Stories of Dual Couples and Duality Relations

[3RainbowSprinkles]

I was wondering how many dual couples everyone personally knew. I currently know four.

I know an Enfp+Istp (myself and my lover), two Estp+Infp couples, and an Enfj+Istj

Any stories of how they go together as well?

[FDG]

At least 10, 4 ENTj+ISFj, 2 ENFp+ISTp, 2 ENFj+ISTj, 1 ENTp+ISFp, 2 ESTp+INFp...actually probably more than 10

[07490]

When I first start Learning socionics, I thought the common people whould not know what they really want in their partner in a socionic level. Which we all here know that dual partner is what we seek, and that we get hook up with types that seemingly feel attractive in first glance but either long term and short term it will inevitably not piece the puzzle together. well at times in my work place where at a busy day I might interact with 300 customers in a shift, on a slow day I actually have time to talk to them give them small talk and believe it or not I introduce socionics to them as well. I have seen a pattern of how they each type handle themselves when they talk to me, and there is always a patnern, a mannerism and the way they approach me that I can instinctly pick up what their types are, that in itself is much more reliable that just a plain V.I picture. Not that my Socionic skill is super or anything but that I have just interacted with so much people that this comes instant to me, and to answer the question it surprises me how much people are with their duals. I often ask them how long they have been going out and they always tell me that it's about 5-7 years. some of the very common duality I have seem, ESFp-INTp, ESTj-INFj, ENFj-ISTj, for some reason I don't see Alpha Duals together very common.

[Expat]

Off the top of my head - -

- my brother (ILE) and his wife (SEI): married for many years, not one fight that I ever heard of
- an university mate (EII) and his wife (LSE): married since around 2000
- the daughter of a friend of mine - she's IEI, and her boyfriend is SLE, together for a couple of years
- a couple from my old PhD department, ILI f + SEE m - no idea what they are doing now, but they did get married
- an old friend from my undergraduate studies (SEE): after being married to an LSE for 10 years, she later left him and she's now with an ILI

These are examples of couples I got to know personally. I think I knew an SLI m - IEE f couple, but I'm far more certain of his type than of hers.

If we include mirror and activation couples, the list grows considerably.

[ragnar]

how many dual couples everyone personally knew

Off the top of my head: I know like 3 ENFp/ISTp couples, they seem to get along very well.

[Wynch]

2 ILE-SEI

1 LSE-EII

1 LII-ESE - Interesting story, this one. My best friend when I lived in SK was an LII and she met this guy on the internet, ended up in an internet relationship (which was weird because this was the friend who is all "Boys are yucky"). I was a little concerned about all of this because I didn't get a chance to give him the BF stamp of approval, she was 18 and he was 22, and they intended to f off to Japan afterwards to teach English. I ended up meeting him at their wedding a couple years ago (woah, the've been married two year o.O) and he turned out to be a fucking awesome ESE. lolz were had.

[jewels]

ISFp guy, ENTp girl
ISTj girl, ENFj guy
though not romantic, I know two ENFj girls who have ISTj best friends.
ENFp girl, ISTp guy (but they broke up But he was a jerk.

It's sorta sad I haven't seen more duals though...or maybe I wasn't paying attention.

Activity, semi-dual and mirror seem common though.

[redbaron]

let's see...

ILI-SEE
(2) EII-LSE
(2) LII-ESE (one of which was my grandparents--grandpa died last year)
(2) ILE-SEI
(2) IEI-SLE (one of which is my brother and wife, together since they were 16, now 35)
ESI-LIE

[redbaron]

Activity, semi-dual and mirror seem common though.

Yes! very common! I also know several supervisory and benefit.

[tiny_dancer]

A zillion.

1 LII-ESE
2 ILE-SEI
3 EIE-LSI
2 SLE-IEI
3 SEE-ILI
2 LIE-ESI
1 EII-LSE
0 IEE-SLI

That's not even counting family. I know a lesser number of mirror, activity, illusionary, and semi-dual. A couple of supervisory and benefit too.

[wilma]

you guys know alot of pairs of duals. i have a question for you, do they seem alot happier as couples than pairs of other relations??

[FDG]

you guys know alot of pairs of duals. i have a question for you, do they seem alot happier as couples than pairs of other relations??

When both partners are psychologically O.K., then definitely yes.

[wilma]

When both partners are psychologically O.K., then definitely yes.

really?how many of you guys have been in relationships with your duals??

[FDG]

really?how many of you guys have been in relationships with your duals??

I have, and many of my friends do, but I can't speak for other forum members

[Jarno]

you guys know alot of pairs of duals. i have a question for you, do they seem alot happier as couples than pairs of other relations??

yes, i was surprised to.

