step, but something tells me that this isn't too obvious to the other person, or, if they also someone who doesn't really feel comfortable initiating romantic situations at first, then we'd both end up just poking around and not trying to breech each other's comfort zones. I'm learning to get over that, I find that I have to just grit my teeth and blurt out/do whatever to make a romantic situation happen, but it helps if I know the other person is alright with it or I wouldn't get too much of a negative reaction.

    Also, I will call/text very easily with you when I like you. Especially texting, you'll get as immediate responses as you can lol I won't call often because I don't want to be pushy/smothering, but when I do call, or if someone else calls, I will usually turn the talk to going out and doing something, or meeting up in some manner. I prefer to be with a person of interest in person, so if you find me wanting to see you often, it's pretty much a gimmie there.
    This is just getting silly.

    This. All this. look.to.the.sky basically said what I would have said. =/

  5. #5
    Lobo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    TIM
    EII 6w5
    Posts
    2,080
    Mentioned
    6 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Delta NFs - how do you show interest?
    (....and what attracts you?)


    Particularly, how do you show or indicate interest in someone? What should one look for as indications of relationship development, particularly persona/intimate relationship interest?

    I'm also curious about what attracts delta NFs, but, I'm not sure if that should be a separate thread or not.
    There are some signs that make it obvious that I'm interested in someone, unlike other people who are able to do things without there being any special meaning attached. If I'm talking to someone and I participate in the conversation and ask questions, that's being interested. Asking to go out to do something means that I'm definitely interested (I would think is obvious ). If I start talking about how I see you in terms of our closeness (i.e "I like hanging out with you because...", "I wish I could see you more often," "I like you," etc) then that's interest in developing something. If I start to ask about your friends and the "hierarchy" then that means that I want to understand what my place is at the moment, and what I have to "work" with if I'm going to try to get closer. Honestly, I tend to think that my signs are pretty obvious, because I don't do things just for the sake of it. I'm very authentic in that sense. If I'm in serious mode, everything I say has meaning.

    I'll get to what I think attracts NFs later.

  6. #6
    Danielle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    193
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I don't think I'm any good at showing interest, but when I'm interested in someone I start asking them questions. If we already have some kind of relationship (like if we're already friends or well-acquainted), I show interest by talking about relationships between men and women and what I want out of relationships and finding out what he wants. And a lot of playful teasing (maybe this is flirting?) just to protect myself.

    I have to think more about what attracts me, as that is actually a subject I've been wondering a lot about lately. I am definitely attracted to people who seem "self-contained", like they don't need the attention or approval of others. I also like calm a lot. I have to think on this some more.
    EII
    4w5, sp/sx

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,834
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I second what look to the sky said.

    However, at the very start I'm not outgoing. I sorta size everything up and then if someone looks open/friendly I'll start talking and see how receptive they are.

    But once I start dating someone and have decided I'm definitely interested I will be somewhat giddy, very talkative, silly, engage them, ask them questions, etc.

    So it helps if the guy is somewhat bold at least in the very beginning. I might act slightly hot/cold simply to balance out the fact that I can jump into something way too fast. But I'd definitely come across as interested.

    Chances are, if someone wants to hang out w/ me and I'm not into him, I'd still be cool w/ being friends w/ the guy. So really no loss in asking out a Delta NF.

    SPECIFIC EXAMPLES on first dates (of me showing interest)

    1st date w/ an ESTj -- I was really happy w/ the restaurant he picked and how well he had planned everything so I was smiling a lot both at him and just in general. I was sorta quietly giddy. Then at a lounge he sat super far away from me LOL, but seemed to be trying to be respectful. So I said I can't really hear you that far away, why don't you sit next to me. Then I agreed to stay out really late and wasn't trying to cut the date short. I also complimented him on how well he'd planned everything (he'd been stressed about getting the timing right I guess). Also lots more eye contact than usual.

