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Thread: The types of your family members

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    JuJu's Avatar
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    Default The types of your family members

    I was thinking yesterday about how Socionics inter-type relations have played out in my family.

    Now I'm wondering: have inter-type relations played out in your family like Socionics predicts they will?

    Do you think that the family dynamic changes inter-type relations?

    For me, it's still shocking to read how well the various inter-type relation descriptions apply to the dynamics between members of my family.

    My Mom: ESTp (activity)
    My Dad: ISTp (conflict)
    My older brother: ENFp (benefit)
    My younger brother: INFp (mirror)

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    ***el X Mercenary Nebuchadnezzar's Avatar
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    Haven't we had a few threads like this before? Could you not find them (not a criticism)?

    Mother - (unhealthy, neurotic) EIE-Ni
    Father - EII
    Twin Sister - SEE

    My father has at least 2 other illegitimate children and an unconfirmed, rumored 3rd. One of them is my half brother who is also SLI-Te. Reminds me quite a bit of "Serious Name" as a matter of fact.

    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu View Post
    Do you think that the family dynamic changes inter-type relations?
    Idk.

    "His feeling that this world is not his Fatherland, and that it does not represent his proper condition, so to speak—his feeling that, basically, he 'comes from afar'—will remain a fundamental element which will not give rise to mystical escapism and spiritual weakness, but rather will enable him to minimise, to relativise, to refer to higher concepts of measure and limit, all that can seem important and definitive to others, starting with death itself, and will confer on him calm force and breadth of vision." — Julius Evola

    SLI-Te | 5w6 sp/so
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    JuJu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeAnte View Post
    Haven't we had a few threads like this before? Could you not find them (not a criticism)?
    Many of the people on this forum have more accurate pictures of Socionics and their types than when the old threads were written.

    Moreso--by far, IMO--than at any point since I came here three years ago.

    Just as I came across an old thread in which the consensus was that the Beatles were all Alpha... I thought, you know, let's start again.

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    I change my mind daily about my family members and their types. I guess my brother is most likely SLE, father more than likely LSI, sister is SEI and mother is most likely SEE. It's so much easier for me to type people I don't know as well.

    I get along probobly the best with my dad. Me and my brother don't really exchange words much but we get along...I get along very well with everyone in my family...I couldn't see their type as ever being something that would hinder the relationship. For example, with my brother, being around him is exhausting but I've never really faught with him or considered it a stressful relationship...I just interact with him in smaller doses. We're a pretty close family regardless of types.

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    Me - IEE
    Husband - SLI
    Older daughter - IEE
    Younger daughter - too young to know

    Yes we have bliss so far. But will it all fall apart with the new one? Only time will tell.

    Family of origin:
    Dad: EIE
    Mom: LIE
    Sister: EII
    Brother: ESI
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    <something> Wynch's Avatar
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    Mom - ILI
    Dad - LSE
    Step-mom - LSI
    Step-dad - SLE
    Me - ILE
    Brother - SXE?
    Half-brother - LXI
    Half-brother SLE

    (N.B. half-brothers are the kids of LSE/LSI)
    ILE
    7w8 so/sp

    Very busy with work. Only kind of around.

  7. #7
    Creepy-male

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    Vero, your shorts are particularly golden today.

    Regardless,

    SLI mother
    LIE dad
    ESE grandmother (FUCK YES! Best grandparents ever! (Later note: old photos make her look like some sort of Beta. She's got that Beta hard look in her eyes.))
    --Haven't typed my dad's parents. His mother's a Beta and his dad's probably an Alpha.

    Mother's family (only extended family I actually have enough contact with to type)...

    SLI uncle
    ESE aunt (probably, might be IEE though... I get the sense that she's too crazy for that typing, however)
    SLI cousin
    --- cousin, probably ILE, but IEE is completely possible. Or maybe not. She's too school smart to be Ne-leading

    As far as intertype relations go, yeah, it all fits... if I type myself as SEI. Mum's Te-dumps really hurt my head, but our household is really, really relaxed (no, screw you, Bee. I'm allowed to use Fe on stickam). LIE dad whizzes around being a lawyer/building things/bombarding me with Fi requests (I asked both of them about their relationship btw--they both described supervision, so, yeah. That works too). I try to stay clear of him. Conflict sucks like that.

    Back over to the cousins, the ESE/SLI couple seem to give eachother plenty of space. Also, the ESE is such a Seven. I think the entire time I was there, she was out shopping or socializing. The SLI just kicked back on the sofa and listened to Buddha Bar CDs. Yeah. Their children were out working the entire time... and I was sleeping.

    High energy my ass.

  8. #8

    Default

    There's been thread like this before, but I'll reiterate the list:

    Dad: ESTp (Semi-Dual)

    Nowadays my dad calls me pretty often, lot more often than my mom. Used to be different a few years back. My dad tries to get me to do stuff, and he's the one who drags me to places. What's common that, we share similar harsh outlook for life. My dad is pretty aggressive, sort of like Paul Sr. in Orange County Choppers.

    Mom: ENFp (Illusionary)

    When I'm visiting my mom, we just basically eat and watch tv, and joke about stuff. Working with her is very dificult. My mom is kinda person who knows everything about everyone, and often talks about people who I haven't seen years, or don't even know who they are, but she just likes to talk about people. I have no idea where she gets all this information. My mom would want to hug and touch me, but I won't let her

    Sister: ISFj (Activity)

    My sister and I have become closer as we have gotten older, maybe we were more like that when we were really young. My sister had huge attitude when she was teenager and on her early twenties, but now she has become a lot warmer person. Then we used to have fierce arguments. My sister likes to bug people, especially my brother. She can like repeat to him:"Hey monkey, I'm going to kick your ass" etc. She loves animals.