I know a lot of people and their types, but way less relationships, because I don't always know a person's partner. Also I know only 1 dual couple.

your second question: yes duality is indeed the best relationship IME. It's not hard to find when you are young, though it gets more difficult when older. Since it seems that only the ugly ones are left :-)

[wilma]

but now i have another question, if so many people get with their dual without knowing socionics than what does it help to know socionics??

[Creepy-male]

but now i have another question, if so many people get with their dual without knowing socionics than what does it help to know socionics??

Avoiding your supervisor and supervisee

[Jarno]

but now i have another question, if so many people get with their dual without knowing socionics than what does it help to know socionics??

maybe you should ask the people how many the percentage is of dual relationships.

Estimations are 30% I've read. But these also include people who are 60 years old and have been divorced 4 times.

So if you want to skip the misery (indeed supervisors and conflictors) and go straight for the jackpot, a little help of socionics wouldn't be bad.

Next to that, it's good to know that relationships are determined from the beginning, instead of believing 'you can make every relationship work if you want to' -crap.

[3RainbowSprinkles]

does anyone know the appox ages dualities met and got together?
also, any personal dual stories to share?

...and for your own story or someone else's...I read, " Experiencing Dual Relations" stating that duals may sometimes have this "first encounter" and then separate to feel a certain magnetic effect. Does this happen frequently or do most duals stick to it once they meet their match?

[redbaron]

But yeah, I mean, I can't say I've felt the feelings I've felt for duals for just anyone other than people who happened to be my dual, but I didn't understand why I felt that way until long after.

for me, I had that feeling for SLEs but also an ESI I dated. I think it was the

[Jarno]

...and for your own story or someone else's...I read, " Experiencing Dual Relations" stating that duals may sometimes have this "first encounter" and then separate to feel a certain magnetic effect. Does this happen frequently or do most duals stick to it once they meet their match?

yes I've read that site a while ago and those 8 points are perfect!

When I met my first dual it was not really interesting. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just nice. No tensions etc. She wasn't really handsome so I wasn't really paying attention during our first date.

A week later I suddenly start thinking about her. I wondered how she was. I really cared about her. I wanted to know wether everything was oke. I felt almost an urge to go seek her, to see if she was oke. I never had this bond/feeling before with anyone else.

In the end it didn't really get to something serious.

With another dual I had a feeling of 'I've known you all my life'. She had that too. It was really odd. Like we shared the same history.

Points 1 to 5 are the best. 6 to 8 are also true but not something that surprised me during the encounters.

[redbaron]

With another dual I had a feeling of 'I've known you all my life'. She had that too. It was really odd. Like we shared the same history.

I had that feeling once with an SEI who, I later realized reminded me VERY much of my dad. So it can happen with people who aren't duals. But it's a strange feeling. And even after three years of knowing him, I still feel that way about him. That we've known each other all our lives or something. There's that connection.

[Jarno]

I had that feeling once with an SEI who, I later realized reminded me VERY much of my dad. So it can happen with people who aren't duals. But it's a strange feeling. And even after three years of knowing him, I still feel that way about him. That we've known each other all our lives or something. There's that connection.

yes you are right I've had it with others types too, but in a different form. In duality it's really like a soulmate thing.

[redbaron]

yes you are right I've had it with others types too, but in a different form. In duality it's really like a soulmate thing.

yes and there's a peacefulness about it also with a dual. a sense that everything will be okay no matter what.

[FDG]

I've also felt the "soulmate" thing with an ENFp girl other than with ISFjs, but the physical connection is better with the latter.

[3RainbowSprinkles]

Y

because I am fascinated with duals! :] Now that I, myself have reconnected with my dual I want to know about all the other dual's past present and futures.

Also, recently I have been dabbling in a little hooking up. I want to be a match maker one day on the side of marriage counseling. >:] my Estp best friend is the same age as me, but hasnt had a long term relationship young--and yes, we're young blah blah...but yet its still a very real "fact" that it only gets harder as we get older and I figure its no harm if they are duals. My INFP friend, I met at college. I'm excited to see if it will work out :] it's very interesting to see that so many duals get together naturally.

In the end it didn't really get to something serious.

but why don't some of them work? any long-term duality relationship break up (could be that they got back together in the end) stories about duals?

[Jarno]

but why don't some of them work? any long-term duality relationship break up (could be that they got back together in the end) stories about duals?

In my case, it's because the girl was ugly as hell.

[FDG]

I've had one relationship with an ISFj that didn't work, because she was insane.

[3RainbowSprinkles]

Heh, if you lived around here, I would love it to have a duality matchmaker.

