This 'am I an INFj shit' is driving me crazy. It's like I am examining myself too much. I began to realize how much I HATE being introspective, and I only of course naturally feel confidence after I do something, anything!
But it's like, I want to do it anyway even though it's self-torture. And I have no idea if my mental anguish right now is a clue that I'm doing something wrong, and I'm driving myself silly and I obviously was an INFp all along and never should have even questioned or entertained otherwise ....or if it means I'm closer to some sort of epiphany or revelation about myself instead of the ambivalency and contradictoryness I get myself into. (Always darkness before dawn) One step forward, one step back. etc. typical 6 bullshit. Or that socionics is all bullshit that likes to torture people.
There are multiple factors (irrational as all get how but factors nonetheless) of why I started this INFj quest:
1. It's been on my mind for ages.
2. It's like even though I obviously talk about it a lot, and that's what people see, my 'ranty gay' side feels like such a small part of who I totally am that it's just a ...small spec, like 3% of who I totally am. That even though I know people can only judge by what I show them, I just wish they'd 'just get this', that something about this particular place brings that out in me, because psychology has always instinctively been fag-friendly and a place for gender equality, I mean look at the beautiful diversity of genders and orientations we have here- psychology brings people together for that, and it's kind of nice.
Gay abc 'the more you knooooow' flashes on screen.
3. I just think 'I can be a lot of types' sometimes. The idea that I have an 'essence' or 'core' has been hard for me to wrap my brain around, esp. since I've naturally been so versatile in my roles in the world ala shaman. That I can be such a different person just because people say I'm so many things makes me wonder who I *truly* am you know. I remember I thought I was ENTp for awhile just cause somebody said it so strongly, how stupid and retarded is that? I was afraid I did the same thing for the INFp. So therefore, my quest to INFj was trying to grow as a 6....to find some way on my own, but it only seemed to make the problem worse, as you've all known me as 'sam the ranty gay shaman infp 6' for so long.
4. I think too many fucking people are typed as INFp, that it's all too easily the type that 'shy nerds that sit home all day' (which I like to do) get typed at that. It's like there's this soft messy stinky farty blob of INFps that just are passive zits to the world, and I don't like to be thought of that way. The stereotype of IEIs as 'weak/soft' bother me. So a lot of it just trying to balance out the forum types.
5. I think Calvin and Hobbes is stupid, hypocritical and self-serving, and I have no idea know why so many people like it. There, I said it. OMG AN INFP THAT DOESN'T LIKE CALVIN AND HOBBES.
6. I never actually liked to fantasy or daydream. I wanted those dreams to become true already.
It all just feels like more layers that I can pull on and off at will. You know? Meh. Identity.