INFp-ESTp duality at work (IEI-SLE)

[IEI]

Hi I am new to this site. Im an IEI who may be experiencing duality at work. I started working with an SLE 7 months ago initially I didn't notice anything in the beginning (except that he was really demanding and wanted everything done straight away... I find this quite endearing/ amusing). Recently I have started feeling a stong rapport when we work together and a feeling of security when he's around. Can anyone tell me more about what duality feels like from both an IEI and SLE perspective? How do dual relations develop over time?

Thanks!

[redbaron]

I'll tell you a little bit about my experience. I knew this guy socially, and from a distance. He seemed very business-like and boring to me. Over time, we interacted more. Occasionally he would ask my opinion on something and seem to value my advice. There's a level of trust between us that seems to come out of nowhere (at least that's how I experienced it. I know it doesn't actually come out of nowhere). That said, I don't feel that he "gets" me in the same way that my identical does.

[redbaron]

I also observed that in my friendship with an SLE-Se. However, he's popular and very good at his job, so I noticed him straight away, but initially I thought he was superficial and obnoxious. Over time, I got to know him better, and realised that he's considerate and intelligent. He always makes an effort to engage me in conversation, and asks me for advice on things I'm sure he knows the answer to.

We never have misunderstandings - the friendship feels very open and honest. On the other hand, our interactions are never really "deep", so there's less opportunity for misunderstandings to arise. The SLE is also very physical - he's always grabbing people, or snatching things away when you reach out for them. Some people find it irritating and obtrusive, but it feels energising to me. (Se-DS FTW!)

I think the SLE I know is Ti subtype and our interactions have been a lot more intellectual than I expected. lol In fact, I'm mildly surprised at all the reading he does.

[ScarlettLux]

I think the SLE I know is Ti subtype and our interactions have been a lot more intellectual than I expected. lol In fact, I'm mildly surprised at all the reading he does.

LOL ... I knew an SLE-Ti who read a lot of fantasy and other books as well. Yes, I was surprised =P Oh, stereotypes, banish yeself from my mind.

I guess it really IS true how Duals don't notice eachother. I honestly keep looking out for some "omg, yes that is my dual" thing but after meeting a female SLE... wow. Didn't expect that one AT ALL. I knew I got along with her very easily but it was like whatever, eh, maybe she's an ESE or EIE? Little did I know... but yeah, she hasn't noticed me either I think. Really showed no great interest in me..

[IEI]

Thanks for sharing your experience of duality Did you have any preconceived ideas about what this guy was like before you spoke to him? My potential dual has a really bad reputation for being difficult to work and everyone (including me) is very surprised that I like working with him. I can relate to your experience of being a ‘trusted advisor’… I am amazed that this guy is interested in what I think and takes my advice into account (partly because he is so very senior and also due to the bad reputation he has). I have noticed that I can easily pick up on how he is feeling over the telephone and that I am drawn to respond to these feelings in a way that makes him feel better. It’s an instinctive thing that I don’t seem to have any control over and often involves me dropping everything to make sure I meet his insatiable need for immediacy (this translates into me working very long hours). Recently I have also started mimicking his behavior…it’s totally unintentional and spontaneous (and a little embarrassing ). Sometimes when on the telephone there will be gaps in the conversation for longer than is normal but there is no need to fill the gaps as during these times it’s like I am absorbing his energy and he is absorbing mine… like communication is still happening on another level so there is no need to say anything (not sure if this is making sense).

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I like how SLEs take direction of the conversation too without getting personally offended at our IEI-like tendency to just listen and go 'ummm.' lol Their voices tend to be calm, grounding and rational which really helps me feel safe and protected. If it's an SLE-Ti though, I noticed I have more of a tendency to be criticized so I prefer SLE-Se.

As for two IEIs bringing the same faults to the table, I think that goes away a lot if they are opposing subtypes. (IEI-Fe & IEI-Ni) Just a theory though but it's true in my case.