    Brother: ENTp (Contrary)

    We share lot of interests, and get along pretty well. Sometimes we argue when he insists on being wrong He's very active, not so much physically but by having lot of activities, and his good at finding new opportunities.
    Last edited by Warlord; 03-17-2009 at 06:30 AM. Reason: Some commentary about relationships.
    ...the human race will disappear. Other races will appear and disappear in turn. The sky will become icy and void, pierced by the feeble light of half-dead stars. Which will also disappear. Everything will disappear. And what human beings do is just as free of sense as the free motion of elementary particles. Good, evil, morality, feelings? Pure 'Victorian fictions'.

    INTp

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    I'm sorry. Allie. Sounds hard.

    Mom: EII
    Dad: SEI
    brother: IEI
    sister-in-law: SLE


    husband: ESE
    twin daughters: ESE and IEI
    son: SEI
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Allie that was a great post. those post are the reason why I am tuned to this forum. It is almost like i want to collect these personal life story people give in here, and save them for a wonderful memory. For many reason I thought it was breathtaking, it was geniue and it did happen, it was a true story and not a novel. On a side note, Comparable relations is heavy in the household, I have no idea what goes on in your house, but i think you still have connection with your father, he means more to you than your mother... I dont know, it sounds like it in your post.
    Last edited by 07490; 03-17-2009 at 02:41 AM.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    ISFp mom
    ENFj sister
    INTj dad
    ENFp me

    Lots of INFp extended family (uncles, cousins, etc.)

    Most of my extended family values Fe.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    <something> Wynch's Avatar
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    I seem to have a lot of Fi-valuers in my extended family. Especially on my mom's side. It always makes family gatherings weird for me. Man, especially my uncle and his family. And my other uncle's wife. Actually, both my uncle's wives. They stress me out. IXFj women.

    But at least I have my SEI grand mem <3
    ILE
    7w8 so/sp

    Very busy with work. Only kind of around.

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    Honestly, there's more insight in that post by Allie about inter-type relations than I've read on this forum in quite awhile... Thank you for writing that.

    Jessica, Warlord, Red Baron, Vero, Slacker Mom, Numbers, everyone... This is really good stuff.

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    Allie, thanks for sharing. It was very insightful, although I'm really sorry you had to go through that stuff with your dad.

    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    However, I never excused anything my father did. I just felt like I was the only one who could criticize him or something—that my mom had no right to talk about him like that, only I could. I honestly don't know why I felt that way, I just did. So around other people I'd stand up for him and defend him, but when it was just me and him alone I'd tell him exactly how I felt. I'd tell him when he was being a terrible father, when he wasn't funny, when he took things too far, when he hurt us, etc. I don't think anyone's criticism ever affected him like mine did. I'd just be brutally honest with him; partially because it really upset me to have to publicly defend someone that I felt didn't deserve it at times. I'd have to tell my mom or sister not to talk about him a certain way, which made my mother sort of bitter towards me, even today.
    I actually related to what you said here - about sticking up for your father in public even though you secretly agreed with what was being said.
    I feel like my family is rather ... judgmental. They have no problem bashing someone/something/a certain behavior, and even if I agree with them I feel like I have to defend whatever they are putting down. I'm really not sure why, and it most likely doesn't coincide with what you were saying about your relationship with your father, but it did remind me of that. I think that maybe a small part of me always feels guilty and obliged to stick up for the "underdog." (Or in some cases I like to play "devil's advocate," but what I was referring to here is different.) Anyway, it's weird.

    So my family:

    Dad - LSE (semi-dual)
    Mom - EII (comparative)
    Sister 1 - IEI (beneficiary)
    Sister 2 -alpha/beta

    I get along the best with my dad, although I think this has a lot to do with us sharing an enneagram type (1) because a lot of our conversation focuses on things that we have in common as a result of our shared type. My dad seems to really feel comfortable around me though (he is kind of awkward around most people), and we have a lot of deep discussions about life. We have a lot of mutual respect for each other, and I spend a lot of time explaining to my sisters where he is coming from on issues, because neither of them really understand his motives.
    My mom and dad get along sickeningly well, and that is enough said on that, haha.
    I get along with my mom pretty well, although she has a tendency to be very long-winded and instead of just getting to the point she must first set up an elaborate story to backdrop it all, and on and on. My mom is an overachiever who takes on too much yet somehow manages to handle it all, and when I lived at home I spent a lot of time helping her handle it all and being her brain for every day things ("What was so-and-so's last name?" "Do you remember when we have to drop your sister off for ___?" etc).
    I thought that glam's description of her relationship with her ESI brother explained very well my relationship with my IEI sister, and it was interesting to read the other end of things.

