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Thread: SLEs/ESTps and being "all or nothing" in relationships

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    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
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    Default SLEs/ESTps and being "all or nothing" in relationships

    When SLEs enter relationships, do they tend to be "all or nothing"? So they either date someone for two days and realise it's not working and leave it, or they end up dating someone for 10 years? I know an SLE like this and was wondering if that's typical SLE behaviour.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    When SLEs enter relationships, do they tend to be "all or nothing"? So they either date someone for two days and realise it's not working and leave it, or they end up dating someone for 10 years? I know an SLE like this and was wondering if that's typical SLE behaviour.
    I do that too, I am not an SLE but I project largely if the relationship will work or not. Why brother even pushing the relationship when It has large percentage of chance it will not work, and that both partners will feel straining in the relationship. I take this attitude in a lot of things I do tho, Where as I do realized that letting things progress naturally does have a strong point, where things can happen even if you do not expect it, But that isn't me by nature.
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    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
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    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    I think it depends what they're looking for. I had one ESTp who put some effort into dating me, but not all that much, and he seemed to want to keep "hanging out" here and there, which annoyed me so I broke it off. And a few times he said he didn't see the problem, so I said I didn't think he liked me enough to make it work. So I think they can be kind of wishy washy. He was at a point of wanting to date around and not be too serious.

    I know another ESTp who is an amazing guy and so devoted to his girlfriend and I'm sure they will be together 4-eva

    I don't think they'd be they type to drop it after 2 days because maybe it wouldn't work...I think they'd give it more of a shot and see. I mean, they're impulsive, but usually in both directions...so things even out. For instance, they might say they "haaaate!" someone...and then in a day or two that person did something nice and now they "Looooove!" this person, etc. I mean, EPs in general do that to some extent...
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    The 'all or nothing' principle sounds like a beta philosophy to me.

    Beta STs have this black/white vision and would act according to that. So I think they would know their intentions from the start and wouldn't bend from that idea, generally.

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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica View Post
    I think SLEs know almost instantly if they like someone or not, so if they enter a relationship, I think it's for a long time, normally.
    Agreed. I can't imagine breaking up with my girlfriend for quite a while.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    Agreed. I can't imagine breaking up with my girlfriend for quite a while.
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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shakealittle View Post
    The 'all or nothing' principle sounds like a beta philosophy to me.

    Beta STs have this black/white vision and would act according to that. So I think they would know their intentions from the start and wouldn't bend from that idea, generally.
    Well... I think all or nothing is much more for the LSIs and SLEs than EIE or IEI... particularly IEI. So many IEIs I know are EXTREMELY wishy-washy about their feelings, taking initiative on them... they don't know what they want. They need a pushy Se ego to really take charge - to make THEM more sure of THEIR feelings. I know it sounds like manipulation, but it's not. It's merely instilling confidence.


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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux View Post
    Well... I think all or nothing is much more for the LSIs and SLEs than EIE or IEI... particularly IEI. So many IEIs I know are EXTREMELY wishy-washy about their feelings, taking initiative on them... they don't know what they want. They need a pushy Se ego to really take charge - to make THEM more sure of THEIR feelings. I know it sounds like manipulation, but it's not. It's merely instilling confidence.
    That actually makes sense and explains a lot of the tension I've experienced lately between an EIE and myself. I'm surprised at how much initiative I'm taking because I'm an introvert and not ethical. I mean, signs are there but it's still hard to have the certainty when dealing with relationships. It definitely feels like manipulation at times.

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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux View Post
    They need a pushy Se ego to really take charge - to make THEM more sure of THEIR feelings.
    Yeah, to elaborate, I don't think SLEs necessarily say "IEI! Listen up! Feel this way!" - that would be a Fe technique. No, what the SLE does is to instil confidence, as you say, by injecting some Se into their Fe.

    Let me give an example. Say an IEI had an intuition about what an SLE should ideally do. They're not totally confident in said intuition, but they tell the SLE about it anyway. Since the SLE revels in IEI intuitions, they hear it out, and love it. They say something like "yes, brilliant. I will do this, and you will do that". Because the IEI has witnessed the SLE's confidence (and Se, of course), they are more fuelled to help the SLE do what they initially thought the SLE should do. It goes like this in terms of who is the driving force: IEI -> SLE -> IEI (you could then say "-> SLE" as the SLE actually carries out the action).

    Obviously, from an IEI's perspective, things might take a different form (i.e. SLE -> IEI -> SLE), but this is how it looks to me.

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    I had words here once, but I didn't feed them Khola's Avatar
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    This thread made me cry earlier today. Perhaps I should get out more.

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    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the replies, it's been really interesting.

    Quote Originally Posted by Khola View Post
    This thread made me cry earlier today. Perhaps I should get out more.


    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    Because the IEI has witnessed the SLE's confidence (and Se, of course), they are more fuelled to help the SLE do what they initially thought the SLE should do. It goes like this in terms of who is the driving force: IEI -> SLE -> IEI (you could then say "-> SLE" as the SLE actually carries out the action).
    That sounds sensible.


    Does this "all or nothing" tendency bear out in actual SLE relationship histories though? There are (non-SLE) people I know who are certain about their relationships when they start out, but they usually end after a year or so.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    I know an SLE who told me about this girl he was TOTALLY in love with when he was young. In fact, he transferred to an out-of-state college to be with her. They were together for almost 10 YEARS. And then I guess he wasn't moving fast enough in the commitment category and she ended up dumping him for someone else. He said he never saw it coming. The way he talked about it made me think he wanted to marry her eventually, and regretted that he let her get away.

    But I think that when SLEs really fall (in love), they can fall hard.
    Last edited by redbaron; 02-14-2010 at 10:40 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I know an SLE who told me about this girl he was TOTALLY in love with when he was young. In fact, he transferred to an out-of-state college to be with her. They were together for almost 10 YEARS. And then I guess he wasn't moving fast enough in the commitment category and she ended up dumping him for someone else. He said he never saw it coming. The way he talked about it made me think he wanted to marry her eventually, and regretted that he let her get away. When he was telling me this story, I got chills and started to actually feel jealous (which is completely crazy, given that this happened when I was about 10 years old and we're all married to different people now, yada yada). But it was like I wanted someone to do that for me. Drop everything and change his life just because he was that much in love with me.

    But I think that when SLEs really fall (in love), they can fall hard.
    . I see what you mean about the jealousy. I wish that would happen to me .

    I know that we weren't in love and that this is ridiculous and irrational, but I always resented my SLE for not coming after me. If you really want someone you would do. But then I never did anything and we barely knew each other, so lol that's ridiculous. And he always said he didn't care about the things that made us unequal, but I guess he did, and I did too.

    All Beta's are very idealistic when it comes to romance, it is definitely all or nothing for us all, I think.
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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Khola View Post
    This thread made me cry earlier today. Perhaps I should get out more.
    Replace "thread" with "medium" (where "medium" stands for e.g. film, book, piece of art, poem etc.), and the second sentence is unnecessary.

    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    All Beta's are very idealistic when it comes to romance
    I'd be inclined to agree, but I think said idealism occurs in different ways. For example, Mr Saturn is a massive romantic and idealist, and I scoff at him for it, but from my perspective, my ideals about love and relationships are pretty much set in stone. I'm learning a lot at the moment. I'm learning that such ideals are less rigid than I first thought. My LSI housemate is very similar - to the point that my EIE housemate and I think he talks a lot of shit (sheltered, naive, inexperienced shit at that). He thinks in a very, very rigid way when it comes to love and sex. Not necessarily conservative; just... principled.

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