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Thread: Beta quadra: feeling too intense while others feel too dull?

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    Default Beta quadra: feeling too intense while others feel too dull?

    Beta's do you ever feel like you are too intense and most other people are too dull, well not dull, just not intense enough?
    God this sounds like such a elitist bullshit haha. But I always feel so intense, and I feel I have to pull back and hold it inside when I am with most people. I have to dull myself and become more mellow because most people just can't handle it.
    It's so aggrivating. It feels so suffocating. Like you just want to be free but you can't let it out because you feel like it could destroy everything. It's such a blast when you meet someone you can let loose with, someone who can meet your intensity, it's such a rush, such a fucking release.
    This is why I hate it when people tell me I am one of there best friends, I know it sounds dumb, but it sort of hurts in a way haha, when they say that because it feels like they don't know who I am and so I let loose to see if they can handle it and most of the time they can't, they have no fucking idea what's going on.
    Sound it's like you are stuck. Caged up. You just can't be what you are, it doesn't feel right or safe with most people.
    Does anyone feel this way? Beta's are pretty intense compared to everyone else.

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    It's fucking tortuous isn't it. I get it all the time. I'm far too intense for those around me.

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    i need a voice to let myself be free

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    Sure, my emotions can become way more intense than they need to be; it's not necessarily something I appreciate about myself, though.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Sure, my emotions can become way more intense than they need to be; it's not necessarily something I appreciate about myself, though.
    You probably need that to deal with other Betas.

    I spent lunch today with an EIE (who I mistook for an ESE until today) and another dominant (LII>LSI). Unfortunately, he started off a period of intensity by stating that anyone who isn't intense isn't really a Christian... I'm not sure how straight we set him, but he admitted he didn't really know that.



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    Apparently all of you are so “intense” that you get on the internet to talk about it.
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    Quote Originally Posted by Brilliand View Post
    You probably need that to deal with other Betas.
    Maybe, though I find that other Betas can kind of balance me out. It's not so good around Deltas who don't know how to deal with your emotions and make you out to be a bad person because of it. It's not like I don't agree with them in some cases, though; and compared to others I'm not bad; I mean, I've lived with some IEI's who were probably 10x worse than me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Brilliand View Post
    I spent lunch today with an EIE (who I mistook for an ESE until today) and another dominant (LII>LSI). Unfortunately, he started off a period of intensity by stating that anyone who isn't intense isn't really a Christian... I'm not sure how straight we set him, but he admitted he didn't really know that.
    huh

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki
    This is why I hate it when people tell me I am one of there best friends, I know it sounds dumb, but it sort of hurts in a way haha, when they say that because it feels like they don't know who I am and so I let loose to see if they can handle it and most of the time they can't, they have no fucking idea what's going on.
    Yeah, this makes sense. It's why I try to refrain from too much interaction with people I don't care about being friends with -- because naturally adapting to them will result in misinterpretations like this.

    As for the original question, I see no point in answering. The topic of intensity, like intelligence, is one which is so overblown, and it seems to always make people cocky or uptight or annoying.

    hence...

    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    Apparently all of you are so “intense” that you get on the internet to talk about it.
    Not quite, but whatever.
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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    The topic of intensity, like intelligence, is one which is so overblown, and it seems to always make people cocky or uptight or annoying.

    hence...

    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    Apparently all of you are so “intense” that you get on the internet to talk about it.
    Not quite, but whatever.
    Ugh. My point was that it's kind of annoying when people assume that the reason others don't know how to be around them is because of their supposed ‘intensity’. “Blah blah blah these people can't handle me, I'm too intense for them,” sort of talk is really stupid, imo. Maybe it's because you're overdramatic? Clingy? Maybe it's because you exaggerate things to the point of a joke? @ all of you ‘intense’ forum members: I don't know your specifics, but it seems like the people who tend to get labeled that the most are just people who try too hard to be that way. Being irregular or contrary isn't intense, pushing the bounds of personal space, eye-contact, etc. isn't intense. Being overdramatic isn't intense. It's just silly. I think it's more or less a quality based on a reaction one gives off to another person; i.e., someone else would have to say it about you, not you about yourself.
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    Intense is a word that states something that takes place in extreme degrees. There are different kinds of intensity characteristics. Intense emotions aren't the same thing as intense actions or intense power imo. In my specific case the Deltas I'm close to do label me as "intense", while most Betas will not.