    1st date w/ an ISTp -- Towards the middle of the date (after I could tell he liked me and was just being shy), we went on a walk and it was cold. So I very obviously started sorta hopping in place and saying brrr it's cold and then sorta hopped closer and closer to him as I said "I'm cold." Which was so obvious it made us both laugh. And then he hugged/kissed me. Then I was very open to ideas he suggested such as going on roadtrips and was somewhat giddy/enthusiastic about just about everything. Also lots of eye contact. I then said something which indicated I liked him, which I just about never do (especially on a first date) but I could tell he needed to hear that for some reason as he still seemed a bit awkward.

    So I would say (with me at least) it should be fairly obvious.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

  8. #8
    Slippery when wet Simon Ssmall's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    ✈ ↺
    Posts
    2,231
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I think the best way to see im interested is the amount of time I find for the said person. I am an active person with lots of interests and usually I don't have that much free time, that is unless I consider you to be more important. If I am interested in someone, I can suddenly find a lot of time for the said person, I can shift and change my plans on a whim just so I would end up having free time for the said person. How much of attention I will show depends on the person, I am aware I can be smothering in the beginning, especially with offering to go there or do this together, which can seem like intrusion into someones private space and going too fast with it. I basically try to not overstep the borders and manoeuvre between showing too much interest and too little. I think I generally am very good at it and can feel when someone thinks I show too much attention or too little. I also always suggest to meet up instead of using internet for chatting or somesuch.
    How talkative I am also depends on the person, if she is quiet, I will talk, if she is talkative, Ill be mostly listening. Some say I am very flirty, but I don't consider myself as such, I guess I can appear as such, I just like talking , does not mean I'm interested in any way. So to sum it all up, if I call often and suggest to meet up.

    I guess a lot of it was covered by look to the sky, I just read the first two sentences or so, it is very possible I just wrote the same .

    EDIT: As for what attracts me, well shy or silent people are really a turn on, I just have an urge to speak with them and include them in conversations. I like unassuming people, non clingy. Actually clingyness makes me run to the opposite direction quite fast. I understand you can get used to a person and all that jazz, but it has to come gradually and I still have to have time for my own interests, which are plenty. I like freedom, if you give me it, Ill give you plenty of attention, if you try to limit it somehow Ill probably do the opposite. I also look for similar interests/outlook on life, it does not have to be 100% or even 70%, it all depends on what differences there are. Some are important some are not, some of them change during the time but most important ones probably are the same when I was 18 and now. All in all, if you show a little bit of interest and don't expect anything from me Ill try to surprise you and show plenty of attention, If I am interested that is.
    Last edited by Simon Ssmall; 07-20-2009 at 08:26 PM.
    Looking for an Archnemesis. Willing applicants contact via PM.

    ENFp - Fi 7w6 sp/sx
    The Ineffable IEI
    The Einstein ENTp

    johari nohari
    http://www.mypersonality.info/ssmall/

  9. #9
    Lobo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    TIM
    EII 6w5
    Posts
    2,080
    Mentioned
    6 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I see clingyness as a sign that there is a difference in attachment level. Although I get uncomfortable when I feel someone is being clingy about me, I'd be lying if I said that I don't do the same thing at times . When I get the message that I'm being a little clingy it's like I just have to evacuate and create space. It's an embarrassing situation, which is why I don't give a hard time to people who are clingy to me.

  10. #10
    Slippery when wet Simon Ssmall's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    ✈ ↺
    Posts
    2,231
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereno View Post
    I see clingyness as a sign that there is a difference in attachment level. Although I get uncomfortable when I feel someone is being clingy about me, I'd be lying if I said that I don't do the same thing at times . When I get the message that I'm being a little clingy it's like I just have to evacuate and create space. It's an embarrassing situation, which is why I don't give a hard time to people who are clingy to me.
    I relate to that somewhat, the few times It was pointed out to me was really embarrassing, as it is one of the traits I really dislike myself. Im not giving a hard time to people in general, I just am "busy" or whatnot.
    Looking for an Archnemesis. Willing applicants contact via PM.

