Horrific Fi PoLR Hit Last Night

[Ezra]

I think this is a fantastic illustration of weak Fi.

Last night I went to a club and later on in the night I observed this group of males and females (people watching in clubs is great fun), and one duo I took notice of. After about five or ten minutes of dancing, I said to her "you're not really that interested in him, are you?" which she didn't hear, so I said it again, and she didn't hear, so I said it a third time, and she looked at me for a few seconds and then said "he's my boyfriend".

I don't know why I even bothered talking to her - I mean, she wasn't hot at all, so it's not like I wanted her. I think I was just looking to stir up some shit and create some drama, but it only ended in (slight) embarrassment on my part.

[crazedrat]

why would you assume that them being together means she's really interested in him or cares about him? Maybe your observations were correct and it made her uncomfortable

[tereg]

I need to catch my breath after reading that story. Take it down a notch.

[Park]

Why "embarrassment"? If anything, it shows that you were probably right and that social conformities are more important than genuine feelings. But then, I'd probably feel the same in your situation.

[Banana Pancakes]

lol, maybe she just said that because she wasn't that interested in you, either

I find it best to only ask open ended questions in Fi matters, stating any perception of mine ends up in that sort of problem :-/

[cracka]

I think this is a fantastic illustration of weak Fi.

Last night I went to a club and later on in the night I observed this group of males and females (people watching in clubs is great fun), and one duo I took notice of. After about five or ten minutes of dancing, I said to her "you're not really that interested in him, are you?" which she didn't hear, so I said it again, and she didn't hear, so I said it a third time, and she looked at me for a few seconds and then said "he's my boyfriend".

The fact that you said it 3 times is kinda funny...lol.
IMO, Perhaps she was ignoring you because she knew you were totally off with what you were saying. She may have thought it would be easier to just not acknowledge you but you kept at it, which may have got on her nerves enough to finally cause the reaction it did.

I don't know why I even bothered talking to her - I mean, she wasn't hot at all, so it's not like I wanted her. I think I was just looking to stir up some shit and create some drama, but it only ended in (slight) embarrassment on my part.

The first part in italics is an excuse you're making, when in reality she called you on beind a dumbass and maybe didn't even think much of you. Whatever you have to tell yourself...lol.

The bolded part, I just can't fathom at all and, as usual, just causes me to think that you're just as much of a tool as I used to think in the past regarding other situations I've seen from you. I guess I'm just not used to people who actually like to "stir up some shit and create some drama." It really does baffle me.

Then again, you could very well have been correct in your assumption and she just didn't want to fuck things up with the guy she doesn't really care about and just went on the defensive because she's supposed to.

[jessica129]

Cracka speaks the truth.

[smccosker]

most likely you were "right"...but she assumed that you were interested in her and she wasnt in you, which is why she said hes my bf. most likely the guy in question was a gay male friend, a male friend, or her brother. if she was interested in you she would have said "i don't know him" and most likely started flirting/smiling at you. truth hurts sorry, but in order understand dating you need to understand what a woman means when she says certain things. ull pick up in it in time dont worry

in addition, u stating that observation showed insecurity on your part to whether you were socially valuable enough for her/attractive.

neway, now you know that when u are in the presence of a female dont talk about other guys or show any formof insecurity. just be yourself and dont act weird

[Minde]

I'm not sure I completely understand. What was so horrific about it?

Did you sincerely think/guess that she wasn't really interested in him? If so, you very well could have been correct, and she replied thus for entirely different reasons than conveying to you the true nature of their relationship.


Also... hm... do you normally have a habit of guessing at how close or interested in each other people are? As in, is that something that you find yourself thinking about?

[smccosker]

I'm not sure I completely understand. What was so horrific about it?

Did you sincerely think/guess that she wasn't really interested in him? If so, you very well could have been correct, and she replied thus for entirely different reasons than conveying to you the true nature of their relationship.