    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post

    Brother 2 - ESI (benefactor): this brother is probably one of the most empathetic, sensitive and understanding (Fi) people I know, despite his cold reserved exterior. our relationship is good, but not without problems; it really does feel "uneven" between us. I often get the feeling that he finds me flighty, vacuous, and not of much use to him (he probably senses that he gets no Te from me.) it can be hard to communicate because I like to be freely openly emotional and try to connect with people that way, but he doesn't respond to it, and even tries to limit this kind of communication (ignoring Fe); I can sense his irritation and impatience and sometimes he'll give sharp comments (Se) that almost seem to signal to me that he wants the conversation to end if it is going to continue the way it is going. so interactions are best when I limit the dramatics and attempts to emotionally engage him (Fe). he has said that he prefers and is more attracted to "serious" girls (Te-Fi?). his girlfriend (she is unhealthy and I don't know her type but it wouldn't surprise me if she was LIE) tends to irritate me and she calls him every 2 seconds; he patiently takes every call and goes out of his way to do everything she wants. she also buys him a lot of expensive stuff.
    I tend to view my IEI sister as kind of ... feeble (and I don't mean that in a cruel way). She is usually extremely sweet and loving and friendly, but she is really irrational and flighty or something and I've never felt like I could depend on her. She has this habit of saying whatever you want to hear because she is afraid of disappointing people or something and this irritates me. I'm pretty sure she thinks that I'm too cold and unfriendly. When we talk about every day things, we get along perfectly fine and I think that she is an enjoyable person to be around. I remember once I told her that I thought she was kind of over dramatic about things and she took it as a huge personal blow.

    My youngest sister is an enigma as of now.
    Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    However, I never excused anything my father did. I just felt like I was the only one who could criticize him or something—that my mom had no right to talk about him like that, only I could. I honestly don't know why I felt that way, I just did. So around other people I'd stand up for him and defend him, but when it was just me and him alone I'd tell him exactly how I felt. I'd tell him when he was being a terrible father, when he wasn't funny, when he took things too far, when he hurt us, etc. I don't think anyone's criticism ever affected him like mine did. I'd just be brutally honest with him; partially because it really upset me to have to publicly defend someone that I felt didn't deserve it at times. I'd have to tell my mom or sister not to talk about him a certain way, which made my mother sort of bitter towards me, even today.
    I relate a lot to this. I always defended my dad when he was criticized by others, but at the same time I would tell him exactly how I felt about his stupid actions and I'd always call him out while nobody else seemed to have the will to do so.

    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post

    Dad - IEI (identical): unfortunately none of us have a real relationship with him, because of his own personal issues that he hasn't resolved. when I am with him or interacting with him, I see so many of my own weaknesses (some of them amplified, because I have learned to deal with some better than he has) and hate being reminded of them. (he is more "extreme" than I am though.) I think he senses that I am bothered by his weaknesses and resents me for it. he is the most stubborn (overblown Ti HA) person ever, will not admit any faults with himself or with what he says, is very insecure and immediately defensive for every little thing. so really it's impossible to have a real relationship with him, because you can't have any real adult discussions with him. best way to get along with him is to nod your head or remain neutral. the worst part is that he thinks that it's everybody else who has a problem, that nothing's wrong with him. he really is a good person though, with good intentions; he's very materialistically generous also (which reminds me of myself; if/when I have extra money I spend it on my loved ones also.)
    Wow, your dad sounds almost exactly like my IEI dad. It was incredibly annoying; when you would point out his fault he would go into complete defensive mode. He couldn't be wrong about anything, everything was always somehow justified, and he'd always try to turn things back around on you.

    btw Glam, my parents are also IEI - IEE.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Glam can you adapt me into your family? oh damn there are already two EIE...
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

  17. #17
    The man with the plan MasterfulMischief's Avatar
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    Dad (LSE, Kindred): My dad means well but definitely has a set of problems he has trouble overcoming. I admire his good nature and the fact I have never seen him intentionally screw someone over/hurt someone in my entire life. He is also extremely good with his hands (ya, LSE). Some of the things that annoy me about him is that he can be a bit of a pussy when it comes to taking other people's shit and just whines about it rather than do something about it. Also, his defeatist attitude makes it hard for me to look up to him. He tends to blame things on luck and things outside of his control rather than looking at and trying to change what he is capable of changing. Also, he has many old world views that are not based in reality. Also, he is not very ambitious and tends to project his lack of ambition on to me which I find at least a little insulting. He grew up rich (my grandpa owned several car dealerships) and is still so dependent on his parents for almost everything it seems to me like he never completely grew up.

    Mom (ESI, Dual): Not suprising since she is my dual but I adore my mom. She moved here from Portugal when she was 16 and never enrolled in school because she had to help support her mom and sisters. She is an extremely attractive woman but has some confidence issues because of her lack of education. She has had to deal with many hardships (father dying leaving her mom and 7 siblings to fend for themselves, me almost dying when I was born, my father going bankrupt when they were still married, her brother committing suicide) but despite all that she has never faltered and has worked hard her whole life to provide for her family. She is childishly naive in a lot of ways but I find it extremely endearing. I also know she is very sensitive about it and it enrages me whenever I see someone make fun of it/take advantage of it. It is extremely important to me that I will be able to provide for her in old age, because despite her working hard her whole life she is still working paycheque to paycheque.

    Big Sister(SEI, Conflict): My sister means well, but I find her extremely closeminded and shallow. She has a very annoying habit of criticizing anyone and everyone, but only to other people rather than to the people themselves which might actually allow them to benefit from said criticizism. She also seems too concerned with keeping up bullshit appearances, which gives her the tendency to do things like pretend to be offended just because she thinks she should. This is probably just textbook conflictorship, though.

    Little Brother (ILI, Mirror): My brother is more like me than anyone else I know. We get along well, although there is very little there in the way of outward expressions of appreciation. He is one of the few people I know who can actually keep up with me banter wise. While my main hobby growing up and even now has always been cards/strategy games, he has always been really into video games. We are into a lot of the same shows, and unlike my dad, I get the feeling that my brother has a good sense of my tastes and what I would like and not like. Some differences we have is that my brother is extremely picky with his food, is really skinny and not concerned about his health at all (he often goes days without showering/brushing his teeth, as gross as that is). He is also very much a homebody and doesn't go out to party at all really, and as a result he does not seem concerned with girls that much.