    ENFp - Fi 7w6 sp/sx
    The Ineffable IEI
    The Einstein ENTp

    johari nohari
    http://www.mypersonality.info/ssmall/

  11. #11
    Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Beyond the blue horizon
    TIM
    SLI
    Posts
    13,088
    Mentioned
    164 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by look.to.the.sky View Post
    For me personally, the best way to find out is how much attention I'm actively giving you. This might be a little hard since NeFi (at least) tend to be sociable and out with different people often, as well as very warm and attentive to you while you're around, but, for at least me, there's some tell-tale patterns.

    I will pretty much give into sharing contact information and making plans with little to no hesitation, or if you're not the type to initiate plans, I will suggest some ideas or joke like "Oh, that's your favorite movie too? Let's watch it sometime!" and "I really need to start getting in shape, I should come over more often and use your pool with you!" Of course, everyone does this, and to varying degrees of importance, but you'll know if I'm interested in your company if it seems like I'm completely free and there are no obstacles (sans work) to us hanging out. I will be open to doing things that I'm not usually comfortable with, for example, the SiTe I know wants to take me to the shooting range one day, and before I talked with him, I NEVER touched a gun before and never even thought about shooting one, was pretty anti-gun until I started to become more moderate about it, and when he suggested it, it came to a shock that someone presented an idea I didn't think I'd ever do of my own volition, but I said I would try it!

    I feel like I'm constantly presenting situations that insinuate that I'm interested and I want the other to take the first step, but something tells me that this isn't too obvious to the other person, or, if they also someone who doesn't really feel comfortable initiating romantic situations at first, then we'd both end up just poking around and not trying to breech each other's comfort zones. I'm learning to get over that, I find that I have to just grit my teeth and blurt out/do whatever to make a romantic situation happen, but it helps if I know the other person is alright with it or I wouldn't get too much of a negative reaction.

    Also, I will call/text very easily with you when I like you. Especially texting, you'll get as immediate responses as you can lol I won't call often because I don't want to be pushy/smothering, but when I do call, or if someone else calls, I will usually turn the talk to going out and doing something, or meeting up in some manner. I prefer to be with a person of interest in person, so if you find me wanting to see you often, it's pretty much a gimmie there.
    Thanks for this post, I find it very informative.

    And thanks for starting this thread, Ryu.
    Last edited by Park; 07-21-2009 at 04:27 AM.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  12. #12
    Haikus
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    MI
    TIM
    IEI-Ni
    Posts
    10,060
    Mentioned
    223 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Also, I will call/text very easily with you when I like you. Especially texting, you'll get as immediate responses as you can lol I won't call often because I don't want to be pushy/smothering
    I need to be pushed and smothered though.

  13. #13
    i'll tear down the sky Mattie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    South Florida
    TIM
    NeFi
    Posts
    1,108
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    I need to be pushed and smothered though.
    You see, this is what's strange... There's a bit inside me that wants to smother the other person, but I'm aware that this will scare them off (at least, the types I seem to be attracted to). But at the same time, I feel suffocated by those who want my attention too much and too obviously, makes me feel really uncomfortable and I'm unable to really give the affection they are looking for.

    But that means you're in good hands with Beta. Maybe

  14. #14
    Expat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    10,853
    Mentioned
    27 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Katharine View Post
    What attracts me is outgoing dynamic people who are not afraid to say who they are and what they think but are open minded and interested in what I have to say as well - explorative, appreciative people with just a bit of wickedness!
    It would be helpful if you could elaborate in detail what you mean by that. For instance, what do you mean with "a bit of wickedness", and why you find that attractive?
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

  15. #15
    without the nose Cyrano's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio USA
    Posts
    1,021
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereno View Post
    I see clingyness as a sign that there is a difference in attachment level. Although I get uncomfortable when I feel someone is being clingy about me, I'd be lying if I said that I don't do the same thing at times . When I get the message that I'm being a little clingy it's like I just have to evacuate and create space. It's an embarrassing situation, which is why I don't give a hard time to people who are clingy to me.

    Hummm... I see "clingy" as a threshold. Once you get there, you have gone WAY too far. I can be very attatched to someone, and not want or need them very near. It's just nice to know they are out there if I need them, and for them to know the same. How do you know where the line is, especially when each of us seem to draw the line differently? Same problem happens on the other end for my type, having trouble keeping connections alive.
    ISTp
    SLI

    Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.

