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Thread: Falling in love with an IEI/INFp 0o (?)

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    Default Falling in love with an IEI/INFp 0o (?)

    I think I am falling in love with my IEI friend. But I couldn't say sure because I have never felt myself falling in love before.

    I feel as though I have just woken up. As though everything is different, as though I am like my old self, but far better. And he doesn't just see pieces of me or what he wants to see, he sees everything. It's like all the walls melt away and I feel so alive, nobody has made me feel like this before.

    I completely understand what you other IEIs are talking about.

    I don't know if he wants me (that's scaring the shit out of me) but it's too late to leave him now, I am all caught up .

    What does falling in love feel like? Or is this just the way being with another IEI feels?

    It breaks my heart, I know I should not want this, I know this will combust one way or another, but I don't care. Maybe sometimes you just have to say fuck the system and be with the person that makes you feel alive.

    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    :frown: <- That is the best emoticon sequence I can come up with for how your post made me feel. Kind of a gallows-laugh. We IEIs are doomed.

    What does falling in love feel like? Or is this just the way being with another IEI feels?
    I also want to know! But I suspect that all types experience "falling in love" differently, and this is the IEI version: being used to people half-comprehending the twists and turns in your mind, then turning and realising someone else is next to you on that rollercoaster. And then wondering how you survived before. (Naturally, that person is usually another IEI.)

    It breaks my heart, I know I should not want this, I know this will combust one way or another, but I don't care.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Love is that clenchy, anxious feeling in your chest.

    -Si

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    Quote Originally Posted by Akra View Post
    I don't think it's coincidence that many of the IEIs on the board have avatars that feature an identical pair or two very connected/linked things. I'd noticed that.
    Omg it's true! I have two hands, can I join your club?
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    I know an IEI that at one time felt this exact way about me.

    I vividly remember the same sentiments you are expressing here and the same progression, and how stressed out I was that I couldn't satisfactorily reciprocate the feelings. I knew how wrapped up she was in it and how much it meant to her. She knew that I cared about her, but that I didn't like her in the same way she liked me. It really did stress me out a lot and I found myself at times getting swept up by her infatuation. So it also kind of scared me.

    She's been happily married for a few years now and has a 16 month old daughter. But before all of those things happened I could sense a feeling of despair and pessimism that she would never find the person she was meant to be with. And I kept telling her that she would. Just trying to be a consistent voice of level optimism. And eventually she did find him.

    I still talk to her to this day, her husband is really cool, they live in a nice apartment. I've known her for about 13 or 14 years now.

    A lot of memories.
    INFj

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    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    :frown: <- That is the best emoticon sequence I can come up with for how your post made me feel. Kind of a gallows-laugh. We IEIs are doomed.



    I also want to know! But I suspect that all types experience "falling in love" differently, and this is the IEI version: being used to people half-comprehending the twists and turns in your mind, then turning and realising someone else is next to you on that rollercoaster. And then wondering how you survived before. (Naturally, that person is usually another IEI.)




    That's the perfect description .
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Akra View Post
    I don't think it's coincidence that many of the IEIs on the board have avatars that feature an identical pair or two very connected/linked things. I'd noticed that.



    If it's too late to go back...all you can do is go forward. So I hope you can make it work, dinki. I truly do. :redface: *hug*
    . Thanks <3, me too, I really do.

    I would really appreciate it if another IEI could help me work out how he feels...I don't feel I have enough experience of us to know what his behaviour means, because I am only one IEI...

    Oh, I didn't really pay attention to that before, yeah that is interesting . And lol, don't worry about the thread derail, it's an interesting one and I don't really expect much back from this thread lol =]!
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tereg View Post
    I know an IEI that at one time felt this exact way about me.

    I vividly remember the same sentiments you are expressing here and the same progression, and how stressed out I was that I couldn't satisfactorily reciprocate the feelings. I knew how wrapped up she was in it and how much it meant to her. She knew that I cared about her, but that I didn't like her in the same way she liked me. It really did stress me out a lot and I found myself at times getting swept up by her infatuation. So it also kind of scared me.

    She's been happily married for a few years now and has a 16 month old daughter. But before all of those things happened I could sense a feeling of despair and pessimism that she would never find the person she was meant to be with. And I kept telling her that she would. Just trying to be a consistent voice of level optimism. And eventually she did find him.

    I still talk to her to this day, her husband is really cool, they live in a nice apartment. I've known her for about 13 or 14 years now.

    A lot of memories.


    Yeah, that can be really painful, when someone is crazy for you and you just can't feel the same. But I don't think many people can understand that.

    Are you an EIE or IEI? Sorry, I can't remember .
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    Are you an EIE or IEI? Sorry, I can't remember .
    I'm definitely not EIE. IEI is plausible, but I'm still sort of floating between types across quadras.
    INFj

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    SEI 9w1 so/sp.

    You assimilated Delta values as a child, making you a little less free with Fe.

