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Thread: eHarmony matching identicals?

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    Default eHarmony matching identicals?

    If you've seen the commercials, it seems like most the matches have that identical look (unless they look alike simply because they're from the same quadra or something).

    What do you think? Is eHarmony getting identicals together?
    SLI

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    i'll tear down the sky Mattie's Avatar
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    I think most dating sites match people who are similar to each other, which I've always thought was the wrong way to go about it. But I think the hypothesis is the more common ground a couple can get the easier it is to form a relationship, thus making the site seem successful. Just a guess though.

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    I honestly have a hard time seeing how others are alike with me. I'd easily interpret how we aren't alike. So my theory is that I write a bunch of hulabaloo on eHarmony, and it misperceives it as something else and I'm stuck with someone I think is finally my true identical, but turn out to be a contrary relation or some jazz.

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    I wouldn't trust online dating sites. There's alot of people on there who are already married and just looking for a fling. I read somewhere, that about 35% of the people who use those sites are already married. Also, how do you know those people who fill out those questionnaires are being truthful? The real truth about someone comes out in an in-person interaction.
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    I did it a few years ago and I was really unhappy w/ the matches (I found out each of their socionics types). They matched me mostly with ENFps, ENTps, ISFj, ISTj, an an INTj.

    It really seemed there was no rhyme or reason for the matches. And many of the guys were overly "stable" in terms of being "boring." I like "stable" when it means Si or Te.

    I ended up having a dramatic/terrible comparitive relationship for 7-8 months because of eharmony...I never would have purposefully seriously dated an ENTp, so I sort of blame eharmony for that. I started out really thinking it would work because of the similarities...and boy was I wrong.

    So I'm not impressed at all w/ their matching methods. It actually seems worse than the myers briggs matches.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaliaFee View Post
    If you've seen the commercials, it seems like most the matches have that identical look (unless they look alike simply because they're from the same quadra or something).

    What do you think? Is eHarmony getting identicals together?
    Don't know what eHarmony is but a lot of dating or matchmaking goes simply on the basis of age and height....regardless of what they say. Sometimes they may also try and match according to physical attractiveness. Usually these three things if done right will see out the first several months.

    The problems begin when one or both partners get tired of having to make accomodations.
    ILE

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    I tried to make an account there awhile ago. And then I noticed that you couldn't search male for male. Of course, I was angry about this for a second then I'm all 'why bother?' Besides there are sites like chemistry.com and such. But I was at first excited about e-Harmony's 'personality matching system' as I think that is the most important factor in any relationship. Lust won't last for long, so you need some sort of meshing of character to be with that person.

    This is exactly the primary attitude in society though, which gay men internalize. That gay men do not want a guy with a heart or personality, that we just care about raw attractiveness.

    The owner of the site was not surprisingly, a Christian - and we've always been at war with those fuckers.

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    Quote Originally Posted by warrior-librarian View Post
    I wouldn't trust online dating sites. There's alot of people on there who are already married and just looking for a fling. I read somewhere, that about 35% of the people who use those sites are already married. Also, how do you know those people who fill out those questionnaires are being truthful? The real truth about someone comes out in an in-person interaction.
    hehe, yeah, the real truth gets out when someone is totally drunk in a bar where it's dark so they look beautiful.

    internetdating is the best thing there is. You should try it first, instead of reading about it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaliaFee View Post

    EDIT: I should mention I'm not talking about looks -- I'm saying that the personalities do seem slightly to very different from online to real life.
    yes, but personalities also tend to differ when they are drunk in a bar.

    But I've experienced the same thing too, what you describe. But usual the image gets pretty clear after an hour or so. In the beginning it's just getting used to someone's real voice etc.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaliaFee View Post
    As someone who has tried dating by meeting people online first (a couple of times), I disagree that it's a good idea. I also have friends who have gotten together this way, and even though they got married, in every case but one it ended in divorce.
    does dating in a bar, give you better garantees?

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    I did it a few years ago and I was really unhappy w/ the matches (I found out each of their socionics types). They matched me mostly with ENFps, ENTps, ISFj, ISTj, an an INTj.

