Humiliating experience: DS function?

[Ms. Kensington]

I think i read somewhere on this forum that the dual seeking function hit is the one that is the most painful.

I'm thinking humiliating experiences can come from a failure in this area.

I know an ISFj whose worst fear I think is to appear what she would consider stupid for not knowing certain objective, even if, unrelated information around her, or maybe doing a job wrong/under performing. She was brought to tears one time for doing something "wrong".

You dont have to give personal stories, but what are some experiences that you feel would be humiliating or deeply disturbing to a person, and do you think that this is related to the DS function. ? I guess if you value it, your failure is that much more cutting... humiliation would require self validation of a negative judgment to be felt.

[Ms. Kensington]

Thinking really hard... about an Fe hit.. ill share if i can think of one.

[tereg]

Basically there's always this nagging need for me to ... I guess it's kind of this temptation to always want to say "Yeah, I know that/Yeah, I know what you're talking about" to people when they talk about a topic that I'm somewhat familiar with, but don't know enough to intelligently comment on.

I don't like being caught not knowing something, which if a particular situation causes me to be embarrassed because I got caught, then I'll frantically look up a bunch of information on the topic I just embarassed myself on to prevent it from happening again.

I sometimes try too hard to appear like I know what I'm talking about (whatever it might be) that I'm knowledgeable in the topic I'm talking about. There's this pressure I feel sometimes when I'm on the spot and I need to provide information, particularly about things that I know to a degree, but not proficient at.


Here's an example of that that I just thought of. When I was in 7th grade (that was 14 years ago, folks), each grade was preparing for the End-of-the-Year program, a program that showcased some skits and songs from each grade and then a big song with the entire school at the end. I went to a very small private elementary school, so, trust me, it worked.

That particular year, in preparation, each grade was given the theme to follow for the program. It was MTV that year. So, our grade decided to do a mock version of the show Lip Service.

This was MTV's Lip Service --

"Lip Service" was one of MTV's original game-show series. Contestants were divided up into 2 teams of 3, with both teams battling to determine which group was more adept at the art of lip-sync. One round has both teams performing to a pre-rehearsed song of their choice...and the speed-round has each team member ad-libbing to randomly selected tunes, played in rapid-fire order. In another round, the in-house D.J. skipped the records to make things tougher. Points are awarded by a panel of judges for lip-sync & showmanship (the more the contestants dance and jerk around, the higher the score). The team with the most points at the end jump up and down and win some real lame prizes.

Sounds normal, right? Well, as soon as the theme and then the idea was thrown out, I started to get nervous. I had very very little exposure to MTV at the time, and musically, that was a time in which I had pretty much just listened to Oldies up to that point.

But, there was no way around it, I had to force or BS my way through it. Well, we start rehearsing, and... I mean I remember this like it was yesterday... but, I go up there on one of the rehearsals, not knowing what song they were going to give me. They give me "The Sign" by Ace of Base. So I'm trying to lip-sync my way through a song I don't know, and obviously epically failed. And I was devastated. Of course people that noticed that it was affecting me were trying to cheer me up "Don't worry about it man, look at him, he doesn't know his song either! You'll be fine, dude."

Well, what ended up happening was the school board decided to change the overall theme of the End-of-the-Year program... I guess some angry parents complained or something. Anyways, they changed it to "Country" themed, as in country western. So, we ended up doing a mock skit of Hee Haw, and everything on that end was just fine.

But the Lip Service bit stuck with me. I couldn't shake it. So, it became the primary reason that I started to listen to modern rock/alternative/top 40 music and watching MTV more. I remember the day that I changed the channel on the radio to and from school to the top 40 station, and my mom was like "Why are you listening to this?"

I tried to mask explaining the situation by just saying things that were partially true -- "I just want to listen to different kinds of music. I just want to." Of course, I ended up explaining the situation at some point and got the response I expected, "What? Josh, you shouldn't let other people influence the decisions that you make like that!"

"I know mom, I know..."

And I just couldn't find a way to explain why I tried to justify listening to a wider range of music. I really tried to find the silverlining in it by making it a way to just learn about more styles of music. And so, my musical range to this day is so wide, it's all over the map. But what started it all was essentially a negative moment that basically influenced me to learn about other styles of music.

It obviously isn't good that I let it influence me like that because, well, I should be making my own decisions about that, I know. But, overall, I'm glad that I have a wide taste in music.

I think this actually happened in 6th grade, in May of 1994.

It really was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life.

[Ms. Kensington]

hm, thanks for sharing tereg. One contrast I see is that the ISFj i mentioned wont do more research.. she is always trying to be generally aware of things around her. that does have a limit though.. im talkking about a place of work.

I think i have an example of Fe hit: I have a childhood friend with whom I'd had a falling out. She still invites me to parties and such and I have made sure to come to the important ones. I was invited to her graduation party and I needed to know where the restaurant was. I called a mutual friend who told me and I drove 2-3 hours to get there. When I walked in, there was some awkward silence. they didn't have a chair for me so I sat with her family rather than her friends. I remember feeling very uncomfortable and embarrased in not knowing if i had understood the invite wrong or if my coming was rude.

[Khola aka Bee]

I hate breaking down in tears in public- this has almost never hapenned to me, but ugh. Just....ugh.

[calenwen]

I hate imposing on people more than pretty much anything else.

[jewels]

hmm...I always had a hard time w/ keeping up with dance choreography, because I sort of stumbled into these dance groups w/ trained dancers. They'd get very impatient at me when I'd be behind (as they were dancers and I was not). Yet, I felt I should sort of magically be at their level, despite not having the background. So some of my worse experiences were other dancers or teachers yelling at me for being off (when I knew I was, but didn't have the time to practice to improve it). I knew if I had a chance to practice it a few more times, i would have it down as well as they did, but when the criticism came before I had that chance to improve, it stung.

Is that Se? Seemed like some big failure.

In the end, I always ended up dancing as well as, or better than them, but I just didn't have the years of experience to make me feel confident. So short term I was labelled a "slow learner" and "the off dancer who always messes up."

Probably the absolute worst was when I took a hip hop class (having never tried it) and on the first day they formed two lines, played music, and you were suppose to hip hop/break dance your way down the 2 lines of people (1 by 1) with everyone watching you. everyone else knew how to dance already, and I froze, thinking "um...but I don't know how to hip hop dance..." I sort of did a white girl dance that looked scary and then didn't go back But I know if I had stuck w/ it, I would have ended up being one of the better dancers...whatever.

Also, I hate texting someone drunk and then regretting it!!!

[Jimbean]

I have to think of a story, but I know that some of the most embarrassing things that have happened to me involved my intelligence, or something like that. Being considered stupid for being too reckless.