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Thread: How do EIEs/ENFjs act when they are attracted/really interested in someone?

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    Default How do EIEs/ENFjs act when they are attracted/really interested in someone?

    Hey everyone. I just joined the forum. I'm intrigued by socionics, after visiting some websites. Anyhow, here's my question.

    I know EIEs who are attracted to someone may fake disinterest because of their polr. That is, their disinclination to show interest where they are unsure that the attraction is mutual as they want to preserve their emotional power. Revealing their interest would make them feel vulnerable. I guess this coincides with their victim romance style.

    So how can someone tell the difference between an EIE's fake disinterest (where they actually find you attractive) and real disinterest?

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    Hi Pete... (That is a good name IMO... My brother is Pete.)

    Do the EIEs keep answering your calls..? If yes, they are interested.

    But even that's not a fool-proof predictor, in my experience.

    To be honest, if EIEs are not interested they will try to end a conversation as quickly as possible... They'll be polite, but obviously not feelin it... Maybe even looking around the room, not making eye-contact...

    However, if they like hanging around you, and voluntarily keep the conversation going, they are probably interested... If they smile genuinely when they see you, they are probably interested.

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    what types are you first of all, I think Most EIE most likely respond differently to different people.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    I'm LSI

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    You're an LSI Pete? Good to see a fellow LSI on the boards, welcome

    Well I think you're in the perfect position to know, really. Is this to do with an EIE you've come into contact with?

    See how the EIE treats you in comparison to everyone else. It could be in a good way or in a 'bad' way where they pretend not to notice you, lol. Once you see the contradictions in how they behave I think you'll have a fair idea where you stand.

    When a recent EIE was interested in me, at first there he gave no Fe despite me smiling at him etc. But then I noticed he started to develop an image which was complimentary to mine. For example, I'm studying Health and he started to develop an interest. He would also make himself available for interaction by being around me but not actually initiating. Every time I'd ask him what he did on the weekend he'd say it was 'quiet' except for the one time when he said he went to an engagement party and was sad that he was alone etc. Then he constructed an image for the future.

    Make sure you don't totally follow the theory of them liking you in your head and starting to reason away every little detail....make sure you also consider the other options and find evidence to prove that they aren't necessarily true. Your Se will tell you too as I find I can sort of gauge their energy when I'm around them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shakealittle View Post
    See how the EIE treats you in comparison to everyone else. It could be in a good way or in a 'bad' way where they pretend not to notice you, lol.
    That is a good thing, that means we have been thinking about you and waiting for you to meet us again, just like a roller coaster ride, it is not the actual ride that is scary, it is the waiting in line and see all those ahead of you scream. When they pretend to not notice you, it means that you are not just another small talk, that your present is worth thinking about. make sure that when you first contact them don't go overboard nor do nothing. LSI are good at triggering Fe within people, so do a little of that. the EIE's mind might be a wild fire and they need to calm their mind.


    Once you see the contradictions in how they behave I think you'll have a fair idea where you stand.
    I think The LSI knows just when to talk to us and when we are stress out, this apply in group setting. I think it applies to duality overall, same rhythm.


    When a recent EIE was interested in me, at first there he gave no Fe despite me smiling at him etc. But then I noticed he started to develop an image which was complimentary to mine. For example, I'm studying Health and he started to develop an interest.
    It means he is really into you, he is not using Fe, but he is using Ni, he can use Fe anytime but feels unsatisfied, so he tries harder by using his creative function to be more "creative"

    He would also make himself available for interaction by being around me but not actually initiating.
    I do that to LSI, just walking up to them is a bit harder than waiting for the right time, we are not very sensory for that.


    Make sure you don't totally follow the theory of them liking you in your head and starting to reason away every little detail...
    This can't be more true, Sometimes I feel weird when they reason very detail and make them look clingy, tho they stop once they know that it was awkward for them as well. plus in addition, we can't respond well to it anyway, just naturally and go with it, let us do all the asking question stuff.


    make sure you also consider the other options and find evidence to prove that they aren't necessarily true.
    I don't understand this part.

    Your Se will tell you too as I find I can sort of gauge their energy when I'm around them.
    I feel a warm elation when I spend time with a healthy LSI, talking for hours my energy level is not forced.


    gauge? as in holding to their energy? I think it's best if you meet the EIE one on one, no distraction with other parties like bring friends and tagging them along, the EIE's would not have to worry about others present, which is easier for them to hold full attention to you.

