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Thread: I need help! SEI or SLI

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    Default I need help! SEI or SLI

    I have a friend who, for the longest time I was sure is SEI. In fact, I'm still about 80% sure he's SEI but lately I've been thinking about SLI.

    Oh, where to start. He gardens. He's a designer. He's happy with a simple life but really would like to do more traveling and have more adventures (hey but wouldn't we all). He looks DIRECTLY at you when you're talking as well as when he's talking to you. Right in your eyes but it never feels unnatural. He's very grounded in the here and now. Talks about what his kids are doing, funny things they did or said or troubles they had with kids at school), traditions, sometimes he'll tell about extended family, etc. He likes sports but isn't obsessed. Coached soccer and watches other sports on tv. Likes tv a fair bit actually (but that could be his generation--he's older) Draws. Did his art thesis on math in art (Escher) and at one point thought he wanted to be an architect. Also loves animals, has always had a pet (dog person, doesn't like cats) and at one point thought he wanted to be a vet (but found it too boring--said all they do is spaying and neutering, lol). Likes crazy people, seems interested in any new topic or scientific discovery or whatever. That's at his best when he's very happy and comfortable.

    And yet he also holds his feelings in much of the time. He comes across as very stoic and cold when he doesn't feel like interacting. Never gives a reason for it, just goes about his way. He doesn't feel that he has to ever explain himself. He'll lie to get someone off his back if they ask what's bothering him. Basically wants to be left alone unless he's in the right mood. Very moody. You never know how he's going to be when you see him. He might be in a fun mood, anxious to talk, or he might be quiet and hold everything inside the entire time. Unpredictable.

    He notices EVERYTHING even without looking around. It's weird. But he almost never makes comments so most people don't realize this. On several occasions he's noticed that I was upset even though I was trying to hide it. I could tell that he could tell. lol I think he has a really sensitive heart but you have to know him pretty well to know this. Seems that he prefers to communicate non-verbally whenever possible. I think words just mess him up. Doesn't hug much. I hugged him once and afterwards his face was kinda red and he seemed flustered like he almost couldn't get his bearings. I felt bad but just kept on asking him questions so he could pull out of it. He loves to talk but you have to find a topic he'll go on about and he has to be in the right mood.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    xyz's Avatar
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    Jesus, it sounds a lot like me...except... replace "artsy" with "techie" and the reverse the whole hugging thing.

    But then again, most people can't figure out if i'm SEI or SLI, so.... I guess I didn't help ya much. ha.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    Jesus, it sounds a lot like me...except... replace "artsy" with "techie" and the reverse the whole hugging thing.

    But then again, most people can't figure out if i'm SEI or SLI, so.... I guess I didn't help ya much. ha.
    ugh! you're no help Man, seriously, this guy is so Si it's not even funny. But he does have a good emotional range, especially for a guy his age. I dunno. I guess that's what makes me think SEI. Also, he loves to eat and gushes about certain foods. But any Si ego type can be that way I guess.

    Also funny--when he's in a good mood and we're talking and having fun, our relation feels like lookalikes. But when he's all quiet and buttoned up, I feel like I don't even know him. It's very odd. Like he's a different person. I used to chalk it up to how our friendship was a little weird at first but then things were ironed out for awhile and now they're back to being weird again. long story. But anyway, I suppose he could be either of these types and I guess it doesn't matter much really. Maybe I'll make a post on superego relations.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I had words here once, but I didn't feed them Khola's Avatar
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    Wow. That sounds really close to me, although perhaps he is a little more guarded about his private life?

    I actually wanted to be a vet when I was about 17, and did work experience there. The fact that he found it only boring strikes me as odd- my issue with it was the emotional connection I felt to the animals. It was great because I was helping them, but after being there when families have to be told that their 15 year old lab needs to be put down, while you're patting this sweet, gorgeous dog, it was just too emotionally draining. Too much going home, locking my self in my room and crying.

    The only other thing is eye contact- I hardly ever make direct eye contact and to do so would make me feel really uneasy, unless I was either so mad that I was confronting someone, or so emotionally close to them in the moment that it was appropriate, and at that point there would be a very deep bond.

    But other than that, pretty close!
    Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .



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    xyz's Avatar
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    Would it make a difference if he was one or the other?
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    Would it make a difference if he was one or the other?
    no, not really. Just messes with my own understanding of things I guess. Actually, if I thought he was SLI, it would really change the way I think about several things. oh such a long intricate story. don't want to bore ya.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    no, not really. Just messes with my own understanding of things I guess. Actually, if I thought he was SLI, it would really change the way I think about several things. oh such a long intricate story. don't want to bore ya.
    It's gotta be better than working on this spreadsheet.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Quote Originally Posted by bee View Post
    Wow. That sounds really close to me, although perhaps he is a little more guarded about his private life?

    I actually wanted to be a vet when I was about 17, and did work experience there. The fact that he found it only boring strikes me as odd- my issue with it was the emotional connection I felt to the animals. It was great because I was helping them, but after being there when families have to be told that their 15 year old lab needs to be put down, while you're patting this sweet, gorgeous dog, it was just too emotionally draining. Too much going home, locking my self in my room and crying.

    The only other thing is eye contact- I hardly ever make direct eye contact and to do so would make me feel really uneasy, unless I was either so mad that I was confronting someone, or so emotionally close to them in the moment that it was appropriate, and at that point there would be a very deep bond.

    But other than that, pretty close!
    Oh, thanks Bee! I appreciate the feedback. Yeah, he's pretty guarded on some subjects. I used to think it might be because he doesn't want me to know how he feels about me. I don't know. rife with mystery.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    It's gotta be better than working on this spreadsheet.
    lol you're sweet to offer the ear. it's just that... from the beginning, we've had so much in common and really clicked and I thought it was kind of obvious that we had this connection and it seemed he would turn "off" his emotions at times because he wouldn't want me to see that he liked me. But I could tell, I just didn't think it was a big deal, we're just friends, etc. once I asked him some pointed question and he was like "sometimes there can be too much honesty" and I was kind of taken aback. He always makes me think he's hiding something. But maybe he's just SLI.

    I so wish we could just be normal friends and that he could always be the great guy he is when he feels like talking. But instead he keeps me guessing every time and sometimes seems ANGRY. For no reason. It just makes me sad and I guess ultimately it's too hard and I know I should let it go. But that's easier said than done. there aren't that many people I connect with the way that I do with him. he was like a big brother to me at one point. and his wife hasn't always been thrilled about our friendship but she was coming around. only it seems he's not willing to reassure her that the marriage comes first. he'd rather just get rid of the friendship. And yet I know he doesn't want to ditch me, he just refuses to address it. grrrrr.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Your DNA is mine. Mediator Kam's Avatar
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    I identify with him pretty much all the way, but I never make eye contact with the people I talk to, only to select pretty girls.
    D-SEI 9w1

    This is me and my dual being scientific together

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kamangir View Post
    I identify with him pretty much all the way, but I never make eye contact with the people I talk to, only to select pretty girls.
    well, that's easy. I AM a select pretty girl.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    ..
    If he's like me (sli or whatever the fuck'll have ya) then he's probably getting some pressure from his wife and doesn't know wtf to do. It's tough, I admit.. OR, he could merely just be calming down more and doesn't need to show you so much emotion because he trusts you can read him.. which, you may or may not be able to.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    If he's like me (sli or whatever the fuck'll have ya) then he's probably getting some pressure from his wife and doesn't know wtf to do. It's tough, I admit.. OR, he could merely just be calming down more and doesn't need to show you so much emotion because he trusts you can read him.. which, you may or may not be able to.
    It's option #1. He told me so. We're in the aftermath of "breaking up" if you will. But we still have to see each other, so it's occasionally awkward. It's like he will sometimes talk to me and then sometimes won't.

    plus I know he thinks I read him (which I do) but I'm not super confident since he's put this huge chasm between us.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Well, it did sound a lot like me but i could also see SEI. Sorry, no help. No pics?

