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Thread: ESTp and ENFp super-ego relations (SLE-IEE)

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    Default ESTp and ENFp super-ego relations (SLE-IEE)

    Guys... share your experiences I'm ENFp in a weird situation with ENFp. Do you think it can ever work?

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    Is it really love for a person or is it simply an idealization?
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    Sex with SLE's (women) is fantastic, but at some stage a big bang will occur.
    The future of Socionics:
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Many black Americans are SEE type.

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    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult View Post
    Sex with SLE's (women) is fantastic, but at some stage a big bang will occur.
    ???

    bumpageee
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    ???

    bumpageee
    I think that means an explosive break in the relationship.



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    Quote Originally Posted by forgetmenot View Post
    Guys... share your experiences I'm ENFp in a weird situation with ENFp. Do you think it can ever work?
    Topic says ESTp, and here you say ENFp. Make up your mind woman.

    My mom and dad are ENFp and ESTp.
    ...the human race will disappear. Other races will appear and disappear in turn. The sky will become icy and void, pierced by the feeble light of half-dead stars. Which will also disappear. Everything will disappear. And what human beings do is just as free of sense as the free motion of elementary particles. Good, evil, morality, feelings? Pure 'Victorian fictions'.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Warlord View Post
    Topic says ESTp, and here you say ENFp. Make up your mind woman.

    My mom and dad are ENFp and ESTp.
    Typo, I suspect. Change the last "ENFp" to "ESTp."



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    Superego, eww

    Good luck with that one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    Superego, eww

    Good luck with that one.
    Jess, what happened darlin'? You used to LOVE IEI's.
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    When I was an idiot, yeah

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    Default ESTp and ENFp super-ego relations (SLE-IEE)

    i am IEE female and currently in relationship with SLE man. even though i know socionics i do not believe in excluding people based solely on the type of the socionics personality and so gave this a chance. so far has been good in he treats me well most of the times, there is the mutual attraction, and we are passionate together, though may be too passionate in some ways

    things have progressed very quickly to point that he sees me as his one and only, meanwhile i have my doubts as to our long term feesibility as couple. is a lot and is scaring me to be so intense as he is! SLE says i am his angel and loves how sweet i am, as he was bit of a bad boy in his past, but i think he will one day be finding my sweetness and delta ways to be not what he wants, maybe too laid back for his go go go style. and by same token, he is maybe too much for me in is activity

    there you have my background informations

    my questions are this. is this common for SLEs to fall hard for IEEs this way, is he picking up on my NF and because i am a quiet IEE mistaking me for his dual?? we are superego, relations of mutual respect and even idealization, i think maybe he does idealize me in a way i am not, is this something common with SLEs and IEEs? i admit i idealized him too in the beginning, even now i see his ST and like it very much, but it is not the type of ST, Si and Te, that i need as IEE

    thank you for reading and in advance thank you for responses, am trying to figure this out including if i must break up with him, how to do it, will be very sad and very hard if comes to that point

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    Are you sure he's SLE?
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    Obviously you want to break up, so why don't you go ahead and do it.. Is it common for superegos to be attracted? I haven't seen some remarkable trend. I can tell you it's common for ENFps to be very easy to sleep with. And if he is the kind of person who mistakes hornyness for love, then that would explain everything. Anyway, you're wasting time. Go break up with your boyfriend.
    INTp

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    Superego relations, unlike conflict relations, are supposed to be relationship of mutual admiration. I can't think of any women I've typed as definitively or likely SLI, but all the guys I know that are SLI I do have a sort of I-could-never-do-that-and-would-never-want-to-but-I-can-still-see-why-it's-good admiration for. One is crazy principled and really practical and focused, and another is great at the around-the-house type tasks that I'm so dreadful at and ignorant of. So I can see how the relationship would be great for a while. The thing is, eventually, the conflict of priorities is likely to become a problem. I can admire achievement through practicality and focus, just as my SLI friend admires my ability to achieve through random bursts of insight and very abstract thinking. But we don't really value it in each other, and so, to steal an MBTI concept, in a relationship, an SLI and I would probably enact a bit of a "Pygmalion Project"--we'd each try to convert the other to our way of doing things. I'd be like, "chill, don't work so hard or focus on such minute details; try to intuit the whole picture and then go from there." Whereas the SLI would be like, "dude, you need to get down to the basics and build your way up from there, focus on the practical details, and while you're at it, you should probably fix that sink."

    Now, obviously, these aren't the issue's you'll have with your SLE, but they'll probably be similar in nature.