    Any truth to this? That was my situation. (Aside from stacking.)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gulanzon View Post
    SEI 9w1 so/sp.

    You assimilated Beta values as a child, making you a little less free with Fi.

    Any truth to this? That was my situation. (Aside from stacking.)
    My dad is an SLE and was the undisputed head of the household.
    INFj

    9w1 sp/sx

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    When I was younger, my dad would many times urge or prod me to do things, and I would resist, but reluctantly do them upon his demand. There were countless things he would have me do that I would not want to do at first but later felt ok about doing them. It was one of those "See? Why were you worried about doing this? It's ok". But, I never quite trusted that anything he suggested for me would be fine. My dad left me more alone as I grew older, particularly when I was getting close to college, but I think that he would have liked for me to do more.
    Last edited by tereg; 05-13-2009 at 04:52 PM. Reason: close to college, not high school -- sorry about the thread hijack
    INFj

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    Ok, but mother? Other cultural institutions like school or church?

    My dad was Gamma. But I assimilated my mother's Delta values.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gulanzon View Post
    Ok, but mother?
    My mom is an valuer.
    INFj

    9w1 sp/sx

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    OMG. I have been playing this song on loop for days. Weird :tongue:. I love it , it does sum up everything!
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    [QUOTE=Mimosa Pudica;521602]Awww, dinki, you're in love!!!

    (And, technically, that means you are projecting loads of good qualities onto this guy that in reality aren't there.... :tongue: BUT! if you really love him, you can forgive anything, and then why not an IEI? Identical relationships are said to be the second most likely to succeed....! )

    Hope your IEI is in love with you too!! Tell him what you feel, and you'll find out.... IEIs sometimes need a bit to accept their feelings, you know

    And I don't think IEIs are doomed - I love identity! The crazy thing about IEI-IEI is that ... well... both parts have the same wish to lose themselves in the other. And that gets so damn intense it's almost TOO much. But why on earth would it be bad? Aren't YOU just the nicests and most loving and loyal person? Wouldn't it be nice to be with someone like ... you? And if you wonder how he'll react, just check your own feelings.

    Hmm... Is it an IEI thing to not fall in love too often? I thought I couldn't fall in love until I fell hard for the first time at 23. I was so shocked (or terrified?) by the feeling I couldn't tell him, even if he probably was just as much in love with me (he visited me every week-end, even if he lived in another city, 3 hours drive away.... I must have been blind? ) It took 7 years to get over him. (he was ILI)

    The second time I fell in love, I told the guy immediately, like 10 seconds after I realized. I was so afraid of making the same mistake again.





    Connecting on a deeper level has been my dream - or longing - since childhood. Only the last years have I found someone I can connect with that way - of course an IEI.... QUOTE]

    ! You think I am ? I am so lucky to have found him, being so young.
    I'm too afraid. I am afraid he won't want me, that he will only tell me he wants me because he is sick of being alone.

    Ahh I don't want to be around anyone else, I get so frustrated talking to anyone else, I want to be around him, I HATED not seeing him at school, we can't go a day without talking to each other - we miss it too much .

    And he tells me these sweet things, but I just don't know if it means he wants me. And now we have come to such a messy stage, where we are supporting each others romantic relationships with other people, I don't know why I am doing it, I guess I was just trying to be friends, . But my intuition kicked in when I told him about my SLE, I got a bad feeling about telling him - so maybe that means he wants me too?

    At the start it was obvious to me that he did but now I don't know and maybe he's realized he doesn't want me...

    . I cried when I told my sister I thought I was falling in love with him, it hurts jus writing that and I have tears my eyes, I just don't understand why. I don't think I can be around him anymore, but I can't be away from him.



    I don't know what to do
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    Akra, God no, try SEI-SEI identity.

    </loneliness>

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    LOL.

    !! I love you guys ^-^

    Oh =(...ok I will tell him. That feels good, but I get nervous butterflies at the thought. (lol just checking in with the intuition).

    But he knows another IEI, what if he loves her ? His quotes are about her, if he was falling for me they wouldn't be.

    Edit;

    I can't tell him lol =P
    Last edited by dinki; 05-13-2009 at 06:30 PM.
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    I love IEI's. They are superfreaks.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    I think I am falling in love with my IEI friend. But I couldn't say sure because I have never felt myself falling in love before.

    I feel as though I have just woken up.
    Well, you might not realize it but.... you just gave one of the clearest definitions of "being in love".
    This is how I think it is suppose to be like... waking up, coming alive...
    In that, you have everything...

    here is a nice advice from someone much wiser:

    Quote Originally Posted by Kent Nerburn
    Falling In Love

    It is a mystery why we fall in love.
    It is a mystery how it happens.
    It is a mystery when it comes.
    It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.

    You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience.

    Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share.

    And just as life is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

    Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life - the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share.

    More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.

    When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely, moves away.

    When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

    They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again.

    They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow.

