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Thread: ENTj-ISFp lack of conflict?

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    The man with the plan MasterfulMischief's Avatar
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    Default ENTj-ISFp lack of conflict?

    Whats up everyone I was wondering if you guys could help me figure out something that's been bugging me recently..

    I have a very good friend that I am almost 100% sure is ISFp (I should probably mention here that I am new to this board but not new at all to socionics and am pretty confident in my typing skills), yet I don't feel any sort of negative misunderstandings/tension when we hang out, rather its pretty chill with lots of Fe flying around between us (maybe his Fe activates my role so I end up using much less of my base function?) I do notice that when I think about it I almost never make Te statements directly too him, rather I would turn to either my intj friend (because I think he would get it) or my ESFp friend (because I know he would be interested) or just say it to the group. Or when I do make the statements to him he agrees and thats as far as that thread goes but I can tell it's probably not the way he was thinking about it. However, I do find we have a very similar sense of humour and have similar tastes in television/music/movies. Also, despite being good friends we rarely hang out one-on-one. Does this sounds like a positive conflicting relationship (oxymoron?) to anyone? Are conflicting relationships (and I guess by extension any relation) likely to develop positively as long as a certain respect level is kept? I also notice that my ESFp and INTj friend get along well (although I guess they can seem kind of indifferent to each other).

    If I contrast this relationship with my relationship with my sister (kinky) who is also ISFp, there is a lot (almost constant) disagreements/small annoyances and I can totally see the conflictor relationship in this case.

    Has anyone else had a long term positive relationship with their conflictor?

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    First of all, you have to read some conflict relationship descriptions to get a good picture of the relationship. Just reading the word 'conflict' might supply you with an image that's not realistic.

    To summarize:
    Conflict relationships are dangerous because in the beginning there is MUTUAL ATTRACTION.

    When the relationship gets at a close psychological distance like family or romantic, there arise conflicts which stay inside your head and from time to time explode and both go for the achillis heel.

    However when some 'polite' distance is applied, a conflict relation stays in the 'mutual attraction' phase. Which makes people think, 'hey conflict relationships aren't really bad at all'

    I read such remarks often.

    BTW I've noticed that subtypes have a slight effect on the relationship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MasterfulMischief View Post
    Whats up everyone I was wondering if you guys could help me figure out something that's been bugging me recently..

    I have a very good friend that I am almost 100% sure is ISFp (I should probably mention here that I am new to this board but not new at all to socionics and am pretty confident in my typing skills), yet I don't feel any sort of negative misunderstandings/tension when we hang out, rather its pretty chill with lots of Fe flying around between us (maybe his Fe activates my role so I end up using much less of my base function?) I do notice that when I think about it I almost never make Te statements directly too him, rather I would turn to either my intj friend (because I think he would get it) or my ESFp friend (because I know he would be interested) or just say it to the group. Or when I do make the statements to him he agrees and thats as far as that thread goes but I can tell it's probably not the way he was thinking about it. However, I do find we have a very similar sense of humour and have similar tastes in television/music/movies. Also, despite being good friends we rarely hang out one-on-one. Does this sounds like a positive conflicting relationship (oxymoron?) to anyone? Are conflicting relationships (and I guess by extension any relation) likely to develop positively as long as a certain respect level is kept? I also notice that my ESFp and INTj friend get along well (although I guess they can seem kind of indifferent to each other).

    If I contrast this relationship with my relationship with my sister (kinky) who is also ISFp, there is a lot (almost constant) disagreements/small annoyances and I can totally see the conflictor relationship in this case.

    Has anyone else had a long term positive relationship with their conflictor?
    So you're never with her one-on-one, and you get along fine? Perhaps the INTj and ESFp are moderating your disagreements, and in turn you're moderating theirs (or siphoning off mental pressure, so to speak). I notice that all four temperaments are present there.



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    The man with the plan MasterfulMischief's Avatar
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    Allie:Yeah that's pretty much what I expected to hear, tho I wouldn't say our relationship is based on having similar tastes that was more of an afterthought. The last sentence does strike home because reading it I realize he is probably the only one of my close friends who doesn't come to me to vent/ask for advice from time to time and it's probably rooted in that somewhere.

    Jarno: Yes I have read all the descriptions of conflict relations on the web, don't let my overuse of the word fool you :tongue:

    but your summary was basically exactly what I was looking for and it makes perfect sense. I was just unsure whether it was possible to maintain that distance over a long period of close interaction.