    But in general, you shouldn't break up with someone because of socionics. You should break up with someone because it isn't working, then see if socionics can help you explain why and how it wasn't working, sort of a sideways phenomenology of interpersonal relationships. So as long as you're both happy and feeling fulfilled, go with it! You could very easily be mutually mistyped, or not acting fully out of your ego, repressed from childhood, etc. But if you start feeling like you're not getting what you want out of the relationship, if you start feeling like the relationship isn't positive or isn't meeting your goals, or whatever, then maybe look to socionics to see if it can explain some of the problems. Decide if you want to try to fix them, and if you don't break it off. It'll be sad, but it'll be worth it; you shouldn't stay in a relationship that isn't going to make you happy/fulfilled in the long run.

    Now, as to whether or not it's common for SLEs to fall for IEEs... well, I think it's common for every type to fall for every other type. Maybe you have similar underlying facial structure to his mother/female relatives, maybe you said some words he really needed to hear, maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe. There's a thousand reasons he could've fallen so hard for you. Maybe you're just a really cool person. Maybe you're really really hot. I dunno! The point is, don't type him 100% based on the fact that he's in love with you. Consider other factors. If you want a socionics reason for some of the things you described, SLEs do frequently want something to believe in, a cause or a reason to do something that seems beautiful or transcendent or whatever. You may be providing that for your SLE; this could be at the root of his idealization of you. But if you are really IEE and he's really SLE, the theory predicts that you're not the ideal source to fulfill that need of his, and that you'll eventually get tired of him expecting that from you. Now, you may prove the theory wrong. But that's what's predicted. So yeah, that's my two cents. Feel free to ask more questions if I've been of help and if you want, but if I haven't been helpful, please ignore it all.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SenoritaC View Post
    is this common for SLEs to fall hard for IEEs this way,
    as far as this question goes. I'm inclined to say yes. Of the potential 3 SLE's I know of that is just how it happens. A fall in, and out, of romantics quickly.
    I just feel like I've done something to make you think that I care about you, like what you do or say. . . For that I am sorry

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    Consider that you may actually be EIE.

    I used to think my girlfriend was IEE, turns out she was an obvious EIE.

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    Default ENFp and ESTp?

    So I have a new friend who I'm pretty sure is ESTp. We get along muuch better than I normally do w/ super ego though...

    She definitely seems like an ESTp (though very feeling-ish for one) -- I of course wondered if she was ESFp, but there's no way she is, and she loves my INFp friend.

    I can tell she values Fe a lot.

    However I'm at a loss as to why this ESTp and I get along so well (without hardly any of the weird super ego tension), where as most of the other ESTps I know honestly scare me a bit with their intensity.

    It doesn't even bother me when she "protects" me in various situations, standing up for me, etc., where I'd usually be annoyed by that.

    I'm curious to hear experiences about super ego or this specific one.

    I'm pretty sure we're probably both enneagram 7s, or something similar as that's the vibe when we go out.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    So I have a new friend who I'm pretty sure is ESTp. We get along muuch better than I normally do w/ super ego though...

    She definitely seems like an ESTp (though very feeling-ish for one) -- I of course wondered if she was ESFp, but there's no way she is, and she loves my INFp friend.

    I can tell she values Fe a lot.

    However I'm at a loss as to why this ESTp and I get along so well (without hardly any of the weird super ego tension), where as most of the other ESTps I know honestly scare me a bit with their intensity.

    It doesn't even bother me when she "protects" me in various situations, standing up for me, etc., where I'd usually be annoyed by that.

    I'm curious to hear experiences about super ego or this specific one.

    I'm pretty sure we're probably both enneagram 7s, or something similar as that's the vibe when we go out.
    Superego partners have totally different humor and often cannot sincerely laugh about eachother jokes. Even though there is a lot of chemistry...

    But you'll end up fighting in superego relations, it just takes at least half year to get to that stage. And then it will never stop anymore. I know this from an SEE who was married to ENTP for 8 years.

    Try to observe how the humor goes in your relationship. I'm curious if you can notice it.
    Last edited by Jarno; 04-09-2010 at 10:07 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    So I have a new friend who I'm pretty sure is ESTp. We get along muuch better than I normally do w/ super ego though...

    She definitely seems like an ESTp (though very feeling-ish for one) -- I of course wondered if she was ESFp, but there's no way she is, and she loves my INFp friend.

    I can tell she values Fe a lot.

    However I'm at a loss as to why this ESTp and I get along so well (without hardly any of the weird super ego tension), where as most of the other ESTps I know honestly scare me a bit with their intensity.

    It doesn't even bother me when she "protects" me in various situations, standing up for me, etc., where I'd usually be annoyed by that.

    I'm curious to hear experiences about super ego or this specific one.

