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Thread: Fi-valuing and attachment styles

  1. #1
    Creepy-male

    Default Fi-valuing and attachment styles.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachm...achment_styles

    How would non-secure attachment alter the formation and interpretation of bonds in Deltas and Gammas?

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gulanzon View Post
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachm...achment_styles

    How would non-secure attachment alter the formation and interpretation of bonds in Deltas and Gammas?
    Hey! I thought you were ILE.
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  3. #3
    Creepy-male

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    Who knows what my type is |:

    But anyway, topic. It's directly relevant to me, since I'm anxious-preoccupied, and I know an IEE who is avoidant-dismissive.

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    Sauron, The Great Enemy ArchonAlarion's Avatar
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    Im anxious.

    also these bonds are not limited to Fi at all.
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  5. #5
    Creepy-male

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gulanzon View Post
    How would non-secure attachment alter the formation and interpretation of bonds in Deltas and Gammas?
    Quote Originally Posted by ArchonAlarion View Post
    Im anxious.

    also these bonds are not limited to Fi at all.
    Unless I missed something.

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    Sauron, The Great Enemy ArchonAlarion's Avatar
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    lol, okay i see.
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    Creepy-male

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    No parabola!

    But from an Alpha perspective, what sort of insecurities does anxious-avoidant entail?

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    Dismissive-avoidant attachment
    People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: "I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me." People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).


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    Quote Originally Posted by Warlord View Post
    Dismissive-avoidant attachment
    People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: "I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me." People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).


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    I like it too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DeAnte View Post
    I like it too.
    I don't relate that much.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Winterpark View Post
    I don't relate that much.
    The description is a little bit extreme IMO, but the general sentiment fits me well. The "Fearful-avoidant attachment" also works. Getting emotionally close to others just feel very unnatural for me. Not sure if that makes me more dismissive or fearful of emotional intimacy. I'd prefer something lighter.

    "His feeling that this world is not his Fatherland, and that it does not represent his proper condition, so to speak—his feeling that, basically, he 'comes from afar'—will remain a fundamental element which will not give rise to mystical escapism and spiritual weakness, but rather will enable him to minimise, to relativise, to refer to higher concepts of measure and limit, all that can seem important and definitive to others, starting with death itself, and will confer on him calm force and breadth of vision." — Julius Evola

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  12. #12
    Creepy-male

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    Dismissive is "Don't need."
    Fearful is "Do need, but fear betrayal too much."
    Anxious-preoccupied is "Do need, but unsure of reciprocity."

    Dismissive and Fearful both share low image of partners, but Fearful leans towards constant worrying while Dismissive fends it off by elevating itself above needing attachments.

    I think.

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    I'm a mix between anxious-preoccupied and fearful-avoidant. Yet I have a high self-esteem. I therefore conclude that this link is not credible.

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    Definetly "Dismissive-avoidant attachment" followed closely by "Fearful-avoidant attachment".

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    I'll bet all SLIs are dismissive-avoidant (although I know it's not supposed to be type-related). Raise your hand if you're an SLI and NOT dismissive-avoidant.

    I'm a cross between fearful-avoidant and secure.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    I'm a mix between anxious-preoccupied and fearful-avoidant.
    Probably this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I'll bet all SLIs are dismissive-avoidant (although I know it's not supposed to be type-related). Raise your hand if you're an SLI and NOT dismissive-avoidant.

    I'm a cross between fearful-avoidant and secure.
    *raises hand*

    However, I've come a long way, and had a plethora of experiences that have kind of defused my innate defensiveness. The description certainly reminded me of when I was younger ... and it's not entirely inapplicable to me today. Self-sufficiency is really, really high on my list of things that are important.
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    I'm fearful-avoidant, definitely.
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  19. #19
    Creepy-male

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    Especially interesting, tereg.

    How would you say you process the Fi social geography then? Catalogues of who thinks what about you?

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    My attachment style has changed over the years. When I was younger, I experienced all 3 of the unhealthy ones, primarily because I had issues with myself and lot of other stuff. It took me a long time to feel secure in my friendships and confident in myself, and to recognize what happens in my everyday life that stresses me and how I create my own problems. Socionics has actually helped me with that quite a bit...

    So all-in-all I think I've arrived at 'secure.'
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I'm a cross between fearful-avoidant and secure.
    Same here.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gulanzon View Post
    Especially interesting, tereg.