Also... hm... do you normally have a habit of guessing at how close or interested in each other people are? As in, is that something that you find yourself thinking about?

he was most likely trying to gauge the girls attraction to the other guy to see if she was "approachable" in that way

[Minde]

he was most likely trying to gauge the girls attraction to the other guy to see if she was "approachable" in that way

That could be a possibility, except in the OP he said that he was not attracted to the girl.

[Satan]

I think this is a fantastic illustration of weak Fi.

Last night I went to a club and later on in the night I observed this group of males and females (people watching in clubs is great fun), and one duo I took notice of. After about five or ten minutes of dancing, I said to her "you're not really that interested in him, are you?" which she didn't hear, so I said it again, and she didn't hear, so I said it a third time, and she looked at me for a few seconds and then said "he's my boyfriend".

Take the note of the fact she looked at you for a few seconds.

[Park]

Also... hm... do you normally have a habit of guessing at how close or interested in each other people are? As in, is that something that you find yourself thinking about?

That sounds like something I do. Sounds like Fi HA to me actually.

[Ritella]

Re the OP: That sounds EXACTLY like something an SLE would do. Seems like Se leading combined with Fi devaluing.
I'm not sure I would call that a "PoLR Hit" though. IMO, it was just that your weak PoLR didn't allow you to use your leading function to its full potential. So, for you, it probably just made you feel weak and not able to control things.
Fi PoLR hits are much worse than that... I'll try to think of a good one.

[Ritella]

That sounds like something I do. Sounds like Fi HA to me actually.

I don't think Ezra did it out of some sort of hobby fascination with understanding relationships. I think he just intended to throw a bomb in the middle of the room and felt like a dumbass when it backfired on him.

[Satan]

That could be a possibility, except in the OP he said that he was not attracted to the girl.

Why was he paying attention to her then.

[Satan]

The fact that you said it 3 times is kinda funny...lol.
IMO, Perhaps she was ignoring you because she knew you were totally off with what you were saying. She may have thought it would be easier to just not acknowledge you but you kept at it, which may have got on her nerves enough to finally cause the reaction it did.

That could actualy be true

Who says something three times?

[Ritella]

Why was he paying attention to her then.

easy target; interesting dynamic going on with her.

people pay attention to people they're not attracted to ALL the time. in fact, really ugly people probably get stared at just as much as really attractive people. (not that i really want to label people as such, but you get my drift...)

[Park]

I don't think Ezra did it out of some sort of hobby fascination with understanding relationships. I think he just intended to throw a bomb in the middle of the room and felt like a dumbass when it backfired on him.

LOL, good point.

[jessica129]

easy target; interesting dynamic going on with her.

people pay attention to people they're not attracted to ALL the time. in fact, really ugly people probably get stared at just as much as really attractive people. (not that i really want to label people as such, but you get my drift...)

Wait...what? lol. I don't really pay attention to anyone I'm not attracted to...Why would anyone pay attention to someone they're not attracted to?

[smccosker]

i can picture him saying that with a big confident smile on his face acting really cocky, then with a cold vacant stare the girl says what she said and his jaw drops...lol priceless

sorry ezra you have to admit it is funny

wish i could have seen how it really played out...u should get someone to videotape ur antics

mine are just as entertaining but kind of....illegal

[Satan]

Wait...what? lol. I don't really pay attention to anyone I'm not attracted to...Why would anyone pay attention to someone they're not attracted to?

I was thinking the same, but I kind of just stuck her in the freak category.

[Ritella]

I was thinking the same, but I kind of just stuck her in the freak category.

lol. SLEs....

idk, i stare at people i'm not attracted to. also, people stare at me all the time, and i'm fairly sure they're doing it because they think i'm weird. makes me nervous and want to yell at them.

[iAnnAu]

Wait...what? lol. I don't really pay attention to anyone I'm not attracted to...Why would anyone pay attention to someone they're not attracted to?

