I just had a convo with an ILI. I think it illustrates obvious Ni leading and Se DS on his part, and my blatant aversion to both.
Friday night the ILI calls me and wants to hang out. I say I don't feel like going out. He says, "you never feel like going out." I'm like "whatever. If it makes you happy, want to see a movie tomorrow?"
Saturday morning he calls at 9 AM! "Hi. I'm making plans for our movie day." We decide on a movie (8 PM). He has to figure out what we're doing beforehand- getting coffee. Then he spends approximately 15 mins. freely brain farting on how he has to occupy himself during the time before the movie, while I sit there "okaying" him and wondering why I need to listen to this?
He calls me about every 2 hours throughout the day to make sure I'm still on for the movie.
5 PM. He calls. I say "You're going to hate me, but I haven't slept in 2 nights. I am sooo tired. Can't we go see a movie tomorrow?"
ILI: But I have "plans" for tomorrow.
Me: Okay okay. see you at 7.
6 PM. He calls again! I had just spoken to my friend who recommended that we see another movie, which he loved and which the ILI had actually wanted to see initially.
Me: hey why don't we go see this movie instead? it's better and it's closer to both of us
ILI: what time is it playing?
ILI: <starts making pained noises>
Me: What? Oh god. You think I'm flaking on you! No. I am totally not. I actually prefer to see this movie.
ILI: I just don't think you're going to show up for A movie
<we talk for 15 minutes and I finally convince him this is not a "stalling" mechanism>
Me: Okay, so see you at 10. <gets ready to hang up phone>
ILI: whoa whoa. hang on. what are we going to do before the movie?
ILI: the last time we were getting coffee. I don't just want to go to a movie with someone.
Me: oh I guess everything in that area will be closed by then
ILI: well, see, that's a problem..
<we sort of resolve this one. THEN...>
ILI: wait. what am i supposed to do to occupy myself during the next few hours?
ILI: well I was planning to be in a movie now, so I didn't plan anything for these next few hours..
Me: What? Why do you need a plan for everything? Can't you just like do something?
ILI: <pauses in SHOCK> That's not the problem. The problem is that you never want to make plans.
Me: <laughs at how he considers this to be such an obvious "flaw." Like, how could I NOT value that in him?>
<30 minutes later I worked out a plan that would make him see me for 2 hours BEFORE the movie. LUCKY ME. He seems happy.>
Me: Okay now. Can I go? Please?
ILI: Sure. <hangs up phone>