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Thread: Alpha? Delta? Or just weird?

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    ~~rubicon~~ Rubicon's Avatar
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    Default Alpha? Delta? Or just weird?

    I don't really like establishing rapports with random people. I like being friendly with random people, and maybe talking about random topics with them .. but when they start asking personal information (e.g. name, work, study etc) - then I start to get antsy. Not annoyed at the person of course, but Idk ... it just seems pointless and boring to talk about such facts. Who really cares about those things? Especially within minutes of meeting each other? They're just statistics, w/e.

    I overheard the conversation of two women striking up a friendship in a bathroom. And they were relating their respective histories and addresses and such to each other before they'd finished washing their hands. They obviously got on well, but it kind of made me uneasy. Because if someone asked me such details after a mere mutual exclamation that we had the same top on, honestly my impulse would just be to make something up. Rather than telling them it's none of their business. And then, imagine if we got on well after that.. The whole relationship would be based on lies!

    I've been getting the same bus at night for long enough for the bus driver to smile at me when I get on board. Apparently, he noticed that I have to walk a bit when I get off, because he said he'd drop me off at my door. Which is obviously nice of him.. Except that I like the walk. :/ But being an idiot, I couldn't think of a way to say that without hurting his feelings, or sounding like a lunatic ("Yes, I like walking down a quiet street by myself at midnight!"), so I say "Thankyou! That's kind of you." And explain to him where I live. But he gets the wrong lights, and stops about a block away from my house with a grin on his face. "Here you go!" And I didn't want to tell him that it was the wrong spot, because it seems a big deal when the bus stops, you know? The big puff of the hydrolic thingo, the side tilting down and everything, double doors opening in state.. And I could just hear the collective sighs of the tired people on board who just want to get home. All that for nothing? But I felt like a moron thanking him and dawdling for awhile, so he wouldn't see me walking on after the bus. At least I got a walk out of it after all! Though it was more of an embarrassed jog. But anyway, now I don't feel like taking that bus again .. because of the whole wrong stop thing. I'd feel stupid telling him it was actually the wrong stop, stupider still thanking him for the wrong stop every night, and ungrateful/weird asking him to call the whole thing off. Meh..

    Who the hell makes a mess of such trivialities?
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

  2. #2
    Creepy-Cyclops

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    when someone asks me what I do for a living and I don't want to tell them, usually cause I somehow think it's personal, and as i've just met them, it isn't really their business or relevant to the general conversation of introductions, i'll keep it simple.

    For instance if you are a student just say, "i'm a student"
    Or if you are for instance a stocks and shares portfolio manager then just say, "I work in an office"
    If you are a bus driver then say, "I work in transportation"

    And sort of leave it at that.

    Re the walk, I would have just said I like a little bit of the walk as it clears my head and it's nice and cool to be outside after the warm weather today (if the weather was warm).

    You could also say you've moved, so that way he lets you off a few blocks earlier, you get your walk and he doesn't think your nuts.

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    i'll tear down the sky Mattie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rubicon View Post
    I don't really like establishing rapports with random people. I like being friendly with random people, and maybe talking about random topics with them .. but when they start asking personal information (e.g. name, work, study etc) - then I start to get antsy. Not annoyed at the person of course, but Idk ... it just seems pointless and boring to talk about such facts. Who really cares about those things? Especially within minutes of meeting each other? They're just statistics, w/e.
    I usually don't mind giving up this sort of information, I think it generally means someone wants to get to know you, and want to use this information to draw more topics of conversation. When people know these things, you become more "real," instead of just some random person. I personally don't feel the need to ask people these things, but I don't really hesitate, or feel strange, when asked. Sure, there are some things that are personal and I'll think up of an appropriate answer for that doesn't compromise anything, but what's the harm?

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    <something> Wynch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    For instance if you are a student just say, "i'm a student"
    Or if you are for instance a stocks and shares portfolio manager then just say, "I work in an office"
    If you are a bus driver then say, "I work in transportation"
    Are you kidding? That never works.

