INFj deappreciation thread

[meatburger]

lol im kidding. I do really like INFjs (in theory). The last thing INFj's deserve is a sad thread about them.

But im making one about a couple of INFj's in my life that upset me. The first is my friend who isn't coming out tonight and never comes out. More importantly though is my ESTj friends girlfriend. Her and i have never really got on that well. I believe it could be a subtype difference but im not sure. It seems like she is jealous of my friendship with her boyfriend as we are very close. Ive known this guy since i was 6 years old. She gets really annoyed when we want to play NHL or FIFA on his PS3 as she thinks games are rediculous.

My friend mentioned recently that she is needy. He is right. She is very needy. I think he paritally likes it because its flattering. It annoys me though. She will get more than upset if he doesn't have dinner with her or spend time with her. She basically has the attitude "well if you aren't here what do i do????". My answer to that (in my mind) is get a life. She has no hobbies, her only hobby is her boyfriend. She barely sees her other friends. Every now and then shes cheerful and my mate does really love her, but god damn... She loves her ENFp friend, but i think shes a different subtype to me. I feel sorry for this ENFp because shes a little on the dumb side (or appears to be to others). She asked if opium smells like the perfume called opium the other day and everyone at the table was like hmm no i dont think so.

Anyway theres nothing to be said, i just wish she wasn't so emotional and serious. I want to hook him up with another one maybe a bit like Ritella? So we can all have fun

[The Greeter]

Ah, I can see myself being a little possessive sometimes and have been told as such. Over the course of my life, though, I have learnt to not take these things so personally.

But I do have a life, so ha!

Who are the other INFjs and what other things annoy you?

[Errant]

lol im kidding. I do really like INFjs (in theory). The last thing INFj's deserve is a sad thread about them.

But im making one about a couple of INFj's in my life that upset me. The first is my friend who isn't coming out tonight and never comes out.

Reason? Mostly we're just rather passive and don't need to be out all the time, but if you actually make the attempt to drag him out he'd probably have fun. If he's had bad experiences with coming out in the past or something though, you have a different problem.

More importantly though is my ESTj friends girlfriend. Her and i have never really got on that well. I believe it could be a subtype difference but im not sure. It seems like she is jealous of my friendship with her boyfriend as we are very close. Ive known this guy since i was 6 years old. She gets really annoyed when we want to play NHL or FIFA on his PS3 as she thinks games are rediculous.

My friend mentioned recently that she is needy. He is right. She is very needy.

Sounds like a Valley Girl. That poor bastard.

I think he paritally likes it because its flattering. It annoys me though. She will get more than upset if he doesn't have dinner with her or spend time with her. She basically has the attitude "well if you aren't here what do i do????". My answer to that (in my mind) is get a life. She has no hobbies, her only hobby is her boyfriend. She barely sees her other friends. Every now and then shes cheerful and my mate does really love her, but god damn...

Unhealthy INFj is unhealthy.

[Christy B]

I hate myself most of the time

and meatburger that infj with your friend sounds kinda lame.. it's probably just that she is needy girl and not having to do with her socionics type

[meatburger]

Ok Salawa sounds like a plan. Time for mutiny!!!

I hate myself most of the time

and meatburger that infj with your friend sounds kinda lame.. it's probably just that she is needy girl and not having to do with her socionics type

Yeah dont get me wrong, i see the potential of INFj's. I know i would love them lots ive just had a bit of bad luck. My friend doesn't go out because hes a bit down, but never wants to. You are right Errant if he just came out he would have a good time.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

It's a shame you're having bad experiences with these INFjs.

Come to Perth and we'll have fun (bring ESTj ).

I'm curious, when did you change from ILI to EII? Was there a thread or did you do it on your own? tbh I thought your sig was a joke as a few people have put different types in their sigs recently.

and meatburger that infj with your friend sounds kinda lame.. it's probably just that she is needy girl and not having to do with her socionics type

Yeah I think this is true. This may be stating the obvious but it's important to remember not to confuse personality with socionic type, although I do think the two often overlap, but sometimes they just don't.