    It really seemed there was no rhyme or reason for the matches. And many of the guys were overly "stable" in terms of being "boring." I like "stable" when it means Si or Te.

    I ended up having a dramatic/terrible comparitive relationship for 7-8 months because of eharmony...I never would have purposefully seriously dated an ENTp, so I sort of blame eharmony for that. I started out really thinking it would work because of the similarities...and boy was I wrong.

    So I'm not impressed at all w/ their matching methods. It actually seems worse than the myers briggs matches.
    I tried them years ago. I thought that with as extensive as the questions were, that I'd get someone who might actually match up. They did recommend one person who got a very high compatibility score...way higher than the others they had listed. The guy and I were both pretty excited by the high score.

    Ugh, it turned out that we were nowhere near compatible. The differences were enough that he was ticked enough to try to get his money back.

    One example: I had answered that I had little to no political leanings and that politics weren't that important to me, and that I'd prefer someone who it wasn't important for. Other questions showed that I was towards the liberal end of politics.
    The guy had answered that politics was very important to him for himself and others, and he was definitely nowhere near the liberal side of things.

    I swear, the score must have been a score for the worst compatibility EVER.
    We even compared our answers and just couldn't see what eharmony was thinking.
    I didn't bother going through any other matches. That one had been enough to turn me off from the site.

    After reading your experience with it, I'm kinda glad my first one had been so drastically off or else I might have gone through similar experiences as your own.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaliaFee View Post
    LOL is this really the only alternative to online dating, meeting someone in a bar?!

    I have never done this, nor would I ever. There are lots of other ways to meet people.
    what are your alternatives?

    I'm at work everyday. So yeah, it's the bar or internet...and since I find a bar yucky too :-) you can imagine why I'm such a fan of internet.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    what are your alternatives?

    I'm at work everyday. So yeah, it's the bar or internet...
    grocery stores
    bank lines are a little creepy (are you interested in me... or my money?)
    friends of friends (oh god, not another setup!!)
    movie lines
    some restaurants
    bowling alley
    ice skating rink
    sports games
    school
    school-parent meetings
    class (school or non-school)
    hobby related get togethers
    friends of family
    etc etc etc
    basically almost any place where the activity is the focus and not on meeting people individually

    obviously an extrovert would likely have an easier time of meeting people at these venues than an introvert, but that also means that the introvert would likely be approached by an extrovert

    this is also where it helps to have an extroverted friend with you who could initiate contact with others, drawing them into the 'circle' so that you can observe them and/or comment when you yourself feel compelled to, and possibly opening up future contact with the person.

    (oh, and all a bar meeting does is tell you what their bar-personality is like (just like any other venue))

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    Creepy-bg

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    I like to meet people in dark alleys or parking lots after the store closes. I usually wear something black with a hood.

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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    grocery stores
    bank lines are a little creepy (are you interested in me... or my money?)
    friends of friends (oh god, not another setup!!)
    movie lines
    some restaurants
    bowling alley
    ice skating rink
    sports games
    school
    school-parent meetings
    class (school or non-school)
    hobby related get togethers
    friends of family
    etc etc etc
    basically almost any place where the activity is the focus and not on meeting people individually

    obviously an extrovert would likely have an easier time of meeting people at these venues than an introvert, but that also means that the introvert would likely be approached by an extrovert

    this is also where it helps to have an extroverted friend with you who could initiate contact with others, drawing them into the 'circle' so that you can observe them and/or comment when you yourself feel compelled to, and possibly opening up future contact with the person.

    (oh, and all a bar meeting does is tell you what their bar-personality is like (just like any other venue))
    Those alternatives are places where you can go to have fun, but for finding a partner it's very ineffective.

    If someone wants to find a partner, do you really tell them to go to look for one in the grocery store??

    Simply put, there was a survey in the newspaper and the outcome was something like this:

    Where have you found your girlfriend/boyfriend?
    The answers were something like this:
    60% internet
    30% school/work
    8% the bar
    2% the gym

    In a bar, or on the internet, you'll meet someone nearly instantly. In a grocery store it's just luck. I don't like luck to be in control, I like to push the odds in my favor.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    Those alternatives are places where you can go to have fun, but for finding a partner it's very ineffective.

