I think I get what you are saying but correct me if I am wrong...
Also I can't help but feel this is more Fi related than Ni related.
You say you don't like being put "on the backburner" and I can definitely relate to this. To me I don't mind someone not spending time with me when we are not close. I think it essentially comes down to the Fi bonds. If I am not close to a person I have less expectations of that person; however when I am close to a person I think I have unrealistic expectations of that person to be perfect and always understand how their actions effect me(I think this might be related to the patterns of thinking that polikujm mentioned). I also expect our relationship to either grow stronger or stay the same, never regressing. I know these are stupid ways of thinking that only get me hurt in the long run but I haven't really learned how to alter them. It is just kind of how I see the world.
Now an example...
I have an SEE friend a we would hang out every once in a while and it was cool. I didn't really have any expectations for the friendship and when we hung out it was great and when we didn't I did not care. Eventually, we started hanging out a lot more and friendship grew closer. We also went on a trip with some other friends and that further developed our friendship. Then all of the sudden we stopped hanging out. I was left thinking what happened? What went wrong? I was hurt and I didn't like that feeling (lol). I couldn't really figure out how to express it because I didn't want to come off as overly emotional and I didn't know if he would get it. So for a while when I would run into him I would be purposefully cold or not say anything to him. Unfortunately either he is really dumb or very conflict avoidant (i think it is the latter) and he never said anything about it. I finally decided to just sit down and talk to him and tell him why I was angry. He apologized a lot said he was busy with a friend visiting blah blah blah this is how I am. I wasn't really satisfied but just decided to move along. He did a little bit better about not blowing me off but then reverted back. I was again angry and determined not to talk to him again (I absolutely hate having to sit down and tell someone that they hurt me). So for 2 weeks I didn't contact him lol. I would be pleasant when I saw him but not really talk too much. For whatever reason one day I felt really angry and decided to tell him off (problems with reltations are ever present in my mind and I always seem to have to talk to people to resolve conflict with them). Unfortunately my plan of yelling at him a lot failed and I talked calmly but definitely came acrossed annoyed. I told him that if he was going to continue to blow me off then we were no longer going to be friends. After this conversation he did much better about not blowing me off
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I guess the moral of the story is that I don't like when my close friends start doing things that I perceive only people who are not my good friends would do. And I find that I can't move on until I re-establish what our friendship is.
I am not really good at forming new frienships so polik's advice isnt too great for me. I prefer direct action to figure out how the other person views our friendship. I think that how people spend their time (and who with) is the best indicator of who they value the most.
I am not sure if this post was helpful to you or just a rant lol.