People-watching is people-watching, not hottie-watching. While I certainly notice if a person strikes me as attractive, I enjoy watching the variety, too. Sometimes I really like when people have striking features that aren't aesthetic per se, such as a small scar on a guy's cheek or an unusual tattoo peeking out from a girl's jean cuff. They don't have to be attractive to be interesting.

[jessica129]

I think it's different if you're just people watching...you're going to notice everyone..attractive and not so attractive. I was meaning in a bar or social atmosphere.

[Satan]

I think it's different if you're just people watching...you're going to notice everyone..attractive and not so attractive. I was meaning in a bar or social atmosphere.

some people slip . .and it's liek they get past me and i don't notice ..some of these people i say it to them. and i'll discover that lots of people don't notice them

[Ritella]

I think it's different if you're just people watching...you're going to notice everyone..attractive and not so attractive. I was meaning in a bar or social atmosphere.

right, i get that. in a bar, it depends. if you're going to the bar to hook up, then you're definitely "hottie watching." but if you're with a group of people and just don't feel like it, then you're probably just "people watching." IME, SLEs tend to just go to bars for people-watching/ general fun; they'll just pounce on a hottie if one happens to come along. It's not exactly "goal oriented," as if they have a game plan for the night and get upset when they go home empty handed.

some people slip . .and it's liek they get past me and i don't notice ..some of these people i say it to them. and i'll discover that lots of people don't notice them

huh?

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[07490]

I think this is a fantastic illustration of weak Fi.

Last night I went to a club and later on in the night I observed this group of males and females (people watching in clubs is great fun), and one duo I took notice of. After about five or ten minutes of dancing, I said to her "you're not really that interested in him, are you?" which she didn't hear, so I said it again, and she didn't hear, so I said it a third time, and she looked at me for a few seconds and then said "he's my boyfriend".

I don't know why I even bothered talking to her - I mean, she wasn't hot at all, so it's not like I wanted her. I think I was just looking to stir up some shit and create some drama, but it only ended in (slight) embarrassment on my part.

Why "embarrassment"? If anything, it shows that you were probably right and that social conformities are more important than genuine feelings. But then, I'd probably feel the same in your situation.

I dont think that that was an embarrassment, but... I am not an SLE, so i am not sure.

[Satan]

right, i get that. in a bar, it depends. if you're going to the bar to hook up, then you're definitely "hottie watching." but if you're with a group of people and just don't feel like it, then you're probably just "people watching." IME, SLEs tend to just go to bars for people-watching/ general fun; they'll just pounce on a hottie if one happens to come along. It's not exactly "goal oriented," as if they have a game plan for the night and get upset when they go home empty handed.

what if you do both.

huh?[/QUOTE]

some people fade into the background. go into a large social setting, and often a lot of people will go a bit subdued. go into a smaller social setting, and people can start to come out a bit - or if they're just more comfortable in general -

[FDG]

Probably she just wanted you to get away from her

[Satan]

lol. SLEs....

idk, i stare at people i'm not attracted to. also, people stare at me all the time, and i'm fairly sure they're doing it because they think i'm weird. makes me nervous and want to yell at them.

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME.

I stare at people for a while every now and then. Sometimes I'm just trying to read where they're at, and I'm not as quick as some.

To be honest, people can vary in their response to being stared at, but recently I haven't had any negative responses. Some people will kind of avert their gaze though.

But yeah, some girls will kind of "just look at back at you, and keep their eyes on you". One time I remember this girl just looking at my eyes for ages, and it's like, she wasn't that hot, she wasn't that interesting or anything, she was just there. Her gaze was a bit cold, but not freezing, she gave the impression of being kind of hardened/guarded, and that she stood kind of tall for a woman. Anyway, at one stage I decided that it was a challenge, and I wasn't doing anything else, so I kind of just kept my eyes there until she looked away. But when people are closer and doing that I often just say "hi" or something. Or ask them if they're okay. So many people that do that though - if you ask them if they're okay, they'll just be like "are YOU okay?" so then it's like you have to say something like "are you lost?"