    "I'm a student."
    "Oh what are you studying?"
    "History."
    "Taking summer classes?"
    "No, working."
    "Where do you work?"
    "The government."
    "What part?"
    and on and on and on.

    Thankfully this often leads to at least a reasonably interesting topic of discussion.
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    You shouldn't try to derive what people do externally to match their inner worlds. So if you want to 'get to know' somebody based on their occupation, I think that's just a bit superficial? Most people work just enough to pay the bills and have a small life for themselves. It has nothing to do with who they are. They're just doing it just to survive. Look at how many people are in jobs they subjectively/personally hate, but they are in them for all sorts of reasons.

    It can be a good topic of conversation though I agree. But many don't or can't do something on the outside what they really feel like on the inside. 9 times out of 10 the face people show you isn't their real one.

    If you want to get to know somebody? I prefer if people just say directly "Sam, I'd like to get to know *you*" Which has little to do with what I do and everything with who I am. I'd imagine they want to know my values/ideals, my internal perceptions about things, my feelings, what I like and don't like etc.

    However, unless you feel safe enough to tell them (which isn't often realistically) people are going to judge you based only on what they see, which is why externalized jocks and preppies and frat boy-turned corporate pricks get the most worldly love everywhere much to the chagrin of everybody else. But instead of being bitter about it, just accept that it makes the most sense. Nobody's a mind reader. So you can't be a complete dork and be like 100% internal and expect everybody to just love you like a sheltered emo nerd. (you will only have the respect of a few types who are perceptive enough to know you are a good guy) but most people are gonna make fun of you if you act like that, all just in your head expecting somebody to just see who you are internally? - Not gonna happen, and even if it does- it's rarely enough to make a difference, and even they will tell you that you need to externalize more. Purely internal with no external core .... People say that's faking? No it isn't- it's developing a social persona for yourself that is acceptable and relateable to people so you can survive in the real world.

  6. #6
    Creepy-bg

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rubicon View Post
    I don't really like establishing rapports with random people. I like being friendly with random people, and maybe talking about random topics with them .. but when they start asking personal information (e.g. name, work, study etc) - then I start to get antsy. Not annoyed at the person of course, but Idk ... it just seems pointless and boring to talk about such facts. Who really cares about those things? Especially within minutes of meeting each other? They're just statistics, w/e.

    I overheard the conversation of two women striking up a friendship in a bathroom. And they were relating their respective histories and addresses and such to each other before they'd finished washing their hands. They obviously got on well, but it kind of made me uneasy. Because if someone asked me such details after a mere mutual exclamation that we had the same top on, honestly my impulse would just be to make something up. Rather than telling them it's none of their business. And then, imagine if we got on well after that.. The whole relationship would be based on lies!

    I've been getting the same bus at night for long enough for the bus driver to smile at me when I get on board. Apparently, he noticed that I have to walk a bit when I get off, because he said he'd drop me off at my door. Which is obviously nice of him.. Except that I like the walk. :/ But being an idiot, I couldn't think of a way to say that without hurting his feelings, or sounding like a lunatic ("Yes, I like walking down a quiet street by myself at midnight!"), so I say "Thankyou! That's kind of you." And explain to him where I live. But he gets the wrong lights, and stops about a block away from my house with a grin on his face. "Here you go!" And I didn't want to tell him that it was the wrong spot, because it seems a big deal when the bus stops, you know? The big puff of the hydrolic thingo, the side tilting down and everything, double doors opening in state.. And I could just hear the collective sighs of the tired people on board who just want to get home. All that for nothing? But I felt like a moron thanking him and dawdling for awhile, so he wouldn't see me walking on after the bus. At least I got a walk out of it after all! Though it was more of an embarrassed jog. But anyway, now I don't feel like taking that bus again .. because of the whole wrong stop thing. I'd feel stupid telling him it was actually the wrong stop, stupider still thanking him for the wrong stop every night, and ungrateful/weird asking him to call the whole thing off. Meh..