    How would you say you process the Fi social geography then? Catalogues of who thinks what about you?
    That's part of it but it's not the entire story. Although I don't really sense that I catalogue who thinks what about me. It's sort of assessed for each given situation. What carries with me is the response in general, not necessarily who did the responding.

    The other part of that is being aware of and sensitive to ... for lack of a better phrase ... how I appear to others. In other words, I'm rather conscious and careful about not making too big of a scene or drawing attention to myself if the situation does not warrant it. I don't really like standing out or being noticed or doing attention-grabbing things at all. In larger group settings, I don't want to be noticed at all. I just want to be another face in the crowd. So, I feel as though I have to really lay low... there's a constant monitoring and cautiousness that I seem to have in active, large social groups.
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    Quote Originally Posted by tereg View Post
    That's part of it but it's not the entire story. Although I don't really sense that I catalogue who thinks what about me. It's sort of assessed for each given situation. What carries with me is the response in general, not necessarily who did the responding.

    The other part of that is being aware of and sensitive to ... for lack of a better phrase ... how I appear to others. In other words, I'm rather conscious and careful about not making too big of a scene or drawing attention to myself if the situation does not warrant it. I don't really like standing out or being noticed or doing attention-grabbing things at all. In larger group settings, I don't want to be noticed at all. I just want to be another face in the crowd. So, I feel as though I have to really lay low... there's a constant monitoring and cautiousness that I seem to have in active, large social groups.
    I relate to this a lot.

    As for me, Fearful-avoidant and Dismissive-avoidant fit well.
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    I don't think most of these things can really be tied down to type. To me it sounds like a lot of these things have to do with ones upbringing, childhood experiences, ect.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    I don't think most of these things can really be tied down to type. To me it sounds like a lot of these things have to do with ones upbringing, childhood experiences, ect.
    yeah, totally

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    I'm probably a mix of anxious-preoccupied and fearful-avoidant.
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

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    Creepy-Diana

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    .

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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana View Post
    I don't know. I'm not sure how to answer that question. I've seen myself in most of these at some point or another, but it changes. I'm primarily secure, sometimes with a dismissive streak. Sometimes I have felt clingy, other times fearful-avoidant. A lot I think depends on your relationships at the time, and how you feel about them, how you interact with each other.

    I think perhaps if a person was with an anxious-preoccupied person (clingy) they might become more dismissive if previously secure or fearful-avoidant, and more secure if previously anxious themselves.

    Two secure people would probably increase each other's security. And a secure person might become more anxious if paired with a dismissive person. A dismissive person might become more dismissive yet with an anxious person, and the anxious person more anxious.

    I wouldn't imagine it'd happen in a short time period, but over time having ideas reinforced one way or another might lead to some change in opinion of oneself and how one felt about relationships in general. After all, if your attachment style is formed by relationships, it could continue to adjust through relationships. Including of course your relationship with yourself, your own self-esteem, meaning you could over time become more secure by being more secure with yourself.
    I think this makes a lot of sense. Very well put. I never thought about it changing over time, but it makes so much sense. I mean, if socionics is based on inter-type relations, it would make sense that this would be as well.

    I know when someone is being clingy with me, I start acting really dismissive to get them to back off. I really, really dislike feeling smothered. If someone is acting distant (such as some introverts) it makes me super interested and almost giddy and I start trying to get them to warm up. If someone is very clear from the start about showing interest, sticking to plans, wanting me in their life, etc., then I am not anxious at all. But if they waver or are hot and cold I do get really anxious easily! If I can't tell how someone views me, I might act dismissive because that's easier than getting hurt. So I guess I'd be all of them depending on the situation, though I probably lean towards anxious as I can be oversensitive. sigh...why can't we all just get along?
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  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    sigh...why can't we all just get along?
    *hugs*

    Because the world is made of this and that, and we can't all be the cool quadra.

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    I think I am fairly secure, but if I had to choose the style I could slip to with more ease, it'd probably be anxious-preoccupied.
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    I think a good example of FI valuing would be Implied, It's that longing for loyality, moral believe that I see her longing for. I guess that is an style of attachment.
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    1)
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    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 07490 View Post
    I think a good example of FI valuing would be Implied, It's that longing for loyality, moral believe that I see her longing for. I guess that is an style of attachment.
    Do you see the same thing in me?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Winterpark View Post
    Do you see the same thing in me?
    I even thought about it when I wrote that about implied about you. Your PM you just sent me, you didn't praise me in public and did so on PM. It felt very FI-ish. and along with others, I see it in IannaU as well.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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