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Thread: Social Priorities and Loyalty

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    confused84's Avatar
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    Default Social Priorities and Loyalty

    Here's are scenario it may or not be type related.

    I go to visit my Auntie and Uncle who live 2 hours away I see them once every 6 months.

    My cousin who knows I am coming to visit has made plans to jam with his band a week earlier he had to days notice that I was coming to visit so he could have canceled his jam session, they jam every week anyway but he went ahead anyway and by the time he got home I was gone.

    I left before it got dark for a safer trip home.

    I still enjoyed my aunt and uncles company but it would have been better with him there to talk to.


    I would never do that in fact I had a few people invited me and a friend to a movie.

    My friend wasn't allowed to go and was pretty upset about it so without hesitation at all rang up and told them I wasn't coming to the movie and my friend and I watched a movie at his house instead.

    I was wondering which types are more likely to do what I did and what type are more likely to do what my cousin did.
    Last edited by confused84; 03-10-2009 at 06:18 PM.

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    I'm only loyal when I've made a commitment. In both cases, the commitment was made to go with the friends. If I get short notice, as in less than four days in advance, whatever I was notified about takes low priority. Ideal notification time is a week and a half in advance. I don't like months in advance, though, since I don't like long-term things canstantly taking up room in my brain. I would only have stayed to see the cousin or the friend if I had made a commitment (either mentally or verbally) to be loyal to them.

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    if i had made plans, i would've probably stuck with it too, especially if i'm not that close to that person visiting, relatives or not.
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    We are close we get on great.

    Maybe is just me but it makes more sense to me to see a relative for a few hours and cancel my plans with friends as I can always organize something next with them next week.

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    Sometimes people just have to rock out, dude. I doubt he meant it as a personal insult.

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    It didn't sound like you specifically asked him to spend time with you and you said yourself he already had plans to practice. I wouldn't take it personally. If it were me, I'd try to make time for both.

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    The Iniquitous inumbra's Avatar
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    The first instance sounds like a scheduling issue to me. I think that would be a rather hard position to be in where you have to cancel a commitment you've already made with people or not see your cousin. I guess for me it would depend on how strong the commitment with the friends was (a "jamming session" probably means everyone has to be there or it won't work, so one person's absence could mean it can't happen, and it might have been difficult to find a time that worked with everyone's schedules as is, and it might be a betrayal to just cancel with only 2 days notice... and if they're trying to move somewhere with it then meeting weekly might be very important and could even seem like it's not often enough).

    As for the second scenario, if the friends who invited me to the movie are more acquaintances where as I'm close and personally loyal to the other friend who ended up not being able to go, I would cancel as well. People who I'm personally loyal to generally always come first to me, but I also don't want to dishonor commitments. That's why in the first scenario, if I were the cousin, it would be difficult. I think I might feel a little hurt that the person visiting only gave two days notice and expected me to just suddenly be available without contacting me beforehand to see when I would be available (which would give a much more likely guarantee that we could see each other). I mean unless that person is so close to me and I'm so loyal/devoted to them that they always come first for the most part (which few people would be in that category), I would see it as a betrayal to just cancel my plans I think. (I guess it really depends on the particular situation.)
    Last edited by inumbra; 03-10-2009 at 06:25 PM.

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    As I said before I am not upset just having trouble making sense of it.

    It's like a person loves a Limited Time Only XYZ Burger that is only available once every year but when the burger becomes available again the person goes and gets a plain burger instead.
    Last edited by confused84; 03-10-2009 at 06:20 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by confused84 View Post
    Here's are scenario it may or not be type related.

    I go to visit my Auntie and Uncle who live 2 hours away I see them once every 6 months.

    My cousin who knows I am coming to visit has made plans to jam with his band a week earlier he had to days notice that I was coming to visit so he could have canceled his jam session, they jam every week anyway but he went ahead anyway and by the time he got home I was gone.

    I left before it got dark for a safer trip home.

    I still enjoyed my aunt and uncles company but it would have been better with him there to talk to.


    I would never do that in fact I had a few people invited me and a friend to a movie.

    My friend wasn't allowed to go and was pretty upset about it so without hesitation at all rang up and told them I wasn't coming to the movie and my friend and I watched a movie at his house instead.

    I was wondering which types are more likely to do what I did and what type are more likely to do what my cousin did.
    I probably wouldn't do what your cousin did, I'd like to think I'm more considerate than that, of my family at least. In his shoes, I'd know that I'd be missing out on some time with the band or whatever, but if you're a cousin I really want to see and don't see often I'd definitely put you in front of people I see every week already.
    (I live 2600+ miles from family, so that's how I look at it, if I make it back there, I expect people to be considerate of that factor)

    As for telling the people who invited you that you couldn't make it, I'd probably do the same as long as that friend I stayed with was a closer friend than the others. I'm a person that has tons of acquaintances but only a small handful of friends, which is nice in times like that, people usually know where they stand with me as far as really close friend or acquaintance. This keeps me from being flakey with lots of people, if I say I'm going to do something... about 90% of the time I'll do it. This would be one of those situations where if my close friend couldn't go, it would depend a lot on the situation but as I stated above, if it's just some people I know wanting me to see a movie with them, I'd probably stay and hang with the friend anyway.

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    I saw this title and started thinking about priorities in terms of valued functions.
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    Quote Originally Posted by confused84 View Post
    Here's are scenario it may or not be type related.

    I go to visit my Auntie and Uncle who live 2 hours away I see them once every 6 months.

    My cousin who knows I am coming to visit has made plans to jam with his band a week earlier he had to days notice that I was coming to visit so he could have canceled his jam session, they jam every week anyway but he went ahead anyway and by the time he got home I was gone.

    I left before it got dark for a safer trip home.

    I still enjoyed my aunt and uncles company but it would have been better with him there to talk to.


    I would never do that in fact I had a few people invited me and a friend to a movie.

    My friend wasn't allowed to go and was pretty upset about it so without hesitation at all rang up and told them I wasn't coming to the movie and my friend and I watched a movie at his house instead.

    I was wondering which types are more likely to do what I did and what type are more likely to do what my cousin did.
    Dude, you're taking the thing with your cousin way too personally. Two days is not that much notice and I think it was a little presumptuous of you to have expected him to cancel his plans to see you. To avoid this happening again, maybe you can let him know the date that you are planning on visiting a month or at least 2 weeks in advance.

    And like... congratulations or something on being loyal to your friend. I'm not sure what you want us to do here besides pat you on the back.
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    In that situation I would have just invited you along to the jam session (since people in bands tend to like having an audience anyway right?) Or I would have asked if you could come the following weekend and made specific plans then. It sounds like the timing worked out badly on both ends.

    But I guess friends, family, whatever, are all on the same level to me in that I don't want to be rude to anyone. So I won't blow someone off for someone else I'm closer to. I try to not blow anyone off as that seems more fair.
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    Sigh... For the last time I am not upset. He acted in a way different to the way I would would act I want wondering if it was related to socionics.

    Somebody kill this thread.

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