    I'm pretty sure we're probably both enneagram 7s, or something similar as that's the vibe when we go out.
    My personal experience with SLEs is quite good, espcially with female ones. If an IEE and an SLE have interest in each other (e.g. romantic or sexual), I believe they can somewhat modify their behavior by using their Id blocks more. This can even create strong feelings of satisfaction. But when interaction gets too close one of the two will at some stage revert to their ego-block behavior (do a PoLR-hit) and in the eyes of the other, do something faux-pas, and shit will hit the fan.
    The future of Socionics:
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Many black Americans are SEE type.

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    good to know!

    But come to think of it, maybe some people are better at adjusting to get along w/ others?

    Yeah I notice when we hang out for hours and hours I do get tired of using Fe and need to re-charge for a while. But when we go out, she talks to such a variety of people that it's not all on me.

    And we do like to go out a lot and both have lotsa energy, though she has even more than me!
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    So I have a new friend who I'm pretty sure is ESTp. We get along muuch better than I normally do w/ super ego though...

    She definitely seems like an ESTp (though very feeling-ish for one) -- I of course wondered if she was ESFp, but there's no way she is, and she loves my INFp friend.

    I can tell she values Fe a lot.

    However I'm at a loss as to why this ESTp and I get along so well (without hardly any of the weird super ego tension), where as most of the other ESTps I know honestly scare me a bit with their intensity.

    It doesn't even bother me when she "protects" me in various situations, standing up for me, etc., where I'd usually be annoyed by that.

    I'm curious to hear experiences about super ego or this specific one.

    I'm pretty sure we're probably both enneagram 7s, or something similar as that's the vibe when we go out.
    you know, i always start off really liking SEE's, too. it's when we start to get closer that the problems begin. as a matter of fact, invariably, i'm attracted to SEE's. they're quite warm and outgoing, hard not to notice. good with people, and friendly.

    i think essentially what happens is that you think you have your activity partner. superficially, they seem like your activity so you like them. then you get closer and you start to have misunderstandings based on these expectations. like SEE can seem like she has the Fe since she's so outgoing and bubbly...but really this is just EP temperament paired with Fi creative. so when i expect the Fe, i end up disappointed. she expects the Te...and gets Ti, smack right in the polr.

    dunno...i'm not explaining it that well, but i think the problems start when you start to get too close. there's really no problem with these relations as long as you don't get too close.

    ILE

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    good to know!

    But come to think of it, maybe some people are better at adjusting to get along w/ others?

    Yeah I notice when we hang out for hours and hours I do get tired of using Fe and need to re-charge for a while. But when we go out, she talks to such a variety of people that it's not all on me.

    And we do like to go out a lot and both have lotsa energy, though she has even more than me!
    Energy and having fun together are not the problem. Problems start when you have to closely work together, or when it turns out you hold different values and can't reconcile them, e.g. when in a romantic relationship. I can imagine that friendship would work for IEE/SLE, especially between women.

    I have a good female SLE friend as well, and we can have fun (seeing movies and documentaries) and interesting conversations together. Socionics also helps me te keep the right distance, but even then we already had a major misunderstanding when I tried to help her create a web site for her business. Lots of misunderstandings and even mistrust on her side, which wasted a lot of my time and her eventually having the site done by another friend, which yielded imho a very ugly esthetic result (bad font rendering) and a site that couldn't be indexed by Google.

    Also note what Jarno said about the humor. I often find that SLEs have humor that I think is sort of anti-social. To give an example: the forementioned friend was dumped by her BF about 10 months ago, because he found her boring. In January he contacted her again, he just left hospital recovering from a brain stroke. When she told me this, it was like, "hahaha, serves him right! Now he is the boring one!" I said nothing, but thought that even though he dumped her, it was not a nice thing to laugh about such a serious injury and wish another person such bad things.

    I don't know if 'anti-social' humor is a trademark of all SLEs, but I myself do have that impression.
    The future of Socionics:
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Many black Americans are SEE type.

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    I think that you can get along with anyone that has general personality traits that you like and creates a sense of common ground via interests or other things. Just because they are in the opposite quadra means they live in completely different world. I'd say the conflict will come when either of you make decisions or act in specific ways that involves the other, for example, if you were going to go on a trip and had to plan activities or whatnot. Having meetings time to time might actually be all that you're capable of, and when you start to spend an extended amount of time with one another, expecting certain IEs after a while, that's when the trouble with start.

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    My SLE's ex wife was IEE... let's just say they're divorced. Basically they would fight all the time. Both of them wanted the other person to change, which wasn't going to happen, as they both saw their own behavior as perfectly normal. For the sake of the relationship they would try to change for a few months, but their natural self would eventually revert back. Basically they couldn't be themselves because they saw each others behavior as being flawed.