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    ~~rubicon~~ Rubicon's Avatar
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    This is the same guy you've talked about before, yah? (c:

    I'm not sure about the moody thing ... I mean, i guess I'm moody, but I wouldn't come across as angry to someone unless I was angry at the person. If I was just generally in a bad mood, I would probably just come across as having less energy and being sort of low-key. I would feel uncomfortable to think that any mood I happened to be in affected someone in a negative way (when they've done nothing to deserve it). Unless by being 'angry', he's trying to get a point across to you ... Idk. What you said about him being observant when you're upset - ime, SLIs are very observant when it comes to any physical signs of distress ... but they can be oblivious if your distress isn't shown in a tangible fashion i.e. if you're joking about something that upsets you, then they'll assume you're not much affected by it. Just what I've noticed.
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jem View Post
    This is the same guy you've talked about before, yah? (c:

    I'm not sure about the moody thing ... I mean, i guess I'm moody, but I wouldn't come across as angry to someone unless I was angry at the person. If I was just generally in a bad mood, I would probably just come across as having less energy and being sort of low-key. I would feel uncomfortable to think that any mood I happened to be in affected someone in a negative way (when they've done nothing to deserve it). Unless by being 'angry', he's trying to get a point across to you ... Idk. What you said about him being observant when you're upset - ime, SLIs are very observant when it comes to any physical signs of distress ... but they can be oblivious if your distress isn't shown in a tangible fashion i.e. if you're joking about something that upsets you, then they'll assume you're not much affected by it. Just what I've noticed.
    yeah, same guy. the anger thing--it's not noticeable to anyone else, it's more like a demeanor where he's in a tunnel and won't look at anyone and doesn't want to interact with anyone and has this look on his face that says "don't approach me". I don't think he means to communicate anger, but that's how I interpret it. Or frustration or irritation but without wanting anyone to know. Like he's trying to hide it but not doing a great job of it.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    Well, it did sound a lot like me but i could also see SEI. Sorry, no help. No pics?
    nah, I'd better not. anyway, I only have one.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I had words here once, but I didn't feed them Khola's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    Oh, thanks Bee! I appreciate the feedback. Yeah, he's pretty guarded on some subjects. I used to think it might be because he doesn't want me to know how he feels about me. I don't know. rife with mystery.
    For me personally it's about protecting myself. I tend to play the tough card because I don't like people to know what really hurts me or affects me emotionally. It's the same reason I won't cry in public. It's also part of the reason for my emotional unpredictability, although most of that is just who I am. I figure if I can act strong in my soft spots and distract with perceived tender points for the external world to see, people cannot hurt me. Because I experience emotion so strongly and am almost embarrassed/ashamed to show negative emotion publicly, especially emotions of weakness such as sadness/misery, I feel much safer if I act tough.

    I would see him saying vet work "got boring" as a deflection tactic from the emotional pain it caused him, but then again I could be wrong. Observe him more deeply when it is brought up next and see how he reacts in his body language. I wouldn't take it personally.
    Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .



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    ~~rubicon~~ Rubicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bee View Post
    For me personally it's about protecting myself. I tend to play the tough card because I don't like people to know what really hurts me or affects me emotionally. It's the same reason I won't cry in public. It's also part of the reason for my emotional unpredictability, although most of that is just who I am. I figure if I can act strong in my soft spots and distract with perceived tender points for the external world to see, people cannot hurt me. Because I experience emotion so strongly and am almost embarrassed/ashamed to show negative emotion publicly, especially emotions of weakness such as sadness/misery, I feel much safer if I act tough.
    I don't really relate to that. :-p I would think that people are more likely to inadvertently hit your soft spots if they didn't know what they were than if they did. And if they're aware of them and hit them on purpose, then that hardly counts ... because you know that their intent was to simply hurt you ... so it kinda cancels it out, if you know what I mean? Or lessens the blow, because you know that they mostly just wanted to satisfy their desire to hurt you - so it's more about them than you. I don't go about weeping in public ... because that would be embarrassing ... but I'd prefer that people know who I am and reject me, than to be liked for traits that aren't my own. That makes me exceedingly uncomfortable.
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    I wanted to update you guys--I think I'm going to continue with the SEI typing for now. I really get the impression from him that he enjoys expressing emotions when he's comfortable. I do think he's creative. I think he's also been culturally conditioned as a guy to hold back a lot of what he's feeling, plus he's a private person. I also see zero .

    Thanks for everyone's input!
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Éminence grise mikemex's Avatar
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    SEI. I see nothing in your description pointing toward SLI:
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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