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Thread: need advice from betas

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    Default need advice from betas...

    an SLE friend of mine is avoiding me. I'm not sure why and I don't want to go into it much but my main question is: Should I ask him about it straight up, or let it go and wait until it passes? I'm 75% sure it might have something to do with me. (tho I did nothing wrong and have nothing to apologize about) Is it better to confront and get it out of the way, or just let it go? He's Ti-subtype, btw. We get along great and have never had any conflict. I hate not having things be right and normal between us. Any advice?
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    an SLE friend of mine is avoiding me. I'm not sure why and I don't want to go into it much but my main question is: Should I ask him about it straight up, or let it go and wait until it passes? I'm 75% sure it might have something to do with me. (tho I did nothing wrong and have nothing to apologize about) Is it better to confront and get it out of the way, or just let it go? He's Ti-subtype, btw. We get along great and have never had any conflict. I hate not having things be right and normal between us. Any advice?
    Maybe Beta extrovert is just a natural negativist?
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 07490 View Post
    Maybe Beta extrovert is just a natural negativist?
    what do you mean?
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    an SLE friend of mine is avoiding me. I'm not sure why and I don't want to go into it much but my main question is: Should I ask him about it straight up, or let it go and wait until it passes? I'm 75% sure it might have something to do with me. (tho I did nothing wrong and have nothing to apologize about) Is it better to confront and get it out of the way, or just let it go? He's Ti-subtype, btw. We get along great and have never had any conflict. I hate not having things be right and normal between us. Any advice?
    you should make more sle friends so you're not as dependent on him.

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    .
    Positivist and negativist types

    * Positivist types are: ILE, ESE, LSI, IEI, SEE, LIE, EII and SLI.
    * Negativist types are: SEI, LII, EIE, SLE, ILI, ESI, LSE and IEE.
    * In four-letter code, positivists are: ENTx, ESFx, ISTx, and INFx, while negativists are: ISFx, INTx, ENFx, ESTx. "x" means that both "j" and "p" types with these letters belong to the dichotomy.

    [edit] Theoretical properties

    Image:Mark exclamation.gif Plus and minus IM elements are not accepted by many socionists.

    * Positivist types have either a static plus element or a dynamic minus element in base function.
    * Negativist types have either a dynamic plus element or a static minus element in base function.

    [edit] Typical characteristics
    [edit] Positivists

    1. More inclined to optimize already functional systems of things and processes.
    2. "This glass is half-full", "We have already collected $438,000 for that project"
    3. Usually more complimenting than reprimanding.
    4. Socially and intellectually more trusting.
    5. Explains what things are (irrationals) or should be (rationals).

    [edit] Negativists

    1. More inclined to solve problems in systems of things and processes.
    2. "This glass is half-empty", "We need $62,000 for that project"
    3. Usually more reprimanding than complimenting.
    4. Socially and intellectually more mistrusting.
    5. Explains what things are not (irrationals) or should not be (rationals).
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    you should make more sle friends so you're not as dependent on him.
    yeah that would be nice. :tongue: But help me out here! What do you think??
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    yeah, he's negativist for sure. thanks for the paste. but so what do you think? Should I clear things up right away, or let it go??
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I think there might be more than that, but I feel negativist types do tend to look more at things negativity and hence there's more doubt, and this goes into relationship. Rather than just embrace it confidently about things that's wonderful. I am not really talking about depression either, depress positivest still have this attitude, think of SEE and SLE and how they look at things.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    yeah, he's negativist for sure. thanks for the paste. but so what do you think? Should I clear things up right away, or let it go??
    if merky is serious, he might actually give you a great answer for that.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 07490 View Post
    if merky is serious, he might actually give you a great answer for that.
    I know it! I'm waiting for him... :wink:
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    yeah that would be nice. :tongue: But help me out here! What do you think??
    if you think there could be a problem again and again, then there's going to be a problem whether one existed in the first place or not.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    You really cannot go wrong with being direct with a Ti-ESTp imo. (:
    I've done that with ESTp-Ti in work setting, I can tell they are upset when I initially told them the situation, But I think the key is that you really need to say it in a way they don't find it offensive and yet still gives them the directness of what exactly the problem is, instead of brushing around. It might be different in a relationship.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Yeah, don't beat around the bush. I hate conversation foreplay with people that I'm angry with. Look if I'm upset with you and avoiding you I don't want to make small talk while you work up the courage to ask me WTF my problem is. Just go up to him and ask what the problem is, if he continues ignoring you after this then it is safe to say that you all five kinds of fucked up. At least in his eyes. I always give people the courtesy of telling them what my beef with them is, I don't always offer up the knowledge but if they ask I'll share.
    Easy Day