    On the other hand they both loved & admired one another. He loved the fact that she was so good with people & that she had a good head on her shoulders and she admired the fact that he was such a hard worker. That's what held them together for so long. Apparently they still bought up the idea of divorce throughout their whole marriage.


    Quote Originally Posted by Singularity View Post
    I believe that EIIs are the type that don't typically expect much, if at all, verbal or emotional reassurance from others. So it wouldn't make much sense for them to have emotionally demonstrative partners (i.e. Katy Perry). EII believes that, as well as Deltas in general, redundant emotions tire people. It appears EIIs and Deltas focus on something else for proof of love (rather than reassurance). They may focus on the actions of others. They may also focus on how one speak to another, how "polite" one is to another, etc. This can almost sometimes seem something like... "telepathy", because no verbal, physical or emotional reassurance or communication is necessary, or at least the need is absolutely minimal.
    .
    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    This is dead on, as far as my experiences with the Deltas in my life have been.

    I know a SLE who even broke up with his IEE ex because she was so uncomfortable with his constant display of physical affection. At the same time he felt as if he didn't receive the kind of open affection that he so needed & craved from her. She on the other hand saw his behavior as overly pushy & needy. She felt as if he could never be satisfied.
    I believe that displays of affection & the erotic roles played a big hand in their divorce. Apparently the ENFp was uncomfortable with his very aggressive physically affectionate nature. He said it hurt him that she would never shower him with affection ( Fe?) and because of that he felt unloved and empty. She would tell him that that kind of behavior felt fake to her & that she expressed her love in other ways, like cooking, cleaning, surprises, gifts, ect. He felt as if she was more of a roommate than a wife because she wanted to be so independent from him (I believe this is how Beta & Delta differs. Beta being more of a team, while Delta is more independent).

    He would often say that his ex needed a man who was unaffectionate and distant. A man who would just keep to himself and do his own thing. (Interestingly enough, his description of his ex's perfect man sounds a lot like SLI/ISTp, imo)
    Last edited by fox; 03-05-2011 at 02:02 PM.
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    What? YOUR SLE X-wife was IEE? YOUR? LOL never knew you were married before and you were SLE...

    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    My SLE ex wife was IEE... let's just say they're divorced. Basically they would fight all the time. Both of them wanted the other person to change, which wasn't going to happen, as they both saw their own behavior as perfectly normal. For the sake of the relationship they would try to change for a few months, but their natural self would eventually revert back. Basically they couldn't be themselves because they saw each others behavior as being flawed.

    On the other hand they both loved & admired one another. He loved the fact that she was so good with people & that she had a good head on her shoulders and she admired the fact that he was such a hard worker. That's what held them together for so long. Apparently they still bought up the idea of divorce throughout their whole marriage.
    He wanted an NF....but doesn't know which because he doesn't know himself well enough to know that on the surface they are all good with people....

    She wanted a Te...hard worker...work oriented....to inspire her to work harder too...




    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    believe that displays of affection & the erotic roles played a big hand in their divorce. Apparently the ENFp was uncomfortable with his very aggressive physically affectionate nature. He said it hurt him that she would never shower him with affection ( Fe?) and because of that he felt unloved and empty. She would tell him that that kind of behavior felt fake to her & that she expressed her love in other ways, like cooking, cleaning, surprises, gifts, ect. He felt as if she was more of a roommate than a wife because she wanted to be so independent from him (I believe this is how Beta & Delta differs. Beta being more of a team, while Delta is more independent).
    yes, we are not the showering type but we do show mild affections through hugs and such. the operative word here is showing rather than showering. Second part is related to the ENFp's subconscious desire for a dual so the mind does what the dual would do for her...


    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    He would often say that his ex needed a man who was unaffectionate and distant. A man who would just keep to himself and do his own thing. (Interestingly enough, his description of his ex's perfect man sounds a lot like SLI/ISTp, imo)
    And there's the PoLR of the SLI. Great story Starfall

  28. #28
    Slippery when wet Simon Ssmall's Avatar
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    Good sex, great misunderstandings, lots of acting a certain way for it to be enjoyable.
    Looking for an Archnemesis. Willing applicants contact via PM.

    ENFp - Fi 7w6 sp/sx
    The Ineffable IEI
    The Einstein ENTp

    johari nohari
    http://www.mypersonality.info/ssmall/

  29. #29
    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
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    I dated an SLE once, like when I was in college or just after. He dumped me for another girl. And that is what I remember most, so not much help.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

  30. #30
    Kim's Avatar
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    Thank you, all! This sounds totally ridiculous, but I have typed my SO as SEE, but sometimes wonder if he might be SLE. He is the hardest person to type I have ever met. I was hoping I could figure it out by seeing if our conflicts might be IEE-SLE related.

    I generally have no problem distinguishing between the types, but he is such a mystery.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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