[Ezra]

I think the SLE I know is Ti subtype and our interactions have been a lot more intellectual than I expected. lol In fact, I'm mildly surprised at all the reading he does.

Yeah, I think there are misconceptions about SLEs regarding their level of intellect. It can be very high.

If it's an SLE-Ti though, I noticed I have more of a tendency to be criticized so I prefer SLE-Se.

Do you mean criticised on this?

IEI-like tendency to just listen and go 'ummm.'

[IEI]

"The SLE is also very physical "

That can never be a bad thing!

"He kind of went around like he was everyone's best friend"

Yeah I don't think the SLE I know is aware that people don't generally like him, I think he's misunderstood lol.

"I hate talking on the phone in general but I like talking with him because he takes responsibility for the direction of the conversation and it's never just chatting, it's more purposeful and seems to make sense somehow. "

Generally when I talk on the phone with anyone I say hi and then active listen for the next hour... actually I don't think I have ever really lead a conversation even if I make the phone call... when I call others I say hi how are you? and then it's back to listening. It can be quite funny at work as people can approach my desk and I need to tell them Im on the phone (I wear a headset) because it looks like I'm just staring into space and they can't tell I'm actually engaging in a conversation.

"If it's an SLE-Ti though, I noticed I have more of a tendency to be criticized so I prefer SLE-Se."

Me too. Se is the best IMO (I always seem to be attracted to people with Se :wink. My boyf is ENTJ strong extraverted thinking (relationship of supervision?). He's always listing things I need to do and criticising the way I do things..."why do you wash the dishes like that you're using too much water" arrgh... now when I meet him I just say "before you start I haven't done any of the stuff you are about to ask".

[Suz]

A year ago, I met an SLE at work. This has been my first experience with duality. Let me share some of the phenomena that have occurred in our interaction.

I had seen him around sporadically prior to actually meeting him; all i remember about that time was that I thought he was a good-looking guy, but I didn't think much of it at the time.

October 2008--we got to work together for the first time. It was a setting in which we worked nights for a couple weeks, meaning that we would hang out in a similar common area, and go take care of any problems that would pop up during the night. I am a bit more experienced at the job than he is (by a couple years), so I was more in an advisor/supervisor role. Anyway, so day #1, he reaches out and introduces himself. I was a bit taken aback at first by how relaxed and chummy his interaction was; it felt like a more personal attention than I'm used to getting from the general public, definitely some kind of unique warmth to it.

Anyway so, that made me take notice. But during that time, I also got the feeling that he was kind of a frat-boy character, especially after I overheard an old friend of his joking with him about how he goes for the college girls, which made me kind of write him off as not a candidate for being a potential love interest at the time. He also seemed a little hyper to me, he would sit down, get up, pace, go get a pizza, eat it while walking around, sit down with the pizza, get up again. Nevertheless, he had this interesting charm to him that I just couldn't shake. Very easy going, good natured (and still very good looking ) He reminds me a bit of John Stamos. Also, our working relationship didn't really feel like "supervisor-supervisee" now that i think about it, though the particular roles we had at the time were semi-autonomous (I did my assignments, he did his, but he would call me if there was a situation that he needed advice with).

After those 2 weeks working together, we spent time working in different places, and so only ran into each other sporadically. When we did so (and were one on one), the interaction was . . . unique in a subtle way. . .hard to describe, but something like I was just more inclined to say what was on my mind, and he made me feel comfortable to say such things. It could be random out of the blue things like, I would walk in, he would be sitting at the computer doing something and I would be like "i'm on my way to try on contacts, I hope i dont fail this time." weird, I know. . .but it's something I wouldn't just say to a guy I dont know well (maybe to a good close friend who is actively welcoming me). I guess I just felt like sharing that with him and that he would be non-judgemental about it or something. i'm not even sure.

