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Last edited by Khola aka Bee; 07-16-2009 at 01:02 PM.
Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .
Twiddling my thumbs awkwardly on the opposite side of the spectrum, I can't relate to what he's doing...
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The end is nigh
Hmmm. I dunno. *head explodes*
Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .
I definitely understand your want for that bond! I have felt before, not in such a serious situation, but where I felt like if I said exactly how I felt, it would only distance him. It's a trying situation, but you have to find the point of how much you can take. When/where is the point that the happiness of being with him is not worth containing yourself anymore? I think, as well, you could make little baby steps towards revealing your feelings instead of showing it all at once. Maybe you can share with him that you don't need him to conform to past examples of relationships? You want what you have now, but with total honesty?
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Last edited by Khola aka Bee; 07-16-2009 at 01:02 PM.
Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .
Hopefully it works out, but remember that you have you to look after! Things wouldn't be the same if he noticed you get more irritated or stressed and couldn't figure out why.
Ok, this. This is how I feel.
Lyrics --> CRAZY TOWN LYRICS - Black Cloud
Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .
Aw, I'm sorry. I feel for you in this situation. I hate to say it, but...
That kind of stood out to me as the "punchline."
It's human nature to search for deep meaningful connections and relations with other people. It looks like it isn't the right time or place for this guy, but it's perfectly natural to want a link like that especially if you are sexually involved. See THIS for more info.
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir
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Last edited by Khola aka Bee; 07-16-2009 at 01:03 PM.
Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .
Oh Bee, you poor thing.
There's nothing at all wrong with the way you're feeling. You're an awesome person and, if this guy means that much to you, I'm sure he must be pretty fantastic too, but it doesn't sound like the way things are going can continue for much longer. No, I'm not suggesting jumping ship!
The only thing that seems to be getting in his way are his beliefs about a lot of stuff, not how he feels about you from the sound of it. Beliefs about what a relationship is, what it entails, and what that means for his life. Some of that has to do with his experience getting hurt, and a whole lot more about what he thinks a relationship based off of what passes for 'normal'.
Now this is the part where I give bad advice. You might find a way to help him figure out if that's the way he really would like to think about it, whether his beliefs about this part of his life stand to make him happy in the end, or if there's something more he feels is missing and upending his beliefs about it to fit the relationship he can handle and actually wants to be a part of. Something he chooses that doesn't involve any preconceived notions or expectations. Just letting it be what it is without losing the parts of a relationship he does want for himself. Letting it grow without so much judging of it. Overthinking kills!
That's something you can't force anyone to do, but it's also something hard as hell, sometimes scary as hell, to face. And this is where I'm going to stop on that. It could easily scare him away, but at the same time I wouldn't let your fear of losing him being the thing that stands in your way of being happy either.
I probably shouldn't say any of this, but when I see someone like this I want to try to help, and the little voice that tells me I 'should do' this or 'shouldn't do' that sounds less and less like me and more like something I've been told to believe (which is totally neither here nor there as far as this topic is concerned!).
EDIT:
Bee
Moonlight will fall
Winter will end
Harvest will come
Your heart will mend
FWIW, I really hope that you can happily resolve this situation, because you seem to really care about him. Unfortunately, the two of you seem to have conflicting ideas concerning expectations/status/future implications, which are usually pretty tough issues to resolve. I don't mean to be all negative, but I can't help but approach these things realistically. :/
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir
Well, if you have to do something that might scare him away, make it something that allows him to understand the situation well enough to come back if he realizes his need. Make how he feels conscious... if what he's afraid of is himself, where can he run from that?
Oh, and Vero might be able to relate to his position, or at least to the background that makes the situation so precarious... she'll probably happen by this thread at some point.
LII-Ne
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
- Blair Houghton
Johari
Thanks you two
Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .
I have an IEI friend who was in the same situation with an ILE. They were basically a couple, but he was vehemently opposed to getting married. Eventually she decided to stop massacring herself and put her foot down. She told him she couldn't see him any more because she wanted more than he did. So she quit talking to him. And several months later he came around and said he was being a dumbass and he didn't want to give up his relationship with her. So he moved up here and they're living together and I must say he made the right choice. He WAS being a dumbass. lol Perhaps at some point something similar might be a good course of action.
IEE
That's kinda nice to know. <3
Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .