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Thread: Which Enneagram type has most trouble with infidelity?

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    Default Which Enneagram type has most trouble with infidelity?

    are there any opinions on this? Would it be 7s?
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    I would guess 3, 7, 8.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    I would guess 3, 7, 8.
    Yeah, probably those.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Snomunegot munenori2's Avatar
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    What enneatype is Carla again? That one.
    Moonlight will fall
    Winter will end
    Harvest will come
    Your heart will mend

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by munenori2 View Post
    What enneatype is Carla again? That one.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    The Iniquitous inumbra's Avatar
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    yeah, 7 and 3 (no opinion on 8)... i was thinking 9 as well (i know that probably sounds weird).

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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    I don't think Eights are particularly unfaithful.

    Threes and Eights are probably the most unfaithful.
    Ideas don't determine who's right. Power determines who's right. And I have the power. So I'm right.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post
    yeah, 7 and 3 (no opinion on 8)... i was thinking 9 as well (i know that probably sounds weird).
    Interesting. is there a reason why you mention 9?
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    not most 7's are players but most players are 7's.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mpiazza000 View Post
    not most 7's are players but most players are 7's.
    yeah okay. But I'm not talking about "players" here. I'm talking about regular married people. Any type can cheat of course. But I was thinking if 7s might be more likely to, since they're seeking stimulation and trying to avoid boredom and emptiness. So maybe it's like 7>3>8>9>4>5>6>2>1 or something.

    I dunno. I just made that up.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Hey, I am acutally suprised that 3 is on top of the list, its not that I am a 3 and I want to perserve the imagine of three, but most three I've known are somewhat faithful, or at least they are into their partners so deeply then apprently lose interest in them so its deep into the relationship then lose immerse interest just as quickly, then find another one. is that infidelity?
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mpiazza000 View Post
    Hey, I am acutally suprised that 3 is on top of the list, its not that I am a 3 and I want to perserve the imagine of three, but most three I've known are somewhat faithful, or at least they are into their partners so deeply then apprently lose interest in them so its deep into the relationship then lose immerse interest just as quickly, then find another one. is that infidelity?
    well I'm talking about being married and cheating, not necessarily dumping your spouse first so you can go after someone else. So I dunno. I guess I think most people who get married are somewhat faithful, especially at first. But I'm thinking like 15 years down the road and boredom or stumbling upon a new opportunity that you never foresaw. That sort of thing. I guess 3s might be more likely to cheat than dump their spouse first since they might not want to face the failure of divorce. And the ways in which other people's opinion of them might change from that point on. They might not feel that they can maintain their place in their social world if they're divorced. but maybe they could get away with an affair?

    I don't even have real people in mind here, I'm just wondering about enneagram types and weaknesses that one type may have over another.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mpiazza000 View Post
    not most 7's are players but most players are 7's.
    Exactly, good insight. I've never cheated, but I can totally see the potential of being a big cheater in a person that is similar to me.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    I would guess 3, 7, 8.
    Agreed. But, the sx instinct would play a large part in determining the degree to which these types would be prone to cheating IMO.

    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    yeah okay. But I'm not talking about "players" here. I'm talking about regular married people. Any type can cheat of course. But I was thinking if 7s might be more likely to, since they're seeking stimulation and trying to avoid boredom and emptiness. So maybe it's like 7>3>8>9>4>5>6>2>1 or something.

    I dunno. I just made that up.
    I would put 4 above 9. I'm an sx 4, and while I get attached rather strongly and quickly to someone I like/admire/etc., a lot of times I find myself compartmentalizing and manipulating emotions as a means to preserve whatever conceptions I have of myself and the person. Taken to the extreme, this can cause reality shifts, where I would actually think that I didn't value someone, because my envy for them could be that strong.