    Brilland:Good suggestion and that might be part of it, but I think its more like how I said in my original post about them being there allows me to express my Te/Ni at them and therefore not at him.

    Thanks for the replys guys.

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    :| Stay away ENTj girls. ARGH.
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    Are you sure you're LIE?

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    The man with the plan MasterfulMischief's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by General Chang View Post
    Are you sure you're LIE?
    Pretty sure but I'm always open to someone else's interpretation. What makes you think I might not be LIE?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    First of all, you have to read some conflict relationship descriptions to get a good picture of the relationship. Just reading the word 'conflict' might supply you with an image that's not realistic.

    To summarize:
    Conflict relationships are dangerous because in the beginning there is MUTUAL ATTRACTION.

    When the relationship gets at a close psychological distance like family or romantic, there arise conflicts which stay inside your head and from time to time explode and both go for the achillis heel.

    However when some 'polite' distance is applied, a conflict relation stays in the 'mutual attraction' phase. Which makes people think, 'hey conflict relationships aren't really bad at all'

    I read such remarks often.

    BTW I've noticed that subtypes have a slight effect on the relationship.
    Yeah, this is well put. I dated an ENTp for over a year, and it wasn't constant "conflict" or anything. We got along tolerably well until he would start spouting some absolutely absurd bullshit point of view just for the hell of it and then we would argue about it for a while. But conflict relationships aren't as uncomfortable as their reputation makes them seem, IMO, especially if you are both relatively healthy, balanced individuals.
    Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
    John Muir

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    Quote Originally Posted by calenwen View Post
    Yeah, this is well put. I dated an ENTp for over a year, and it wasn't constant "conflict" or anything. We got along tolerably well until he would start spouting some absolutely absurd bullshit point of view just for the hell of it and then we would argue about it for a while. But conflict relationships aren't as uncomfortable as their reputation makes them seem, IMO, especially if you are both relatively healthy, balanced individuals.
    Bullshit. I hate you Calenwen.

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    Quote Originally Posted by JRiddy View Post
    Bullshit. I hate you Calenwen.
    That smiley face matches the face in your avatar. It's mildly disturbing in its classic ILEness.
    Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
    John Muir

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    Quote Originally Posted by calenwen View Post
    That smiley face matches the face in your avatar. It's mildly disturbing in its classic ILEness.
    Why thank you! <3

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    LIE chicks are tops. Their FeSi disregard turns me on.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    I had words here once, but I didn't feed them Khola's Avatar
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    He's prolly ILE, lol.
    Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .



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    Quote Originally Posted by Khola View Post
    He's prolly ILE, lol.
    Yeah, I mean just look at the size of that stomach.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    As far as my experience goes, I remember only one instance of real conflict with somebody I think is ISFp. He was in my soccer team in a tournament, and from my point of view, he seemed to completely refuse to do something useful for the team, preferring to try new tricks, try to score personal goals, etc (of course, what I consider as "useful" is subjective).
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    As far as my experience goes, I remember only one instance of real conflict with somebody I think is ISFp. He was in my soccer team in a tournament, and from my point of view, he seemed to completely refuse to do something useful for the team, preferring to try new tricks, try to score personal goals, etc (of course, what I consider as "useful" is subjective).
    I think this is more of an annoyance, which you can experience with any type, even duals. But you're probably right that your example is a POLR hit, common in conflict relations.

    Conflict starts when the other person acts towards you personally, with the effect of you having no answer to it, but feeling disrespected/humiliated. Like the other person is trying to deliberately hurt you where it hurts most. Which is not true, but you experience it like that since you misunderstand eachothers motivations.

    Since you (weak function) cannot react to his/her action (strong function), you'll just remember it. This repeats itself a couple of times until you stop with remembering and take action (with your strong function against the others weak). Really hard action, because you know where you are powerfull and the other person not. And since the build up of all the feelings of revenge, you try to inflict as much damage as possible.

    But after a while you get in love again. It's weird, and seriously dangerous.

    That's the effect of conflict relationship, especially romantic. I've had such a relationship for 4 years. Didn't dare to sleep anymore, afraid getting stabbed to death.

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    Heh, I remember my ISTj gf would say things like "You say things in such a way as if you want to intentionally hurt me". Wouldn't say I felt the same about her, i just felt she doesn't understand me at all, even after a few years I felt she has no idea who I am.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ssmall View Post
    Heh, I remember my ISTj gf would say things like "You say things in such a way as if you want to intentionally hurt me".
    Yup, that's what happens between conflictors. Or less frequently with Supervisors.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    The man with the plan MasterfulMischief's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Khola View Post
    He's prolly ILE, lol.
    Maybe but as far as intertype relations go this is the only one that doesn't make sense (although now I guess it does). Not to mention I've probably read every bit of socionics literature on the web and I just identify with everything to do with LIE a lot more. But I am always open to someone else's interpretation. Is there any particular reason you think this besides my positive relationship with my SEI friend?

