Attraction to violent people

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Why am I attracted to violent people? Looking back in my life...I chose friends/lovers that had a definite violent streak to them, that were dangerous- that even got in trouble with the law for attacking people and threatening them.

Is it because I feel safe with them? That, I know they could turn their rage onto me - but I also feel so protected by them, is it mere dual-seeking? I remember people who were more gentler tried to get me not to talk to these people who were dangerous, but I still felt more comfortable being around men and women that knew how to fight.

[07490]

Why am I attracted to violent people? Looking back in my life...I chose friends/lovers that had a definite violent streak to them, that were dangerous- that even got in trouble with the law for attacking people and threatening them.

Is it because I feel safe with them? That, I know they could turn their rage onto me - but I also feel so protected by them, is it mere dual-seeking? I remember people who were more gentler tried to get me not to talk to these people who were dangerous, but I still felt more comfortable being around men and women that knew how to fight.

Not really, Three INFp I work with say they hate rude people, and cannot imagine going out with people whoa re attracted to violence.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

You misunderstood what I was saying numbers. I don't intentionally seek out violent people. It's just I don't know they're violent when I pick them, but they turn out to be violent over time- in some way or another. It's like a subconscious thing.

And I meant violent as in ....externally angry, not necessarily rude.

[07490]

I did not misunderstood you becuase I was not talking about you but the three INFp I know, I don't care about your position on how you think about violent people, I just wanted to answer you question on dual seeking of .


To response to the externally angry, not rudeness if that is what you meant if that is dual-seeking, The INFp's I know does not like people in which he happen to feel a vibe of anger, which cause a relationship to crumble, if that answers your question.

[munenori2]

When we're talking criminal records/run ins with the law, what do you mean? How do you feel about indecent exposure at country music festivals?

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I'm talking about....violent stuff, where people lose their temper. My best friend of 11 years stabbed her female friend and went to prison for 2.5 years. And all the boys I've slept with have been in trouble with the law for violent crime for years, one even for attempted murder. One guy that I 'felt up' (but no actual sex) stabbed somebody as well, and was sent to prison for 5 years.

I would think exposing yourself is no big deal, in fact a lot of 'decency laws' are really silly to me, I'm very liberal when it comes to sex- although I *do* think it's offensive if people stimulate sexual activities in a place where it's not designed for it. Only because they do it in a way that to me is too immature, and not actually erotic lol. Like they laugh and act vapid with it, like the way preppy jocks and cheerleaders can act at sports bars. I don't really like that, it's ...off-putting for me in reality, even though if it might arouse me on a porn.

Instead of people getting all bent over shape if people expose themselves, you're *supposed* to point and laugh and say 'Heh that little thing? Come on now.' If they're actually well-hung well, then...that's hot. Why would you get offended over that?

[Satan]

Not really, Three INFp I work with say they hate rude people, and cannot imagine going out with people whoa re attracted to violence.

girls never say what they mean, or mean what they say

[07490]

girls never say what they mean, or mean what they say

The Three INFps say what they mean.

[sigma]

"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent." I believe this!

I find it disgusting especially when there is in an unbalanced force situation, like when a man hits a woman that he know will not hit back or will do it in a inefficient way.
If the balance is ok, i.e. the woman will hit him hard in the balls or cut off his dick or something... then... it might be interesting.

Also, I believe that adults hitting their children are proclaiming to the world that they are unable to think.

[calenwen]

"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent." I believe this!

I find it disgusting especially when there is in an unbalanced force situation, like when a man hits a woman that he know will not hit back or will do it in a inefficient way.
If the balance is ok, i.e. the woman will hit him hard in the balls or cut off his dick or something... then... it might be interesting.

Also, I believe that adults hitting their children are proclaiming to the world that they are unable to think.

I just quoted this to say that I read the story in your signature and I liked it, haha. Did you read the sequel, too?

Also, B&D, maybe it's just because you live near Detroit and it's hard not to find violent people there.

[sigma]

I just quoted this to say that I read the story in your signature and I liked it, haha. Did you read the sequel, too?

what sequel?
and by the way... the story is funny... until you start to get it... then it ceases to be funny and becomes extremely helpful...
For me it is a mind shaping device... still working... chipping away the layers of crap I have between my ears.

[Animal]

Why am I attracted to violent people? Looking back in my life...I chose friends/lovers that had a definite violent streak to them, that were dangerous- that even got in trouble with the law for attacking people and threatening them.

Is it because I feel safe with them? That, I know they could turn their rage onto me - but I also feel so protected by them, is it mere dual-seeking? I remember people who were more gentler tried to get me not to talk to these people who were dangerous, but I still felt more comfortable being around men and women that knew how to fight.

Were you exposed to a lot of violence growing up/are you in a violent situation now? The only environment where this would make one feel more comfortable would be one in which violence was commonplace to begin with.

For the majority of people in developed countries, violence is thankfully relatively rare, but it does still happen and there are still places in this country where violence is a day-to-day threat.

(BTW, I don't recommend answering these questions on a public forum. Just be aware if this might be an internalized feeling of elevated danger from childhood or your current environment.)

[calenwen]

what sequel?
and by the way... the story is funny... until you start to get it... then it ceases to be funny and becomes extremely helpful...
For me it is a mind shaping device... still working... chipping away the layers of crap I have between my ears.

The sequel is called The Religion War and it's by Scott Adams, of course. I just checked on Google Books and it looks like you can access the whole thing there.
And yeah, I found it helpful too. (:

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I grew up in a conservative family. Violence was sublimated into simple 'Oh that's not nice!' behavior and rarely talked about or discussed.

They CALLED themselves liberal, but they really were conservative, in the traditional 'religious' sense. We couldn't even swear. I remember if I cussed, my dad called the police and stuff. He was pretty strict, despite not having a very good physical presence. So if I misbehaved, he would IMMEDIATELY call the authorities.

I resorted to acting out online because I couldn't express my emotions at home. (If I did say anything, they would say 'Oh you just need a therapist' which was so weird to me....I just had to talk about something, but I had a simple, small problem that wasn't even a big deal and yet to them it sent them panicking. Pretty soon my problems escalated over time.)

"They liked you better when you were depressed. You were easier to deal with."

((I realize my parents did the best job they knew how to do, and I'm not attacking them. Just trying to give some background info.))

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

They weren't liberal so I don't know why they said they were. All their actions turned out to be conservative. Not that I mind. I just don't understand how they could say one thing and do another. It's always in your actions and what you to do, ultimately- not what you say.

That is over the last three years I've really been honest with myself about what my 'true motivations' were and it's been liberating. I don't feel so guilty or self-conscious anymore. Well I still do....but nowhere near as bad.