I don't know anything about this girl and I suck at giving 'advice' about this kinda stuff. Eh, maybe this is kinda similar: I've got an ISTp friend who is married to an ENFp and whenever I arrange to go out with him, she always comes along. It's kinda weird because I know him from uni so often we end up talking about the 'old days' which invariably involves as some point things we got up to when he was single. It's kinda difficult to do that when she's there, so it makes for an awkward conversation at times, with me feeling I have to be careful with what I say. I haven't seen the right opportunity to mention it to him or how to say it; that maybe we should just go out without his partner for a change. Apparently she likes to hear my stories about my love life and what have you and it makes her laugh, but then, i'm not entirely comfortable being there for her entertainment either So I kinda am at the stage were I don't see him as much.

I suppose when i'm married we can get together for bbq's and stuff, and my other half can keep her occupied! But doesn't help in meantime.

I'd be interested to hear if your situation gets resolved for you and how you went about it.

[meatburger]

I'd be interested to hear if your situation gets resolved for you and how you went about it.

Ahh your situation is interesting. You will just have to plan to see him some time when shes working or something lol. Your point is exactly right, what i need is an ISTp girlfriend. Then they can hang and we can hang. I think this type of thing just happens when you get to my age, the girlfriends get the prime time.

The thing i dont get though is, she sees him every night of the week, they just got back from a 4 day holiday, and shes still annoyed to come home and have me there hanging out. He invited me there! My situation will resolve itself in 4 weeks because im moving interstate, so i wont see them again for a while

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Ahh your situation is interesting. You will just have to plan to see him some time when shes working or something lol. Your point is exactly right, what i need is an ISTp girlfriend. Then they can hang and we can hang. I think this type of thing just happens when you get to my age, the girlfriends get the prime time.

The thing i dont get though is, she sees him every night of the week, they just got back from a 4 day holiday, and shes still annoyed to come home and have me there hanging out. He invited me there! My situation will resolve itself in 4 weeks because im moving interstate, so i wont see them again for a while

Heh, maybe that will work out well; you can keep in contact with him by email/aim/msn and by the time you are round to meeting him again maybe the two of them will have calmed down a little and she'll be glad to give him a bit of space.

Yeah I'll see how it goes with my mate. What's also funny is that she's English and kinda soft spoken so a lot of the times I can't really understand what she's saying lol. Anyway they seem pretty tight which is good. I expect baby on the way, heh.

Sounds cool but kinda scary in a way, I dunno if i'll ever grow up enough to be responsible for a kid. I don't mind responsibility but permanent responsibility sounds a bit scary to me. Then I guess it's biological so this stuff sort of happens, and you're programmed for it.

I don't know exactly how long ago -- maybe 1 month ago after consideration for several months beforehand, not really consulting many people until more recently and usually in private conversation rather than forum threads. There was a half-hearted thread but really I just changed my mind "on my own".

It is serious (although the post you quoted was mostly playful -- though I would be very happy to cross paths with meatburger one day).

Cool.

[Ritella]

I feel sorry for this ENFp because shes a little on the dumb side (or appears to be to others). She asked if opium smells like the perfume called opium the other day and everyone at the table was like hmm no i dont think so.

ahahahahaha. wow. that is so funny.

Anyway theres nothing to be said, i just wish she wasn't so emotional and serious. I want to hook him up with another one maybe a bit like Ritella? So we can all have fun

Send pics!
I am really needy and don't have a life, too. However, I am egotistical enough to love spending time with myself. So, boys night out is fine by me.

[meatburger]

ahahahahaha. wow. that is so funny.

Send pics!
I am really needy and don't have a life, too. However, I am egotistical enough to love spending time with myself. So, boys night out is fine by me.

Just imagine Brendan Fraser, but a little hotter

[UDP]

Just imagine Brendan Fraser, but a little hotter

Hey, don't play with Ritella's heart....... she'll be going after him with great conviction if you say that.

[jewels]

I think INFjs can be great! It really depends on the person though...I was friends w/ one for a while who would cancel on me last minute to do something like get up early the next morning to go to guy paper towels. Or, would cancel because of "laundry."

I really started to take it personally, until my other friend reminded me that this friend always canceled on all of us for "laundry." It made me wonder since INFjs are all about ethics...and being flaky does not seem to be ethical to me.

Anyway, one night I didn't invite this INFj (as the last few times I'd gotten the laundry excuse). I hung out w/ a group of friends (one of which was her roommate). That friend stopped home for a sec to get something and we all came along. We walked in to find the INFj doing -- you guessed it -- laundry! She was horrified that we were all hanging out w/o her and later told me how offended she was that she wasn't invited. Of course, she would have been busy doing laundry if I had invited her...and the other girls weren't really friends w/ her.