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    <something> Wynch's Avatar
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    Mom - ILI (Contrary) Glam's relationship with her mom sounds similar to mine with my mom. We have a pretty comfortable relationship which made it difficult to think of ourselves as contraries at first (I saw it easier than her, probably because she's my mom ). Our relationship is built much like yours. I particularly like going to my mom and blah blah blahing on things like socionics and my plans and ideas. And similarily, the incompatability shows mostly when we disagree on something because we have trouble reconciling our differences in ideas. When we agree, it's actually a very comfortable relationship because we're both seeing things that the other person is not and kind of filling in the blanks to solidify things to a mutual advantage. However, when we disagree it gets a little more annoying. My mom is always worrying over every possible failure in everything, which drives me nuts, but can also be handy. She gets caught up in the details of everything and is usually the queen of "I told you so's". I remember as a kid I used to get annoyed with my mom when we would go shopping and she would be looking for something specific and wouldn't just ask where it was. I wanted to take action and my mom didn't really want to make contact with other people, lol. Also, I often feel like I'm stepping on Fe-eggshells around my mom. Inversely, I think my mom probably gets annoyed by my desire to experiment and take things as they come. I know that she finds my social craziness and exuberance embarrassing and uncomfortable when we go out (), and she probably finds me impatient and rash.

    Dad - LSE (Benefactor) My dad and I have a pretty comfortable relationship, though I often find him rather ridiculous and find myself rolling my eyes at him. Mostly mine and my dad's relationship is marked by the fact that we mutually suck at confrontation (particularly with each other) and that we both have very different ideas of how a person should lead their life, lol. It's kind of interesting that our relationship of Benefit occurs with parent/child-benefactor/beneficiary because it seems almost the natural role for a father like my dad and his oldest child. He often puts himself in the position of more or less telling me how I should do things and making me feel guilty if I don't/can't do it. I'm left wanting to tell him more or less to f- off. It's one of those relationships where you feel like nothing you ever do is good enough, which is extremely annoying. More generally, my dad and I like to joke around a lot, play board games together (my dad get's really pissed when I beat him all the time), talk about work, etc. My dad thinks I'm frivolous, I think he's staunchy, haha.

    Step-mom - LSI (Supervisee) My step-mom and I have a comfortable and relaxed relationship. We're more like good friends than anything else. When I was growing up we used to butt heads a lot because she was strict and suffocating and I'm non-confrontational and looking to kind of do my own thing. At this point we're pretty comfortable just chatting, discussing things I need to do, laughing over how my dad is an Fe-idiot, etc. The only issue we really have is that she likes to spout off information as though it is absolute truth and I'm automatically skeptical. Because she gets angry easily, I don't really bother playing devil's advocate, but I usually want to, lol.

    Step-dad - SLE (Business) My step-dad and I get along really well. Putting us together is usually a little risqué because we tend to feed off of each other's Fe HA until we're a giant ball of ridiculous. We tend to poke fun at my mom a lot, which is not a good idea since she gets upset by it pretty easily. Not surprising since we're more or less poking fun at her PoLR with her PoLR, lol. Mostly we tend to contrast in our attitudes towards things. He's a doer and busy-body while I'm an ideas person. There's really not much to say about our relationship. We tend to get along well and that's that.

    Younger Brother - SXE It's hard for me to pinpoint my brother's type, he's a bit of an enigma to me in that regard. We have a pretty chill relationship, though I have all the right buttons to push to piss my brother off a lot. When I want to, I can make my brother explode. I grew a lot closer to my brother when we no longer had to live in the same space together. Our relationship is mostly defined by relaxing together, bouncing hilarity off of each other to create more and more ridiculous ideas (which my brother inevitably takes too far) and lamenting issues with our parents (surprise!).

    Younger Half-bro - LXI (Mirror/Supervisee) It's a toss up on his type for me. When I look at his relationship with the my brothers I begin to think LII makes the most sense. I think this bro has some psych issues that kind of interfere with a good typing of him though. He kind of edges on OCD and is extremely stubborn in what he sees as reality. Our relationship is pretty neutral, mostly I get annoyed because he's 7-years-old and a bit of a snotty brat. Mostly we get in "discussions" trying to reconcile something he says that I know is wrong and I'm trying to adjust his viewpoint. That or I'm trying to coax him into being more sociable and to get along with people better.

    Younger Half-Bro - SLE (Business) What a little piston this munchkin is. He's a doer, a little charmer, sneaky and clever. Mostly I have to laugh at his antics. We have a very comfortable relationship. If he asks me something and I give him a logical answer, he accepts that and moves on. If he wants something from me, he approaches me the same way. We come to terms on things really easily. If I want him to do something and he's hesitant or nervous all I have to do is tell him he can't do it, and he'll come back guns blazing. He's still young, so he doesn't know how to outwit me yet, but the day will come and I look forward to it. I really enjoy playing games and video games with him because we seem to work really well together. In contrast he and my SXE brother butt heads a little more when it comes to things like playing video games together because the older one will tell the SLE to do something instead of talking to him about why he should do something, causing the SLE to dig his heels in and do whatever he wants.
    ILE
    7w8 so/sp

    Very busy with work. Only kind of around.

  19. #19
    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
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    I will go into more detail about my family of origin.

    Dad (EIE). Dad is a control freak with my brother but not with me. He's a nice guy but has a huge temper. Sometimes I think he's great and sometimes I can't stand him at all. He's completely psychotic, which probably doesn't help. He has OCD and keeps weird statistical information. He's an odd duck. He doens't like my husband.