Fast forward--June 2009. We were assigned to work together again, but this time very closely as partners for 3 weeks in a rough, mentally and physically taxing environment. I again in the (slightly) more experienced role. There were other higher ups that would judge the both of us. When I found out we were working together, I was glad because he seemed like a friendly guy and at least he would be some "eye candy" for me, however, I'd heard rumors and warnings from people that he was a bit of a "party boy," a bit irresponsible, a slacker, getting a little cocky, etc. I figured I would see how things go.

Well now, my experience showed me a completely different side to him. He turned out to be diligent. Hard-working. Cooperative. Flexible. Quick but a perfectionist in just the way I wanted him to be without me having to explain it. (His perfectionism was my perfectionism without the excess unnecessary anal detailedness.) In fact, I felt that he would write things just the way I would have (I would read his work and would be like, wait a minute, did I write that? Did he read my mind?) And he would present things verbally just the way I was thinking but could never have expressed. And he would literally read my mind about things I was going to say before I would even say it. I found him very easy to work with.

Every morning we would have a group meeting where we would present to our higher ups. I was always so stressed and nervous for those. Well he made it a point from day 1 to make inappropriate jokes during those meetings. He actually told me right off the bat that the meeting was too boring, that he was going to shake things up a bit, and that he didn't care what everyone else thought. Now imagine demure me, always with the professional front, next to this guy making raunchy jokes and flirting with the female who was next higher up from me. At times I would roll my eyes, and be like "i canNOT believe he just said that," but it worked wonders to diffuse my tension and i actually found his behavior enjoyable and good-natured.

The other huge thing I noticed about him, which has become a source of my great admiration for him, is his social talent. He has no equal in that respect. With ease, he would come up to people he never knew people and chat them up. If it was a young female (didn't even have to be attractive), he would be flirty the degree to which would vary depending on her reactions. EVERY relatively young female co-worker received his flirty attentions (except me ). If it was a client, it was amazing how instantly he would develop rapport and how much he understood and empathized with people's feelings/fears. I saw in him quite a profound degree of caring of others, which he make quite an effort to conceal from his friends and coworkers.

The weird thing was that as much as we spent time together and worked loooong hours side by side, our work went so smoothly together and so cooperatively, but we really did not socialize much. For all his incessant flirtations with the other females around, there was absolutely no flirtation with me. A couple times when things had slowed down a bit, I tried to strike up a conversation, he gave me a short answer and ran off to do something else. So I thought maybe he didn't like working with me or thought i was boring. There was the fact, though, that during morning meetings when all the teams would sit around a table and present, though I initially would try to sit next to him being his teammate, I noticed he would specifically try to sit across from me, which I grew to enjoy because we would just look at each other most of the time and as I said before he was very easy on my eyes. One time, he caught me staring intently into his eyes as he was presenting to the group, and I'm not sure what happened, but for a couple seconds in the middle of his great eloquence, he faltered (maybe it was too intense of a stare, not sure what vibe I gave off. . .).

Then, on his next to last day working with me, we were sitting together when one of the females he'd flirted a lot with stopped by. The following conversation took place:

SLE to other female: "hey, so you came to see the cool kid huh?"
IEI (me): "you mean cool kidS!"
SLE (turns to me, a little surprised): "W-what?"
IEI (me): "cool kidS. Plural. . .Unless you dont think i'm cool. . ."
SLE with all attention focused on me: "When I said cool kid I meant you."

:redface: What a charmer!! I knew he was probably just trying to get out of a sticky social situation, but he just said it with such a degree of sincerity and I was touched by the fact that he cared enough about the possibility of my hurt feelings (I wasn't hurt. . .I just wanted to call him out on it )

Anyway, that was June 2009. He told me on his last day he thought things went very smoothly. and we parted in a friendly but kind of awkward way. we were both completely exhausted though from that tough service. I wanted to say so much, but i felt sad that I wasn't able to articulate just how much I valued him and his work. So, in my IEI way, that night I wrote him an email praising how diligent, hardworking, and cooperative he had been. He never wrote back but I was glad I conveyed my appreciation to him.