    Pete, I think you should follow this and what shakealittle said I find her interaction with EIE quite similar to mine. ;-)))))).
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 07490 View Post
    That is a good thing, that means we have been thinking about you and waiting for you to meet us again, just like a roller coaster ride, it is not the actual ride that is scary, it is the waiting in line and see all those ahead of you scream. When they pretend to not notice you, it means that you are not just another small talk, that your present is worth thinking about.
    It's funny you mention this, everytime I see her, nearly the first thing she comments on after exchanging pleasantries is how long its been since we last saw each other. Such as "it's been a few weeks" or "long time no see". Almost as if she's noticed the passage of time since we last spoke, or that she's been waiting for our next interaction. But then she won't behave like most girls behave when they're interested in you like occassionally touching your arm or asking questions about you. She'll look into my eyes, she gives me her attention, but she purposively divides her attention by pulling out her phone and start texting someone. Putting up a psychological barrier between us. This paradox confuses me. She's not her usual self, she treats me differently to the rest of the people I've seen her interact with.

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    The short answer is that with people I'm not attracted to/interested in, I'm much more 'self-possessed'. I don't like using the terms 'more' or 'less' Fe, because I think as Fe is an informational element, it's pretty much constant. I might be less 'emotionally expressive' and do less to confidently affect the emotional atmosphere - mostly I'm stifling my own tendency to project how I feel because I don't want to broadcast this particularly feeling - am desperate not to, in fact.

    It is deceptively difficult to discern interest/non-interest, particularly when you throw in the fact that people fall under the categories of 'disliked' and 'dismissible'. A tree of my attitudes toward people (which is actually infinitely more detailed than this, but this is off the top of my head):

    A. Dismissible
    B. Non-Dismissible
    B1. Disliked

    B2. Likable/Indifferent
    B2(i) Attracted to and thus interested in
    B2(ii) Not interested in

    Dismissible is the most thoughtless category - there are people who I simply don't give a thought to and I'm polite and brisk with them. I can be as 'Fe' or as 'un-Fe' with them; they're not a target of my attention and they sort of get whatever I'm giving out at that moment. It doesn't really matter if you're in the 'dismissible' category - almost all strangers are, especially if I've never even heard of who you are. I've dismissive because I don't know you and I don't see any reason to. There's no real criteria for 'dismissible' people. It's entirely situational and I'm just not that interested in building a relationship of any sort then and there.

    I only mention this because when I am interested in someone, my external behaviour probably is a splice between how I would behave toward someone who was 'dismissible' and someone I liked. In other words, within the category of people I like, those I'm not interested in will 'receive' more consistently warm and attentive behaviour from me than those I am interested in, who will receive warm and attentive behaviour on some occassions (often when there are other people around, so I can make it seem like whatever warmth I'm projecting at them is ancillary to the warmth I'm projecting generally), and rather cold, withdrawn or indifferent behaviour on other occassions.

    There is no category of people to whom I would ever be particularly cold and the further down my relationship tree, the more 'constant' my behaviour is, because I am 'projecting' an image that is moulded entirely to my own idea of appropriateness and not in response to the other person - because they're not significant enough for me to care to. The sole caveat is really good friends I really trust, but that's not what we're dealing with here.

    When I like someone though, in the initial stages, all my attention and focus is bent on them -- mentally. And because I am so hyper-focused on you, I don't know what to do with myself. And when I don't know what to do with myself, I might seem to be pulling into a dismissive, calm self-assuredness coupled with disinclination to engage or respond to you (via positive facial expressions and laughter and all that jazz), but that's a good sign of interest. I will maximise being around you, as much as I can incidentally and without seeming desperate, and then do very little by way of assuring you of affection and rapport.

    If I actively disliked you, it would be the opposite. Where chance were so cruel as to place me near you, I'd be lovely and polite and affect interest, but I'd seize every opportunity to get away from you.

    Over time, if I were interested in you, I might grow frustrated with my own 'Fe inertia' around you, and instead, to compensate, lavish the sort of positive Fe output that Fe-leading types are often associated with on people who are close to you, whom I like, but I am not interested in. I will be more able to engage them in conversation, less moody when near them than near you, more flirtatious, even, with witty jabs at them and relatively good-natured joking and lots of enthusiastic conversations, with big, happy facial expressions. At this point, I'm also probably more than a little frustrated at your inertia (clearly there is something I think you should be doing to move us closer which you are not, though heavens, don't ask for a reasonable explanation), and so I'm also punishing you and demonstrating just how vivacious and fun I can be and what you're missing out on. I'm trying to goad you into action. In my experience, LSIs read that correctly (they go 'ah, GAMES! She/he likes me!' -- oh maybe that's just LSIs who spend way too much time around me) and LIIs just get confused or put-off. There might be the danger that you think I like your friends, rather than you, but if you're discerning, you'll notice that those signs of 'affection' toward them usually become amplified in your presence, and if your attention drifts away from me when I'm engaging them, I'll try to somehow gain it back again, either by talking about you, or trying to draw you into the conversation.