  16. #16

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    1st date w/ an ESTj -- I was really happy w/ the restaurant he picked and how well he had planned everything so I was smiling a lot both at him and just in general. I was sorta quietly giddy. Then at a lounge he sat super far away from me LOL, but seemed to be trying to be respectful. So I said I can't really hear you that far away, why don't you sit next to me. Then I agreed to stay out really late and wasn't trying to cut the date short. I also complimented him on how well he'd planned everything (he'd been stressed about getting the timing right I guess). Also lots more eye contact than usual.

    1st date w/ an ISTp -- Towards the middle of the date (after I could tell he liked me and was just being shy), we went on a walk and it was cold. So I very obviously started sorta hopping in place and saying brrr it's cold and then sorta hopped closer and closer to him as I said "I'm cold." Which was so obvious it made us both laugh. And then he hugged/kissed me. Then I was very open to ideas he suggested such as going on roadtrips and was somewhat giddy/enthusiastic about just about everything. Also lots of eye contact. I then said something which indicated I liked him, which I just about never do (especially on a first date) but I could tell he needed to hear that for some reason as he still seemed a bit awkward.
    Oh crap That's like a list of things girls have done to me, and I have totally missed as meaning anything.

    So I would say (with me at least) it should be fairly obvious.
    For me something like that is way too subtle.
    ...the human race will disappear. Other races will appear and disappear in turn. The sky will become icy and void, pierced by the feeble light of half-dead stars. Which will also disappear. Everything will disappear. And what human beings do is just as free of sense as the free motion of elementary particles. Good, evil, morality, feelings? Pure 'Victorian fictions'.

    INTp

  17. #17
    Lobo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    TIM
    EII 6w5
    Posts
    2,080
    Mentioned
    6 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ISTPjim View Post
    Hummm... I see "clingy" as a threshold. Once you get there, you have gone WAY too far. I can be very attatched to someone, and not want or need them very near. It's just nice to know they are out there if I need them, and for them to know the same. How do you know where the line is, especially when each of us seem to draw the line differently? Same problem happens on the other end for my type, having trouble keeping connections alive.
    You're right, one can be attached to someone without needing them near. In that sense, when I get attached to people I do want them physically "closer," as in doing more things together and seeing each other more in person. For me it has to go hand in hand. I tend to lose attachment to people when they are not somewhat physical near to me, or don't see them for a long time. I would think everybody does this, but I do hear a lot about people who pick up where they left off after a long time without seeing/talking to each other. I somewhat relate to that, but not quite... It doesn't mean I stop caring about them, it's just that I lose attachment, like them not being able to hurt me "emotionally" in some way, which I see can only happen when you are attached. For example, off the top of my head, suppose if they somewhat backstab me after the period of not being in contact it's like I wouldn't be hurt emotionally about it... People go to a neutral zone.

    I'd much rather put in the work of maintain something consistent than to have "breaks" where you lose contact for a long time and expect to start off where you left off. I could never maintain the attachment to someone in this situation, unless it's incredibly intense, but it hasn't happened to me yet. It would also depend on the circumstance for why there is a break too. If it's something I did, I might still be attached because I need some kind of resolution from it.

    Post Note:
    How do you know where the line is, especially when each of us seem to draw the line differently?
    Exactly, and I see the person who is less clingy in this sense to be the one with more "power." I've been in situations like this, on both sides, and it's never a good thing when it happens :/.
    Last edited by Lobo; 07-21-2009 at 11:37 PM.

  18. #18
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Winterpark View Post
    And thanks for starting this thread, Ryu.
    Sure, no problem.

  19. #19
    i'll tear down the sky Mattie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    South Florida
    TIM
    NeFi
    Posts
    1,108
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Are the things we do really that subtle? I'm always conscious of trying not to be too over the top, too pushy, too emotional... I mean, I kinda want to be these things, but I don't want to come off like I'm needy, because I'm not. A lot of the times I feel like I give very obvious signs... But reading here, it seems like I've been too subtle this whole time.

