my enneagram type

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I might be a 4.

I remember I was the happiest doing a variety of things, 'living fully and not self-destructing' like what is recommended for most artists.

I remember my internal states as a child were so strong. Like when I was young and had a bad day in school- then got back home, I would shelter myself and live completely in my own head, and I would like open my eyes and I would see a bunch of crazy shit. This terrified me. I wasn't crazy, I just think I had a strong imagination from the get go- that's also why, I avoided things a lot. Because I would always magnify the emotionalism too much. I remember my parents tried to hone this talent in creative pursuits which I excelled reasonably well in.

Even from a young age, like even 2 or 3, I would start picking up a piece of paper and some crayons and start doodling. I was not interested in anything external, as I think I was born with externalites draining me, of course I need those externals to renew and strengthen my confidence so I understand just how well I am at something rather than a fantasy. That explains why I always blossom late compared to my peers, but when I do join the real world- I'm so much better at it than everybody else.

Artists are known as 'the blossoming ones' as because when they get over their emoness they can soar to great heights, of course I'm like this- as I can ascend quickly in social situations and also descend just as fast.

I was the weirdest kid in school, I mean other kids were weird- but I was pretty much THE oddball that couldn't quite find my place. I was the only one that sat by myself at lunch, and really didn't talk to anybody I was so sensitive and withdrawn. (I did occasionally though, but I was only satisfied if it was deep and Daria-like) Like it says in the descriptions, I also frequently think that I don't have to live as everybody else has lived. (why should I?) I also see what could be, the ideal, - and having to face raw reality has always been difficult for me, because I can't approach it unless I do it perfectly.

And also as you guys know from my rants here, I see through the veil of social structures extremely well. I am so deeply aware of the pointlessness of college and rat races and corporate work cocksuckers and such, and how empty/meaningless it feels to me and my subjective emotional states. But because I avoid so much of the external and the normal- I have a hard time relating to people in the real world. I also never stuck with ONE thing very long because of these insights, I always wanted to have a variety of experiences to find out what I'm good at. I also suffer from faggy identity issues and gender role shit. But when people talk to me one on one they fall in love with me, because I accept their real selves all too well.

I simply feel things deeply. Doing a simple task has always been hard for me, as I kinda feel everything at once sometimes. I remember I always had this strong uncontrollable urge to 'sit down and process everything' you know. Like after I got through something I always wanted to analyze how it made me feel and see if I could create something out of it. I kinda did this without thinking, it was just like a natural process.

My eyes are soft and withdrawn, as I'm introverted and reflective, anybody who has seen me on stickam knows this is true.

I have that thing most artists do against mainstream society like WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO CONTROL ME, I'M NOTHING BUT A NUMBER TO YOU I always felt that strongly, and I always of course had a very potent bullshit detector when somebody was being fake to me.

[Creepy-female]

fwiw, I don't think you're a 4.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Yeah I was kinda just umm questioning things. Cause when I take those tests (I know they're kinda sucky, but they're a good vague detector) I always get 4 and 6 pretty equally.

[MellowMarcello]

Yeah you don't sound 4ish...

I would shelter myself and live completely in my own head, and I would like open my eyes and I would see a bunch of crazy shit. This terrified me. I wasn't crazy, I just think I had a strong imagination from the get go- that's also why, I avoided things a lot. Because I would always magnify the emotionalism too much

Being terrified of the consequences of amplified emotions is not 4ish.

but when I do join the real world- I'm so much better at it than everybody else.

A four with a self-image of flourishing in the real world?...Don't think so.

But when people talk to me one on one they fall in love with me, because I accept their real selves all too well.

That sounds 6ish. 4s are elitists who hardly accept any of the commoners.

I have that thing most artists do against mainstream society like WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO CONTROL ME, I'M NOTHING BUT A NUMBER TO YOU I always felt that strongly, and I always of course had a very potent bullshit detector when somebody was being fake to me.

Both the tone(all caps rant) and content are very 6ish. Sixes have excellent BS detectors...the archetype for 6w5 is "vigilant". And your easy identification with a group..."most artists"...sounds more 6ish than 4ish.

Despite everything I said...a good 4-6 test is if someone insults artists as a group...are you offended? With 4s you have to insult them individually.

[Satan]

Yeah you don't sound 4ish...



Being terrified of the consequences of amplified emotions is not 4ish.



A four with a self-image of flourishing in the real world?...Don't think so.



That sounds 6ish. 4s are elitists who hardly accept any of the commoners.