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    The EIE I mentioned in my previous post actually referred to himself as "heavy" (meaning the same thing I take "intense" to mean here).



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    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    Ugh. My point was that it's kind of annoying when people assume that the reason others don't know how to be around them is because of their supposed ‘intensity’. “Blah blah blah these people can't handle me, I'm too intense for them,” sort of talk is really stupid, imo.
    And you know what they're assuming? They could have just been listing one reason why people don't get them, since the thread was -about- intensity. If it seems like they hyperbolized, I can understand how that would be annoying; I just don't get how you can make that assumption with certainty.

    Maybe it's because you're overdramatic? Clingy? Maybe it's because you exaggerate things to the point of a joke? @ all of you ‘intense’ forum members: I don't know your specifics, but it seems like the people who tend to get labeled that the most are just people who try too hard to be that way. Being irregular or contrary isn't intense, pushing the bounds of personal space, eye-contact, etc. isn't intense. Being overdramatic isn't intense. It's just silly. I think it's more or less a quality based on a reaction one gives off to another person; i.e., someone else would have to say it about you, not you about yourself.
    I pretty much agree with this. I've encountered my fair share of people who thought that by being emotional around others, they were somehow elevating their "intensity" level; or there would be people who would contort their stares to look dramatic, etc. Either way, this has no bearing on your knowledge of the forum members' levels of intensity. It's not as if they can get someone else to vouch for them here; we just either take them at their word or not. Ultimately, if they were exaggerating their experience to look good on a forum, that would be self-illustrative anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Intense is a word that conveys something that takes place in extreme degrees. There are different kinds of intensity characteristics. Intense emotions aren't the same thing as intense actions or intense power imo. In my specific case the Deltas I'm close to do label me as "intense", while most Betas will not.
    Yeah, I agree. I mean, it essentially revolves around an idea of highly concentrated energy within a very small radius, but definitely takes different tangible forms. I think an emotion is only intense if it can engender a strong effect in someone else; aimless yelling and such doesn't mean anything. Intense actions can range from a person's behavior in confrontation to acting strongly on a given impulse; but if you're not in control of the impulse/action, you've basically nullified any potential intensity that existed.
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    Beta's do you ever feel like you are too intense and most other people are too dull, well not dull, just not intense enough?
    God this sounds like such a elitist bullshit haha. But I always feel so intense, and I feel I have to pull back and hold it inside when I am with most people. I have to dull myself and become more mellow because most people just can't handle it.
    It's so aggrivating. It feels so suffocating. Like you just want to be free but you can't let it out because you feel like it could destroy everything. It's such a blast when you meet someone you can let loose with, someone who can meet your intensity, it's such a rush, such a fucking release.
    This is why I hate it when people tell me I am one of there best friends, I know it sounds dumb, but it sort of hurts in a way haha, when they say that because it feels like they don't know who I am and so I let loose to see if they can handle it and most of the time they can't, they have no fucking idea what's going on.
    Sound it's like you are stuck. Caged up. You just can't be what you are, it doesn't feel right or safe with most people.
    Does anyone feel this way? Beta's are pretty intense compared to everyone else.
    I constantly feel this way and honestly it's not something I've completely accepted about myself yet. Most people I've interacted with have made me feel like it's a fault. I'm still not convinced it isn't. God I'm just so tired of the constant disappointment. It's like I tell myself I won't feel disappointed in myself for being this way but then time and time again it seems to cause problems and I always end up feeling like shit about it and no matter how many times I've promised myself I won't let it affect me enough to think I need to change, it does! It's so frustrating. On one hand I'm tired of apologizing for it or even caring that people look at me like a freak for it or like I just have issues. I hate that look people give me when I just go to myself "fuck it, just be you". I almost feel like I'm being chastised. Like an invisible slap on the hand. It's that "you should really work on that" look. UGH!! Whatever...at the end of the day I end up hating myself the most for giving into it and suffering through it. And STILL allowing people to convince me that I need help. And maybe I do. I dunno. But then I also always automatically rebel. And even though I go through this cycle of rebelling then on the surface and out loud saying that it's a problem, deep down there's always a little voice saying "fuck you you stupid ass, you're just too dump to appreciate me. i'll show you the pain of being without me". In retrospect, it feels like when I admit I should work on it, I never mean it 100%. Not really. Even though I believe it at the time. It's like this victim thing of putting myself down takes over. I rebel then I feel victimized and I'll go through this mode of saying and feeling things like "you're right, i'm a failure and you would be happier with someone else blah blah". But it's a weird feeling of believing that but at the same time not believing it. And even though I don't consciously know that it's intended to cause a certain reaction, it's obvious that it is because if I don't then I'll probably rebel again or something.

    I guess deep down (although I have a hard time admitting it even to myself because it sounds like I have a God complex), I see everyone else as so bland and it makes me angry. I'm always looking for someone that can handle AND appreciate this about me!!! and I just don't understand why they don't because deep down I'm convinced that I'm just so special and different that it's why I'm misunderstood. That it's sort of my crux in life to carry this suffering, the suffering of The Great. To be in a world full of common people. :frown:

    It angers me that most people are so okay with just going with the flow. I have a hard time respecting them. Stand up for something! Don't just give in and accept things. Even when people do this about every-day, mundane things, it makes my blood boil. Even kids that are so easy to buy with material things make me sick. Don't you have a deeper purpose?! Or maybe I just seek out conflict instead of just getting along, like most people tell me. I hate how just going with the flow (just because) or being easy-going is on the top of everyone's "well adapted person list". Blaa blahh blah blah blahhhh I could go on... but I won't....

    Okay I'm frustrated....wow I don't even remember the original question. lol

    Wow maybe I *do* have issues! lol Or maybe I'm just stuck in my teenage years and never quite got past adolescence. lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    Apparently all of you are so “intense” that you get on the internet to talk about it.
    Says the hypocrite who's posted over six thousand times. (And how many of them were not just pieces of nothing?) Why criticize those who're simply trying to answer the op's question?

    To answer that question: those close to me have called me "intense" before--and I see what they mean... I can be scathing, fervent, etc ... I used to think I was laid-back, but it turns out it was just the drugs.

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    I suppose it is a true adage, that if you say you're intense, chances are you're not, or are at least exaggerating.

    Maybe intensity also comes down to how much volitional control you have over various boundaries -- emotional, physical, etc. It's like, if you clearly see the contours of these things, and understand how they interact, collide, etc. with others' boundaries, the potential for making a substantial impact is larger. But also with yourself, if you see your own internal boundaries, it sort of renders you able to harness your "intensity" and utilize it more effectively, on an emotional/spiritual level.

    Because there are people who I think would be intense if they learned some self-control, and others who couldn't free themselves enough to generate any significant charge, despite having self-control. So, it goes both ways like that. You can't just be an incendiary nutcase; nor does forced self-control allow you the freedom to express any intensity.

    I wouldn't say I know many people whom I actually consider intense. They're sometimes hot-headed, loud, defiant; but intensity is something you know when you feel it from someone, which is why it can and should go unsaid.
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    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu View Post
    Says the hypocrite who's posted over six thousand times. (And how many of them were not just pieces of nothing?) Why criticize those who're simply trying to answer the op's question?
    Apparently that flew right over your head. Go on, it's still there. Flutter off and catch it if you can.
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    I suppose it is a true adage, that if you say you're intense, chances are you're not, or are at least exaggerating.
    You're stretching the meaning of the word "adage" here, ol boy... Also, the word "true" isn't the one you're after either...

    After all, some people are intense and say so. Others aren't and lie about it. Some have no idea at all... On and on...

