Angry ENFp

[jewels]

Would an angry ENFp attract lots of INFps? You know, because then we might look more aggressive and ESTp-ish?

Also curious about ENFps and anger, as I've read we can hold it in/have difficulty expressing it (bad). Experiences?

[meatburger]

Would an angry ENFp attract lots of INFps? You know, because then we might look more aggressive and ESTp-ish?

Also curious about ENFps and anger, as I've read we can hold it in/have difficulty expressing it (bad). Experiences?

I kind of attract a few INFps. ENFj's also seem to like me aswell. My only explanation is that my parents are both Se types and some of it has rubbed off on me. I dont know any other ENFp guys to compare myself to, but i am quite firery.

I tend to let anger build up and hold it inside, and then it just explodes. Normally in a bit of ultra extreme negative talk and occasionally yelling (normally just to my poor mum). Typically because i have weak Se, if someone does something to me i hate i wont do anything about it at the time. Then i will think about it afterwards and get a bit wild lol.

[Simon Ssmall]

I tend to let anger build up and hold it inside, and then it just explodes. Normally in a bit of ultra extreme negative talk and occasionally yelling (normally just to my poor mum). Typically because i have weak Se, if someone does something to me i hate i wont do anything about it at the time. Then i will think about it afterwards and get a bit wild lol.

Its the same with me, bad thing is that the anger is usually directed not at the people i'm actually angry with. I can build up anger for weeks and not say anything, kind of frustrating sometimes.

EDIT: Oh an when I face some negative situation I usually rethink that situation over and over again, not letting it rest. In the end I end up overthinking and tired/drained.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Its the same with me, bad thing is that the anger is usually directed not at the people i'm actually angry with. I can build up anger for weeks and not say anything, kind of frustrating sometimes.

What would you prefer to do?

[Simon Ssmall]

What would you prefer to do?

Hard to answer, guess being more honest about how you feel about a situation would be a good thing. Problem is when I try to be like that I end up fighting and misunderstood. I cant take criticism so when I try to say something openly I usually have to listen to criticism myself so its not something I like either.

In the end, the answer to your question is, no freaking idea. Oh but at least if I go on rage crusade i would want it to be directed at people I am actually angry at not to people I love/like who have nothing to do with it.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Hard to answer, guess being more honest about how you feel about a situation would be a good thing. Problem is when I try to be like that I end up fighting and misunderstood. I cant take criticism so when I try to say something openly I usually have to listen to criticism myself so its not something I like either.

In the end, the answer to your question is, no freaking idea. Oh but at least if I go on rage crusade i would want it to be directed at people I am actually angry at not to people I love/like who have nothing to do with it.

Meh, take it out on me if you like

But... I think that when we feel angry/upset, unless it can somehow be rationalised while having the feeling, it's not usually the best time to bring it up either. So then one would wait till one fees calmer, which in turn can lead to what you mention by holding it in for too long.

I think the solution is to be around people that don't annoy us. And if we have to be around people at work that grate us, well that is what going for a beer and a gripe after work is for. heh.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Would an angry ENFp attract lots of INFps? You know, because then we might look more aggressive and ESTp-ish?

Dunno. There's INFp's who don't like angry people (at least so they say, maybe they secretly do ) So dunno off top of my head to be honest. hmm.

Also curious about ENFps and anger, as I've read we can hold it in/have difficulty expressing it (bad). Experiences?

I think it's important to ENFp's to be liked. So maybe this would stop them expressing their anger.

[anndelise]

Would an angry ENFp attract lots of INFps? You know, because then we might look more aggressive and ESTp-ish?

Also curious about ENFps and anger, as I've read we can hold it in/have difficulty expressing it (bad). Experiences?

I think if there's anything at all to the attraction thing, it would depend on stuff like how clear the NeFi is in what they want..what they are angry about, who they are angry with, etc. I would think though, that the NeFi being angry, upset, frustrated, etc, might trigger the NiFe need/skill towards helping the NeFi clarify those things. NiFe make pretty good sounding boards for both SeTi & NeFi. NiFe also make irritatingly good devil's advocates. Sometimes, that can help an NeFi to either calm down, or become more clear.


As for anger experiences....
I didn't used to be an angry person, even though I had plenty to be angry about. It wasn't until I began to try to assert myself...as in not letting people step all over me...that I began to have anger issues. Like any new skill set, it has to be developed. Trying to raise a child who would explode at the drop of a pin kind of forces one to develop those skills somehow. (I'm still waiting until I can say I've got some skill at it though, lol.)