    Sub-types also count. Fe-subs are more constant, generally, and thus more initiative taking. They'll be more actively in seeking your company/chances to engage you. Ni-subs are more erratic and more actively bent on provoking YOU into action. If and when they finally do act, it will often contain an air of exasperation, with some cruel jabs about you involved. I can't imagine being less defensive, but I am pretty easy to disarm -- just remain unfailing self-assured, always, especially in the face of mockery and aloofness.
    ()
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pete View Post
    but she purposively divides her attention by pulling out her phone and start texting someone. Putting up a psychological barrier between us. This paradox confuses me. She's not her usual self, she treats me differently to the rest of the people I've seen her interact with.
    Ummm She is probably a enneagram three, constantly moving and can't really stand prolong staring, so they just instinctively do things to avoid this stillness. but don't get discourage thought, she might have some intimacy problem becuase she is a three, and this explanation just explains why, three can't just sit still and be intimate, I think you need to be patient with her. ego for yourself can help you there when to take the relationship further, but as much as I can see she is definity interested in you.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    IME, EIEs tend to be pretty up front about how they feel about someone. If they are responding enthusiastically to you, paying attention to you, etc, then it's probably good news. If they seem sort of indifferent, probably not a good sign, but there's a chance they are just "hiding" a little; if you prod them, they may open up and be more responsive, which is a good sign; if they continue seeming a bit "removed," the outlook isn't good.

    Generally when I am attracted to someone, I tend to give them "looks" a lot. One time a girl I liked actually thought I seemed kind of angry, because I would sometimes looked at her kind of intensely. I am very responsive when talking when I am interested in someone; I often give sort of sly little smiles while looking at girls I am attracted to, let a gaze linger just a little. I only ever initiate conversations with people I am either attracted to or interested in (unless its a work situation, in which case its more like "Ok I basically have to be around you so we might as well get to know each other a little and make this minimally awkward ").

    If she is texting other people while she is with you, well, that's generally a bad sign I would say, but one she might just be anxious, and two she might be a text-message addict, like most girls these days -_-

    If your conversations are limited to pleasantries and small talk, your chances aren't good.

    See how the EIE treats you in comparison to everyone else. It could be in a good way or in a 'bad' way where they pretend not to notice you, lol. Once you see the contradictions in how they behave I think you'll have a fair idea where you stand.
    I might not have thought to say this, but it is very good advice.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    side note, There are too many different kinds of EIE who can all act very differently. I have met many many kinds of EIE and get to know them well, If you can find out her enneagram and stacking, I can provide you even more insight how she might act/react.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    I think she's Stage 3 Enneagram and an Fe subtype.

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    Quote Originally Posted by unefille View Post
    Over time, if I were interested in you, I might grow frustrated with my own 'Fe inertia' around you, and instead, to compensate, lavish the sort of positive Fe output that Fe-leading types are often associated with on people who are close to you, whom I like, but I am not interested in. I will be more able to engage them in conversation, less moody when near them than near you, more flirtatious, even, with witty jabs at them and relatively good-natured joking and lots of enthusiastic conversations, with big, happy facial expressions. At this point, I'm also probably more than a little frustrated at your inertia (clearly there is something I think you should be doing to move us closer which you are not, though heavens, don't ask for a reasonable explanation), and so I'm also punishing you and demonstrating just how vivacious and fun I can be and what you're missing out on. I'm trying to goad you into action. In my experience, LSIs read that correctly (they go 'ah, GAMES! She/he likes me!' -- oh maybe that's just LSIs who spend way too much time around me) and LIIs just get confused or put-off. There might be the danger that you think I like your friends, rather than you, but if you're discerning, you'll notice that those signs of 'affection' toward them usually become amplified in your presence, and if your attention drifts away from me when I'm engaging them, I'll try to somehow gain it back again, either by talking about you, or trying to draw you into the conversation.

    Sub-types also count. Fe-subs are more constant, generally, and thus more initiative taking. They'll be more actively in seeking your company/chances to engage you. Ni-subs are more erratic and more actively bent on provoking YOU into action. If and when they finally do act, it will often contain an air of exasperation, with some cruel jabs about you involved. I can't imagine being less defensive, but I am pretty easy to disarm -- just remain unfailing self-assured, always, especially in the face of mockery and aloofness.
    If a Bible is ever written about EIEs, this should go in it... 100% true, the whole post. What's quoted is gold.