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    thanks guys. well... I know he's not angry with me. We had a normal friendly conversation on email yesterday but I also know he's avoiding me. I think it might be something he needs to work through on his own. He may not want to tell me exactly what the problem is. I think I'm going to wait it out. I do really like what you said, Allie. I agree. But since the problem is within himself and not BETWEEN the two of us or due to something I did or said, I guess I'm gonna let it go and let him figure it out. I think the issue is me but the problem is his, if that makes any sense. So asking him about it might not help. But if things aren't normal by the time he gets back from his trip, I might talk to him.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    an SLE friend of mine is avoiding me. I'm not sure why and I don't want to go into it much but my main question is: Should I ask him about it straight up, or let it go and wait until it passes? I'm 75% sure it might have something to do with me. (tho I did nothing wrong and have nothing to apologize about) Is it better to confront and get it out of the way, or just let it go? He's Ti-subtype, btw. We get along great and have never had any conflict. I hate not having things be right and normal between us. Any advice?
    The bolded part suggests to me that maybe its just in your head? What's led you to believe he's intentionally avoiding you? This has happened to me before, but usually when I feel emotionally dependent on someone and subconsciously expect them to spend more time with me than is possible or desirable. Also, if you've done nothing wrong, what's there to feel bad about? Approach him and be your friendly self as if nothing has happened and see what happens. You might be pleasantly surprised to find you've just been psyching yourself out.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Quote Originally Posted by Baby View Post
    The bolded part suggests to me that maybe its just in your head? What's led you to believe he's intentionally avoiding you? This has happened to me before, but usually when I feel emotionally dependent on someone and subconsciously expect them to spend more time with me than is possible or desirable. Also, if you've done nothing wrong, what's there to feel bad about? Approach him and be your friendly self as if nothing has happened and see what happens. You might be pleasantly surprised to find you've just been psyching yourself out.
    well I've seen him a couple of times and he's acted distant. and there were a couple of times over the weekend when we had the opportunity to talk and he's avoided it (where in the past he'd definitely take the opportunity).

    that said, yes I'm probably too sensitive. eh, I don't care. now I'm sick of it and wanna just put it out of my mind.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    SLEs and their Fi-PoLRs sometimes misdirect their hostility or aversion. (That actually kind of hurt to say. It's been so long since I've talked about PoLRs, lol.) I'd just forget about what happened, too, and not worry about it anymore.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Quote Originally Posted by Baby View Post
    SLEs and their Fi-PoLRs sometimes misdirect their hostility or aversion. (That actually kind of hurt to say. It's been so long since I've talked about PoLRs, lol.) I'd just forget about what happened, too, and not worry about it anymore.
    thanks Baby. yeah, it's taking too much of my energy atm... I'm moving on.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Baby View Post
    SLEs and their Fi-PoLRs sometimes misdirect their hostility or aversion. (That actually kind of hurt to say. It's been so long since I've talked about PoLRs, lol.) I'd just forget about what happened, too, and not worry about it anymore.
    Truth
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    I had SLE female friend ignore me once for something I did once. She was telling me about her problems and she was talking alot and after a while I used a blunt sentence and a cynical emoticon that made it seem i didnt want to talk anymore. After that she never talked to me again, even after I tried being nice to her and all.

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