    Mom (LIE). Mom is a control freak with me but not with my brother. She is very fond of me, but she has ridiculously high expecations that I have no interest in reaching. She doesn't like my husband. She thinks women should work and not stay home with their kids, too.

    Sister (EII). She and I hang out a lot. But sometimes she drives me crazy because she is clingy. She needs a husband. She wants my husband to fix stuff for her all the time but I can't even get him to stop doing projects he wants to do and fix stuff for me. But she and I do get along well and we do a lot of things together.

    Brother (ESI). He makes really stupid choices, on a regular basis. He just has no ability to see that he is doing something stupid. Like he's spending a ridiculous amount of money on getting a master's degree when he has no reason to believe he will ever make as much money as it is going to cost him. And he made a very bad choice when he got married. Then he for some reason could not seem to get divorced for years and years and years when it was obvious he needed to. Then he made the worst possible choice of a divorce attorney. Now he's got this girlfriend and he really adores her, but I don't think she's as interested, and his heart will get broken. I know it will but there's no point saying anything to him.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Park's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom View Post
    She thinks women should work and not stay home with their kids, too.
    What do YOU think about that?
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  21. #21
    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Winterpark View Post
    What do YOU think about that?
    I stay home with my kids. I think women should be able to work or not as works within their families and as works for them. For that matter, dads should work or not as works within the families and for them. (I have friends who work and whose husband stay home.) Families should figure out what works for them and other people shouldn't butt in.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

  22. #22
    Park's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom View Post
    I stay home with my kids. I think women should be able to work or not as works within their families and as works for them. For that matter, dads should work or not as works within the families and for them. (I have friends who work and whose husband stay home.) Families should figure out what works for them and other people shouldn't butt in.
    Ok, cool, that makes sense.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom View Post
    I stay home with my kids. I think women should be able to work or not as works within their families and as works for them. For that matter, dads should work or not as works within the families and for them. (I have friends who work and whose husband stay home.) Families should figure out what works for them and other people shouldn't butt in.
    absolutely right.

    Okay, here are my details:

    Mom-EII: She always handled the discipline in our family since she comes from a big family and my dad's an only child. Not much conflict, really. I always felt (and still sometimes feel) like she doesn't really understand me. She was a people-pleaser with her own parents and she kind of expected me to be the same (which I am not). So I think when I occasionally go against the grain of how she thinks things should be, I get the raised eyebrows thing. She's really good at biting her tongue though. I don't pick fights with her either. I know she loves me and we can agree to disagree. Overall, she was/is a very reasonable mother. Not terribly demanding and enjoyed/enjoys having fun as a family.

    Dad-SEI Fe-sub: we've always gotten along great. Very little conflict. In fact, I can think of zero conflict... ever. He's sweet, enthusiastic, playful, lazy (like me), interested in everything, a great dad and grandpa. He's more forgiving and understanding than my mother. I don't think he would have dealt very well with having to discipline us hard-core if we had been prone to much rebelliousness. I think he might have been pretty paralyzed and left it all up to my mom. Lucky for them, we were both good kids.

    Brother-IEI: again, zero conflict. We've always been good friends. He's now married to his dual, SLE, whom everyone in the family adores! I love being around both of them. It is kind of weird though, how they are an island unto themselves. They don't need anyone else and I worry a bit how either of them would survive if something terrible happened to the other one. No kids. Growing up, we each spent a lot of time in our respective rooms. I can remember hanging out in his room occasionally, listening to music together.

    It was an entire family of introverts. Our house was quiet much of the time (which is why my own family now sometimes drives me crazy with the noise!) and everyone often did their own thing. But during dinner, I can remember my dad, my brother and I rolling on the floor laughing. The three of us had a very similar sense of humor and my poor mom would be left sitting there, thinking it wasn't very funny or at least not getting why it was quite THAT funny. She was often a third wheel to the three of us. When I married my ESE husband, that helped a lot cause then he'd join my mom and the two of them could make comments about how strange the rest of us are or whatever. lol

    When my parents would fight, it was pretty low-key. My dad would mope and my mother would gently try to talk him through it. He would mope some more and my mom would drop the subject but the tension remained. I can remember driving in the car with that tension. Overall though, it was a good family, an easy atmosphere to grow up in.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  24. #24
    The man with the plan MasterfulMischief's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom View Post
    She thinks women should work and not stay home with their kids, too.
    Did your mom pick out your username? =P

  25. #25
    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MasterfulMischief View Post
    Did your mom pick out your username? =P
    LOL
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

  26. #26
    Snomunegot munenori2's Avatar
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    Mom: ESE > LSE. I get along very well with my mom. It's easy to admire how down to earth she is about everything and how much she likes to make everyone around her comfortable and laughing. Probably the most socially outgoing of all my family and is a strong contributor to family social traditions (making lunch on Sundays, regularly going to see movies together). On the other hand, she is a lot more stern at work. Anyhow we've always had a pretty awesome relationship, rarely butting heads or disagreeing at all. She's often said I was the easiest child to raise and could see me going really far in life. That last bit is sort of the double edged sword of how we get along though. She sort of bemoans my general lack of ambition and in bucking her idea of career goals (business, law, medicine, education, or computers). Has an unquestionable disliking for the ILI one of my sisters is dating ("he's inconsiderate, awkward, and doesn't do things for [my sister]) but absolutely loves the other sisters SLI ("he's polite, accomodating, does what a man is supposed to do, reminds me of [my dad]).