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    I think most of you are missing the OP's point. Okay by most I mean Allie and strrrng (to an extent).

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    I think people are intense in different ways. With betas, they are intense about how the world around them should be organized. And that seems to involve people; and more particularly, what these people 'should be doing'. They are busy thinking far ahead about how things should work out for themselves and others. This translates into a certain immanence for action. Compare that with an INTjs intensity for debate.. intensity; it's all a matter of perspective. And maybe that INTj needs to stop obsessing over these things.. the subtle points of grammar.. the small piece of data left out from the paragraph he just read.. the completeness of his personal conception of physics. But how are these things relevant to the simple reality which surrounds him? Instead he needs to crawl out of his head, get out of the basement, and get a proper job and a girlfriend, right? Well it's the same for you then. You should release yourself from whatever it is you're holding onto which is giving you this need for immanent action. Obviously such far ended goals aren't entirely within your grasp; otherwise why the inability to take action and resolve this feeling? Act on what is within your power, and beyond that.. nothing
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    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    Apparently that flew right over your head. Go on, it's still there. Flutter off and catch it if you can.
    In which the girl who critiques pointlessly says nothing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by crazedrat View Post
    this is very ironic coming from you isn't it?
    Because I'm transparent and predictable. Great.

    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu View Post
    In which the girl who critiques pointlessly says nothing.
    Critiquing something wrong is more productive than constructing something wrong. But whatever, keep going. Let's all fuck up, make statements, and thrive off the high of it all. It's beautiful.
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post

    Yeah, I agree. I mean, it essentially revolves around an idea of highly concentrated energy within a very small radius, but definitely takes different tangible forms. I think an emotion is only intense if it can engender a strong effect in someone else; aimless yelling and such doesn't mean anything. Intense actions can range from a person's behavior in confrontation to acting strongly on a given impulse; but if you're not in control of the impulse/action, you've basically nullified any potential intensity that existed.
    Yes, exactly. I don't see how intense emotions are the same thing as yelling, screaming, or exerting yourself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu View Post
    You're stretching the meaning of the word "adage" here, ol boy... Also, the word "true" isn't the one you're after either...

    After all, some people are intense and say so. Others aren't and lie about it. Some have no idea at all... On and on...
    How is that stretching the meaning of adage? A short statement expressing a general truth. And ok, I suppose "true" wasn't the best word; legitimate, reliable, etc.

    I know that some people can be unaware to their intensity, or be aware and capable of expressing it. But in this context, the idea was that, people who make a point of talking about it, usually are exaggerating/lying.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Yes, exactly. I don't see how intense emotions are the same thing as yelling, screaming, or exerting yourself.
    Also, people should heed this general idea, in light of beta object functions ( ). The idea behind Se "force" can be refined working from these premises, as can the idea of Fe causal reactivity. It's about control, timing and leverage; not dull aggression or bluster.
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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    How is that stretching the meaning of adage? A short statement expressing a general truth. And ok, I suppose "true" wasn't the best word; legitimate, reliable, etc.

    I know that some people can be unaware to their intensity, or be aware and capable of expressing it. But in this context, the idea was that, people who make a point of talking about it, usually are exaggerating/lying.
    Adage = e.g. "all things must pass;" "a bird in hand is worth two in the bush;" all work and no play makes jack a dull boy," etc. Old wisdom. You know.

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    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu View Post
    Adage = e.g. "all things must pass;" "a bird in hand is worth two in the bush;" all work and no play makes jack a dull boy," etc. Old wisdom. You know.
    Okay, yeah.
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    Allie, I remember using those words vaguely but if you expect that to click in my head you're going to need to elaborate
    INTp

