I think sometimes to myself why people don't see me internally. They don't see the real me. They just can process what I show them. I have a kind of adolescent thing with this.
But then I'm like, I self-correct myself. And I realize I don't see them internally much either. I just see them on the outside. I still don't understand why my grandma is afraid of cats, my dad gets so anal about germs- the way my mom is like such a go-getter always on the run. I want them to get me and my motivations but I don't know anything about theirs! =/
I only understand the internal concepts of people who are like me. And I don't meet many people who are quite like me, partly because the people who are like me are doing the same things I'm doing and are just on the internet all day or have their nose in a book or they're writing some story. So if I am actually awake enough to see some people like me and be understood- and they are awake enough as well it's like Ahhhh. This feels so good. Why was I trying to get internal validation from people that couldn't really ever give it in the first place?
LOL @ me.
Hell I don't even understand why I'm like, pretty 'bookish' and just like going online all day either. I just do it. Why do people write, paint draw, sky drive, like going to work make money, are homeless but happy hippies, talk endlessly about non-productive shit, like to do productiive shit? Why why why. Cause no matter what the consequence it seems, we are internally drawn to whatever we are internally drawn to- and nobody can escape that. Nobody. But you realize that people are only going to ever know what you tell them and how you appear. So don't think people are necessarily being 'fake' just because they're not catering to our internal whims every 3 seconds. They're really just too busy dealing and sorting out theirs to pay you no nevermind.