Nowadays, I too react at a drop of a pin. I often get looks and comments about how [insert whatever small incident] was too small and I'm over-reacting. What they don't know about is how many freaking times those [insert same small incident] happens, over and over and over and over and over. There's so much aggravation and frustration built up in me, without the skills to deal with it, so it often spills out in all sorts of areas of my life. I've become snappy and even more neurotic than I was. And I hate it, I hate when it spills out. My feelings about when I have outbursts causes yet even more neuroticness. grrrrr

And then..then there are the problems that I just can't seem to find a solution to. So my mind goes over and over and over it, exploring different options, different things to say or do that might change (or might have changed) the outcome. And my mind won't shut up and leave me alone about it. And when my mind is stupidly preoccupied with this, I can't do much of anything else unless I distract it somehow. Often times I won't get sleep because of it..or have really weird dreams. Walking and walking and walking helps...a LOT. Actually, so does talking with my NiFe friend who'll walk and walk with me, letting me vent, letting me get all that crap out of my head so that I can finally calm down and be just a little bit more rational about the situation.
(He doesn't like the outbursts, and it's taken him a few years to finally understand about them. Just so long as they aren't directed at him. He'll just walk away...and you're lucky if you can get him to talk to you again.)

The good thing is that when I do have an outburst, when I get that crap out of me, then I can be more calm about the situation afterwards...and a little more me. My daughter (SeFi) is similar in that we're both quick to have outbursts, but we avoid saying things that harms the other person, and we're quick to move past the outburst into more productive areas of the relationship/situation.

I would have to say that that last part seems to be a skill...avoiding saying/doing things that hurts the person (physically/emotionally) and quickly moving past it. As in...learning to not do those things.


As for the original OP, I think that one of the things to keep in mind is that NeFi do have NiFe id, and NiFe do have NeFi id. They are both also NFp. The NiFe is more familiar dealing with Fe...and Ni...and so when an NeFi needs help with those, due to perhaps..lack of sufficient experience in dealing with those, the NiFe has the experience to help with that. That need may trigger something in the NiFe..which may become interpreted (at least) as attraction by either party. (Note, similar applies to certain NiFe needs triggering the NeFi into trying to help the NiFe.)

[jewels]

very interesting stuff guys!

I remember reading somewhere two descriptions of ENFps...maybe it was subtyes? And one of them was more likely to have angry outbursts than the other. Does anyone remember where that was?

Like some of you, I also tend to instead yell at people who don't have anything to do w/ the situation (you know, like family members and such). Then of course I feel bad, but by now they understand. I wonder how ISTps feel about this...

I've become more blunt also w/ strangers over time, though I won't usually yell. I had a cab driver ask "why do you guys want to go here, instead of there? I could just take you there?" He was fishing for $ basically (and he seemed to be high). My friends were meekly trying to give him reasons, but he kept repeating "why you want to go there?" So I finally said very loudly "it's none of your business! Just take us where we want to go!" and then he finally stopped. It was not what I wanted to say, as I hate saying things like that, but I also realized he would not shut up otherwise. I wonder if an ISTp would have an easier time handling a situation like that.

[meatburger]

I wonder how ISTps feel about this...

I think ISTp's think the ENFp anger outburst is hillarious.

Ive been pretty grumpy at my ISTp friend before and each time he handles it really well. He just goes quiet and even says sorry sometimes, then he changes the subject. It seems to totally dissapate my anger.

[UDP]

I think ISTp's think the ENFp anger outburst is hillarious.

Ive been pretty grumpy at my ISTp friend before and each time he handles it really well. He just goes quiet and even says sorry sometimes, then he changes the subject. It seems to totally dissapate my anger.

Yeah.

And sometimes it's adorable. Little Fi tirades about what is right is very cute, sometimes. And NO I don't mean that in a belittling, demeaning way. It's just nice to see. To be fair, I've seen F types have a sort of look of adoration as well, when I explain how something works or how to do something, or take care of something for them that they really didn't want to do. Or calm them down when they are stressing out about practical matters or actually "doing" something - particularly that.

But as far as actually being upset, yeah. It seems like it's good for Fi types to acknowledge it, and then let it be. Perhaps more so delta Fi. Fi types, or at least INFjs, don't do well when they are dwelling in long emotional stimulation (particularly negative). Or, saying "ok, I see that you are upset. Here are the options. You can do this now, but other than that, don't worry about it, becuase there's nothing (else) you can do right now" or often times just "look, don't worry about it, there's nothing you can do right now. You did everything you can do right now, so, don't worry about it *proceed on to next item*".

EIIs sometimes need a lot of time alone, but I'm not sure if it's the same for IEEs. I think IEEs might be healthier than EIIs in that way, because, sometimes EIIs can take "I need time alone" as sort of retreating further into safetey, and like I said in another thread, not actually dealing with anything..... so I worry about EIIs when they get that way.

I wonder - would you say that IEEs sometimes just get "crazier" or "more irrational"? kind of just going further into chasing whatever is fun or interesting rather than settling down (like, not doing what their dual would do) ? Or what do you (IEEs) think?

[jewels]

"look, don't worry about it, there's nothing you can do right now. You did everything you can do right now, so, don't worry about it *proceed on to next item*".

I wonder - would you say that IEEs sometimes just get "crazier" or "more irrational"? kind of just going further into chasing whatever is fun or interesting rather than settling down (like, not doing what their dual would do) ? Or what do you (IEEs) think?

yup, everything you said there is what I like to hear when I'm freaking out. I actually think just having a vibe of Si and Te in the room really helps.