    Dad: SLI or LSI, I've tossed around SEI but probably not. My dad and I have never argued before in my life. Neither one of us really gives a damn about fighting over most things and are pretty much content in letting each other do what we want. He's ultimately practically oriented and has a really wide knowledge of how to do things from building houses, to car maintenance, to landscaping (that was a dream of his for awhile). In fact, the only rigid thing about him is his political beliefs. Even then he doesn't usually spout off about them liberally. Instead he likes to make quips and jokes about the 'left wings' and 'liberals'. Sort of a very us vs them perspective. He once said that he couldn't respect moderates because they were cowards if they couldn't pick a side, kind of surprising given that he's one of the most considerate and polite people I know. Overall, however, our interactions are always slow and meandering, light hearted, but typically lacking any feeling of 'depth'. He tends to think of my sisters as needlessly combative and unreasonable.

    Twin brother: LII. We get along rather fantastically and can talk for hours about various things. When we were kids we could play imaginative games, invent worlds, play all sorts of weird board games/roleplaying games most people would never have heard of. Of course, I always wound up being the DM/game master to all the games that caught his eye, but just seeing how excited and happy it made him was worth the extra responsibility. He does have a tendency to sulk when he feels forced into things and I fall into the role of trying to cheer him up/distracting him with something more enjoyable. Whenever we've had to do most any sort of task together (mostly I'm thinking about work around my uncle's ranch) he's very content to let me take the lead while he talks about different things going through his head at the time. He's kind of clumsy at those kind of things but doesn't take it to heart. It's really endearing and I usually wind up hopping in and giving a hand. Easily the closest friend I have. He could always push my sisters' buttons just by playing Ti sort of word games, cleverly starting with some innocuous question and cheerfully examining the reasons behind the answer even as it was apparent that the other side was building into a towering rage about it.

    Younger sister: ESI or possibly IEI. She sort of can be mercurial at times, but her moods last a long time. Tends to be explosive whenever something sets her off (and many things do). She's often very chipper with people she likes but can be extremely rude or uncaring towards those she doesn't. Her outlook on people in general is overwhelmingly negative. I've always gotten along with her pretty well (that's sort of my role in the family, keeping everyone happy and from devolving into a total shitfest) and she would often want to join in on the games my brother and I would play. She always has to keep busy and is always crocheting, raising plants, occasionally doing art. My sister is easily the most quick-tempered (my other sister is very close though) and easy to stress out person of the family. Any uncertainty or fall through in planning reduces her to a complete unhelpable mess. Dates an ILI. She and my other sister used to fight as children, screaming and raging to the point that my dad would lose his temper (like the one time in his life) until you could feel the tension, pain, and hate in the room. My dad and I always had a similar response to that. He would leave us there and go for a drive to cool off and reset. I would retreat to the bathroom and cry.

    Youngest sister: SEE or SLE > IEE. If you've ever seen The Girls Next Door, she has a lot of similarities with Kendra (although my sister is brighter). She craves attention constantly. That means she will talk over a movie everyone is engrossed in (at the worst times too), she will call you at any time night and day. Refuses to be ignored. We tend to get along pretty well and she's the only sibling of mine I've partied with. Mostly I think this is because I tend to give attention easily when I'm comfortable around someone. Usually she does all the talking because it's hard for me to bring up hardly anything (she's sort of anti-intellectual when it comes to speculating, but likes 'learning things'). She's very critical of others but oddly incredibly unself aware about how inconsistent she is. Tends to expect people to help her do what she wants without considering the burden on everyone else. When she and my brother roomed together in college, he drilled her on this point. Her response: punch to the face. She and my sister get along more indifferently these days since they only have to see each other at most once a week. She often says she feels like an outsider in the family (my brother, sister, and I were all in gifted programs [which she missed the entry cutoff by about 8 or 9 points] and that her interests were always so different from everyone elses). Dates an SLI.

  27. #27
    unefille's Avatar
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    Mother: ESE
    Father: LSI

    I'm an only child.

    My extended family is interesting: I'm inclined to say that my mother's side is very Alpha (it's a huge sprawling family with cousins always getting together and coming over, eating at different people's places -- just very large and festive) and my father's side is Gamma (more 'austere' in a sense, less emphasis on big loud gatherings with lots of food and nothing else but food for days on end, the mood is more quiet, we discuss politics and economics instead of what each cousin is doing/getting married/pregnant etc).

    My maternal grandparents live with their oldest son and they are very Alpha (Si/Ne).

    Maternal Grandmother: LSE (Si)
    Maternal Grandfather: SEI-Si
    Oldest Uncle: ILE-Ti
    His wife: SEI-Fe
    Their Son: ILE-Ne

    My Second Uncle moved more toward Beta, sort of. I've included in this lot another uncle who was my second uncle's cousin and his best friend.

    Second Uncle: SEI-Fe
    Wife: IEI-Ni
    Daughter: SEI-Fe
    Other Uncle: SLE-Ti
    His Wife: IEI-Fe
    His Son: ILI-Ni

    Third Uncle is Gamma, he's pretty much 'on the outskirts of the family'.

    Third Uncle: LIE-Ni
    Wife: ESI-Se
    Daughter: SEE-Fi

    On my father's side however, it is primarily Gamma -- and my mother really hates spending time with them. She finds them demanding, yet unwelcoming. The family is much smaller - only one uncle. They don't have much to do with cousins etc. It's very isolated compared to my Alpha family; there are, as I've said, no big gatherings.

    Paternal Grandfather: ILI-Ni
    Paternal Grandmother: ESI-Se
    Paternal Uncle: LIE-Te
    His Wife: SEE-Fi
    Cousin: Beta or Gamma SF (not certain).