Over the next couple months, when we were no longer working together, we did run into each other a few times; some of those times he would totally startle me while I was walking around lost in thought, like suddenly come out of a corner saying "how ARE you??" or poke me in the shoulder while he was passing me by. Very isolated situations, but his behavior was a bit different compared to when we'd worked together, more lighthearted and even slightly flirtatious.

A couple weeks ago, we had occasion to spend more time than usual in the same place. I felt something happen, and I dont know if it's just my head in the clouds type of thing or what.

early in the week we had both attended a lecture--we were sneaking glances at each other, and we both caught each other doing so. I was so embarrassed!! Following the lecture, we all headed back to our work area from the auditorium, he made it a point to walk right behind me, which embarrassed me even more. I struck up a conversation with a girl coworker of mine. then, as i sat back down, i saw in my peripheral vision, him giving me THE most intense stare I have ever seen (or felt). I have never experienced anything like it. I looked up at those eyes and they pierced my heart and soul, my mind went blank. It was so powerful, I could only look at him for a second and look down; and i felt myself blush and my heart race. My conversation with the girl coworker turned incoherent in mid sentence.

The next day he nervously initiated a conversation with me ( I dont understand, am I that unapproachable??), which I gladly had with him, though I was a little nervous too I must admit.

The day after that we had an easier time interacting among a group of mutual friends/acquaintances.

During these days, we also kept catching each other stealing glances at one another But then I felt the tension of not knowing what he was feeling and the potential embarrassment of my largely involuntary reactions become too stressful with my exponentially growing attraction to him, and actually started retreating from the whole situation. Then, my service changed again and I had to work nights the past couple weeks, so i have not seen him in a little while.

Interestingly, during my hiatus from his presence this time, I have felt a void. I miss his energy. He really is everything i'm not, but at the same time I feel that he is a lot like me. Even his party animal behavior and overdoing it with alcohol at times, though not something I would want to do, is admirable to me in the sense that he thrives on being social. Every time I have a break from him, I miss him more than I did the last time.

now i do not know whether this relationship with my dual will develop into anything more than the above interactions (especially since i'm moving to a different city in about a month), but this has been truly an eye opening and unique experience for me and my drive for understanding my interactions with him has led me to discover the field of socionics and the phenomenon of duality. Maybe I will start actively seeking out SLEs to meet!!

[Suz]

oh yeah, and another classic manifestation of SLE-IEI interaction when we worked together on the tough service:

IEI (me): "we need to put the sterile sheath on the ultrasound. can you help me?"
SLE (him): "sure. . ."
IEI: fumbling around worrying about how we're going to keep everything sterile
SLE: "why dont we lay out the sterile drape first and then we can have a place to put the ultrasound once it's sheathed"
IEI: "good idea" feels so relieved and thinks SLE is a genius

[matilda]

IEI to SLE: WHY DO YOU MAKE SO MUCH SENSE????????????

[Ezra]

"He kind of went around like he was everyone's best friend"

Yeah I don't think the SLE I know is aware that people don't generally like him, I think he's misunderstood lol.

Ahh, that's too bad. Everyone loves me.

IEI to SLE: WHY DO YOU MAKE SO MUCH SENSE????????????

To accommodate for so much senselessness around us.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

SLEs are the big manly tanks and IEIs are the shy sweet healers. ;p

[Suz]

I guess nobody liked my story. . .
I know, it was a bit long.

[betterthan]

I guess nobody liked my story. . .
I know, it was a bit long.

I like it , I just didn't have anything worthwhile to contribute. I just hope you can find someone as good as this guy in your new city...trust me it's not as easy as you think to find a dual who is as awesome as the 'dual relation' itself, some people here seem to forget to seperate the type from the person. Like me before I got wise .

[Ezra]

Ahahahaha. I love how SLEs say this. And I love how IEIs say "Everyone hates me!"