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    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    Ugh. My point was that it's kind of annoying when people assume that the reason others don't know how to be around them is because of their supposed ‘intensity’. “Blah blah blah these people can't handle me, I'm too intense for them,” sort of talk is really stupid, imo. Maybe it's because you're overdramatic? Clingy? Maybe it's because you exaggerate things to the point of a joke? @ all of you ‘intense’ forum members: I don't know your specifics, but it seems like the people who tend to get labeled that the most are just people who try too hard to be that way. Being irregular or contrary isn't intense, pushing the bounds of personal space, eye-contact, etc. isn't intense. Being overdramatic isn't intense. It's just silly. I think it's more or less a quality based on a reaction one gives off to another person; i.e., someone else would have to say it about you, not you about yourself.
    My point is that it's kind of annoying when people assume that the reason they don't know how to be around others is because of their supposed differentness. "Blah blah blah these people can't understand me - I'm too mysterious and unique to them," sort of talk is really stupid, imo. Maybe it's because you're disagreeable? Pugnacious? @ all of you "hard to understand" forum members: I don't know your specifics (well maybe I do), but it seems like the people who tend to get labeled that the most are just people who try too hard to be that way. Being irregular or faux isn't hard to understand, pushing the bounds of logical reasoning, making a point and failing to stand by it, pretending that you didn't make the point isn't being hard to understand. Being evasive isn't being uniquely un-understandable, it's just silly. I think it's more or less a quality based on a reaction one gives off to another person; i.e., someone else would have to say it about you, not you about yourself.

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    You put a lot of effort into saying absolutely nothing at all. Congratulations, Steve. Now kindly fuck off.
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    you may want to rearrange those words into something more like 'get lost off a cliff' .. or 'go find a way to cease existing, miserably'
    INTp

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    Eh, I said kindly. That's called Passive-Aggression and it's supported here.
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    You put a lot of effort into saying absolutely nothing at all.
    Wow, thanks. I didn't know I got good at it so quickly enough to warrant praise from the master. Looks like you have some competition.

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    If you have a full fresh pizza with onions and olives to yourself, why would you want another full new pizza with onions and olives and mushrooms? Because you just like mushrooms? Or maybe you want to put mushrooms on the pizza simply because it didn't have them, and you're a completist? Or what if you make it a habit of adding mushrooms to pizzas because your favorite food is mushrooms? Or maybe you even dislike the combination of onions and olives without the presence of mushrooms. Hmm... wanting some help with this one..
    INTp

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    Quote Originally Posted by crazedrat View Post
    If you have a full fresh pizza with onions and olives to yourself, why would you want another full new pizza with onions and olives and mushrooms? Because you just like mushrooms? Or maybe you want to put mushrooms on the pizza simply because it didn't have them, and you're a completist? Or what if you make it a habit of adding mushrooms to pizzas because your favorite food is mushrooms? Or maybe you even dislike the combination of onions and olives without the presence of mushrooms. Hmm... wanting some help with this one..
    *bows down and concedes*

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    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    Ugh. My point was that it's kind of annoying when people assume that the reason others don't know how to be around them is because of their supposed ‘intensity’. “Blah blah blah these people can't handle me, I'm too intense for them,” sort of talk is really stupid, imo. Maybe it's because you're overdramatic? Clingy? Maybe it's because you exaggerate things to the point of a joke? @ all of you ‘intense’ forum members: I don't know your specifics, but it seems like the people who tend to get labeled that the most are just people who try too hard to be that way. Being irregular or contrary isn't intense, pushing the bounds of personal space, eye-contact, etc. isn't intense. Being overdramatic isn't intense. It's just silly. I think it's more or less a quality based on a reaction one gives off to another person; i.e., someone else would have to say it about you, not you about yourself.

    I definitely agree. I know people that try so hard to be a certain way (e.g. "I never waste food. I hate wasting food! If I see food fall on the ground, I will pick it up and eat it!!") and then they act peeved when someone calls them out on being hardcore about it, haha. It doesn't make sense to me.

