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Thread: IEIs/INFps: imagination, aloofness, and being dreamy

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    Default IEIs/INFps: imagination, aloofness, and being dreamy

    Are there any IEIís out there that have experienced becoming a victim of their own imagination? I have been imagining lots of future scenarios recently so much so that I had convinced myself that they were going to happen and it has just dawned on me that Iím not living in reality.
    Also Iím very aloof and itís really starting to frustrate me! I was in a 3 hr meeting and all I said was hello and goodbye. Every-time I wanted to say something I missed my chance...sigh. They must all think Iím a mute or a simpleton. Are other IEIís aloof or is it just me? If so does it frustrate the hell out of you too?

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    Quote Originally Posted by IEI View Post
    Are there any IEIís out there that have experienced becoming a victim of their own imagination? I have been imagining lots of future scenarios recently so much so that I had convinced myself that they were going to happen and it has just dawned on me that Iím not living in reality.
    Often. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing though - is happiness in imaginary scenarios necessarily of no value compared to happiness in reality? There's always the feeling of disappointment when you emerge from a daydream, but it doesn't change the face you were happy a minute ago. Imaginary happiness, provided that it doesn't hinder you from pursuing happiness in reality, can be useful, I think.

    Quote Originally Posted by IEI View Post
    Also Iím very aloof and itís really starting to frustrate me! I was in a 3 hr meeting and all I said was hello and goodbye. Every-time I wanted to say something I missed my chance...sigh. They must all think Iím a mute or a simpleton. Are other IEIís aloof or is it just me? If so does it frustrate the hell out of you too?
    I'm generally very quiet, but often in social situations I force myself to speak - it's becoming easier as it gradually turns into a habit, and each time I do it, I dread speaking less. In work-related meetings though (and on this board as well), I often find myself doubting the value of what I have to contribute. I think self-confidence is a problem in IEIs, but I also think it can be developed with practice.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by IEI View Post
    Are there any IEIís out there that have experienced becoming a victim of their own imagination? I have been imagining lots of future scenarios recently so much so that I had convinced myself that they were going to happen and it has just dawned on me that Iím not living in reality.
    Keep guardians in your mind! One such guardian is the word ACTION.
    Think about a duality of AWARENESS and ACTION and try to increase both.
    Keep asking yourself constantly "What's the next ACTION?" "What SMALL thing I can do in order to move myself closer to one of these nice futures?"

    Look attentively at the following clip:


    Change only happens if you keep change in your mind.

    We become what we think about and I think us IEIs need to constantly remind ourselves to ACT!
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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    I agree Octopuslove I am in two minds about this also. One part of me feels ridiculous and disappointed after my reality check and another part misses the fantasy and wants to dream up something new to fill the happiness void. Many times when I imagine scenarios they become real which is great if they are positive as I get pleasure from picturing them and an extra bonus if they become a self fulfilling prophecy. Generally this only happens with goals I set myself itís usually a negative experience when I apply my imagination to relationships. I dream up the perfect scenario then I feel disappointed when it doesnít live up to my expectations. I can avoid bad scenarios if I picture things that I donít want to happen by putting some corrective measures in place to try to steer away from the direction Iím heading in. The downside is imagining bad things can create unnecessary worry and anxiety. Can we not just have the good without the bad??? Cake and eat it anyone??
    Thanks for the film Sigma you have hit the nail on the head too. I really need to focus on awareness and action I think this will become my daily mantra! Often I sit about day dreaming . I have had many fascinating experiences in my head but an ordinary life in reality, if I turned half of my dreams into real experiences many books could be written.

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    We become what we think about and I think us IEIs need to constantly remind ourselves to ACT!
    Wait a minute. *time out sign* You can't act just to act. You have to have proper action. 'Just doing it' when your insides are a mess will only lead to messed up results. It's more of what the Law of Attraction says. You are a vibration being primarily.

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    May I suggest meditation?

    When your mind and fantasizes are going crazy you have to realize the part of you that is truly indestructible, the true you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    Wait a minute. *time out sign* You can't act just to act. You have to have proper action. 'Just doing it' when your insides are a mess will only lead to messed up results. It's more of what the Law of Attraction says. You are a vibration being primarily.
    I didn't said "just do it!" I said "remind ourselves to ACT!", big difference!

    Also, meditation is Action! If you want to play the piano, you must act and start some lessons. After you learn, you still need to practice.
    Meditation is practice for proper living.
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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    That is great advice sigma - "remind ourselves to ACT!"

    I can be in an Ni trance and literally have to tell myself "Do it now!"