Yeah, the reverse is probably true.

But I am an exception - everyone does love me.

[Suz]

I like it , I just didn't have anything worthwhile to contribute. I just hope you can find someone as good as this guy in your new city...trust me it's not as easy as you think to find a dual who is as awesome as the 'dual relation' itself, some people here seem to forget to seperate the type from the person. Like me before I got wise .

Well, I can't say that this guy is the epitome of perfection

He drinks WAY too much alcohol. I mean WAAAY too much. He is also quite promiscuous (at least that's what it seems like from what I suspect--but aren't most guys?), and he can be somewhat superficial (i mean, aren't there more interesting things to do than to go to the bar and drink?). And his head is WAAAAAAY too big. I mean this guy KNOWS he's gorgeous. Girls are always fawning over him. Which makes me hesitant to show him TOO much attention and contribute to his big-headedness,, unless i am sure he feels the same way about me.

For some reason, these things aren't bothering me too much about him as far as I'm concerned. must be the duality thing. I do worry that he might end up needing a liver transplant in his 40s or having several illegitimate children, but hey it's his choices.

However, I do think that I can find other duals and probably feel the same way dont you think? He is very good natured though so maybe that quality can be hard to find, but I thought SLEs tend to be good natured.

[redbaron]

Well, I can't say that this guy is the epitome of perfection

He drinks WAY too much alcohol. I mean WAAAY too much. He is also quite promiscuous (at least that's what it seems like from what I suspect--but aren't most guys?), and he can be somewhat superficial (i mean, aren't there more interesting things to do than to go to the bar and drink?). And his head is WAAAAAAY too big. I mean this guy KNOWS he's gorgeous. Girls are always fawning over him. Which makes me hesitant to show him TOO much attention and contribute to his big-headedness,, unless i am sure he feels the same way about me.

For some reason, these things aren't bothering me too much about him as far as I'm concerned. must be the duality thing. I do worry that he might end up needing a liver transplant in his 40s or having several illegitimate children, but hey it's his choices.

However, I do think that I can find other duals and probably feel the same way dont you think? He is very good natured though so maybe that quality can be hard to find, but I thought SLEs tend to be good natured.

This post just makes me smile. It's the way I think I would have perceived my SLE friend back about 20 years ago. You may give him enough of a reason to change his ways, at least a little bit, if he really falls for you. But yeah, you might find another SLE with whom you'll feel the same way. I find them to be a bit immature when they're the same age as you, so you could look for one that's older.

[betterthan]

Well, I can't say that this guy is the epitome of perfection

He drinks WAY too much alcohol. I mean WAAAY too much. He is also quite promiscuous (at least that's what it seems like from what I suspect--but aren't most guys?), and he can be somewhat superficial (i mean, aren't there more interesting things to do than to go to the bar and drink?). And his head is WAAAAAAY too big. I mean this guy KNOWS he's gorgeous. Girls are always fawning over him. Which makes me hesitant to show him TOO much attention and contribute to his big-headedness,, unless i am sure he feels the same way about me.

For some reason, these things aren't bothering me too much about him as far as I'm concerned. must be the duality thing. I do worry that he might end up needing a liver transplant in his 40s or having several illegitimate children, but hey it's his choices.

However, I do think that I can find other duals and probably feel the same way dont you think? He is very good natured though so maybe that quality can be hard to find, but I thought SLEs tend to be good natured.

Lol . Haha, sounds like a typical SLE. Haha. Yeah sure , I don't have much experience with dual relations yet, some I get into, others I don't. Good luck on your SLE hunt ^^.

[Suz]

This post just makes me smile. It's the way I think I would have perceived my SLE friend back about 20 years ago. You may give him enough of a reason to change his ways, at least a little bit, if he really falls for you. But yeah, you might find another SLE with whom you'll feel the same way. I find them to be a bit immature when they're the same age as you, so you could look for one that's older. (my SLE friend is 12 years older than me and maturity-wise we're very close)

This one is actually 3 years younger.