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    unefille has gotten her game all figured out.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 07490 View Post

    gauge? as in holding to their energy? I think it's best if you meet the EIE one on one, no distraction with other parties like bring friends and tagging them along, the EIE's would not have to worry about others present, which is easier for them to hold full attention to you.

    Pete, I think you should follow this and what shakealittle said I find her interaction with EIE quite similar to mine. ;-)))))).
    The Se in LSIs would have a fair idea of how much resistance a person holds. Upon meeting the aforementioned EIE I had an idea that he could like me but I also thought he might be gay (lol). On our second meeting there was a way in which he moved which suggested there was interest. I can’t even elaborate on it but those with Se in their ego probably can relate…I hope.

    Anyway, things with the EIE are quite bad at the moment. We met at work but I had to leave to go back to study. We exchanged numbers and I think there was an expectation things would go further. We met up a few times (though I had to initiate every time) but then I became a bit preoccupied with my studies and our meet ups became less frequent, though I smsed him from time to time. Now I've come back to work only 2 months later and he's denied ever liking me, accusing me of liking him and that he was just being 'polite' to me...oh and that he has a 'girlfriend' (This is coming from the guy who spoke of marriage, bought a house while we were playing around with the idea of getting together, confided in me about his family etc). I've asked him out to lunch and he did come along, he does respond to my messages sometimes but makes a point of me being less of a priority than other people. There is the coldness of an EIE that people mention so I don't really know where I stand.
    What can an LSI do to win back an EIE? I definitely have analyzed the situation and hope to explain it to him later on to justify myself but I'm not sure how well it would go down.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shakealittle View Post
    The Se in LSIs would have a fair idea of how much resistance a person holds. Upon meeting the aforementioned EIE I had an idea that he could like me but I also thought he might be gay (lol). On our second meeting there was a way in which he moved which suggested there was interest. I can’t even elaborate on it but those with Se in their ego probably can relate…I hope.

    Anyway, things with the EIE are quite bad at the moment. We met at work but I had to leave to go back to study. We exchanged numbers and I think there was an expectation things would go further. We met up a few times (though I had to initiate every time) but then I became a bit preoccupied with my studies and our meet ups became less frequent, though I smsed him from time to time. Now I've come back to work only 2 months later and he's denied ever liking me, accusing me of liking him and that he was just being 'polite' to me...oh and that he has a 'girlfriend' (This is coming from the guy who spoke of marriage, bought a house while we were playing around with the idea of getting together, confided in me about his family etc). I've asked him out to lunch and he did come along, he does respond to my messages sometimes but makes a point of me being less of a priority than other people. There is the coldness of an EIE that people mention so I don't really know where I stand.
    What can an LSI do to win back an EIE? I definitely have analyzed the situation and hope to explain it to him later on to justify myself but I'm not sure how well it would go down.
    sigh, remember the all of nothing thing about "Beta Dating"? trust me as much as I hate to admit it I can tell you I can easily have this ambivalence that he is having right now, He is really over thinking, but is giving the very wrong signal. He wont not even have initialing and tagging along with you and going out to lunch with you if he holds no interest. He is probably a very ambitious guy too which cause this romance tension which cause this "coldness" you think he has. I used to feel very misunderstood when I was younger becuase inside me I am reading the wrong signal, then billions of doubts comes along and false ideas comes along too. then, if I think about things in my mind that made only good sense to me but not in the outer world, I would have acted upon, which cause people to see this coldness, and I would get even more upset, and break down even as we are very sensitive people deep inside.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shakealittle View Post
    The Se in LSIs would have a fair idea of how much resistance a person holds. Upon meeting the aforementioned EIE I had an idea that he could like me but I also thought he might be gay (lol). On our second meeting there was a way in which he moved which suggested there was interest. I can’t even elaborate on it but those with Se in their ego probably can relate…I hope.

    Anyway, things with the EIE are quite bad at the moment. We met at work but I had to leave to go back to study. We exchanged numbers and I think there was an expectation things would go further. We met up a few times (though I had to initiate every time) but then I became a bit preoccupied with my studies and our meet ups became less frequent, though I smsed him from time to time. Now I've come back to work only 2 months later and he's denied ever liking me, accusing me of liking him and that he was just being 'polite' to me...oh and that he has a 'girlfriend' (This is coming from the guy who spoke of marriage, bought a house while we were playing around with the idea of getting together, confided in me about his family etc). I've asked him out to lunch and he did come along, he does respond to my messages sometimes but makes a point of me being less of a priority than other people. There is the coldness of an EIE that people mention so I don't really know where I stand.
    What can an LSI do to win back an EIE? I definitely have analyzed the situation and hope to explain it to him later on to justify myself but I'm not sure how well it would go down.
    maybe he really is gay

    or maybe he just found someone better

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