The good thing is that there are many SEEs. I just need to make sure I settle for the right one, but the hard thing is that getting their attention and keeping their attention is one of the most frustrating things in an INTp's world, I think. Some of them...they fall in and out of love, do some of the stupidest stuff, can be aggressive and moody if they're having a really awful week, and can be so fucking contradictory that it makes my head spin to the point of ad naesium. One day they like you, the next day not. Some are reckless, others superficial, and the list goes on. I mean, I've never not gotten along great with them, but to have a stable, long term anything with them seems like an impossibility some times. So I guess I'm waiting for someone who will prove me wrong and who will be able to cancel out the multitude of doubts I conjure in my mind in regards to any intimate relationship.

this book has nothing to do with socionics, but promotes the growth of all different makes of couples between different personality types. what i find to be most interesting about the book is after they give you a description of your glorious joys and horrible frustrations, they give each member a personalized list of suggestions on how to reach the other partner. a set personalized for you and vice versa. It's really interesting and a little really does go a long way. for instance..ill show you some of what it says for you

INTP with ESFP [ILI with SEE]
"How to reach your [ILI] partner
*Try to learn more about some of the areas that interest your partner so you can discuss them intelligently.
*Give your partner plenty of privacy and time alone without guilt or blame.
*Respect your partner's independent nature ( ....and there are more)

How to reach your [SEE] partner
*Be positive. Express appreciation of many things your partner does to make you happy.
*Be willing to share what you're feeling and expereincing. Try writing notes.
*Respect your partner's need for love of fun. Try to accommodate him or her as much as possible. ( ....and there are more)"

maybe this may help you, maybe it wont. :] i hope it does. you can get a copy of the book here if you are interested.

i think its true, that apart of finding your dual is unexpected and spontaneous, but i also feel like there are little steps one can take to make the trip a little easier. if you went camping and forgot a tent last time, your most certainly not going to forget it a second time right? :]

it says also about u:

"[ILI] most important relationship aspects are: mutual commitment, fidelity, mutual support, being listened to, humor, intellectual stimulation, compationship and least important are: finacial security, shared religious beliefs...etc."

lol i hope you find that interesting too

In my case, it's because the girl was ugly as hell.

that's really funny.

[Warlord]

I can't like calculate absolute value of dual pairs. But overall they don't seem that common. Based on what I have seen, the most common dual pair seems to be TiSe-FeNi. And SeFi-NiTe the least common, since I have never seen one.

[wilma]

then if some of you here have not finished up with your dual it is not true that to find your dual means always be in love?? is it because of other causes or was conflict coming between you or is it the way i have sometimes seen people say that they are getting bored when they are with their dual for a long time??

[wilma]

and also if it is boring to be together with your dual for a long time than is there a way for to solve the problem?? i want to be with my dual but if we get bored, then may be i will not know then what to do if it happens

[redbaron]

then if some of you here have not finished up with your dual it is not true that to find your dual means always be in love?? is it because of other causes or was conflict coming between you or is it the way i have sometimes seen people say that they are getting bored when they are with their dual for a long time??

I don't think it's usually conflict that comes between duals. It's maybe timing--not being ready for a long-term relationship. Or having different goals, different values in life. I was with my dual when I was 15, for just a couple of months, lol. I think we just had different interests and neither of us fully recognized the level of comfort we were feeling. It was just so smooth. But sometimes when you're young, you're not looking for smooth, you're looking for excitement. Anyway, duals don't always fall in love, no. Sure there's a risk of becoming bored in a dual relationship. It helps to keep creating new goals together, new experiences to make life (and the relationship) interesting.

[Expat]

I don't think it's usually conflict that comes between duals. It's maybe timing--not being ready for a long-term relationship. Or having different goals, different values in life.

Yes.

Since duals see opposite sides of the coin, I find it hard to imagine duality getting boring very easily or very often. Besides, no matter how great two people get along, people need to have their own lives as well and there should be sufficient enough space, in my philosophy, to nurture separation in a couple's lives. I would think duals are one of the last pairs that would get bored. Even so, it's usually harder to split with a dual because, depending on the bond you share, of course, it leaves a sense of something missing and if there is real chemistry and real love involved, that hole can be quite aching.

From some of my experiences, living without the dual can be pretty tough to deal with.

But depending on the person, of course, your dual should profoundly effect you though in some situations, it's easy to take them for granted or for them to take you for granted until they lose you, and then, sometimes, the consequences unveil themselves and a hard experience can follow, primarily if the two of your really clicked and created a genuine sense of security, comfort, inspiration, and happiness.

And yes. 100%, especially the bolded bit.

On SEE-ILI in particular, a female friend of mine from high school and university was first in a serious relationship with an EIE, then she married a LSE, whom she left after 10 years (and a daughter).

Immediately afterwards she got together with an ILI, and they're fine to this day (as far as I know).

Commenting on this, she said that the ILI was the right guy for her, but also that probably she wouldn't have wanted to be with him during high school and college because at the time "she wanted above all to have fun" as in what niffweed calls "debauchery".

[greed]

I know only a few..