IEEs definitely need time alone more so than most extraverts, but when upset, I think we might prefer having someone around we know really well. But not aquaintances.

Actually, I feel that INFjs get "crazier" than I do...I feel like the logic is always still there for me, and I can explain the logical reason I'm so upset. The INFjs I've known are more like "I just don't like this or that" or "it should have been this way" w/o any real reason they can find, it's a strong feeling though.

Or, did you mean chasing fun as a way to avoid dealing w/ something? That's a possibility for the short-term, yeah. But eventually it has to be dealt with.

[jessica129]

Like some of you, I also tend to instead yell at people who don't have anything to do w/ the situation (you know, like family members and such). Then of course I feel bad, but by now they understand. I wonder how ISTps feel about this...

I do the same thing but almost always feel very bad about it and apologize afterwards.

I've become more blunt also w/ strangers over time, though I won't usually yell. I had a cab driver ask "why do you guys want to go here, instead of there? I could just take you there?" He was fishing for $ basically (and he seemed to be high). My friends were meekly trying to give him reasons, but he kept repeating "why you want to go there?" So I finally said very loudly "it's none of your business! Just take us where we want to go!" and then he finally stopped. It was not what I wanted to say, as I hate saying things like that, but I also realized he would not shut up otherwise. I wonder if an ISTp would have an easier time handling a situation like that.

lol, I don't think I could be that blunt. You'd have to do something really, reallyawful for me to loose it when it comes to random acts of bluntness towards strangers. Had a cab driver asked me that i'd probobly just explain I was trying to save money and could he please get there asap

[UDP]

lol, I don't think I could be that blunt. You'd have to do something really, really awful for me to loose it when it comes to random acts of bluntness towards strangers. Had a cab driver asked me that i'd probably just explain I was trying to save money and could he please get there asap

I can certainly be that blunt. I'm paying the cab driver for a job - I'm not going to pay him more money for a job I don't want him to do. Especially if he's high and possibly more likely to get into an accident or do something like that.

So would another SLI I know.

I'd be even more blunt and assertive if it was my friends that you were delaying. I don't see that as being rude, either - there's nothing to be gained from paying more money to ride with a less competent driver to someplace that you don't want to go. That's an all around bad decision. If you took that offer, he'd be screwing you over. So don't let that happen.

I told an IEE the other day to be careful about things like that, because she's so nice. She really appreciated my advice , as she was kind of being hassled by someone. It was an interesting mix of her realizing that she needed to stand up for herself in the situation, and yet, by doing so, that would alleviate the stress, and as such she could still be her naturally pleasant self.

I had a cab driver ask "why do you guys want to go here, instead of there? I could just take you there?" He was fishing for $ basically (and he seemed to be high). My friends were meekly trying to give him reasons, but he kept repeating "why you want to go there?" So I finally said very loudly "it's none of your business! Just take us where we want to go!" and then he finally stopped. It was not what I wanted to say, as I hate saying things like that, but I also realized he would not shut up otherwise. I wonder if an ISTp would have an easier time handling a situation like that.

I understand NFs can "hate doing things like that" - it's not pretty or nice or ideal, but, it has to be done. I suppose it works out because I hate being screwed over like that, and I dislike it even more to see my friends screwed over. So there is a balance, perhaps.

[jewels]

I can certainly be that blunt. I'm paying the cab driver for a job - I'm not going to pay him more money for a job I don't want him to do. Especially if he's high and possibly more likely to get into an accident or do something like that.

So would another SLI I know.

I'd be even more blunt and assertive if it was my friends that you were delaying. I don't see that as being rude, either - there's nothing to be gained from paying more money to ride with a less competent driver to someplace that you don't want to go. That's an all around bad decision. If you took that offer, he'd be screwing you over. So don't let that happen.

I told an IEE the other day to be careful about things like that, because she's so nice. She really appreciated my advice , as she was kind of being hassled by someone. It was an interesting mix of her realizing that she needed to stand up for herself in the situation, and yet, by doing so, that would alleviate the stress, and as such she could still be her naturally pleasant self.

I understand NFs can "hate doing things like that" - it's not pretty or nice or ideal, but, it has to be done. I suppose it works out because I hate being screwed over like that, and I dislike it even more to see my friends screwed over. So there is a balance, perhaps.

Yeah, I agree w/ that. This reminds me of an ESTj I knew. He totally took care of things like that and it never sounded rude, he was just sort of stating something. I thought it was a good approach.

I think it sucks, especially as an IEE, to have to be assertive when you'd rather ignore it, but I also know I won't be angry about it later on if I just say it then. Though, I do prefer to have someone else take care of it, if possible. I usually wait for while to see if someone else steps up to handle it and if not, then I'll cringe and say something. I think most Si and Se types do this more naturally. My ESTj friend was very good at that sort of thing. Didn't make him uncomfortable at all.

I remember in a bar once, I wanted a drink and the bartender had his eyes down and kept walking by...I was waiting forever to get his attention. And this ISTp was like "do you want me to order that?" and he just sort of yelled over and it was no problem. I think I need to find more Si and Te in my life.