    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    Towards the middle of the date (after I could tell he liked me and was just being shy), we went on a walk and it was cold. So I very obviously started sorta hopping in place and saying brrr it's cold and then sorta hopped closer and closer to him as I said "I'm cold." Which was so obvious it made us both laugh.
    I do things like this as well! It helps me gauge how comfortable the other person is with me. I take steps to get physically closer, or do things to get a reaction to find out how the person feels. So, during a movie let's say, I'll eventually so to inch over to the point where I'm leaning on you. If you don't make a move to move away, and I'm feeling comfortable enough, I'll do other things to initiate more contact to find how comfortable you are around me.

  20. #20
    Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Beyond the blue horizon
    TIM
    SLI
    Posts
    13,088
    Mentioned
    164 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Unhappy

    This is all too much... I need an ENFp... *sigh*
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  21. #21
    dattebayo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    380
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    just bumping this one as I have a really quick answer to that, as I just realised from a convo with ISHA. I haven't read the other responses so this might be redundant. But hey

    1) Spending a lot of time with you. A LOT

    2) Showing interest in you. Your likes dislikes opinions, everything really except from your job and your car. That stuff doesn't tell me anything

    If I do this to a person IRL it means I like that person. The amount of time being the biggest indicator
    n00bIEE

  22. #22
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Sometimes around a certain IEE, I feel like she asks a lot of questions about me, and I don't get to talk that much about what is going on in her life. Do you think that is a sign of interest from the IEE, in terms of trying to further the relationship? I think it might be, but I wanted to see what IEEs thought.

    I guess the feeling comes from talking to a lot of introverts at time who need me to ask them about stuff, and who aren't so much openly asking me about 'me' so much.

  23. #23
    dattebayo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    380
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Sometimes around a certain IEE, I feel like she asks a lot of questions about me, and I don't get to talk that much about what is going on in her life. Do you think that is a sign of interest from the IEE, in terms of trying to further the relationship? I think it might be, but I wanted to see what IEEs thought.

    I guess the feeling comes from talking to a lot of introverts at time who need me to ask them about stuff, and who aren't so much openly asking me about 'me' so much.
    If she's anything like me, then she is

    but it depends on what sort of questions she is asking. For instance I meet this lumber guy a while back. I asked him all kinds of questions, but they were more geared towards getrting an idea how life as a lumberjack (is that the real word?) was. I was really interested but just in him the lumber, not in him the individual

    If she asks different type of questions, that might be the tell tale sign. For instance if she asks you about your favourite book, and then jumps to ask about your family and what your relations are to them, and then something completely third, I'll bet she's into you

    So yeah, this is a clear indicator early on in the relationship

    onece in a relationship I think it is the time spent together that is the biggest factor

    hope this helps

    EDIT: the thing with not telling about yourself can also be an indicator. Do you feel she tries to hide anything from you? and if she does tell anything about herself, is it anything remotely private or just random? Try to ask her something that will tell you something about her. If she gives you a proper answer you're in. If she sort of skates over it and changes the subject, then she's not that interested
    Last edited by dattebayo; 08-14-2009 at 02:58 PM.
    n00bIEE

  24. #24
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Thanks. I actually already know the person, been to her house, and the like. I'm pretty sure she wasn't trying to be flirty or romantic with me or anything like that - it was more about interest in terms of friendship, 'friend interest' I guess. I was just trying to figure out why I might get the sense that she was asking me a lot of questions and having me talk a lot. We're already very good friends. I think she particularly felt like we hadn't seen each other in a bit (we missed one of our weekly meet-ups last week), so, perhaps that's why she was extra curious about me and what's going on with me. I just struck me as a curious thing.

    I think it had a lot to do with me talking to introverts more, so perhaps I wasn't used to it.

  25. #25
    dattebayo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    380
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    yeah they rarely ask

    but I think what I wrote goes for friend interest as well. I never flirt. It would be really fake if I tried
    n00bIEE

  26. #26
    randomguy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    SD, CA
    Posts
    44
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Sign a ENFP likes/loves you???