Both the tone(all caps rant) and content are very 6ish. Sixes have excellent BS detectors...the archetype for 6w5 is "vigilant". And your easy identification with a group..."most artists"...sounds more 6ish than 4ish.

Despite everything I said...a good 4-6 test is if someone insults artists as a group...are you offended? With 4s you have to insult them individually.

LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Do you think I'd grow more by:

Being morally objective, principled, planned idealistic actions (4 integrating to 1)

Or:

Just going with the flow, relaxing, allowing, living fully and not being so much in my head (6 integrating to 9)

Everybody is saying that I'm a 4 and not a 6. However, I still think that I'm a 6. But just wanted to open up the debate since I'm bored.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I know, *other people* like it sometimes when I get morally objective, and act '1-ish.' However it is uncomfortable for me, or at the very best- it isn't the most ideal. I am actually most comfortable when I just listen to what other people say to do, and don't argue/fight with them, when I just kinda 'go along with things' and don't always fight/challenge authority.

But it's frustrating because nobody seems to believe me. They all want to see me as a 4. *sigh*

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Yeah, I meant in a personal sort of way but - in my experience in real life that's what I feel the most comfortable doing. And yeah it's good with curing neurosis.

[Azeroffs]

I find that integration/disintegration isn't the best way of typing for the enneagram.

The enneagram takes a lot of understanding much like socionics.

4s find that they have to act out their emotions. 4s feel as if they are fundamentally different from most people and need to express themselves as such. Their sense of self-worth comes from their depth of emotion and forms of expression. If it is stifled, they will start to become self-conscious and become unhealthy.

6s are much like 5s in that they have very active mental energy. The difference is that 5s rely more on intuitive understanding, and they may have thoughts that they feel are very eccentric and unworthy of sharing. 6s are more scientific and structured in thought. 6s, especially with a 7 wing need confirmation for their ideas. They tend to rely on others for their certainty. 6w5 aren't as reliant on others for certainty, but they often stress about coming to conclusions and once they do are almost impossible to convince of something different. Uncertainty will cause them to become stressed out and unhealthy.


As an overall impression, 4s are guided by emotions and can be self-centered. 6s tend to be mentally scattered, skeptical of new ideas, and highly focused on who they can/can't trust.

[ArchonAlarion]

6s are much like 5s in that they have very active mental energy. The difference is that 5s rely more on intuitive understanding, and they may have thoughts that they feel are very eccentric and unworthy of sharing. 6s are more scientific and structured in thought. 6s, especially with a 7 wing need confirmation for their ideas. They tend to rely on others for their certainty. 6w5 aren't as reliant on others for certainty, but they often stress about coming to conclusions and once they do are almost impossible to convince of something different. Uncertainty will cause them to become stressed out and unhealthy.

Not necessarily. As you argue with me, you gradually erode my certainty and I begin to experience extreme stress. "Convince" is an external activity. Just because I'm acting stubborn does not mean I actually feel so certain mentally. In fact I'm never certain about anything really. I've learned that being certain eventually leads to finding out I was wrong, which is a horrible realization. So I just never commit to anything in my head, for fear that I sided with the wrong belief. This is probably counter-phobic 6, though. I can see phobic 6's as always being "certain" mentally and counter-phobic 6's as being uncertain mentally. Both would show resolution and toughness externally though (possibly something to do with 3 dis).

[Azeroffs]

Not necessarily. As you argue with me, you gradually erode my certainty and I begin to experience extreme stress. "Convince" is an external activity. Just because I'm acting stubborn does not mean I actually feel so certain mentally. In fact I'm never certain about anything really. I've learned that being certain eventually leads to finding out I was wrong, which is a horrible realization. So I just never commit to anything in my head, for fear that I sided with the wrong belief. This is probably counter-phobic 6, though. I can see phobic 6's as always being "certain" mentally and counter-phobic 6's as being uncertain mentally. Both would show resolution and toughness externally though (possibly something to do with 3 dis).

makes sense.. anyway you get the idea. Quite obviously, there is a fixation on certainty. While 4 has a fixation on expression.

[ArchonAlarion]

Yeah, I was just clarifying.

[Steve]

Do you think I'd grow more by:

Being morally objective, principled, planned idealistic actions (4 integrating to 1)

Or:

Just going with the flow, relaxing, allowing, living fully and not being so much in my head (6 integrating to 9)

Everybody is saying that I'm a 4 and not a 6. However, I still think that I'm a 6. But just wanted to open up the debate since I'm bored.

You're 6. Just because you're INFp and like to write doesn't mean you're 4. That's probably what people are typing from. Your issue relies around feeling unsure about stuff, and going neurotic over it, like me. The times when you have your best words of wisdom come from that integrated perspective.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Yeah people that actually have spoken to me directly like you have (real life/phone) always pick up on that. How I'm a 6, not a 4.

I think people sometimes have this perception of me as some sort of faggy artist because of the gay thing, but I always was horrible at art in school. =) I was bad at both sports AND the arts. Hehehe. Still a good writer though.

[DirectorAbbie]

Yeah; do 6-9. I find your 4-1 annoying.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

lol What do you mean by that? I'm going to behave in any way I like bitch, and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it.

[Azeroffs]

I'm starting to wonder if you are 4. It seems like you are always trying to be self affirmative. A lot of true to yourself and identity garble all the time. Also, you are tend to be really combative and argumentative which 6s tend to avoid unless necessary. I'm thinking 4w5sw5w6 (essentially a heavily 5wingged 4) would make a lot of sense because of they're are a much more analytical kind of 4. 6 doesn't really make sense. Frankly, 6s try to be a lot more friendly and aren't so self-assured.

[thePirate]

I'm starting to wonder if you are 4. It seems like you are always trying to be self affirmative. A lot of true to yourself and identity garble all the time. Also, you are tend to be really combative and argumentative which 6s tend to avoid unless necessary. I'm thinking 4w5sw5w6 (essentially a heavily 5wingged 4) would make a lot of sense because of they're are a much more analytical kind of 4. 6 doesn't really make sense. Frankly, 6s try to be a lot more friendly and aren't so self-assured.

cp6

[Azeroffs]

cp6

?

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I had an epiphany about myself while taking a shower. That I'm clearly enneatype 9 not a 6. No wonder I felt backwards.

Seriously, after I had this epiphany the whole world suddenly clicked back into place again and I felt more self-confident than ever and I felt a natural peace surround me. So I know I'm right. =p It was like a spiritual nirvana of sorts.

The reason why is a lot of things put together. First of all, how could I be in the head triad? That is cuckoo for coco puffs when you look at me objectively. I've always processed things emotionally and instinctively, not intellectually. So that doesn't even make sense to be a 'head type.' And I'm anxious and fearful when I'm in my dark moods (nothing else besides fear, anxiety and panic attacks. I'm obviously not a hateful person.) That just so happens to be the same 'dark side' of both 6s AND 9s.

Four dark side is self-hating. Being anxious and fearful isn't the same thing as hating yourself. I've never been 'woe is me I'm such a loser cut myself' like unhealthy fours. I never experienced that type of self-loathing and I never will. And I don't really grow by being morally objective. I put people to sleep with that, and I'm just neutral with it. (people just think I'm a 4 sometimes because of the 'sensitive gay thing' *rolls eyes)

I was more likeable in the early chapters of 16types adventures, because when I made fun of narcissistic enneatype 3-ish celebrities, I actually was integrating myself to who I really was meant to become. It was always my area of growth, that's why then I skyrocketed and got a lot of popularity and media attention. =p

[Absurd]

I had an epiphany about myself while taking a shower.

No more showers for me.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

lol

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

The committed, security-oriented type. Sixes are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy.

I've never been reliable, hard-working, or responsible a day in my goddamn life. Only trustworthy. I was so stupid for thinking I was a 6 honestly. THIS is much, much MUCH MUCH MUCH more accurate:

Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness.

[paradanmellow]

I've never been reliable, hard-working, or responsible a day in my goddamn life. Only trustworthy. I was so stupid for thinking I was a 6 honestly. THIS is much, much MUCH MUCH MUCH more accurate:

dude you're making me have an epiphany right now! what if I'm not as six either but a downcast 9?

[717495]

I had an epiphany about myself while taking a shower.

This is where God came up with the idea to create man.

[Absurd]

You aware that certain people are going to have to examine you physically now, BnD? Just to test your Enneagram.

[silke]

I was more likeable in the early chapters of 16types adventures...

Another point in favor of type 9 for you BnD is that 9s talking style is described as saga, recounting stories, conjuring epics - your 16type Adventures write-ups are a good example of this.

[DirectorAbbie]

You do seem 9ish

[Reuben]

Someone invented tritypes for this purpose eh

Let's say you're base 9 with 6 and pick another number please.

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

I was more likeable in the early chapters of 16types adventures, because when I made fun of narcissistic enneatype 3-ish celebrities, I actually was integrating myself to who I really was meant to become.

maybe people stopped reading them afterwards

[Ningyo]

I can totally see it.