    If someone wants to find a partner, do you really tell them to go to look for one in the grocery store??

    Simply put, there was a survey in the newspaper and the outcome was something like this:

    Where have you found your girlfriend/boyfriend?
    The answers were something like this:
    60% internet
    30% school/work
    8% the bar
    2% the gym

    In a bar, or on the internet, you'll meet someone nearly instantly. In a grocery store it's just luck. I don't like luck to be in control, I like to push the odds in my favor.
    First, my reply had never said that internet was NOT an option, but it was a response to your question of if not the internet and not the bar then what other alternatives? I gave you alternatives.


    The idea is that by doing the things you normally do, but especially the things that you ENJOY doing, and meeting someone who ALSO enjoys those things, you'll have at least something in common to start out for getting to know each other...beyond 'we're both trying to meet people'.

    People who met at school/work have school/work in common. They weren't intending to meet someone there, but they did.

    People who met at the gym have the gym in common. They probably went there to take care of their bodies instead of with the intent to meet someone. They found someone who shares the same interest of taking care of their bodies.

    People who met at the bar have the bar in common. There's probably a decent chance they went there to meet someone. But who are they likely to meet? Someone else who frequents bars. If that's the kind of person you want, then it's a good place to go to. But if bars aren't in your usual ENJOYABLE pursuits, then you risk matching up with someone who DOES pursue going to bars.

    The internet opens up many possibilities. More than perhaps we might have in our regular lives. If a person doesn't enjoy going anywhere, or rarely goes outside the home, then the internet is probably the best bet.

    But again, my post wasn't saying that bars nor internet weren't viable options...
    only that there were other alternatives...as per your question of "what are your alternatives?"

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    Creepy-Cyclops

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    Jarno, you are from Netherlands yeah? Are hash cafe's a good place to meet SLI's?

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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    But again, my post wasn't saying that bars nor internet weren't viable options...
    only that there were other alternatives...as per your question of "what are your alternatives?"
    yeah oke. I guess I was still annoyed by the ridiculisation of internet in former posts. I think we are pretty much on the same side.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    Jarno, you are from Netherlands yeah? Are hash cafe's a good place to meet SLI's?
    Most certainly they are really good places to meet SLI's... and all the others types.

    Well seriously, I don't know whether those cafe's attract a certain type.

    Most common type would probably be IEI? since they all look like hippies to me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    yeah oke. I guess I was still annoyed by the ridiculisation of internet in former posts. I think we are pretty much on the same side.
    fwiw, i've met a lot of good people ...and not so good people... on the internet and dating sites.
    Richard and I were both members of a people-meeting-people type site. We'd read the other's profiles, but something seemed off on the profiles so neither of us chose to initiate contact with the other person. We did wind up both showing up at a local group meeting type thing of a similar nature as the site. We recognized each other from the profiles. We didn't have much of a chance to talk during that time, but after the group meeting thing was over, and we went home, he messaged me and we started IM-ing from there. We've been together now for 5 years.

    If neither of us had gone to that group meeting that wasn't related to that site,
    then we wouldn't have met in person,
    and thus wouldn't have come into actual contact with each other,
    despite both being on the same site hoping to meet someone.
    I find it horrible to think about that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicgoat View Post
    I like to meet people in dark alleys or parking lots after the store closes. I usually wear something black with a hood.
    LOL.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaliaFee View Post
    Didn't mean to ridicule the internet, sorry; I just haven't had much luck with it.
    yes I think it differs a lot from person to person.

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    I haven't had good luck in the online dating department. Only because you can connect with somebody really well online and then in real life it's a whole new ballgame. I can socialize really well online. So I think people sometimes idealize me too much or something.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Isha View Post
    IME, the online environment has yielded better matches than the offline environment, but it has not lead to any kind of proper relationship. The offline environment more easily yields relationships, but not good ones.

    I haven't tried any kind of dating strategies, fwiw. Don't use dating sites, don't go to singles events, nothing.
    In my opinion, dating strategies just don't work well. It seems to be best when people just happen to meet each other by chance and hit it off well without going into it looking to date someone.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



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