    I've been called intense by a lot of people. I think it mainly has to do with my usually blunt nature and tendency to maintain strong eye contact. :wink:
    Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
    John Muir

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    Quote Originally Posted by crazedrat View Post
    I think people are intense in different ways. With betas, they are intense about how the world around them should be organized. And that seems to involve people; and more particularly, what these people 'should be doing'. They are busy thinking far ahead about how things should work out for themselves and others. This translates into a certain immanence for action. Compare that with an INTjs intensity for debate.. intensity; it's all a matter of perspective. And maybe that INTj needs to stop obsessing over these things.. the subtle points of grammar.. the small piece of data left out from the paragraph he just read.. the completeness of his personal conception of physics. But how are these things relevant to the simple reality which surrounds him? Instead he needs to crawl out of his head, get out of the basement, and get a proper job and a girlfriend, right? Well it's the same for you then. You should release yourself from whatever it is you're holding onto which is giving you this need for immanent action. Obviously such far ended goals aren't entirely within your grasp; otherwise why the inability to take action and resolve this feeling? Act on what is within your power, and beyond that.. nothing

    Or maybe you're lacking wisdom if you give advice to someone whose type is one step removed from your conflict type. The relationship you have with INTJ is known to be marked with misunderstandings. I think it's ok for an INTJ to be perfectionistic as their dual is a Perfectionist. It pairs well with their desire to be healthy. It's important for things to be free of errors sometimes.

    I don't think Betas should be advised away from their greater strengths or qualities, either. If they're sort of the "coordinator" quadrant then they should all hone their capacity for their passions and be a presence in the world.
    Lefty
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    "I'm Sick of Old Men Dreaming Up Wars for Young Men To Die In," George McGovern.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve View Post
    My point is that it's kind of annoying when people assume that the reason they don't know how to be around others is because of their supposed differentness. "Blah blah blah these people can't understand me - I'm too mysterious and unique to them," sort of talk is really stupid, imo. Maybe it's because you're disagreeable? Pugnacious? @ all of you "hard to understand" forum members: I don't know your specifics (well maybe I do), but it seems like the people who tend to get labeled that the most are just people who try too hard to be that way...
    Betas have been characterized as Klingons. They're true to their nature. They're confrontational. They're led by an Ethical type. They feel compelled to say and do the right thing and live the right way, often, and it hurts them, sometimes, if they don't think things are being done the right way or something expressed is biased or unjust. We can be intense. I've been surrounded by Deltas before and it was pure hell. It was like being in a black hole. There's just nothing there to rally behind to sink your teeth into, to get behind, to get moving.

    The "adage" ... "If you're not angry then you're not paying attention," is a beta phrase for sure and it takes people like us to fight like hell for the right thing. The civil rights movement, to me, is a beta experience. You can tell anyone to be quiet - people can feel outcast for standing up for things, people can experience alienation in life for standing up for something. Hell you can get on a government list, because you're an environmentalist. This experience of one individual with others is a part of something bigger, too!
    Lefty
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    "I'm Sick of Old Men Dreaming Up Wars for Young Men To Die In," George McGovern.

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    Quote Originally Posted by calenwen View Post
    I definitely agree. I know people that try so hard to be a certain way (e.g. "I never waste food. I hate wasting food! If I see food fall on the ground, I will pick it up and eat it!!") and then they act peeved when someone calls them out on being hardcore about it, haha. It doesn't make sense to me.

    I've been called intense by a lot of people. I think it mainly has to do with my usually blunt nature and tendency to maintain strong eye contact. :wink:

    The sexual subtype of the ISFJ is aggressor. You are an aggressor. That's why people find you ....
    Lefty
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    "I'm Sick of Old Men Dreaming Up Wars for Young Men To Die In," George McGovern.

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    'Intense' is not a word I would necessarily use to describe myself -- nor would I attribute oddities or disturbances in my social interactions to any supposed 'intensity'. I do suppose I have a tendency to get carried away in conversation or discussion, a propensity toward threatrics and, on the other side of the spectrum, a tendency to focus internally to such an extent that I have unsettled people around me. I lack a certain chilled out 'ease' and an ability to simply settle into the moment, be laid-back and be less forceful in conveying my points, and I do attribute some social discomfiture between me and more 'gentle/chilled' people to my inability to 'chill', but I wouldn't say that makes me 'intense' in my day-to-day behaviour.