[Ritella]

But when people are closer and doing that I often just say "hi" or something. Or ask them if they're okay. So many people that do that though - if you ask them if they're okay, they'll just be like "are YOU okay?" so then it's like you have to say something like "are you lost?"

LOL. this is killing me. imagining you/your avatar doing this to a complete stranger. i'm dying...

[Satan]

LOL. this is killing me. imagining you/your avatar doing this to a complete stranger. i'm dying...

i'm not normally that open in public

[Ezra]

why would you assume that them being together means she's really interested in him or cares about him? Maybe your observations were correct and it made her uncomfortable

Good point.

Why "embarrassment"? If anything, it shows that you were probably right and that social conformities are more important than genuine feelings. But then, I'd probably feel the same in your situation.

Embarrassment because I'd completely misinterpreted a situation.

The fact that you said it 3 times is kinda funny...lol.
IMO, Perhaps she was ignoring you because she knew you were totally off with what you were saying. She may have thought it would be easier to just not acknowledge you but you kept at it, which may have got on her nerves enough to finally cause the reaction it did.


The first part in italics is an excuse you're making, when in reality she called you on beind a dumbass and maybe didn't even think much of you. Whatever you have to tell yourself...lol.

The bolded part, I just can't fathom at all and, as usual, just causes me to think that you're just as much of a tool as I used to think in the past regarding other situations I've seen from you. I guess I'm just not used to people who actually like to "stir up some shit and create some drama." It really does baffle me.

Then again, you could very well have been correct in your assumption and she just didn't want to fuck things up with the guy she doesn't really care about and just went on the defensive because she's supposed to.

Some good points. But seriously, she was not that hot. And I think it's reasonable to assume that I wanted to create some drama. The reason you think this is false is because you said yourself - you are baffled by the concept of stirring up something.

most likely you were "right"...but she assumed that you were interested in her and she wasnt in you, which is why she said hes my bf. most likely the guy in question was a gay male friend, a male friend, or her brother. if she was interested in you she would have said "i don't know him" and most likely started flirting/smiling at you. truth hurts sorry, but in order understand dating you need to understand what a woman means when she says certain things. ull pick up in it in time dont worry

in addition, u stating that observation showed insecurity on your part to whether you were socially valuable enough for her/attractive.

neway, now you know that when u are in the presence of a female dont talk about other guys or show any formof insecurity. just be yourself and dont act weird

Seriously, I actually didn't want her.

I'm not sure I completely understand. What was so horrific about it?

The embarrassment? Or maybe just my looking back in hindsight on the ridiculousness of the situation.

Did you sincerely think/guess that she wasn't really interested in him? If so, you very well could have been correct, and she replied thus for entirely different reasons than conveying to you the true nature of their relationship.

Yeah, similar point to crazedrat. I did actually think that she wasn't interested in him. It shows my inability to read natural bodily cues.

Also... hm... do you normally have a habit of guessing at how close or interested in each other people are? As in, is that something that you find yourself thinking about?

Generally, no.

Take the note of the fact she looked at you for a few seconds.

lol

I don't think Ezra did it out of some sort of hobby fascination with understanding relationships. I think he just intended to throw a bomb in the middle of the room and felt like a dumbass when it backfired on him.

Yes.

Why was he paying attention to her then.

It wasn't just her, it was the whole group as well as the situation in general.

Wait...what? lol. I don't really pay attention to anyone I'm not attracted to...Why would anyone pay attention to someone they're not attracted to?

People-watching is people-watching, not hottie-watching. While I certainly notice if a person strikes me as attractive, I enjoy watching the variety, too. Sometimes I really like when people have striking features that aren't aesthetic per se, such as a small scar on a guy's cheek or an unusual tattoo peeking out from a girl's jean cuff. They don't have to be attractive to be interesting.