[redbaron]

This one is actually 3 years younger.

good luck with that! sounds like he's quite the looker to boot!

[IEI]

I guess nobody liked my story. . .
I know, it was a bit long.

Hey thanks for your reply sorry it has taken me so long to respond it has been a while since I have been on the site

More to follow...

[IEI]

I have chopped your post down to the bits I want to comment on

Anyway, so day #1, he reaches out and introduces himself. I was a bit taken aback at first by how relaxed and chummy his interaction was.

I this about SLEs!!!!

He also seemed a little hyper to me, he would sit down, get up, pace, go get a pizza, eat it while walking around, sit down with the pizza, get up again.

overdose!


The interaction was . . . unique in a subtle way. . .hard to describe, but something like I was just more inclined to say what was on my mind, and he made me feel comfortable to say such things.

I have also experience this! After talking with an SLE I always feel surprised at some of the things I have said.


And he would literally read my mind about things I was going to say before I would even say it.

I think this is the most facinating aspect of duality, for me it feels like the SLE is inside my mind listening to all my thoughts! It's like telepathy! I wonder if the SLE experinces this with IEI's???


One time, he caught me staring intently into his eyes as he was presenting to the group, and I'm not sure what happened, but for a couple seconds in the middle of his great eloquence, he faltered (maybe it was too intense of a stare, not sure what vibe I gave off. . .).

Probably the vibes penetrating his soul!!!

"When I said cool kid I meant you."

sooo SLE


Interestingly, during my hiatus from his presence this time, I have felt a void. I miss his energy. He really is everything i'm not, but at the same time I feel that he is a lot like me.

I am also without SLE presence at the moment and I feel kinda lost like I'm wondering around waiting for my anchor to the world again

Thanks for giving a brilliant description I really enjoyed reading your post!

[Sirena]

Yeah, the reverse is probably true.

But I am an exception - everyone does love me.

lol

[IEI]

I am also without SLE presence at the moment and I feel kinda lost like I'm wondering around waiting for my anchor to the world again

I know it's kind of sad quoting yourself in a post but I just bumped into an SLE right after writing this post! How strange! Got my daily fix of now sorted!

[Ezra]

I know it's kind of sad quoting yourself in a post but I just bumped into an SLE right after writing this post! How strange! Got my daily fix of now sorted!

Oh wicked, WHAT'S GOING DOWN WITH HIM, YO?

[IEI]

Oh wicked, WHAT'S GOING DOWN WITH HIM, YO?

Unfortunatley not me

[Ezra]

Better luck one day.

Hey where abouts in the UK you from?

[Suz]

. . .the story continues. . .

today, we saw each other again after like 3 weeks. the interaction is confusing now. when we spotted each other, he was in a group of people chatting, and he smiled and waved. I smiled and waved back, but hesitated to join the group, and didn't. I walked over in my IEI way, to stand by myself observing the group dynamic. I regret now not having walked up to him to talk.

anyway, so this happened as we were all waiting with our colleagues before going in to take a day-long exam. He chose to sit far away from me, but he would frequently look back in my direction (no smiles anymore ).

During our lunch break, a bunch of my friends were sitting near him, and so I decided to join that group hoping that we would get to talk, but he wasnt saying anything, and this girl-friend of mine was chatting me up, and in the middle of it all, he kind of went off to chat with his guy friends at the other end of the room, but the whole time we kept glancing at each other across the room.

Honestly, I felt a little hurt and rejected that he left the group when I joined them for lunch, but at the same time, i feel like he felt snubbed by me after he said hi and i didn't come up to him.

on the other hand, in a way, the lunchtime interaction almost felt like I borrowed his personality and he borrowed mine. I was the chatty center of attention and he was quieter sitting on the periphery (only i think I am more comfortable with that than he is, so he had to seek out his dudes to join in with)

Anyway, it's just frustrating that we keep looking at each other, and not really knowing what to do next with this apparent mutual attraction.

the thought has crossed my mind to confess my feelings, but i know according to socionics the duality interaction dictates that the extravert takes action to advance the relationship while the introvert assesses the status of the relationship and welcomes the actions of the extravert. I feel that I may have failed the introvert's duty to an extent because I may not be welcoming enough of his actions.