    Anyway, it's so bemusing that the attribute of 'intensity' can be seen as self-congratulatory and thus attract derision from other people who find it 'annoying' (although I concede the possibility that in some self-referential cases it is used in a self-congratulatory manner to elevate a sense of alienation or disconnection, by positing that others lack a quality which you possess, rather than vice-versa -- that alienation/difference is caused through the lack of a quality which other people possess). I think what might make the claim of 'intensity' doubly annoying when used to differentiate between one group and another is that 'intensity' is such a vague term, but one which, ever since the Romantics (perhaps even earlier?), has carried with it in Western usage a certain positive connotation: referencing the archetype of an alienated, misunderstood poet possessing that rare quality of genius.
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    Quote Originally Posted by lefty
    Or maybe you're lacking wisdom if you give advice to someone whose type is one step removed from your conflict type.
    A step? This is socionics, not myers briggs; and functions work in realms, not gradations.

    Quote Originally Posted by unefille View Post
    'Intense' is not a word I would necessarily use to describe myself -- nor would I attribute oddities or disturbances in my social interactions to any supposed 'intensity'. I do suppose I have a tendency to get carried away in conversation or discussion, a propensity toward threatrics and, on the other side of the spectrum, a tendency to focus internally to such an extent that I have unsettled people around me. I lack a certain chilled out 'ease' and an ability to simply settle into the moment, be laid-back and be less forceful in conveying my points, and I do attribute some social discomfiture between me and more 'gentle/chilled' people to my inability to 'chill', but I wouldn't say that makes me 'intense' in my day-to-day behaviour.
    This is a very good description, and I relate to it a lot. I appreciate how you illustrated the behavior, and let the reader decide on the trait, rather than claiming you were intense and describing the behavior to accord (that pisses me off to no end). Anyway, I also find myself naturally getting very carried away in discussion. It's just that, when you have a good debate, with increased intellectual energy comes a heightened enthusiasm for the topic at hand; but I tend to sometimes appear confrontational when I am not attempting to be that way at all. It is just that I want the other person to be as excited about it as me -- it's like a push, but one that is meant to energize, not threaten them. The tendency to get very internally focused resonates as well. I suppose sometimes I just -cannot- make myself deal with the immediate social environment, and thus focus on solving whatever issue I have inside. Unfortunately, this has resulted in me being called catatonic before (more so in the depressive era).

    Anyway, it's so bemusing that the attribute of 'intensity' can be seen as self-congratulatory and thus attract derision from other people who find it 'annoying' (although I concede the possibility that in some self-referential cases it is used in a self-congratulatory manner to elevate a sense of alienation or disconnection, by positing that others lack a quality which you possess, rather than vice-versa -- that alienation/difference is caused through the lack of a quality which other people possess).
    It is amusing, isn't it? And it's also amusing that those people who immediately balk at someone else's self-focused notion of it, assume that the person is exalting themselves, and thus express derision (i.e. Allie's first response). This more often than not betrays an insecurity regarding the issue, or at least some internal disposition that elevates one's self above others in that regard -- at least in terms of not consigning one's self to the simple definition for a self-esteem boost (don't miss the irony and sarcasm here, people).

    (although I concede the possibility that in some self-referential cases it is used in a self-congratulatory manner to elevate a sense of alienation or disconnection, by positing that others lack a quality which you possess, rather than vice-versa -- that alienation/difference is caused through the lack of a quality which other people possess).
    This seems to be the case, most of the time. If someone is smarter than most, they may purposefully enhance the "intensity" of their behavior, to complete their self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't necessarily find it annoying unless the person continually talks to me about it; because when they seem that sure, my response is to have them end the talking and prove it.

    I think what might make the claim of 'intensity' doubly annoying when used to differentiate between one group and another is that 'intensity' is such a vague term, but one which, ever since the Romantics (perhaps even earlier?), has carried with it in Western usage a certain positive connotation: referencing the archetype of an alienated, misunderstood poet possessing that rare quality of genius.
    This is pretty much it.
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