    I get along just fine with both sides of the family overall. Sadly there's not real enclave of Betas for me.
    ()
    3w4-1w2-5w4 sx/sp

  28. #28
    machintruc's Avatar
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    My dad is ESI
    My mom is EIE
    My sis is EII
    My grandmas are : EII, EIE
    My grandpas are : ILI, LSI

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    Dad – gamma NT. I can't spot his temperament. As for our relationship, we always got along really well, we can have really interesting conversations but we do conflict sometimes but not for long. For some reason we argue a lot, but we don't take it seriously..

    Mom – LxI – well, when I was a teenager I didn't get along with her at all, we would fight all the time because I felt like she wanted to change me. Today we get along fine, I find her nice to be around sometimes but at other times, she bores me..

    Sister – probably on the sensing side of ESI. In a way I always looked up to her because she seems dignified and knows how to stand up for her self which is something I try to improve in myself. I don't like the fact that she has these strong judgments about people and it's the reason we get into conflicts. She's paranoid about certain things and I try to help her not worry about stuff. Overall we have a rocky yet sometimes interesting relationship.

  30. #30
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    Mum - ESI (Supervisee)
    Dad - LSI (Conflictor)
    Me - IEE

    Thats all i really know. I haven't bothered to type the rest of my family. Im really not a family orientated person. Actually i think my favourite uncle is SLI and another uncle is EII but thats all i know. As a kid i got on with them both really really well.

    My parents are both just really great to be honest. They are kind and loving to one another and dont fight too much. My dad buys mum flowers for example and respects mum a lot and mum respects dad for everything hes achieved. My ESI mother was a great mother to me. She is such a sweet woman who read me christmas stories and bought me lollies and told me how much she loved me. Cooked and cleaned for me lol and basically made my life as smooth as possible. To be honest this kind of parenting might not work for everyone but for me i think it was perfect and made me emotionally stable and rounded. Shes an ISFj who focuses on her Fi first and foremost and uses Se mostly to get things done. Shes awesome.

    My LSI dad and i have had misunderstandings many many times. We both dont back down and can shout at each other like crazy. Typically its because hes trying to control me and tell me im either doing something wrong or not being organised (ti) etc. With that being said i respect him a lot. He is a strong mother fucker. An incredible provider for the family he worked his ass off, never complained. He also works hard around the house and keeps himself very busy. Incredibly capable man. I have learnt in time that when he orders me to do something i just do it and he seems to be happy with that. An amazingly good man too bad we are conflictors really but irrespective i know he loves me so its cool. Just recently as hes getting older hes starting to mellow out and get a little fragile. It actually pains me to see him a little vunerable as hes always be so imposing. Now that ive moved out of home hes quite friendly on the phone and is always trying to help me organise my affairs. To be honest i would probablly give a lot to just transform myself into an SLE for a few weeks just so i could hang out with him better.

    I think my parents both instilled in me a sense of duty and right and wrong. They have always been in agreement about their parenting style. Any time i feel like complaining or shirking responsibility i think about them and try to change my ways.
    Last edited by meatburger; 04-11-2009 at 11:43 AM.
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

  31. #31
    dinki's Avatar
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    This is really interesting.

    Mum - ESTj. Lol. The relationship is very strained, obviously. Though sometimes we will have our rare moments where we can have a conversation about the world and it feels very beneficial. She is just suffocating, she will just out talk a topic, she's too critical and imposing to me. She finds me lazy, disorganized and doesn't have much faith in me. She's always so shocked when I 'do well'. But acts as though she knew I would do well all along. She hates how emotional I am, she's gets very pent up when I express anger at injustice, and I get even more angry because her lack of anger signifies, to me, that she doesn't care enough. When I was a kid, about seven I remember thinking 'I used to love you more then anything in the world, what the hell went wrong?'. Lol.

    Dad - ISTp. Typically too clingy and intrusive for me. We don't have much to talk about. I love him but dislike him and have no respect for him as I think he is immoral and his behaviour toward my EIE sister is ridiculous. Mine and my mothers, though we fight a lot, is more civil and we don't go out of our way to bring the other down, the way my father does with my sister.
    We get into a lot of conflicts about my lifestyle, I try to do everything I can to keep the relation harmonious and his insatiable ego satisfied to avoid confrontation and dislike between us. He's just incredibly dogmatic, immoral and oblivious imo, he will crush everyone just to make himself feel better . He just seems to feel justified in hurting everyone, and the hurt he inflicts is in no way proportional to what the said person deserves. It's aggravating.

    Sister EIE - Lol, we always say to each other; 'if you weren't in my family I'd die'. She is hilarious. Too talkative sometimes, too neurotic when there is no need to be lol. Sometimes feels like she is monologuing, like she isn't interested in how I feel or my life. But I have told her so recently, and she really is trying, it's great, I really needed someone to just listen to me for once, I appreciate her for it. I always feel like I am always getting offloaded on and am expected to fix people's problems - I don't mind but I often feel like nobody cares about me because I never talk to anyone about my problems or feelings (I guess that's my own fault, I don't want to bring people down and I then get annoyed at them for 'not caring enough' lol - stupid).
    I think that maybe if I had to shrink that, I'd say it's related to my parents not providing emotional support. My mother is really insensitive when it comes to emotional issues. She can not tolerate any kind of negative emotion from others yet expects us all to suck it up when she blows up, which is frequently.
    Anyways, it can be very fun just being crazy with my sister, I feel like she really does appreciate me and likes having me around which I love her for, and I quite enjoy her company, though we both are too needy with each other I think lol. I'm too sensitive and she's too oblivious. I'm also too harsh sometimes and my crankiness gets her down.