    Will they come on strong to you and when you show interest they act like they would never consider you? Is it a tug a war to see how they feel? Its like you think you got them hooked but they slip through your fingers. Is it because they might be flirts and like to play with us ISTPs? I get this vibe from chicks i think are ENFP.
    ISTP - SERIOUSLY, i dont give a ****

  27. #27
    Currently God Brilliand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Nevada
    TIM
    LII
    Posts
    4,246
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by randomguy View Post
    Will they come on strong to you and when you show interest they act like they would never consider you? Is it a tug a war to see how they feel? Its like you think you got them hooked but they slip through your fingers. I get this vibe from chicks i think are ENFP.
    Sounds like Beta NF to me, unless they're following some of those all-too-common instructions to "play hard to get" with men they like.

    I'd consider INFp most likely, as ENFjs would be more consistent (still push-pull, but not as hard).



    LII-Ne

    "Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
    - Blair Houghton

    Johari

  28. #28
    randomguy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    SD, CA
    Posts
    44
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Brilliand View Post
    Sounds like Beta NF to me, unless they're following some of those all-too-common instructions to "play hard to get" with men they like.

    I'd consider INFp most likely, as ENFjs would be more consistent (still push-pull, but not as hard).
    No, they are definitely an E. At least, I think.They usually come right up to me, shake my hand, introduce themselves to me and ask me to say hello next time. its just super hot. This scenario has happened alot. They seem to hate it when I dont give them the time of day.
    Last edited by randomguy; 09-27-2009 at 12:50 AM.
    ISTP - SERIOUSLY, i dont give a ****

  29. #29
    randomguy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    SD, CA
    Posts
    44
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post

    In what way do you think these maybe-ENFps are playing w you?


    For instance, they tell other people im super hot and the whole nine and when I ask them out or something they give the same old line. I have boyfriend, youre too this, or that. Seems im a little puppet that they can trash. IT seems the attraction is there but they find any excuse to end it. I like it though.lol
    Last edited by randomguy; 09-27-2009 at 01:15 AM.
    ISTP - SERIOUSLY, i dont give a ****

  30. #30
    Haikus
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    MI
    TIM
    IEI-Ni
    Posts
    10,060
    Mentioned
    223 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    This is hard because ENFps are so tactful to anyone you know, and they umm have good social graces or something that looks like real love but it's just the ENFp's diplomacy.

    I'd say, and I'm not an ENFp- just an overly opinionated FAGGOT - but, I'd say, that they wouldn't be afraid to rant and be angry with you in a way. I know that sounds kind of backwards but to me, when ENFps really like somebody or something they will talk shit about other people with you. It's like they realize their mediating, psych 101 textbook on human relationships is so politically correct and banal they have to kinda, talk shit about people and be biased and subjective just like the rest of us. I wouldn't really take an ENFp being nice to you as an indicator with anything because they're like that with everybody.

  31. #31
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    This is hard because ENFps are so tactful to anyone you know, and they umm have good social graces or something that looks like real love but it's just the ENFp's diplomacy.
    This does make it difficult, and also gets IEEs into trouble.

  32. #32
    Slippery when wet Simon Ssmall's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    ✈ ↺
    Posts
    2,231
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I think I agree with B&D's post (which happens rarely for me). It does describe me in a way, not completely though. I try not to play with other people feelings but sometimes people take any kind of attention as sign of affection. And I just like talking with people or giving compliments of different kinds, they are not dishonest, what I say I truly think, but the fact I say it does not mean I'm hitting on someone or anything. Or if someone approaches me for whatever reason and initiates a talk I won't shrug them off straight away even if I'm not interested as I know how sometimes it could be hard to a person to come to someone and start talking.

    I think there were threads before which explain how ENFp's generally show affection, it's spending time with you, but for that you need time. I guess it would be puzzling for me to whether I show interest or not, but saying something nice about the person is deffo not a sign of anything, maybe just that I don't dislike you, doesn't mean I like you.
    Looking for an Archnemesis. Willing applicants contact via PM.