    They try anything to give meaning to what happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.

    You need to know this about love, and to accept it.
    You need to treat what it brings you with kindness.

    If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

    If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love her, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

    If you fall in love with another, and she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

    Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.

    Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

    The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead becomes someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away..

    Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it choose to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.

    Love always has been and always will be a mystery.
    Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

    If you keep your heart open, it will come again.

    from the book "Letters To My Son"
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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    Quote Originally Posted by sigma View Post
    Well, you might not realize it but.... you just gave one of the clearest definitions of "being in love".
    This is how I think it is suppose to be like... waking up, coming alive...
    In that, you have everything...



    here is a nice advice from someone much wiser:
    Thanks, I really liked that !
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    I am telling him. That feels good . But I will have to wait, because of the ISTj, *sigh*, now I feel bad because I don't want to hurt him, but I can not let myself loose my IEI. I've learnt my lesson from my SLE.

    I will tell you how it goes (ekkahhhsjljlupQENC!)

    :redface:
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    I am telling him.
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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    I'm not telling him.
    My sister thinks he is trying to manipulate me and we aren't even in a relationship, I need more time to work out what he is feeling and what he wants. He told me when we first started talking that he has commitment issues and I think he's still hung up on some other IEI even though he tells me hes not, I don't know if I believe him .
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    I really hope it is love and that the guy is great! However, IEI guys can be very skilled at manipulation if they are that way, same as IEE guys can be (depends on the person of course). The most tricky player I've ever met was an IEI to the point I still can't completely wrap my mind around it. I hope this guy isn't like that and is genuine. But time will tell And if not him, then I'm sure you'll meet other awesome IEI or SLE
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    I really hope it is love and that the guy is great! However, IEI guys can be very skilled at manipulation if they are that way, same as IEE guys can be (depends on the person of course). The most tricky player I've ever met was an IEI to the point I still can't completely wrap my mind around it. I hope this guy isn't like that and is genuine. But time will tell And if not him, then I'm sure you'll meet other awesome IEI or SLE

    Thanks so much !

    Yeah, he is very manipulative actually, he is constantly trying to get me to admit to my feelings . I feel like he is beneath me in maturity and I feel I am much more psychologically healthy than him, which is frustrating because that is so important to me in a relationship, to have someone who is equal or a little above me in that area.

    Meh.

    I actually feel quite strong in myself, grounded and centred, and if I am in love with him or not, I am not going to put up with any bullshit. If the worst comes to the worst and he is just playing me, I am not going to beat myself up about it, it's his issue, I will go back to my SLE, the only other person I have felt very strongly for <3.
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sigma View Post

    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    </3

    Why the hell do we keep talking to each other about other people?!



    MAN. He is pissing me off, he keeps talking about how nobody will ever love him. lol :tongue:

    Is it a sign that he feels the same if he can't go a day without talking to me? Or is that just because it's IEI&IEI?

    =) Thankyou lol.
    Last edited by dinki; 05-15-2009 at 11:02 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Akra View Post
    Honestly, don't bother. It's really not worth it.
    Do IEIs get disillusioned with each other at the same time? Maybe we should chart it and see whether it corresponds to anything. It's the waning moon right now, could that be it?
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Akra View Post
    Mostly it's just that another IEI is the cruelest bastard out there, so it's not worth the risk. Well, people in general are arguably not worth the risk, but an IEI especially.
    So true. They know exactly what to say to cut you to shreds.

    The "IEI on IEI" thread was started on the new moon, so I think I may be on to something... let's see how we feel in a week, shall we? :wink:
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    The "IEI on IEI" thread was started on the new moon, so I think I may be on to something... let's see how we feel in a week, shall we? :wink:
    Yeah, the new moon's working for me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tereg View Post
    I know an IEI that at one time felt this exact way about me.

    I vividly remember the same sentiments you are expressing here and the same progression, and how stressed out I was that I couldn't satisfactorily reciprocate the feelings. I knew how wrapped up she was in it and how much it meant to her. She knew that I cared about her, but that I didn't like her in the same way she liked me. It really did stress me out a lot and I found myself at times getting swept up by her infatuation. So it also kind of scared me.

    She's been happily married for a few years now and has a 16 month old daughter. But before all of those things happened I could sense a feeling of despair and pessimism that she would never find the person she was meant to be with. And I kept telling her that she would. Just trying to be a consistent voice of level optimism. And eventually she did find him.

    I still talk to her to this day, her husband is really cool, they live in a nice apartment. I've known her for about 13 or 14 years now.

    A lot of memories.
    Great post. Good to hear a perspective from the other side.
    EII

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    I say tell him, tell him, tell him. /2 cent's.
    IEI/INFp 5w4 sp

  35. #35
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    SDHDFASKNL!

    I fell in love with the idea of IEI loving. I think I quit this kid. Because he's a crazy neurotic bitch. Ty for the replies. It was fun for a few weeks, haha, then it went KABOOM.
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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