• ILI male/SEE female; good friends of mine
• SLI male/IEE female; former neighbors
• ESI male/LIE female; coworker and her husband
• ILE male/SEI female; me and mine

It's quite amazing how things.. just work for these couples.

I am currently (ILE male + SEI female). Useless to say that it works almost flawlessly.

Cheers

Or maybe the age difference, because she's 7 years younger than me and I'm not patient about things I got over long time ago (timidity, uncertainty, interpretation of other people's actions and sayings).

I can attest to this. The age gap in our relationship is only 2.5 years, though, so she's only slightly behind me as far as these sorts of insecurities are concerned; many of the issues she's facing are those that I have faced before, too.

I take this as an opportunity for growth, in that I can help her sort out these insecurities. I see this happening more and more as we build trust in one another.

It's also amazing how a relationship of duality leads to facing similar issues and drawing similar conclusions with vastly different methods.

Her sense of morals told her to take things slowly in our relationship. Having some knowledge of how relationships work through a study of psychology, I reached the same conclusion that she did, but I did so through my own method.

Actually, I think I'm mainly motivated by people who help me and are kind without conditions and without one-way interest. Most of the time we're just happy to have each other around and laugh at each other without reason. I think it's fun to think about how your dual perceive the things compared to you, it's like when you watch puppies "fighting" or being territorial, lmao!

Oh, and this. A SEI's generosity just seems so.. genuine.

[greed]

The only difference in my case is that we did not take the relationship slowly, but rather too fast . I mean I knew what I want and explained that and that's it. I mean the "click" happened after one or two days. The "click" is that moment when the SEIs change completely their behavior about you and only you, the moment you become hers, which is only an instance, as far as I experienced.
But anyway, I'm not sure what that "slowly" means for you, sharing the belongings, moving together & stuff?

She comes from a culture where I needed to get to know her family before advancing very far with her, she'd never been in a relationship before and has had anxieties about providing for me, and her moral compass sort of points in that direction anyway. I'd also like to see her on a more stable career path before anything big happens between us. So a major part of our pacing is me catering to her situation.

But I also wanted us to take our time for my own sake. I'd been in a relationship that moved way too quickly for me, with someone I didn't even like, and that probably colored how I handled this one. I'm also one to take things way too quickly in my life, in general; I've just needed to slow down overall. I was also anxious that everything was going so smoothly with us; it was too good to be true, and it took me a while to accept it. Talking with her after the fact, she felt a similar anxiety.

We experienced that "click," too. The day we met, I canceled every other date that I had, because I just knew that I had to get to know her. She'd told me that she felt the same way. We know where we're going, but, yeah, we're taking it slowly.

And by "slowly" I mean pretty much the whole relationship. We didn't "officially" establish it until a month and a half after we'd met, though we both knew it was an inevitability. Taking steps have come with time and trust. But the pacing has worked well for us, given our respective situations.

We haven't yet gotten to a stage where we're sharing living space or many belongings, but I'm confident that that stage will transpire just as smoothly for us.

Yes, I'll hope I'll find an image to illustrate their generosity. Is like that little child you meet in the street offering you an apple, completely detached from everything.

Wow. This would definitely describe how I see mine, too. Generous and detached, in a cute way

(If the child's head were pointed just slightly downward with eyes still directed upward, it'd be about perfect! )

Did you enter this Dual relationship as usual people, or did you know what you were doing, knowing about types and Socionics?

I didn't have much of a working knowledge of Socionics or intertype relationships, but I did of MBTI and some psychology. Really, I'd been trying to date more extroverted women--namely, those who chased after me--and they weren't working for me. I'm not one to try the same tactics over and over, so I completely shifted gears. I instead tried for a different "class" of women--namely, the shy, artistic type. Then, it happened. Only afterward did I really have an explanation as to why things have worked as they have.. this notion of "duality" just seems to fit.

Did you have much knowledge of this business when you started yours? I know it helped me to have some idea of what might work for me while in the dating game, at least.

[smilodon]

I can think of two definite SEE-ILI couples. Though one of them get into fights alot, I think this is because he doesn't show much appreciation for her and she doesn't know if he wants her around. I know two ESE-LII couples, one ILE-SEI, one IEE-SLI, one EIE-LSI, LSE-EII. I can think of one gamma dual and one beta dual couple. and then I can think of a few coupls that are either duals or are the same on T/F and j/p. I also suspect that my maternal grandparents were LIE-ESI.

[3RainbowSprinkles]

i recently set up a good friend of mine, an SLE with an IEI. They had never met before, and she [the SLE] was reluctant to go. When she went--never had she connected with someone on an emotional level like she did with this IEI. It's simply amazing watching this dual grow and blossom together. This duality thing is very interesting and how it works is even more interesting.

[wilma]

the people who are with duals, where did you find them?? duals seems to be very diferent from eachother makes me think it is hard for them to meet eachother.

[Banana Pancakes]

thread needs pictures.