    There's this story about how the 4 child wants to vitiate the mother's breast...
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    yeah you make a good point about instinct stackings. hm. but do you think that sx-last might have issues here since they could be more prone to letting their relationship with their spouse suffer and thus wake up one day realizing that they want connection with someone?
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    I've never cheated


    FDG, I dunno which one of these you should get








    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
    DCNH: Dominant --> perhaps Normalizing
    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
    Astrological sign: Aquarius

    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron
    yeah you make a good point about instinct stackings. hm. but do you think that sx-last might have issues here since they could be more prone to letting their relationship with their spouse suffer and thus wake up one day realizing that they want connection with someone?
    This is plausible. SX-lasts tend to have this fear of connection with things in general, like they don't want to transgress their self-imposed boundaries, lest they lose all control over their lives. With an 8, this would probably be amplified, as they are already cut off from emotions and any significant desire for connection/appreciation, rendering that type stacking a pretty reticent individual overall.

    As for those stacking descriptions, what can I say. Some parts are good, some are bad. I don't think that the sx 8 description somehow "proves" that they aren't prone to cheating; a small aggregate of traits doesn't trump neuroses. 8's are disconnected from emotions, future-focused and cut off from a sense of interpersonal connection. SX instinct is about intimate connection and intense contact. Now, if 8s aren't naturally considerate of the things that are prominent in the area of fidelity, and their fundamental experiential drive is for intensity, I don't see how they will [always] be loyal. Yes, they may test their partner, 'only the strong survive,' blah blah. But I just have a hard time seeing them hesitate to break something off out of some introspective contemplation of the emotional results. SX 4s want complete intimacy too, and they challenge their partners. Doesn't mean they won't ditch them at the next prospect of something that will offer a more ideal love. etc. etc.
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    The Iniquitous inumbra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    Ironically, the sexual eight description is pretty much the opposite of cheating.
    this makes sense, i was wondering why 8 was being suggested as well, but i thought maybe there was a reason that i didn't know about.

    Intimate 9
    Focused on an ideal of romantic union. Get lost in one relationship or in the yearning to have one. High expectations of partner. Sometimes sound melancholy like a Four. Prone to jealousy. May settle on someone and then grow critical and have a wandering eye. Can also deny their partner's flaws and idealize them to stay in union. Another scenario involves multiple relationships, searching from one person to the next. Sometimes the Nine can't decide between two people. Triangulation. Paradoxically, this subtype can be fickle because they are so easily disappointed.
    yeah, this relates to why i was suggesting 9.

    also i think that 9s can sometimes put their focus on universal love and oneness with the universe ahead of things like individual relationships... so there can be a wanting to merge and blend with everyone... and a single relationship might be "too confining." and i was thinking that cheating could be a good escape for a 9 if things aren't going well in their present relationship, and since they don't want to confront the problem and "disrupt their peace" they might go elsewhere for solace.

    i could be wrong about these things though. =)

    eta: i wonder which instincts work best together. haven't read enough yet to run into that.

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    @ Loki, I think Nick mentioned before (and others have too) that identical instinct stackings work the best together.

    I guess I've seen it a couple times irl--sx-last individuals wake up in middle age and discover that they feel disconnected from the important people in their lives. And so connecting with someone in the middle of this isolation can often serve as a wake-up call to them, tempting them to do something crazy. However, if they're sp-first, they won't do it. If they're so-first, they might. (just my theory)
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I think it's more stacking-related than type-related even though I give a slight bias to 3-7-8.

    I think sx-lasts are more likely to substitute superficial things say from an e-harmony checklist as chemistry because they have a poorer grasp of what chemistry is. so/sps will substitute mutual interests and career similarities for chemistry while sp/sos will substitute looks money etc. I think both are likely to marry without really having truly "merged" with the other so are most likely to wake up in the middle of a marriage and go wtf am I in this relationship for...I just don't feel it like I thought I did...which could lead to infidelity.

    sx-firsts are more likely to cheat if they aren't experiencing enough passion or emotional electricity in their relationships...if things are too blah...too trite...everything's too "nice" and they don't feel they are connected with their partner.

    sx-middles probably somewhere in between.

  21. #21

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    sp/so 8s have a noticeable squint...as if they are forging ahead fully armed amidst the swirling elements...determined not to let anything sx-related penetrate their eyes and make them vulnerable.

    sx-eyes, so-mouth, sp-neither(self-containment)

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