Yes.

i can picture him saying that with a big confident smile on his face acting really cocky, then with a cold vacant stare the girl says what she said and his jaw drops...lol priceless

sorry ezra you have to admit it is funny

Yes, your inaccurately comedic portrayal of the situation is quite funny. The incident, however, was not.

I think it's different if you're just people watching...you're going to notice everyone..attractive and not so attractive. I was meaning in a bar or social atmosphere.

Yeah, and that's what I did. But you can't just sit there all night. You have to get in on the action. You have to impact people. It just so happens that this group was dancing next to me at such a time.

right, i get that. in a bar, it depends. if you're going to the bar to hook up, then you're definitely "hottie watching." but if you're with a group of people and just don't feel like it, then you're probably just "people watching." IME, SLEs tend to just go to bars for people-watching/ general fun; they'll just pounce on a hottie if one happens to come along. It's not exactly "goal oriented," as if they have a game plan for the night and get upset when they go home empty handed.

Yeah exactly. Good point again.

if she had have other reaction, would you have felt the same way?

Of course not.

i mean what disturbed you, the fact that she denied your assertion or the reason she invoked?

The fact that she denied my assertion.

what was doing each one that moment and how did you reached her?

I don't know - he had his arms around her I think, and then every time he tried to what looked like kiss her, she kind of ducked and dived with her head as though she were not interested.

afaik SLEs do these kinds of stuff on purpose, permit me to be sceptical in regard of your lack of an interest in a gain. if you were SEE i would have believed you .

Hahaha. Fair point.

But seriously. I wasn't into her.

[Simon Ssmall]

I don't know - he had his arms around her I think, and then every time he tried to what looked like kiss her, she kind of ducked and dived with her head as though she were not interested.

Bet he was apologizing for something and she was still sort of irritated about something , at least I observed things like that (if I pictured it correctly).
EDIT: although to be honest I can picture quite a few scenarios where it would be something different.

[Sirena]

I don't get how this is a big deal at all, unless I'm missing something. OK, you noticed she was acting uninterested in the guy and got curious about it and instead of trying to come up with different possibilities on your own as to why she was acting that way, you decided to just ask. Just out of curiosity. That's the impression I get from reading what you wrote. Then when she told you he was her boyfriend, you automatically assume your observation must have been wrong since you are weak in Fi, which caused you to feel stupid. I think it shows weak Fi in your assumption that were wrong because it shows lack of confidence in it. But again, I just don't see why you should feel stupid about what you did. I actually think it's kinda cool that you just came out and asked. I'd find it funny.

[strrrng]

I don't get how this is a big deal at all, unless I'm missing something. OK, you noticed she was acting uninterested in the guy and got curious about it and instead of trying to come up with different possibilities on your own as to why she was acting that way, you decided to just ask. Just out of curiosity. That's the impression I get from reading what you wrote. Then when she told you he was her boyfriend, you automatically assume your observation must have been wrong since you are weak in Fi, which caused you to feel stupid. I think it shows weak Fi in your assumption that were wrong because it shows lack of confidence in it. But again, I just don't see why you should feel stupid about what you did. I actually think it's kinda cool that you just came out and asked. I'd find it funny.

I pretty much agree with these sentiments. I also don't think Ezra was necessarily wrong; in fact, it's likely he was correct. Merky astutely pointed out the fact that she looked at him for a few seconds before answering. Ezra could have easily sensed something latent and confronted her on it, for whatever reason. If she was perhaps having an off night with the guy, or if the relationship in general (assuming that it was) was not the best, she may have been stunned or unnerved by his comments. It could make sense that she would attempt to curtail the discomfort with such a retort. If she -was- comfortable with him, couldn't she just have told Ezra to fuck off or something? On the other hand, she could have just been incredulous at the fact that some stranger would randomly comment on a perceived dynamic between her and her boyfriend. Either way, I don't think anything was especially wrong with Ezra's actions, nor do I think a mistake in judgment would mean weak Fi. The context renders that unlikely.

[smccosker]

the girl was prolly a SLUT

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request