[redbaron]

I think you did just fine. sometimes it's like a dance. and it may take awhile. don't worry too much about fulfilling your "role" as introvert. sometimes you may find yourselves switching roles. usually the other person is understanding of that, even if only subconsciously. anyway, if it's meant to be, it will happen. If not, then you're one step closer to finding the SLE you're supposed to be with. Because now you have that much more experience recognizing and interacting with one. It's all good!

[Ezra]

. . .the story continues. . .

today, we saw each other again after like 3 weeks. the interaction is confusing now. when we spotted each other, he was in a group of people chatting, and he smiled and waved. I smiled and waved back, but hesitated to join the group, and didn't. I walked over in my IEI way, to stand by myself observing the group dynamic. I regret now not having walked up to him to talk.

anyway, so this happened as we were all waiting with our colleagues before going in to take a day-long exam. He chose to sit far away from me, but he would frequently look back in my direction (no smiles anymore ).

During our lunch break, a bunch of my friends were sitting near him, and so I decided to join that group hoping that we would get to talk, but he wasnt saying anything, and this girl-friend of mine was chatting me up, and in the middle of it all, he kind of went off to chat with his guy friends at the other end of the room, but the whole time we kept glancing at each other across the room.

Honestly, I felt a little hurt and rejected that he left the group when I joined them for lunch, but at the same time, i feel like he felt snubbed by me after he said hi and i didn't come up to him.

on the other hand, in a way, the lunchtime interaction almost felt like I borrowed his personality and he borrowed mine. I was the chatty center of attention and he was quieter sitting on the periphery (only i think I am more comfortable with that than he is, so he had to seek out his dudes to join in with)

Anyway, it's just frustrating that we keep looking at each other, and not really knowing what to do next with this apparent mutual attraction.

the thought has crossed my mind to confess my feelings, but i know according to socionics the duality interaction dictates that the extravert takes action to advance the relationship while the introvert assesses the status of the relationship and welcomes the actions of the extravert. I feel that I may have failed the introvert's duty to an extent because I may not be welcoming enough of his actions.

Maybe he's not what you think he is.

Anyway, if you both like each other, like redbaron says, shit will kick off sooner or later.

[Suz]

Maybe he's not what you think he is.

Anyway, if you both like each other, like redbaron says, shit will kick off sooner or later.

He is such an SLE. there is no question, ESTp all the way. not even borderline.

I'm thinking that maybe he's just wrestling with the fact that he wants to keep playing with girls and isn't ready to settle yet. (and i've been told i come across as someone you don't play with--whether or not I intend to come across that way).

[redbaron]

He is such an SLE. there is no question, ESTp all the way. not even borderline.

yes, from everything you've said, he really does sound SLE to me.

[betterthan]

He is such an SLE. there is no question, ESTp all the way. not even borderline.

I'm thinking that maybe he's just wrestling with the fact that he wants to keep playing with girls and isn't ready to settle yet. (and i've been told i come across as someone you don't play with--whether or not I intend to come across that way).

Honestly, I think even if an SLEs a player, if he really does like you then you're different. If you are worth it, which you are, he will stop fucking around. Just don't waste time worrying about it, if you want it to, it will go places.

[Sharrum]

I think the SLE I know is Ti subtype and our interactions have been a lot more intellectual than I expected. lol In fact, I'm mildly surprised at all the reading he does.

Don't think an intellectual ESTp has to be a Ti subtype, I'm a Se - ESTp and I'm far more intellectual and fond of academic and theoretical discussion with a flair of practicality than almost everyone I know, don't you know that Se - SLE are known for being witty and intelligent? Many Se - ESTp are fond of wisdom and knowledge, some are of reputed brilliancy and are ingenious people, like Zhukov, for me he was most certainly a Se - ESTp. In my case I'm not shallow and superficial as people are saying here, I have some deep and non superfluous interests who most people think it's too spiritually demanding for them.

Being intelligent and clever, when we're talking about SLE's, doesn't imply that the subtype in question Ti. A Ti subtype, in matter of personality, means that the person is rather "introverted-logically" driven than having an ego guided by extraverted-sensorialism. Intelligence and intellectuality are not connected necessarily to the logical function, there are many people whose egos are ethical and are brilliant intellectual minds, for instance: Nietzsche, Freud and Carl Jung. Neither it is needly connected to introverted functions due the fact many people with strong intellectual interests are lead by their Te, Fe, Se and Ne functions.

Then, after this whole preaching I just wanted to underline the fact that intellectuality and intelligence are not ultimately determined by the sociotype, nor enneatype, nor instinctual subtypes, neither socio-subtypes, they're something that has to do with those factors, both are influenced by them, but also stretches beyond them.

[redbaron]

yes, yes, I agree. but he IS Ti-subtype anyway.

[Sharrum]

As a ESTp I just wanted to know from the female IEI here, what do you expect from a romantic partner? More precisely, what do you expect, what do you want from us SLE?

I have to confess that sometimes I'm rather cold, unexpressive and unemotional to my girlfriend, but I like to emphasize to her that I have an emotional barrier set within myself, and I show my love to her through devotion, loyalty and care. I'm a shame for speaking out feelings and deep sentiments.

I interpret my love experience as a ESTp in the following way: As a human being, I'm set on this world and around all these people. As a SLE, I relate to other humans with the objective of annihilating all the rest of humankind, as a SLE, my relation with other people is guided by the instinct elimination and repulsion of all other humans, it's a relationship of separation and secession with the rest of the world. this leads to the destruction and to the negation of any human being inside me, a negation of my humanity, what creates a empty space inside me, a lack of any representation of a human being that was supposed to reside within my ego. But there is an exception to this constant battle against every other human, is when I find another beta, a suitable one, another human being who is prone to fill this gap of humanity with myself. If I experience a relationship with an ISTj, an ENFj or another ESTp, I'm going to see some really good specimens of people, but I'll be far from feeling completion and plenty beside those types, only a IEI is able to make me rejoice, and INFp are the only who really make me don't want to fight and repel them, but rather connect with them, that makes me desire to mingle with them. So this ease that I experience with beta is gradual, with a spectrum of combativeness/self-giving spanning from one of the other betas to the maximum relation of unselfishness with IEI. When we are talking about a female INFp this desire for linkage gets stronger, I have a powerful will to fusion and become one the IEI, this is so for a very simple reason, because in my unconsciousness I see an IEI female as the perfect human being, with the proper characteristics that every single person should have, that the human being, as a definition, should have.

This is my reconnection with the human being, this is my realization of humanity. That's why when I want a girl I want her to live inside me, to fill my gap of someone within the high walls of my persona. To feel that there is someone living inside the palace I've built upon the grounds my own identity. That's why when I find a good girl for me I want to encircle her, to live as a ocean around her. I hope you understand me, I tried to explain how do I feel toward IEI's, I really want to hear how you IEI feel about us.

[Ezra]

1) Sharrum, you fucking legend. You embody correctness of the highest order. You're a rarity. You'd also get on marvellously with one of my EIE best friends.

2) redbaron It's a shame your ESE can't give you what you really want.

[Ezra]

SLEs want to kill those who shouldn't live.

You're safe, octopuslove.

[redbaron]

When I first read about socionics I thought SLEs were horrible hard bastards who I could never, ever like. Then I realised that this guy I thought was UTTERLY AWESOME was an SLE. :redface:

Same!