    Who the hell makes a mess of such trivialities?
    yup, I totally relate to everything you've said, although I would have just told him that I like the walk in the first place. Enjoying a nice midnight walk > the awkwardness of having to say "no" to his offer.

    Quote Originally Posted by mn0good View Post
    Are you kidding? That never works.

    "I'm a student."
    "Oh what are you studying?"
    "History."
    "Taking summer classes?"
    "No, working."
    "Where do you work?"
    "The government."
    "What part?"
    and on and on and on.

    Thankfully this often leads to at least a reasonably interesting topic of discussion.
    Yup. saying that just leads to even more questions. I keep it simple. If i'm not comfortable with them getting to know me that well (by just saying "I'm unemployed" ) I'll substitute one of my old jobs like "I fry donuts", "I manage a craft store" (the craft store thing tends to work good because it gets them into a conversation about how cool Michael's Arts and Craft's store is, and how much they love it, instead of about me)
    Last edited by bg; 06-11-2009 at 06:54 PM.

  7. #7
    Snomunegot munenori2's Avatar
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    I used to do stuff like that all the time when I was younger, rubicon. And all this other stuff is reminding me of everytime someone asks me what I went to school for. "Philosophy? What can you do with that?" I've got no clue, man. "You should go back and get your master's/medical degree/law degree." Oh, yeah, that's not a bad idea. I was actually looking into stuff like physical therapy or maaaayybe even carpentry. That could be cool. *Odd look* "Why did you go into philosophy then?" Ummmmmmm, cause it was interesting and I liked how it opened up tons of things I could think about? *slight pause*"Weeell, at least you have a degree."

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    Winter will end
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    Lobo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by look.to.the.sky View Post
    I usually don't mind giving up this sort of information, I think it generally means someone wants to get to know you, and want to use this information to draw more topics of conversation. When people know these things, you become more "real," instead of just some random person. I personally don't feel the need to ask people these things, but I don't really hesitate, or feel strange, when asked. Sure, there are some things that are personal and I'll think up of an appropriate answer for that doesn't compromise anything, but what's the harm?
    I was thinking the same thing. There's a difference between someone prying into your life and just wanting to have a conversation. Asking for your occupation doesn't seem prying to me, unless you have a job that you are embarrassed about... If you make it a point to withhold information like this, or hide it by giving a vague answer like "I work in education," then either you will get more questions like mn0good said, or people might take it a little personal.

  9. #9
    Creepy-Cyclops

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    Quote Originally Posted by mn0good View Post
    Are you kidding? That never works.

    "I'm a student."
    "Oh what are you studying?"
    "History."
    "Taking summer classes?"
    "No, working."
    "Where do you work?"
    "The government."
    "What part?"
    and on and on and on.

    Thankfully this often leads to at least a reasonably interesting topic of discussion.
    Yeah you're right, it depends on the conversation. Usually I'll do it if I don't feel like talking about work. I spend enough time there that if i'm not there I can mentally feel like i'm trying to get away from it!

    In regards to saying the sort of examples I gave, I seem to be able to be able say it vaguely and perhaps steer the conversation in different direction. I'm not sure if it's rude of me to do so, or maybe it's easier or perhaps natural to an extent for me to be a little evasive (or rather, I find i'm not always forward about giving information about myself in specific terms for some reason at times), so it can but not always work for me.

    I suppose I can look at it, that it can be talking about jobs and then it moves on to finances and mortgages and what have you, that there's plenty of dinner parties for all that stuff.

    Although, I remember a little while ago talking to an LSE about her mortgage rate and it didn't seem so bad.

    On another note, maybe not related or perhaps contradictory? when people talk about their jobs i've found myself zoning out at times, for instance people have such bizarre titles and things that really, saying something like, I work in computers, can often be enough and maybe more info, heh.

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