    I definitely experience being a victim of my own imagination. I guess it's a coping mechanism. I can retreat to my own thoughts etc and everything is fine. The sad fact is reality doesn't always follow suit. And most of the time it's because of my inaction in real life.
    I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.

    The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

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    Also, meditation is Action! If you want to play the piano, you must act and start some lessons. After you learn, you still need to practice.
    Meditation is practice for proper living.
    Well yes, meditation is extremely helpful for me. Also it helps to look at yourself from an unbiased objective standpoint. See yourself as how God sees you. Then the path will be revealed unto you.

    "I am not this thought."

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    Thanks everyone for your replies. It's nice to know that I'm not the only person with this experience. I have not tried meditation yet (will give it a go and see how I get on) but I have been forcing myself to do more (it really has helped lift my mood). Bit of a shock when I started looking around and working out what needed done. I discovered there has been a large bit of wood in my second bedroom (left over from decorating) that I didn't even notice was still there (worked out it has been there for 6 months)

    I was sure I had put it in the bin

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    Quote Originally Posted by IEI View Post
    I discovered there has been a large bit of wood in my second bedroom (left over from decorating) that I didn't even notice was still there (worked out it has been there for 6 months)

    I was sure I had put it in the bin
    That sounds like the kind of thing an IEI I know does...
    I see this IEI every day in the mirror but it keeps surprising me with shit like that.
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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    Quote Originally Posted by sigma View Post
    That sounds like the kind of thing an IEI I know does...
    I see this IEI every day in the mirror but it keeps surprising me with shit like that.
    lol...I wish I had a camera to send you a picture it's a huge bit of wood about the size of a table top that can sit 6 people.

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    Oh yeah and it's still there!

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    Quote Originally Posted by IEI View Post
    Are there any IEIís out there that have experienced becoming a victim of their own imagination? I have been imagining lots of future scenarios recently so much so that I had convinced myself that they were going to happen and it has just dawned on me that Iím not living in reality.
    Also Iím very aloof and itís really starting to frustrate me! I was in a 3 hr meeting and all I said was hello and goodbye. Every-time I wanted to say something I missed my chance...sigh. They must all think Iím a mute or a simpleton. Are other IEIís aloof or is it just me? If so does it frustrate the hell out of you too?
    This is my life, pretty much, even more than usual lately given certain life circumstances. I live in the future. It's so comfortable, yet scary. It's the transition from imaginary to real that's so upsetting. Sometimes I wish it weren't necessary to leave that world, not because it's always so great, it isn't always. I've noticed that I've begun to fill it with just as much bad as good (if not more), as a result of the continuing disappointment of life, of things never living up to how I feel them in my mind. I've become bitter and fearful, expecting failure at every turn. I've tried to kill my instinct to dream by telling myself to be more realistic, but all that has done is turn my wishful thinking into dread. I still daydream, I can't help it, but now more than ever I hear the voice of fear whisper in my ear "stop falling for it, it will never happen, wake up and accept that this is all there is". So, instead of stepping out of my thoughts and making things happen, I've dragged the bad of the world in with me.

    I relate to every word of the second paragraph also. I always feel very unnatural in a setting like that and am overly sensitive to what others may be thinking of me. Very self-conscious. I live in so much internal anxiety, mentally trying to talk myself into participating, but making such a big deal out of it to myself that I freeze up even more. And then I feel more and more unable to do anything about it as time passes and I am convinced (justifiably or not), that everyone else is as accutely aware of my ineptitude as me. To me, it's like taking a snail out of its shell and telling it "now you must go and live out in the open and have no fear". How is the snail supposed to live carelessly after having been removed from its natural habitat and not feel exposed?! I feel exposed. :redface:

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sirena View Post
    This is my life, pretty much, even more than usual lately given certain life circumstances. I live in the future. It's so comfortable, yet scary. It's the transition from imaginary to real that's so upsetting. Sometimes I wish it weren't necessary to leave that world, not because it's always so great, it isn't always. I've noticed that I've begun to fill it with just as much bad as good (if not more), as a result of the continuing disappointment of life, of things never living up to how I feel them in my mind. I've become bitter and fearful, expecting failure at every turn. I've tried to kill my instinct to dream by telling myself to be more realistic, but all that has done is turn my wishful thinking into dread. I still daydream, I can't help it, but now more than ever I hear the voice of fear whisper in my ear "stop falling for it, it will never happen, wake up and accept that this is all there is". So, instead of stepping out of my thoughts and making things happen, I've dragged the bad of the world in with me.
    That sounds like how I normally am

    I relate to every word of the second paragraph also. I always feel very unnatural in a setting like that and am overly sensitive to what others may be thinking of me. Very self-conscious. I live in so much internal anxiety, mentally trying to talk myself into participating, but making such a big deal out of it to myself that I freeze up even more. And then I feel more and more unable to do anything about it as time passes and I am convinced (justifiably or not), that everyone else is as accutely aware of my ineptitude as me. To me, it's like taking a snail out of its shell and telling it "now you must go and live out in the open and have no fear". How is the snail supposed to live carelessly after having been removed from its natural habitat and not feel exposed?! I feel exposed. :redface:
    Naked and fearless!

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    That sounds like how I normally am
    Really?? No way!


    Naked and fearless!
    Ah merks, you're so full of contradictions! So complex! hehehe

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sirena View Post
    Ah merks, you're so full of contradictions! So complex! hehehe
    ", as a result of the continuing disappointment of life, of things never living up to how I feel them in my mind. I've become bitter and fearful, expecting failure at every turn. I've tried to kill my instinct to dream by telling myself to be more realistic, but all that has done is turn my wishful thinking into dread."

    I relate to that - except

    I'm kind of energetic tsill.

    And I kind of "don't know how things are going to be in the future".

    Like I have a kind of narrow scope of the future...

    I kind of often expect failure, but then it's like I kind of feel a little better when things turn out "reasonably well" rather than "completely bad".

    And I don't know if I really dream that much.

    Except in mornings sometimes recently I've been having strange thougths

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    ", as a result of the continuing disappointment of life, of things never living up to how I feel them in my mind. I've become bitter and fearful, expecting failure at every turn. I've tried to kill my instinct to dream by telling myself to be more realistic, but all that has done is turn my wishful thinking into dread."

    I relate to that - except

    I'm kind of energetic tsill.

    And I kind of "don't know how things are going to be in the future".

    Like I have a kind of narrow scope of the future...

    I kind of often expect failure, but then it's like I kind of feel a little better when things turn out "reasonably well" rather than "completely bad".
    And I don't know if I really dream that much.

    Except in mornings sometimes recently I've been having strange thougths
    When people say things like this, I can sense that it's different for me because no matter how bitter I become, I can never truly accept that there isn't more, better, best. In my heart, I'll always dream of that, it's my natural state. On the other hand, you seem comfortable with the idea of expecting failure. You can truly say that you're pleasantly surprised if things turn out great. But even if I try to talk myself out of it, I would've hoped for that all along. I never truly expect my musings and dreams to not come true, which means that realistically I'm destined to always feel disappointed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sirena View Post
    When people say things like this, I can sense that it's different for me because no matter how bitter I become, I can never truly accept that there isn't more, better, best. In my heart, I'll always dream of that, it's my natural state. On the other hand, you seem comfortable with the idea of expecting failure. You can truly say that you're pleasantly surprised if things turn out great. But even if I try to talk myself out of it, I would've hoped for that all along. I never truly expect my musings and dreams to not come true, which means that realistically I'm destined to always feel disappointed.

    may as well let you down then

    here, have a noose.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    may as well let you down then

    here, have a noose.


    ....or, you could make all my dreams come true.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sirena View Post


    ....or, you could make all my dreams come true.
    or we could just dispose of you.

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    Tyler Durden: It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    or we could just dispose of you.
    in a body bag in a field of daisies?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sirena View Post
    in a body bag in a field of daisies?
    nah, hang you naked from a tree, with a noose around your leg

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    Tyler Durden: It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.
    An INFp told me yesterday, "I want to destroy something beautiful" -Fight club
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    nah, hang you naked from a tree, with a noose around your leg
    how poetic! dying of head rush.

    p.s. love the quote

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    Quote Originally Posted by 07490 View Post
    An INFp told me yesterday, "I want to destroy something beautiful" -Fight club
    Narrator: What do you do?
    Tyler Durden: What do you mean?
    Narrator: What do you do for a living?
    Tyler Durden: Why? So you can pretend like you're interested?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sirena View Post
    how poetic! dying of head rush.

    p.s. love the quote
    don't fall head over feet

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    Narrator: What do you do?
    Tyler Durden: What do you mean?
    Narrator: What do you do for a living?
    Tyler Durden: Why? So you can pretend like you're interested?
    Maybe he is really interested ;-)
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    [QUOTE=Sirena;534692]I still daydream, I can't help it, but now more than ever I hear the voice of fear whisper in my ear "stop falling for it, it will never happen, wake up and accept that this is all there is". So, instead of stepping out of my thoughts and making things happen, I've dragged the bad of the world in with me. QUOTE]

    A few years ago a MBTI INTP friend of mine shared this poem with me, it makes me feel a bit better every time I read it.

    Desiderata - by max ehrmann
    Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

    As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

    If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

    Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

    Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

    Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

    Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

    With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

    Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

    Max Ehrmann c.1920

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sirena View Post
    I relate to every word of the second paragraph also. I always feel very unnatural in a setting like that and am overly sensitive to what others may be thinking of me. Very self-conscious. I live in so much internal anxiety, mentally trying to talk myself into participating, but making such a big deal out of it to myself that I freeze up even more. And then I feel more and more unable to do anything about it as time passes and I am convinced (justifiably or not), that everyone else is as accutely aware of my ineptitude as me. To me, it's like taking a snail out of its shell and telling it "now you must go and live out in the open and have no fear". How is the snail supposed to live carelessly after having been removed from its natural habitat and not feel exposed?! I feel exposed.
    Recently I have discovered if I am doing something in meeting such as tapping my foot, playing with a pen or tapping my fingers on the desk I am MUCH more confident. I think it distracts my mind from looking inside to check if I'm feeling confident and coming back with a resounding "no of course your not!" . Only tried it a couple of times so not sure if it's a permanent fix will test it out in a few more meetings

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    Quote Originally Posted by IEI View Post
    Recently I have discovered if I am doing something in meeting such as tapping my foot, playing with a pen or tapping my fingers on the desk I am MUCH more confident. I think it distracts my mind from looking inside to check if I'm feeling confident and coming back with a resounding "no of course your not!" . Only tried it a couple of times so not sure if it's a permanent fix will test it out in a few more meetings
    curious with some people i kind of tap a bit.

    but then i sometimes stomp, or raise my voice, or kind force more energy to my hand sometimes.

    but really i don't have to move to be confident really. it's more to get someone else's attention.

    anyway, generally speaking when it's harder is when one isn't in the conversation group. like if you look at each person in the eyes a little bit, bar one person, that one person will find it harder to engage. and when they do they're more likely to feel liek they won't be well received. so they're less likely to be well received.

    in that kind of case, doing some kind of change or motion to shift focus onto you before speaking, and creating your own opening can mean that you'll be more confident that you'll be well received as you present your opinion.

    Also with confidence you may want to being "confident enough" or, "confident" rather than questioning whether you are confident, or are lacking in areas. Decide instead that you're confident, and just assume that other's aren't necessarily confident, and "help" them be more confident, by presenting things in ways that they can understand or relate to.

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    IEI- UK IEI's Avatar
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    I sometimes stomp, or raise my voice, or kind force more energy to my hand sometimes.

    lol I would love to be able to stomp it sounds like fun. You're spot on with describing the difficulty of engaging in a conversation once it's started if you're left on the sidelines. I hate trying to get included as I always get the feeling people are thinking "oh you're going to say something now" and generally I interrupt the flow of the conversation. Some really good tips here thanks for posting I will give them a try.

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    I keep making plans to look forward to (and good ones too I might add) and then figure out ways to extricate myself from these plans because I have more pressing matters to deal with, in the sense of working (metaphorically) on an awesome new plan
    INFp-Ni

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    Default INFp and daydreaming.

    Is there any INFp here who doesn't daydream? It is a simple but highly debatable topic, people just refused daydreaming as a simple explanation to Ni. We should get the fact right if any INFp can say for sure that their minds doesn't wander.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Personally, I know my mind is very prone to "wander off" from the here and now. My mind somehow always just reminds me of things, as much as I don't want it to ahppen it comes very naturally to me. Simply sitting down for a long period of time and a bit of effort to stimulate what I'm thinking can result in a "completely lost in my own little world".
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

  37. #37

    Default I guess you could say "I wrote the book on it"

    Hi. I'm new to the forum but this caught my attention. I am an INFP and I am a major daydreamer. I've always been curious about the process and started researching it several years ago. My book on the topic was just published in May by Capital Books. It's called Daydreams at Work: Wake Up Your Creative Powers, and you can read a lot more about it at my website, including the opening chapter. DAYDREAMS AT WORK: Wake Up Your Creative Powers by Amy Fries
    I'm also doing a blog on PsychologyToday.com on the Power of Daydreaming.
    Thanks. Amy Fries

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    I am naturally prone to day-dreaming, but don't relate it much to being INFp. I feel like it can both enhance my reflections of things and detract from my concentration on activities. I never choose to do it; things just occur to me, and I get pulled away. But I've been trying to temper it recently, because it is ultimately pretty useless, and a sorry excuse for real experience.
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    I did as a kid, but over the years I've kind of trained myself not to do it much. Now it mostly depends on how tired I am.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Daydreamin is a vital creative tool for me: i get off on some symbolic/impressionistic vein in my head, i dwell on it for a while, and soon enough I get into the zone and start thinking "hey, this is good enough to put down," so I start writing and then things REALLY start coming to me and I just GO

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