I also found it odd that she expected my other friends to invite her to things (who she'd met maybe twice and barely spoken to). I'd known them for more than 10 years and yet she'd tell me she was so offended they didn't include her. Also, strange for an INFj to lack that, what is that, Fi right?

I figure if other people don't put any effort into a relationship, they can't expect to be at the center of the social circle. But this INFj expected that.

There must be more considerate INFjs out there I'm sure!

[meatburger]

Hehe laundry. My INFj used the excuse "gotta save the moneys for the electric bill". I was thinking dude im inviting you to T-bone tuesdays. Its $10 per person for a steak, chips and salad. Beers are like $7.50 for two which is a great deal. I think he is almost argophobic which is sad because the last thing you should do is give in to your fears and not go out.

I feel bad today though, as ESTj came over to my house (hes on holidays) while his INFj girlfriend was at work. He was playing bioshock on my pc. Anyway we both knew his girlfriend would ring and ask for a lift home. It was 45 degrees celcuis today (hotttt). Anyway she rang and he said he would come and pick her up but she declined because she knew he was at my house and its a 30 min drive or so. So shes walked about 15 mins in the heat home lolol. Its not really funny though because not only is he going to get it, shes going to be even more annoyed at me.

[UDP]

Good people are hard to come by, and should be cherished, regardless of type.


At least she's not so bad that they'd write a song about her, unlike Kyle's Mom. Or, so I hope.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5H71a49oM4g

[Christy B]

I feel bad today though, as ESTj came over to my house (hes on holidays) while his INFj girlfriend was at work. He was playing bioshock on my pc. Anyway we both knew his girlfriend would ring and ask for a lift home. It was 45 degrees celcuis today (hotttt). Anyway she rang and he said he would come and pick her up but she declined because she knew he was at my house and its a 30 min drive or so. So shes walked about 15 mins in the heat home lolol. Its not really funny though because not only is he going to get it, shes going to be even more annoyed at me.

Well, if she declined the ride after he offered she should not mad be mad at him.... If she really needed or wanted the ride she should have been honest about it rather than playing passive-aggressive BS games. What does she normally do for rides, when he doesn't have the day off??

[reckoner]

Wow. These folks sound just like me. I have good friends but I ignore them and always find a reason to avoid going out. Outside of work, I'm a virtual shut-in. I think deep down, what it comes down to is that I really cherish deep one-on-one connections, and if there are more than one or two people tagging along, social get-togethers usually result in me feeling emotionally empty. And large parties/social gatherings are anathema to me.

I wonder if this type of avoidance/social anxiety is common among INFjs?

[UDP]

Wow. These folks sound just like me. I have good friends but I ignore them and always find a reason to avoid going out. Outside of work, I'm a virtual shut-in. I think deep down, what it comes down to is that I really cherish deep one-on-one connections, and if there are more than one or two people tagging along, social get-togethers usually result in me feeling emotionally empty. And large parties/social gatherings are anathema to me.

I wonder if this type of avoidance/social anxiety is common among INFjs?

That's ok... just be willing to try to meet people sometimes.

INFjs can sometimes get caught up in this trap of avoiding any sort of real relationship. By real, I mean, legitimate - sincere interaction between people. Some use low self image for this, some let their inability to function practically influence this, some let their take on morality to do this, some let their opinion/standards of thoughts, intellect, or otherwise influence this.

The most healthy INFjs I know understand how to have medium-level relationships. It's somewhat of a maturity thing, it seems. You do not HAVE TO have them, of course not. But it's a way of actually being open to the world.

Unhealthy INFjs I know, or even more medium ones, tend to be very ensnared by fears or concerns about things, in such a way that cripples them. Keep in mind, there is a difference between having a preference - that is, prefering quiet places and intimate settings - and acting out of fear. When you're afraid your not making the choice, you are resisting. That seems to be a point of growth for some EIIs, as per what I've seen.

Again, I'm not saying reservedness is bad - I think it's very cute that EIIs are that way. I would really, actually, like to be a part of an EIIs stable inner circle... I crave that kind of one on one relationship very deeply. But, the personal preference for reservedness cannot be an excuse for growing as a person and experiencing different things in life.

[reckoner]

That's ok... just be willing to try to meet people sometimes.