    ENFp - Fi 7w6 sp/sx
    The Ineffable IEI
    The Einstein ENTp

    johari nohari
    http://www.mypersonality.info/ssmall/

  33. #33
    Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Beyond the blue horizon
    TIM
    SLI
    Posts
    13,088
    Mentioned
    164 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    random guy, you never gave me the impression of an ISTp. Most of your posts allude away from SLI and Delta.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  34. #34

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    1,276
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Hm. Sometimes I introduce myself and play a stronger social role than I really feel like doing - mostly at parties. And I've blown off SLIs in the past, primarily because they were so quiet, I felt that going on a date with them would be *really* awkward because I'd have to invent conversation the entire time. But the push-pull thing? Not really. Could my actions have been perceived that way? I have no idea.

    There's really not enough info in your paragraph to give someone a type.

    I do identify with Ssmall - I usually try and take the time to have a real conversation with someone. I won't ignore someone because they're not the cool kid. I was the ignored kid for a long time and I definitely sympathize with trying to make friends with people and not being given the time of day because I didn't have enough social polish. Unfortunately with a lot of guys, they construe that to mean romantic interest. I've crossed the line there too - I have allowed the conversation to get too intense. I like finding out what people think about things and their views on life, and my warmth leads them to believe I'm interested in them romantically. But I can't exactly turn off my "feeling" side and become colder. So I guess I'll just have to stop talking to men. It's really the only solution.
    IEE

  35. #35

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,834
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    This is hard because ENFps are so tactful to anyone you know, and they umm have good social graces or something that looks like real love but it's just the ENFp's diplomacy.

    I'd say, and I'm not an ENFp- just an overly opinionated FAGGOT - but, I'd say, that they wouldn't be afraid to rant and be angry with you in a way. I know that sounds kind of backwards but to me, when ENFps really like somebody or something they will talk shit about other people with you. It's like they realize their mediating, psych 101 textbook on human relationships is so politically correct and banal they have to kinda, talk shit about people and be biased and subjective just like the rest of us. I wouldn't really take an ENFp being nice to you as an indicator with anything because they're like that with everybody.
    One, I don't think you're overly opiniated BulletsandDoves. Two, I think you have some excellent points here. I just hung out w/ an ISTp and found myself constantly bitching and whining about people and situations. I was sorta confused why I was doing that, but I think you're right that I was trying to make it clear I was being more real and honest, vs. just being polite and nicey nice. I also wanted to see if he could handle me at my bitching worst, in a way.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

  36. #36

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,834
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    And no, I wouldn't play games like that either. I make up excuses only if I'm not into the person. This does sound ENFj or victim-like to me.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

  37. #37
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    random guy, you never gave me the impression of an ISTp. Most of your posts allude away from SLI and Delta.
    yea i don't know random guy that well or see many of his posts but that's the vibe ive gotten so far.

  38. #38
    Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Beyond the blue horizon
    TIM
    SLI
    Posts
    13,088
    Mentioned
    164 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I should also probably apologize for posting off topic...
    Last edited by Park; 09-27-2009 at 10:53 PM.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  39. #39

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,834
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    And I think ENFps are pretty easy to read when we like someone. I've noticed that my Fi ENFp friend will try to be extra charming or witty. She's usually charming but really turns it up a few notches. I also do that.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

  40. #40
    cunnilingus epilepsy inducer
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    1,429
    Mentioned
    45 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    I'd say, and I'm not an ENFp- just an overly opinionated FAGGOT - but, I'd say, that they wouldn't be afraid to rant and be angry with you in a way. I know that sounds kind of backwards but to me, when ENFps really like somebody or something they will talk shit about other people with you. It's like they realize their mediating, psych 101 textbook on human relationships is so politically correct and banal they have to kinda, talk shit about people and be biased and subjective just like the rest of us. I wouldn't really take an ENFp being nice to you as an indicator with anything because they're like that with everybody.
    I know of a couple of IEEs regularly complaining about character flaws and a lack of intelligence, not really in a "bitchy" way though... it seemed more egotistical. And I don't think them complaining to you about other people is a sign they like/love you, more like a sign that they feel safe complaining about a particular person about a particular issue in that particular environment.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •