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Thread: Are any with you in duality relationships?

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    Haikus
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    Default Are any with you in duality relationships?

    Dating relationship wise, I'd like to hear about your progressing status with your dual.

    If not dual, are you dating someone within your quadra? It seems that this is what socionics is all about, on a certain level. Be sure to specify types and analyze values.

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    The few women I've been involved with have all had major issues of one kind or another, so I am personally put out that I can't really nail down any interpersonal type dynamics.
    SLI/ISTp -- Te subtype

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    i'll tear down the sky Mattie's Avatar
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    I'm in a strange situation with an SiTe right now. I have no idea where it's going to go. We're both attracted to each other, but there's other circumstances that makes things slightly complicated. I've actually been gaining more friends within my quadra lately, as I used to have most Alpha friends. It feels a lot better, actually, it's weird to see it play out... There's a completely different feel and I feel like what's missing from my Alpha social circle is made up.

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    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
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    I wish I knew more duals...I am dating my identical (ESFp) at the moment.. same quadra... the first type from all I have dated that doesnt go on my nerves at all (even when we fight).

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    I am married to my dual. It'll be 11 years this summer. I've written about it, mainly in Delta, but I don't know how to give a quick summary. If you ask specific questions I'll answer them.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Upon analyzing the functions, I've realized that people are most confident in their strongest and weakest functions. Yes, I've noticed people are confident in their POLR, yet less confident in, say, their creative function.
    LoL say what? How is this true?

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    OMG how did I miss that on first reading?

    I guess I have to get out my glasses because I'm not able to find that anywhere in this thread.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Yeah, I've been with my dual for almost 2 years, and I also was with an ISFj before.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    I'm with my dual for 23 days.

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    All of my former duals were really ugly. (I had some dating obsession a while ago)

    And no... I don't have high standards.

    Though one girl is still on my mind now and then.

    There's a dual at my work, but we don't seem to get along very well. But no one really get's along with her. Some kind of psychopath.

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    I dated a dual once for a short time when I was very young. Just like some of the descriptions say, we didn't have a lot of interests in common which is what caused us to break up. We were too different. However, it was extremely comfortable. The easiest relationship ever. Even the break-up was easy and mutual.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    i think i've been hanging out with a dual lately.

    it's so easy to be around him-- except for ONE thing, that makes me think we may not be duals. that's that i always have this feeling hanging over my head, where i want to tell him more about myself but i just can't seem to find the right moment. this occurred to me last weekend, when we went bike riding together. i'm so comfortable, but he has a good amount of things to say... and when i'm waiting for a moment to start talking, he'll break the silence. i told him i was trying to wait for a time to say it, and he sort of explained that the silence makes him think. i had the impression that he doesn't want to think. thinking of the future scares him-- so he distracts himself with activities.

    we basically told each other all about how we are, -- who we are. hah.

    just were "getting to know each other".

    when i'm not around him, haven't heard from him-- i occasionally think of contacting him, but am afraid to because i'm almost positive if i keep giving him attention, he'll like me too much, and end up being hurt, because i'm moving away. but when i'm with him, alone mostly, i find it very hard to pull away. always wanting to tell him more about myself. he's very patient. catches on quickly to how to react to my little "idiosyncrasies" i suppose.

    he understands everything i say, and i openly confront him if i feel he's not being honest.

    he seems quite attached. didnt go to school the other day cuz i missed my bus-- he called that night to see if i was ok ha.

    type related? or just a very kind person.. and a good friend.
    "If you can find out little melodies for yourself on the piano it is all very well. But if they come of themselves when you are not at the piano, then you have still greater reason to rejoice; for then the inner sense of music is astir in you. The fingers must make what the head wills, not vice versa."- Robert Schumann

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    I <3 this thread! yay for duals.

    I wish I had more to report...I played tennis w/ an ISTp a few times several years ago. I just found him to be boring though...but he was a nice person.

    Then I went on one terrible set up date w/ one who was wussy (I didn't think it was possible). And I dated one for a few months (Te sub too!!) who I was totally into but he was kind of on the rebound, and I moved away probably at the point he would have been ready. But I think I liked him a lot and he liked him a lot too, basically. Still, we had some fun Fi conversations and interesting experiences for that time.

    But we'll see. I have one ISTp female friend now, but I've noticed in groups she gravitates towards an ISFj and I usually stay w/ the other ENFp and ESFj. Not sure why. We've had some good conversations on road trips once we get talking, but there is a weird barrier thing there. I almost think duality is easier in dating vs. friendship because the gender roles get kind of weird when your dual is the same sex as you.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Board philosopher or bored philosopher? jason_m's Avatar
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    Question: should the fact that there are so few successful dual stories in this thread (in a forum where most have known about socionics for some time) cause one to be somewhat baffled? (Either about the validity of socionics, or about the dating strategies of some of its adherents...)

    Jason
    LII

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    Quote Originally Posted by jason_m View Post
    Question: should the fact that there are so few successful dual stories in this thread (in a forum where most have known about socionics for some time) cause one to be somewhat baffled? (Either about the validity of socionics, or about the dating strategies of some of its adherents...)

    Jason
    I don't know if it should cause me to be baffled. I already know what's required of me to 'date a dual', i'm just a bit too busy at the moment for it.

    To answer your original question: i've dated two. Almost settled down with one. Although these relations weren't perfect, they've easily been the best relations i've had.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jason_m View Post
    Question: should the fact that there are so few successful dual stories in this thread (in a forum where most have known about socionics for some time) cause one to be somewhat baffled? (Either about the validity of socionics, or about the dating strategies of some of its adherents...)

    Jason
    lol, well I think that would be like...if this was a religious forum talking about how compatible people are within the same religion. That alone doesn't mean you're going to run out and grab someone of the same religion and marry them. you might consider it one day, but you know what I'm saying. Lots of factors involved...plus I'd bet we're all a bit picky.

    Still, I'm holding out for duality, or semi-dual, possibly activity...you get my point.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by polikujm View Post
    Dating relationship wise, I'd like to hear about your progressing status with your dual.

    If not dual, are you dating someone within your quadra? It seems that this is what socionics is all about, on a certain level. Be sure to specify types and analyze values.
    I've had 4 duals in my life:
    - One amazing woman that I liked a lot and she liked me. We spent a couple of days together and spoke on the phone a lot. Then she did a silly little thing like developing a brain tumor and die.
    - One leach who was perceived by me like the laziest person in the world. She was kind short and kinda fat. I didn't liked her physically all that much but we did had something... and the level of understanding and fluidity in conversation was amazingly high. I couldn't respect her and so... at the first opportunity I ran like a bat out of hell.
    - One amazing woman that I liked a lot and she liked me. Unfortunately she was and still is with someone else. She sees no real benefit in changing partners, the one with whom she is now provides her with enough of the important things. We meet from time to time for a coffee.
    - One amazing woman that I like a lot but unfortunately, even if she likes me somehow, she never wanted me. We only met a couple of times (she's from a different town) and we had a great time, EVERYTIME!

    Beside the duals I had a relationship with an Activator. I love this women but more in a philia kind of way. She is one of the greatest friends I have and, being friend with a woman after you had sex with her and one of you decided to stop the relationship is VERY RARE.


    Relationship wise, Socionics works.
    Sex wise, Gulenko's romantic styles RULEZ! I'm a Victim and sex with an Aggressor is AMAZING! I had great sex with other types but... is not the same... not the same...
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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    I haven't been with EIEs for very long but whether I know them intimately or as a friend/college things seem to end on a bitter note. I don't know why, I think they have these great expectations and make the biggest deal over one thing I've done 'wrong' (and I say 'wrong' as I wasn't even aware there was an ideal there) and it's like they don't want to even know me anymore.
    If, by chance, they do try to make amends or try to be polite, I often will often give them the cold shoulder, lol.

    I'm thinking of searching for an IEI>EIE, screw duality.

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    i'll tear down the sky Mattie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jason_m View Post
    Question: should the fact that there are so few successful dual stories in this thread (in a forum where most have known about socionics for some time) cause one to be somewhat baffled? (Either about the validity of socionics, or about the dating strategies of some of its adherents...)

    Jason
    I think there are a lot of variables to consider. First, before type, there has to be mental and physical attraction that doesn't necessarily have to do with type. For example, there's an SiTe at work who isn't physically attractive (to me) as well as immature and younger than me. His type doesn't really matter, being my dual shouldn't be the only reason I want to go for him. Then there are the other variables in life, if they are already taken, or too busy for a relationship, etc. And depending on how many times you meet new people, you don't always run into a dual who is attractive and available, so there are some chances going down there.

    From my experiences, getting into a dual relationship is hard. Sure, the chemistry is there, but there's no magic button that automatically aligns your lives and gets you to date. Socionics doesn't tell you how to date or get into relationships, it just tells you how your functions interact with one another.

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    Quote Originally Posted by look.to.the.sky View Post
    From my experiences, getting into a dual relationship is hard. Sure, the chemistry is there, but there's no magic button that automatically aligns your lives and gets you to date. Socionics doesn't tell you how to date or get into relationships, it just tells you how your functions interact with one another.
    I don't think so. I think is actually easier. But is not simple, I give you that. You still have to have physical attraction and similar spiritual level and, preferably similar education level.
    Also, you have to have some kind of time together... longer time preferably. Like a dinner.
    Without interaction you will not get the dual attraction, not the full version.

    I think the magic of duality is in discovering the other person. But you have to want to look, you have to want to discover.
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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    i'll tear down the sky Mattie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sigma View Post
    I don't think so. I think is actually easier. But is not simple, I give you that. You still have to have physical attraction and similar spiritual level and, preferably similar education level.
    Also, you have to have some kind of time together... longer time preferably. Like a dinner.
    Without interaction you will not get the dual attraction, not the full version.

    I think the magic of duality is in discovering the other person. But you have to want to look, you have to want to discover.
    I guess I'm just talking from my experiences. An SiTe and I can see there's attraction between us and things will still not work out. But then again, my personal life story might attribute to it. Or maybe it's specifically an NeFi/SiTe thing, noted by how long the "signs of ISTp interest..." thread is

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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    My girlfriend is an EIE, which makes her either my dual or, more likely, my activation partner. It's going pretty solidly at the moment. We trust each other, we're confident around each other and about each other, and we have a good time.

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    IDK if I even believe in Socionics anymore...I mean sure to an extent, but I think that I have put too much into it, and this thread kind of confirms that =]. I mean I think that it doesn't have to effect things much at all if you don't want it to.

    Anyway I am starting something up with my 'dual' soon, so I may come back at post some shizz about that ^-^
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    My girlfriend is an EIE, which makes her either my dual or, more likely, my activation partner. It's going pretty solidly at the moment. We trust each other, we're confident around each other and about each other, and we have a good time.
    For some reason, it feels strange that Ezra has a girlfriend.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    For some reason, it feels strange that Ezra has a girlfriend.
    lol
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    IDK if I even believe in Socionics anymore...I mean sure to an extent, but I think that I have put too much into it, and this thread kind of confirms that =]. I mean I think that it doesn't have to effect things much at all if you don't want it to.
    same.
    "If you can find out little melodies for yourself on the piano it is all very well. But if they come of themselves when you are not at the piano, then you have still greater reason to rejoice; for then the inner sense of music is astir in you. The fingers must make what the head wills, not vice versa."- Robert Schumann

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    I know a little two-year-old boy named Ezra. He's adorable.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Hell, I'm not even around anybody in my quadra now and it's making me upset.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    Hell, I'm not even around anybody in my quadra now and it's making me upset.


    Go & find some Betas!
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jason_m View Post
    Question: should the fact that there are so few successful dual stories in this thread (in a forum where most have known about socionics for some time) cause one to be somewhat baffled? (Either about the validity of socionics, or about the dating strategies of some of its adherents...)

    Jason
    The only thing that is relevant for the validity of socionics is the longer-term, closer interaction, or "success" in the supposed dual relationships; not the people you are actually dating. There are so many more factors involved.

    Sometimes you get into your head what a relationship - or what an "ideal" member of the "opposite floor" is supposed to be like - and you go for serial unsuccessful relationships with the same type. Until you "learn" - or not.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    @ Mimosa: I don't think socionics itself says that the Ego is the most important part of the psyche. all 4 levels of the psyche are important in shaping our socionics type. an IEI is not NiFe, they are NiFeSiTeSeTiNeFi; an LSE is not TeSi, they are TeSiFeNiFiNeTiSe; etc. there's just probably not enough discussion around here about the 8 functions working together in our psyche.
    When people get too comfortable with their dual, they claim they only use their leading/creative, While with others we are forced to use our other infromation element to push the relationship, then when we meet our dual is so relaxing that we don't have to. But I think that dual needs to work together and develop the relationship, So the all Information element is at work. Why activity vs Dual and that Dual relationship is more comfortable is not just because of the extroversion/Introversion and Judging/Perceiving differences, but as well as role/POLR/ignoring/demonstrative differences in model A structure.

    (also I'm aware that there are some who say we don't use all 8 functions; I personally don't subscribe to that view.)
    of course we do, if it doesn't then the explanation on wiki about each of the 8 position is invalid, the whole system would crumble.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat View Post
    Sometimes you get into your head what a relationship - or what an "ideal" member of the "opposite floor" is supposed to be like - and you go for serial unsuccessful relationships with the same type. Until you "learn" - or not.
    I've seen a SLE woman looking for a "true man", a macho type that would just f*ck her senseless and treat her more like she treats some of the men. She was so tired of these clingy types of men who just want to adore her. I thought to myself... that's so gonna to not work for her. She is one of the toughest, most independent women I know and she wants someone tougher.
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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    Quote Originally Posted by sigma View Post
    I've seen a SLE woman looking for a "true man", a macho type that would just f*ck her senseless and treat her more like she treats some of the men. She was so tired of these clingy types of men who just want to adore her. I thought to myself... that's so gonna to not work for her. She is one of the toughest, most independent women I know and she wants someone tougher.
    Yea, I know a few of them as well, but I guess it is the same as if an IEI is seeking another IEI.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 07490 View Post
    Yea, I know a few of them as well, but I guess it is the same as if an IEI is seeking another IEI.
    ewwwww... like if I would seek a "more feminine" women... one that would make me look "though"...ewww... how wimpy...
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica View Post
    I don't agree IEIs are wimpy. In my eyes, IEIs are among the stronger types. No SLE man I've met is tougher than I am. I might be "feminine", but I don't see how that is wimpy.
    All I said is that IEI men looking for "weaker" women are wimpy in my eyes. It was a personal opinion. Actually... it was more like a joke... a goof. I don't actually believe that.

    Also... I don't think IEI are perceived as tough. The level of their toughness is, most of the time, a surprise.
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

  36. #36
    Pretend like it's the weekend Banana Pancakes's Avatar
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    lol, no, actually one of the big reasons I didn't get with a highly compatible one was Socionics (thought she was IEI and hooked her up with an SLE...after they broke up she still hated socionics and how much I talked about it).

    But soon!
    ILE-Ti
    6w7 sx/sp (low level of confidence)

  37. #37
    Creepy-male

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica View Post
    I don't agree IEIs are wimpy. In my eyes, IEIs are among the stronger types. No SLE man I've met is tougher than I am. I might be "feminine", but I don't see how that is wimpy.
    Yes.

    SEIs and EIIs are far-and-away the wimpiest types in the socion.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gulanzon View Post
    SEIs and EIIs are far-and-away the wimpiest types in the socion.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I think IEIs are tough on the inside but it's hard to see until you get to know them well.
    Last edited by redbaron; 12-01-2009 at 06:44 PM.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  40. #40
    Creepy-male

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    sorry...

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