INFjs can sometimes get caught up in this trap of avoiding any sort of real relationship. By real, I mean, legitimate - sincere interaction between people. Some use low self image for this, some let their inability to function practically influence this, some let their take on morality to do this, some let their opinion/standards of thoughts, intellect, or otherwise influence this.

The most healthy INFjs I know understand how to have medium-level relationships. It's somewhat of a maturity thing, it seems. You do not HAVE TO have them, of course not. But it's a way of actually being open to the world.

Unhealthy INFjs I know, or even more medium ones, tend to be very ensnared by fears or concerns about things, in such a way that cripples them. Keep in mind, there is a difference between having a preference - that is, prefering quiet places and intimate settings - and acting out of fear. When you're afraid your not making the choice, you are resisting. That seems to be a point of growth for some EIIs, as per what I've seen.

Again, I'm not saying reservedness is bad - I think it's very cute that EIIs are that way. I would really, actually, like to be a part of an EIIs stable inner circle... I crave that kind of one on one relationship very deeply. But, the personal preference for reservedness cannot be an excuse for growing as a person and experiencing different things in life.

Thank you for the insight. I couldn't agree with you more. I will say though that I have, throughout my life, taken "risks" and tried to push myself outside of my comfort zone (involved myself in social organizations, sought leadership roles, public speaking, heck...even going to law school and dealing with the Socratic method (where I could be...gasp..."judged") and participating in oral arguments, etc.), but it just hasn't gotten any easier. It's the same old story, over and over, of me retreating into my shell. You would never know it from looking at me. I often come across to others as some cold/aloof prick, but inside is a torrent of emotions and fears (like I'm sure everyone has - not just INFj's.

[Teddybeanz]

lol im kidding. I do really like INFjs (in theory). The last thing INFj's deserve is a sad thread about them.

But im making one about a couple of INFj's in my life that upset me. The first is my friend who isn't coming out tonight and never comes out. More importantly though is my ESTj friends girlfriend. Her and i have never really got on that well. I believe it could be a subtype difference but im not sure. It seems like she is jealous of my friendship with her boyfriend as we are very close. Ive known this guy since i was 6 years old. She gets really annoyed when we want to play NHL or FIFA on his PS3 as she thinks games are rediculous.

My friend mentioned recently that she is needy. He is right. She is very needy. I think he paritally likes it because its flattering. It annoys me though. She will get more than upset if he doesn't have dinner with her or spend time with her. She basically has the attitude "well if you aren't here what do i do????". My answer to that (in my mind) is get a life. She has no hobbies, her only hobby is her boyfriend. She barely sees her other friends. Every now and then shes cheerful and my mate does really love her, but god damn... She loves her ENFp friend, but i think shes a different subtype to me. I feel sorry for this ENFp because shes a little on the dumb side (or appears to be to others). She asked if opium smells like the perfume called opium the other day and everyone at the table was like hmm no i dont think so.

Anyway theres nothing to be said, i just wish she wasn't so emotional and serious. I want to hook him up with another one maybe a bit like Ritella? So we can all have fun

Whats the age group here? Young ladies are alot more needy and insecure than ones who have more life experience. But at the same time, you guys are playing video games that she is probably 'too mature' to do. I personally think its an age related dilemma...

[mikemex]

Wow. These folks sound just like me. I have good friends but I ignore them and always find a reason to avoid going out. Outside of work, I'm a virtual shut-in. I think deep down, what it comes down to is that I really cherish deep one-on-one connections, and if there are more than one or two people tagging along, social get-togethers usually result in me feeling emotionally empty. And large parties/social gatherings are anathema to me.

I wonder if this type of avoidance/social anxiety is common among INFjs?

I'm IEE and do the same. I think it's the real nature of all Fi valuing types.

[meatburger]

Whats the age group here? Young ladies are alot more needy and insecure than ones who have more life experience. But at the same time, you guys are playing video games that she is probably 'too mature' to do. I personally think its an age related dilemma...

She is 23/24 i think, and has been with this guy for about 7 years. I understand that she doesn't like computer games, but she needs to understand thats what her boyfriend wants to do (some of the time). He bought a ps3 to entertain people at his house. He brings in all the money in a high paying job, and she likes to spend it on travel and shoes. Anyway shes alright hehe. I suppose what annoys me the most is i cant really get close to her. The ESTj said the other night that because she knows us so well now, boys nights dont work because she feels left out that she cant come. If we play computer games that she doesn't like she feels left out. Which i do understand.

