SLE/ESTp question: how should I grow as a person?

[Vimy]

Hey, mates. Here's a quick intro about me.

Not too long ago I became interested in the MBTI and it's practical applications. I figure that this iss natural, as my type (ESTP) is inclined not to sympathize or reason with others' feelings, but rather to identify/classify/categorize and understand their roots. I also became intrigued by Socionics and it's analysis of intertype relations not long after that.

I'm having no trouble with the shift from MBTI to Socionics at the moment. My form of ESTP seems to identify almost directly with an SLE/ESTp type.

I've been spreading the word about MBTI and Socionics, and have recieved generally positive responses from my friends (as expected). One response that I occasionally hear from my friends, seeing how occupied I have been in learning and understanding the system, is "You shouldn't let this define you."; this somewhat displaces me a bit.

My question to you:

How do I truly grow in personality as an ESTp/SLE?

I've read that it's healthier to work towards the centerline of the 4 dichotomies rather than to stray too far to either side.

The truth is, though, that I enjoy every moment of being an SLE. I don't at all mind it, and since it's a concept concerning natural tendencies, I don't really see how others wouldn't enjoy "being" their respective types. I enjoy being an Extroverted Sensor, and applying my time-tested logic to adapt to new situations rather than relying on past experiences. I enjoy being able to scan through information and only maintain information relevant to my interests ideals, or arguments. I enjoy being able to identify how someone is feeling using my senses and understanding of body language.

But what of my weaknesses? After thoroughly reading through articles detailing shortcomings of ESTp's/SLE's, I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that they're weaknesses. One trait common of most SLE's is to be unable to show empathy. However, for me, it seems as though issues that are really troubling to others would seem really easy to brush off or "get over". In that case, I not only enjoy but really value my ability to look forward to a better day tomorrow rather than have my mind rooted in the past. Another trait that is often criticized of SLE's is their ability (tendency?) to use their personability to manipulate others. However, this is, once again, a trait that I value and am glad to have at my disposal.

My thanks!

[Satan]

spend time with infps.

they may hide from you at first.

[Satan]

and "enjoying yoursefl" seems quite self-gratifying. try enjoying other people.

[Satan]

also, another thing to note. you said this is an intro about you.

you gave no "you" in your introduction. it's like your letters and numbers and words.

WHAT MAKES YOU, YOU...

Come on!

If you met someone in a bar, and they were like "Here, about my weakness.. I don't know how to talk about them "...

They'd be like what the fuck are you trying to say. Are you a scientist. Are you trying to disect life. Be upfront. You don't need to be serious and theoretical. You've just got here.

[Brilliand]

How do I truly grow in personality as an ESTp/SLE?

As Mercutio said, hang out with INFps. More than that, think like an INFp. The ESTp thought process is balanced by the INFp thought process, so seek to carry them both in your own mind...

I've read that it's healthier to work towards the centerline of the 4 dichotomies rather than to stray too far to either side.

That may well end up happening, but I suggest you not focus on it. It's a symptom. (I actually doubt that it's healthy to move toward the center on the j/p dichotomy, though.)

I imagine that a less healthy ESTp has an INFj conception of Intuition and Feeling, and thus avoids them; by learning to treat them in an INFp way, you can incorporate them safely into your mind.

[07490]

Vimy Welcome to the forum, First off I think you ask a very good question, BEcuase you can have read so much description of your own type, and even self help type description but you ahve no idea how to. The best way to do it I think is to comapre and contrast others of who has the same typings as you do. I am sure Mercutio, Ezra ,ESTP can all help you out in that sense. You beat me into it making one of how to grow on your type, I think since we cannot change our type, we can at least make the best of ourself by being more healthy and unehalthy we can be.

[Brilliand]

I am sure Mercutio, Ezra ,ESTP can all help you out in that sense.

Isn't Mercutio ESFp?

[07490]

Isn't Mercutio ESFp?

No, at least not in my opinion, or his own, general consent don't thinks he is an ESTp.

[sigma]

But what of my weaknesses? After thoroughly reading through articles detailing shortcomings of ESTp's/SLE's, I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that they're weaknesses. One trait common of most SLE's is to be unable to show empathy. However, for me, it seems as though issues that are really troubling to others would seem really easy to brush off or "get over". In that case, I not only enjoy but really value my ability to look forward to a better day tomorrow rather than have my mind rooted in the past. Another trait that is often criticized of SLE's is their ability (tendency?) to use their personability to manipulate others. However, this is, once again, a trait that I value and am glad to have at my disposal.

Weaknesses are better understood in the context of the social interaction. You might think "get over it" might be a good approach and it really is... sometimes, some other times it can be perceived as a loud fart in an elevator, highly inappropriate. And manipulation, you might think it is ok... but the people being manipulated might really resent it. Again... sometimes...

I've read that it's healthier to work towards the centerline of the 4 dichotomies rather than to stray too far to either side.

This is OK as an ideea, but is lacking a dimension. You can get to the centerline by not developing your powerful functions, by ignoring them and becoming a gray blob of functionality OR you can super develop your ego functions and become aware, as time goes by, of you weak functions. Being aware of their manifestation an the implications of this manifestations, should (at least in my view) make you better prepared to handle situations. You will become less likely to use your powerful functions where you should use your weak functions. And by using the right functions, even if imperfectly, you will develop them. This will also move you towards the centerline BUT it you will be a different creature from the gray blob. You will become a balanced SLE. Still a SLE, but a better SLE.


Oh... and welcome to our community.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Careful not to think of any one function as being any one word, those are general terms we use to better understand functions but as your knowledge of socionics deepens, you will be able to hopefully see some of the intricate complexities inherent in each function, as Fi can be cruelty as well as it is empathy.