    Step dad - ESFj. A good relationship over all, we don't have much of a relationship lol. He seems too shallow, but he's very friendly and kind. He's a good guy.

    Other sister = INTp. She's funny. I enjoy spending time with her for short periods but get bored after a while. She is really sensitive which leads to her alienating herself from the rest of us. My mother can be really harsh with her and she won't stand up for herself at all, she also critiques mine and my sisters 'lack of respect' for my mother when we stand up for ourselves and each other.

    One set of my grandparents are probaly alpha.

    My other grandmother is maybe SLI, I think and my other grandpa is ISFj maybe...

    It's an ok mix I guess, I am grateful for my Beta sister .
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

  32. #32
    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
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    Mum: ESE (my supervisee), possibly SEI (business)
    Dad: LII (my beneficiary)

    I find my parents kind of adorably immature. They're very matter-of-fact about their designated (and accidentally "appropriately" gendered) roles (my dad deals with money, fixing things and academic stuff, my mum cooks, sews and talks on the phone non-stop; when my dad fails at being social, or my mum fails at dealing with the computer, they laugh it off and let the other one fix it). It's weird growing up asymmetrical relationships with your parents. My mother went from, "You don't know what's best for you!" to, "You're capable, I don't have to worry about you!" with a long period of wavering between the two.

    Sister: not sure, possibly IEI (identical) - I don't see her around her friends enough to tell. I'm really just basing it on how we find the same aspects of things amusing, and how my mum's going through the alternating doubt and confidence with her as well. Also, I know VI doesn't count for much, but people keep mentioning how alike we look.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

  33. #33
    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
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    Father ISTj
    Mother ENFj
    Me ENTp
    Sister ESFp
    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
    DCNH: Dominant --> perhaps Normalizing
    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
    Astrological sign: Aquarius

    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

  34. #34
    Haikus
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    Mom: ESE
    Dad: LII
    Sister: IEI
    Brothers (twins): SEE for the one that lives close to me, dunno about the other one...
    brother's wife, the one that lives close to us: Gamma ESI most likely, really reminds me of Diana. Either that or some type of Delta NF.

    First guy I ever fell in love with: IEI
    (Most of my romantic interests have been Identicals or Duals, natch)

    First boss: LSE (Ew)
    Best friend: EII

  35. #35
    i'll tear down the sky Mattie's Avatar
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    I wasn't sure if people were still replying to this So I can add mine in.

    Mother: ESFp (Business): Growing up, I had a lot of conflict with my mother. To me, she was really pushy, and at the same time didn't seem too reliable. She could easily sense my feelings, but would always tell me I worried too much and just needed to put myself out there. She gets amused whenever I'm upset, like whatever it is I'm upset about is trivial and I shouldn't be making a big deal out of. But as I got older, I tried to defend her as my father and sister used to gang up on her in arguments and would do things together and leave her to herself. I ended up becoming a mediator that would defend her when she had none, which made me going off to college hard on her. I can't say I'm super close to her or any of my other family members, as we just have completely different interests and can't really find common ground easily.

    Father: INTp (Mirage): My dad and I intellectually get along well, we have similar views and could do more things together if either of us were really interested. He finds me more amusing and not very serious, that all of my ideas are not well thought out enough. He's not very sensitive, but once he's told he's being insensitive he tends to back off from whatever. He has bursts of confrontation only when he feels like he's being inconvenienced, and can have a narrow-minded approach. I don't like arguing with him because he thinks that he has the well thought out view and my opinion or feelings don't really count for much in a situation. He likes to take the path of least resistance, and will do about anything to get rid of annoyances, even if it means giving into something he doesn't necessarily want to do.

    Younger Sister: ESTp (Super-Ego): I think my sister and I are starting to have a better relationship, but it's always been strained while growing up. She's always been confrontational and manipulative when it comes to my family. She knows what she wants and will do what she needs to to get it. Most of the time it means coercing my father, and because he just wants to make her be quiet, he does what she wants. My sister and mother fight a lot, and it's usually a lot of screaming. But a lot of the time my mom still goes along with my sister's plans, which boggles me still. I don't like it when she tries to manipulate me or circumstances concerning me, and my parents usually see me as having better arguments than her, as she can easily be caught in her hasty actions.

    Grandmother: ESFj (Benefactor): She's my father's mother, and even though they are conflictors, my dad is rather obedient to her. She can get demanding, but she's always thinking of the family and has all these little treats and things she finds that she knows certain family members like. She is rather bossy though, so if you have a disagreement with her, you have to dance that tango carefully. Her and I have had a good relationship up until about recently, she sees me as someone to take care of (most people see this in me, actually) and prefers to have a happy and pleasant atmosphere.

    Best Friend: ENTp (Kindred): I've been in constant contact with my BF for about 11 years, she's pretty much blood to me. We are seen as a socialite duo, we attract a lot of attention when people over hear out conversations, and we find that we compliment each other rather well. We rarely have arguments, but often have misunderstandings. Within the past year or so, it's been drastically better, as we just have to lay out exactly our thought processes and we can understand the other. At times we can be strained, but we're learning that we can't expect each other to think/feel the same exact way.


    I guess nothing conclusive can really come out of this, but does anyone find any of these family dynamics interesting?

  36. #36
    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
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    look to the sky has dual parents, and he has a super ego relationship with his sis. Me too
    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
    DCNH: Dominant --> perhaps Normalizing
    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
    Astrological sign: Aquarius

    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

  37. #37
    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    lol, I think INFps are always falling in love with each other or something.
    So true. I was just thinking about that the other day.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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