@Reckoner (Radiohead?). You sound very INFj, thats cool. The problem that i face is that i like to see all my friends at once. I like to go out or to a party where they are all there. Hanging out with people invididually is not something i actively persue. My friend does get upset and i think going out a bit more could be good for him. I see a lot of potential in INFj's i think i just want to bear witness to it. I think i should just cut these INFj's some slack. Its my job to bring them out of their shell, i will just have to try harder

[eallen8]

Wow. These folks sound just like me. I have good friends but I ignore them and always find a reason to avoid going out. Outside of work, I'm a virtual shut-in. I think deep down, what it comes down to is that I really cherish deep one-on-one connections, and if there are more than one or two people tagging along, social get-togethers usually result in me feeling emotionally empty. And large parties/social gatherings are anathema to me.

I wonder if this type of avoidance/social anxiety is common among INFjs?

I do tend to avoid or bow out of invites, but not all the time. It probably has to do with whether the INFJ is introverted or depressed or having an "off" day. I often don't want to hang out in a group, but it's almost easier because then I don't have all the attention. I like the stimulation of getting together with one person that I have a lot in common with and when they don't want a lot of detail information. I am not a good resource for citing sources of where I got this or that little tidbit of info. I am very perceptive, though, and if the topic is on people's personalities or motives, I am often right on. Is that like you?

[Park]

INFj deprecation thread.

[Galen]

INFj defecation thread

[DirectorAbbie]

INFjs are too indecisive.

[JWC3]

[Scapegrace]

We should have an INFj defrocking thread for Maritsa.

[Korpsy Knievel]

You said that name.

[Galen]

We should have an INFj defrocking thread for Maritsa.

As much as I'd appreciate the effort, it wouldn't amount to any more than a few people yelling in circles about her intellectual dishonesty and poor critical thinking skills while she hovers above it conveniently misunderstanding everything.

[noid]

INFjs, the lowest form of human being.

[Cuddly McFluffles]

I can identify with the "sit back and let others work on the relationship" stance. I really need to stop that; I sit here with no close connections because I don't think to go out and strengthen the ones I have. Same with sitting at home and never going anywhere (save school, work, and shopping). I enjoy a change of pace when I'm in that moment, but I usually can't be bothered to do it.

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

same here but it's started getting scary and i don't even like cats.thank god i had the chance to join a student team that organizes events and i've started socializing a ton more.at first i was sceptical about how i'd be getting back home after night outings because i am a wuss when it comes to walking alone in the wee hours (ILIs are quite the opposite) but i kinda got the hang of it and life's better. ;O
the thing is that we meet to discuss upcoming events,so it's easier to keep myself "glued" with those people and see what may flourish.the dynamics so far are great.

[Park]

I can identify with the "sit back and let others work on the relationship" stance. I really need to stop that; I sit here with no close connections because I don't think to go out and strengthen the ones I have. Same with sitting at home and never going anywhere (save school, work, and shopping). I enjoy a change of pace when I'm in that moment, but I usually can't be bothered to do it.

Introverts lack initiative.

[GuavaDrunk]

Initiative, even if minimal, is a learnable skill.

[Park]

No it isn't.

[Cuddly McFluffles]

Introverts lack initiative.

I agree with Guava; initiative may not come naturally, but it can be done. I've made friends in the past because I approached someone first. It's not my preference, but I can do it. I've taken the initiative in friendships/acquaintances, getting contact information or Facebook profiles so we can keep in touch (I'm not so great at following through, though). Concerning relationship maintenance, it isn't fair to put all of the initiative on the other person; they may begin to feel unappreciated and resentful. Concerning getting out there, I would prefer to experience things with someone else, but I could ask someone to go with me. I don't have to wait for someone to come along and act upon me. I may lack initiative, but I'm also passive and lazy, and I can change those. I should change those.

[munenori2]

INFjs depreciate according to sum of years' digits method.

[717495]

I don't really find INFjs the best-looking type because our expressions look overly nice and not hot enough

[willekeurig]

I don't really find INFjs the best-looking type because our expressions look overly nice and not hot enough

You should start being evil like me. I don't look nice at all.

[Radio]

methinks agarina should retype to Fi sub so we can be supur identkuls :0

/threadjack