Empathy just means you feel others feelings easily, which also isn't always a good thing if you look at things in their whole context. If you have more natural will power and other people's emotions don't hold you back, well I don't think that's necessarily something that you should be ashamed of. And just because you're not empathetic doesn't mean you're a sociopath (You don't sound like it) It just means you're not empathetic.

I'm empathetic and it's not all that it's cracked up to be, I mean it's hard to leave the house and such by myself because of how intuitive/deep and empathetic I am. It's vastly overrated. I'd just like to experience and live life more and feel my own will power and desire for things again.

People who are very empathetic make good leaders, but functioning in daily living is very stressful, I mean picking up on all the emotions of somebody just when you're trying to order a hamburger at mcdonald's can be draining...also it's like you can't really sort out what your OWN feelings are when you feel other people's so much. Also it doesn't mean you're a natural helper or one of 'society's chosen' or any of that nonsense. That is a very crude and superficial way to look at empathetic people. A true empathetic person can (potentially) be a very good counselor but only on the one on one scale.

[Creepy-male]

There's a difference between being empathetic and being sucked into others' emotions.

Or maybe... oh God... maybe I am an SLE...

Anyway, looks like you got sidetracked, BnD.

[jughead]

Does anyone know of any books or lengthy videos that highlight these thought processes by these two types, iei and sle?

[Ezra]

Pretty much the only possible credible advice:

spend time with infps.

they may hide from you at first.

To elaborate, IEIs - as our duals (as you no doubt know) - are the key to a fulfilled existence in the world. Okay, you may be able to start

"enjoying yoursefl"

But this extends only so far, as mercutio explains that it

seems quite self-gratifying.

And it is. Definitely. Smaller pleasures adding up make you feel "SWELL, POPS!". But duality opens up a whole new world to you. In fact, you don't even need a dual to necessarily grow as an SLE. An activity partner will also suffice (although to reap the full benefits/grow to your full capacity, an IEI is ideal). EIEs won't hide from you. IEIs will though. You have to seek them out. And they love that shit. They love being chased. So chase them. I know I'm partly preaching to the converted here, but still

try enjoying other people.

Take this in every sense.

[Ezra]

Does anyone know of any books or lengthy videos that highlight these thought processes by these two types, iei and sle?

There are no good books on socionics, let alone duality between two particular types.

Video-wise, most are YouTube vids made for one's personal gratification.

Just go on Wikisocion or something - that's the best resource.

[Sirena]

[quote=Ezra;505153]

And it is. Definitely. Smaller pleasures adding up make you feel "SWELL, POPS!". But duality opens up a whole new world to you. In fact, you don't even need a dual to necessarily grow as an SLE. An activity partner will also suffice (although to reap the full benefits/grow to your full capacity, an IEI is ideal).

So true! Best advice. And so sad when SLEs aren't able/willing to see this, so they just continue to waste their lives away.

EIEs won't hide from you. IEIs will though. You have to seek them out. And they love that shit. They love being chased. So chase them. I know I'm partly preaching to the converted here, but still

love love love love loooove that!!!!

[sigma]

EIEs won't hide from you. IEIs will though. You have to seek them out. And they love that shit. They love being chased. So chase them.

IEI are full of doubt.... and this impairs their initiative... a SLE moving on an IEI that shows some interest in the SLE, has all the chances to screw the IEI's brain completely (in a good way). An IEI in such a situation will probably go from not being sure if the SLE is a 7 or an 8 on his scale of attractiveness.... to going completely crazy... "OMG, OMG... there is a 12, there is a 12!!! OMG..." and then, his mind will return to a still, clear way of functioning where that particular SLE becomes the GOD of his life.

Of course, this might be true only for a small part of the IEIs.... or it might be true only for imaginary IEIs...

[betterthan]

Hi Vimy ,
Yeah I agree, find yourself an IEI for sure! Read up on them and then get out and find one (& haha we will hide from you at first ).
Pretty much having as many Betas in your life as possible is good and as few Deltas as possible lol :tongue:.

[Sirena]

IEI are full of doubt.... and this impairs their initiative... a SLE moving on an IEI that shows some interest in the SLE, has all the chances to screw the IEI's brain completely (in a good way). An IEI in such a situation will probably go from not being sure if the SLE is a 7 or an 8 on his scale of attractiveness.... to going completely crazy... "OMG, OMG... there is a 12, there is a 12!!! OMG..." and then, his mind will return to a still, clear way of functioning where that particular SLE becomes the GOD of his life.

Of course, this might be true only for a small part of the IEIs.... or it might be true only for imaginary IEIs...

This is how I am, as I've illustrated in other posts where I talk about 2 SLEs I have dated in the past. One of them who broke up with me two and a half weeks ago and it's so hard to bring him down to the ground where he belongs and bury him, after having put him up on that pedestal. It's a much stronger feeling of disappointment with a dual because it feels like you're missing part of you, since there is no longer anyone around who truly appreciates and benefits from what you are good at giving and love to give. Being able to do that brought me so much joy. So, it's more than just missing someone you love.

[sigma]

So, it's more than just missing someone you love.

just remember...

- If time is a healer
Then all hearts that break
Are put back together again
‘Cause love heals the wound it makes

You will love again...

[Sirena]

just remember...

- If time is a healer
Then all hearts that break
Are put back together again
‘Cause love heals the wound it makes

You will love again...

thanks sigma,

[betterthan]

just remember...

- If time is a healer
Then all hearts that break
Are put back together again
‘Cause love heals the wound it makes

You will love again...