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Thread: INTjs falling in love and vulnerability

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    Default INTjs falling in love and vulnerability

    When I fall in love I lose my ability to rationalise the situation and am completely vulnerable in that situation. I see nothing else and want to be with her and care for her.

    how about you

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    Default Re: INTj's falling in love

    Quote Originally Posted by Hugo
    When I fall in love I lose my ability to rationalise the situation and am completely vulnerable in that situation. I see nothing else and want to be with her and care for her.

    how about you
    ............
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Hmm where can I find a local INTj man? lol
    Polly
    ENTP

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    I have sometimes got too irrationally emotional - too jealous. I'm not sure if I like the beginning of a relationship. It's always so unsure. Maybe it lasts a couple of weeks, maybe years... I like the strong feeling but I hate the fact that I'm feeling it.
    EIE, ENFj, intuitive subtype.
    E3 (probably 3w4)

    Cool ILI hubbys are better than LSIs any time!

    Old blog: http://firsttimeinusa.blogspot.com/
    New blog: http://having-a-kid.blogspot.com/

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    If I were a woman, I'd find an INTj man.

    Well, if I were a sane woman.

    ...... as far as myself in these situations....it's an odd subject for me to talk about.

    PS: well, I suppose that not every type of person is ment for every other type, obviously....

    PPS: So, all of you people who are "unquestioned" in their INTjness, why don't you list some hallmarks of a love relationship, etc
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Default Re: INTj's falling in love

    Quote Originally Posted by Hugo
    When I fall in love I lose my ability to rationalise the situation and am completely vulnerable in that situation. I see nothing else and want to be with her and care for her.

    how about you
    i'll see it out to the future. but when it comes time to talk to her, a zipper runs over my mouth and i can't say a thing. and i'm almost certain i blush over. but once she's target anyone else is null - even imaginary girls.

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    even imaginary girls.
    LOL!
    Polly
    ENTP

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    Quote Originally Posted by Polly_G
    even imaginary girls.
    LOL!
    cheating is cheating as far as i'm concerened. the ones in my head are as good as the real ones. i can generate emotions, dialect (what i want to hear, but realistic), and entire histories. but while focusing on that, there might be a real one right in front of me, trying to wake me up. i try to stay in reality, but it's usually too hard.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mike_INTJ
    Quote Originally Posted by Polly_G
    even imaginary girls.
    LOL!
    i try to stay in reality, but it's usually too hard.
    Escape is my reality
    "Knowlege is not very far" - Flaw's Worlds Divide
    "When you're taught through your feelings" Lacuna Coil's Swamped.
    "To see the world in a grain of Sand" - Blake
    "A little non-sense now and then is cherished by the wisest of men"

    INTj, INTJ

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    Default Re: INTj's falling in love

    Quote Originally Posted by Hugo
    When I fall in love I lose my ability to rationalise the situation and am completely vulnerable in that situation. I see nothing else and want to be with her and care for her.

    how about you
    I want to know when can i finally get gf who i can love and who would love me... gohh, it has been 24 cold winters...

    is there anyone who would love a intj? some1 suggest to go to subway, dress suit and have sigh hang on my neck and say "nice guy looking for love"

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    ~raises hand~ I'm hopelessly in love with an intj. It is possible. lol
    Mymycutiepie- ESFJ

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    Quote Originally Posted by mymycutiepie
    ~raises hand~ I'm hopelessly in love with an intj. It is possible. lol
    I was beginning to wonder if there were any ESFjs on this site at all.

    good for you. It's nice to know there are ESFjs out there, in that sense.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Default Re: INTj's falling in love

    Quote Originally Posted by Fry
    Quote Originally Posted by Hugo
    When I fall in love I lose my ability to rationalise the situation and am completely vulnerable in that situation. I see nothing else and want to be with her and care for her.

    how about you
    I want to know when can i finally get gf who i can love and who would love me... gohh, it has been 24 cold winters...

    is there anyone who would love a intj? some1 suggest to go to subway, dress suit and have sigh hang on my neck and say "nice guy looking for love"
    you should find some pretty intresting guys that would dig you... dropping the soap in a prison shower comes to mind.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mymycutiepie
    ~raises hand~ I'm hopelessly in love with an intj. It is possible. lol
    i know other's have mentioned in the past. but it's nice to have a collective view.

    what is it you like about INTJ's - we tend to be quiet. is there something that you were attracted too? did he come on to you? you to him? mediator? voodoo? oujii?

    i'm trying to be noticed in my own way. behaving like myself - which doesn't seem to be working. my extroverted practice is failing, more people are making fun of me than before. maybe i'm just not doing something that is noticable.

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    Well, I don't even remember him being of any significance to me when I first met him. Then one day, I just started talking to him, and realized I wanted to talk to him more. I found him extremely original and intelligent. I suppose I was attracted to that. As I got to know him a bit more, I thought him a bit arrogant, but I got used to it. Eventually, I knew that I considered him very important, but I still didn't think I had feelings for him. Oddly enough, it wasn't until we started fighting a lot that I actually began to like him more and realize it.

    I think INTj's have a crazy type of charm. Everyone quiets when they speak because we all want to know what they have to say. It's entrancing, at least for me. They are noticable on there own without trying to be, whether you realize it or not.

    It's good to be more expressive. Don't try to be anything but yourself (because that's what makes you so lovely) but try to consider how hard it is for some people to understand you, especially without your help of explaining to us.
    Mymycutiepie- ESFJ

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    Quote Originally Posted by mymycutiepie
    Well, I don't even remember him being of any significance to me when I first met him. Then one day, I just started talking to him, and realized I wanted to talk to him more. I found him extremely original and intelligent. I suppose I was attracted to that. As I got to know him a bit more, I thought him a bit arrogant, but I got used to it. Eventually, I knew that I considered him very important, but I still didn't think I had feelings for him. Oddly enough, it wasn't until we started fighting a lot that I actually began to like him more and realize it.

    I think INTj's have a crazy type of charm. Everyone quiets when they speak because we all want to know what they have to say. It's entrancing, at least for me. They are noticable on there own without trying to be, whether you realize it or not.

    It's good to be more expressive. Don't try to be anything but yourself (because that's what makes you so lovely) but try to consider how hard it is for some people to understand you, especially without your help of explaining to us.
    did he speak intelligently with theories, paradigms, puns, and quotes? or did he have more of an odd goofy way of talking. just speaking whatever it was on his mind?

    and if you remember - what made you to want to talk to him in the first place? only a few people actually want to talk to me, not sure out to change that.

    oh, are you seeing him? did you ask him?

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    Yes, he spoke very intelligently. Everything was this theory or that. He wasn't too eager to open up either. Really, he still isn't. I always find when I ask him questions, I hardly ever get an answer because he almost always talks in circles to avoid answering. He has definitely gotten better now that I've known him for longer. He always spoke whatever was on his mind, and I thought him rude for so long (still do at times, but like I said, I realize that's just him now) because he would always say things without considering if it would hurt my feelings. Like teasing me, or being cold, as if to push me away. His favorite thing to do was to argue with everything I said.
    I started talking to him because I noticed that he didn't talk to anyone. I would just be nice and say hi at first, and then later I would start asking him questions regarding class, etc.. I guess I just didn't want him to be alone or feel left out. Typical ESFj I guess.
    We are seeing each other now, but it has taken almost two years for that to come about. We both liked each other last year, but he didn't want to ruin our friendship because "we were too good of friends." (Oddlly enough, I thought he'd always disliked me) Then I told him this year how I felt for him, and he just said he was bad in relationships. Finally, it just happened. We were alone together one day, and then holding hands...
    I wish I could help you more on the whole only a few people wanting to talk to you bit, but I don't know how. As you can see, I kinda found my intj. He wouldn't have started talking to me, I'm pretty sure. At least not last year. Do you typically talk to them first?
    Mymycutiepie- ESFJ

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    I was beginning to wonder if there were any ESFjs on this site at all.
    Dudeins was here too but I guess she went away. I think there was one more but I may be mistaken.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    I was beginning to wonder if there were any ESFjs on this site at all.
    Dudeins was here too but I guess she went away. I think there was one more but I may be mistaken.
    I'm not surprised- my esfj room mate is never online at all, for anything

    doesn't like cpus, I don't think either. Or at least is somewhat... afriad of them...
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    funny my esfj roommate used his quite a bit. i have noticed a fear that they're going to break it or something though.

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    Funny how you all have ESFj roommates.
    Binary or dichotomous systems, although regulated by a principle, are among the most artificial arrangements that have ever been invented. -- William Swainson, A Treatise on the Geography and Classification of Animals (1835)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
    funny my esfj roommate used his quite a bit. i have noticed a fear that they're going to break it or something though.
    He only uses it to talk to people, aim, etc. It's on all the time, he just only uses that one aspect of it, and doesn't know much else/asks me for help often


    (when I said "online" i ment like this - message forums, doing things "online". But I realize you do need to have an internetc connection - online capabilities - for using messanger programs like aim, etc.)
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    Funny how you all have ESFj roommates.
    You feel left out? oh, well, I guess that's natural for an INTp
    (I'ma very offbeat ENTp mood at the moment)
    Yeah, it is funny. Funny like the smile on your moms face when she takes it up the butt.

    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mymycutiepie
    Yes, he spoke very intelligently. Everything was this theory or that. He wasn't too eager to open up either. Really, he still isn't. I always find when I ask him questions, I hardly ever get an answer because he almost always talks in circles to avoid answering. He has definitely gotten better now that I've known him for longer. He always spoke whatever was on his mind, and I thought him rude for so long (still do at times, but like I said, I realize that's just him now) because he would always say things without considering if it would hurt my feelings. Like teasing me, or being cold, as if to push me away. His favorite thing to do was to argue with everything I said.
    I started talking to him because I noticed that he didn't talk to anyone. I would just be nice and say hi at first, and then later I would start asking him questions regarding class, etc.. I guess I just didn't want him to be alone or feel left out. Typical ESFj I guess.
    We are seeing each other now, but it has taken almost two years for that to come about. We both liked each other last year, but he didn't want to ruin our friendship because "we were too good of friends." (Oddlly enough, I thought he'd always disliked me) Then I told him this year how I felt for him, and he just said he was bad in relationships. Finally, it just happened. We were alone together one day, and then holding hands...
    I wish I could help you more on the whole only a few people wanting to talk to you bit, but I don't know how. As you can see, I kinda found my intj. He wouldn't have started talking to me, I'm pretty sure. At least not last year. Do you typically talk to them first?
    no. i'm not much of a talker. those indian statues that hold cigars (that sit in front of old stores), speaks more than i do. mostly because my thoughts are fragmented too much and i change the subject fast. often what's in my head simply doesn't interest the other person, it's either too advanced (that it's out of place), or things they simply wouldn't care about.

    if someone asks me a question, then i talk. push in the quarter, and the psychic lady speaks. i'm the same way. sort of like using a oujii board, it takes a bit of work, but i'll talk if you ask the right questions. i know a little about almost anything on a range of topics. many ask why i know this and that - hard to say why.

    currently many tell me that i'm either very nice, or very mean. i havn't been quoted what the mean part is - as i certainly was not mean, they havn't seen mean yet. one told me i was Chuckie's brother - i haven't killed anyone yet, not sure why the comparisson. i've been called weird, different or unique. they keep asking questions just to see what i will say next. unfortunally neither of these two are anything to me - i'd like one of them to be a pretty girl interested in me. but maybe i can keep this as practice.

    they all say i should get out of the house more. but where would i hang out? i don't drink - and i don't want to date a drunk. i don't dance, so clubs are out - and i don't want to date a half dazed dancing fool. the mall is out - i would never be able to sit around doing nothing - and i don't want a girl that is that dedicated to shopping. each place has their vice. i'm still hoping for a contact at work, since i'm there already. who knows...

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    Quote Originally Posted by mike_INTJ
    i'm still hoping for a contact at work, since i'm there already. who knows...
    i'm fucked then as i plan to work in an environment where like 95%+ of the people are men. i guess i'll have to adapt bleh

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    .... INTjs need to stop caring about what other people think, and just be themselves

    that's when things get easier. It's a different sort of confidence, but once you start realizing that only "your way" is the "right way" for you, then it gets easier. I've been there 1000x and back, Mike INTj. It can get better, though.


    I wish I could list a step by step process of how to make gains from being in that "negative" position, but I can't remember the processes I went through.

    Did you notice, though, that all of those negative things were in reference to "what other people think" or what other people say, etc? I'm not saying that your personlaity or behaviour can change, but the way you think about yourself, about it, that can change, because that is what you control. INTjs MUST stay humble in terms of taking in information, no doubts there. Arrogance and the blockage of information intake, or "cheating" and not taking in everything all the way.. that's the quick way to crashing and burning. So we can't do that. But you can grow internally, and have more peace with yourself.

    Those problems are NOT specific to personality type, or INTjs. That's a personal thing. Different types just express it in different ways, in my opinion. Knowing who you are, your maturites and strengths, and weaknesses, and becoming comfortable with that, and learning how to use that, and knowing how to put yourself in decent situations/environements - this is something all people have to do. I think it might be harder for an INTj, though, because, not only are we.... not socially inclinced, but we have a natural tendencey to want to do everything on our own anyways.

    I suppose the reason it has been easier for me is because I have, very fortunately, in the past... been in situations where I had to grow up in that manner. But it wasn't neccesarily "grow up or die", I had a saftey net, thanks tocertain aspects of my family. That, and, like I've alluded to a few times.... I had a 6 month period of great solitude which was perfectly placed, as prior to it I had a lot of the "experiences" that would eventually lead to developing my confidences. But the 6 month period helped me solidify, study, analyze, learn, grow, etc. It was very beneficial, I now realize. Though it was somewhat of a hell during it all, it seemed.

    One last thing...
    It seems like, from what you say Mike INTJ... it's not really that you are doing anything wrong. You are being you, and you're just uncofortable with it. I think that will change with time, if you let it. When I go to a class or social event, I plan on not talking to people. I sit where I want to sit - which in class is usually more towards the front, where less people are, and I can focus more on the lectue, etc. I don't even care about what other people think or say, because most of the time I really don't think theyare reciprocating those energies on consideration or thinking about what I am thinking, etc. So it's just wasted energy on my part. I focus on what matters. (What matters to me).

    When you stop interpreting yourself as having "negative" attributes, or behaviours, etc, things get a lot easier. It takes work, and time. I know, I've spent the majority of my life working on getting to where I am now. I have no special social skills, either. If I see an oppertunity where I have something to say or contribute, I do. If I don't then I don't. It's nothing special. All in all, though, I know what you're saying, Mike INTJ.

    I have actual empathy for that situation (a sentence I rarely state). I still believe that anyone, especially an INTj, can accomplish anything they set their minds to.

    PS: Conversations are like chess games, in all reality. And not talking, or talking less, can be a huge advantage. AS LONG AS you are comfortable with it, and not crumbling on the inside.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
    Quote Originally Posted by mike_INTJ
    i'm still hoping for a contact at work, since i'm there already. who knows...
    i'm fucked then as i plan to work in an environment where like 95%+ of the people are men. i guess i'll have to adapt bleh
    adapt or convert :wink:

    my place is switched, mostly female. out of 300 people, i think 35 are guys.

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    adapt to the bar scene i meant. and damn you you bastard.

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    Yeah, you are right man!

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