    Thanks for the rest of the responses guys they were helpful.

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    I have a pretty good LSI friend, but it's not a 'deep' friendship. We don't spend time one-on-one; we always hang out in groups, with his best friend - an IEI, and a bunch of gammas. Together, our relationship is one of mutual activities - which is fine. We have a lot of fun. I don't give him advice, though, and I restrain my opinions sometimes.

    We have an ILE friend, and he drives the LSI crazy, despite the fact that they've been friends for 10 years! The LSI always mentions him with an accompanying eye roll. But they're just friends, so although they grate on each other they let the arguments roll off slightly more. If they're trying to accomplish a task, like cooking together, they start arguing within 10 minutes.
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    Quote Originally Posted by MasterfulMischief View Post
    Maybe but as far as intertype relations go this is the only one that doesn't make sense (although now I guess it does). Not to mention I've probably read every bit of socionics literature on the web and I just identify with everything to do with LIE a lot more. But I am always open to someone else's interpretation. Is there any particular reason you think this besides my positive relationship with my SEI friend?
    Yes your conflict relationship at the given psychological distance is in accordonance with Socionics description.

    Concerning all the information you've supplied, there's no reason to suspect you're not LIE.

    Questioning people's type is a hobby of some here on the forum. I'm not sure why; they try to act intelligent, they want to start a flame war or they are just plain stupid. I usually ignore them.

    As you said, you've studied the stuff, and more importantly, you've applied the best method of confirming your selftyping: looking at your relationships with others.

    Even your writingstyle doesn't contradict that of LIE in any way.

    So don't worry, you're stuck being LIE for the rest of your life '-)

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    The man with the plan MasterfulMischief's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    Yes your conflict relationship at the given psychological distance is in accordonance with Socionics description.

    Concerning all the information you've supplied, there's no reason to suspect you're not LIE.

    Questioning people's type is a hobby of some here on the forum. I'm not sure why; they try to act intelligent, they want to start a flame war or they are just plain stupid. I usually ignore them.

    As you said, you've studied the stuff, and more importantly, you've applied the best method of confirming your selftyping: looking at your relationships with others.

    Even your writingstyle doesn't contradict that of LIE in any way.

    So don't worry, you're stuck being LIE for the rest of your life '-)
    Yeah you've pretty much mirrored what I was thinking as well. Maybe this is an example of conflict in action? Khola's comment seemed to completely ignore all my Te reasons for thinking what I do on the matter (no disrespect Khola).

    And as for stuck being LIE for the rest of my life, I wouldn't have it any other way

    Tiny Dancer: It's interesting your description of your relationship with you LSI friend could 100% be applied to me and my conflictor friend as well.

    Also, is it me or is it SUPER common for your best friend to be your activity partner? I think literally every example of super close best friends I know is a pair of activity partners. Very interesting stuff...

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    Quote Originally Posted by MasterfulMischief View Post
    Also, is it me or is it SUPER common for your best friend to be your activity partner? I think literally every example of super close best friends I know is a pair of activity partners. Very interesting stuff...
    As far as my own experience goes, it's not 'super' common.

    Mirror would be expected to be more common. But then again, I don't have statistics for use, so it's pretty subjective.

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    My Dad is my conflictor--and although not a heavy relationship b/c we've learned how to talk with each other without shouting each other down--it's not one from which I take a lot of pleasure or psychological growth.

    The same with other conflictors I know. We can talk about trivialities, you know, but if it goes on longer than 5 minutes I would like to jump out a window... Eventually I just leave.

    I don't know whether this is the same for all conflictor relationships... Socionics says so, but you all would know better.

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    As far as my own experience goes, it's not 'super' common.

    Mirror would be expected to be more common. But then again, I don't have statistics for use, so it's pretty subjective.
    Most of my best friends are ESIs, just for the record.
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    Quote Originally Posted by MasterfulMischief View Post
    Also, is it me or is it SUPER common for your best friend to be your activity partner? I think literally every example of super close best friends I know is a pair of activity partners. Very interesting stuff...
    My "super close best friend" is ILI. (:
    Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
    John Muir

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