IEIs/INFps being receptive and easy in conversation

[UDP]

I have a few things about INFps that I'm curious about, and some other comments. Since there seem to be so many here, go ahead and comment as you like. Some of them are probably coming from me "being your opposite" - that perspective. But some aren't really socionics related. Some are just me asking, because some behaviors I don't understand.


That being said, the first thing is actually a statement. I think I figured something out about INFps, which is sort of a "use" for INFps. That might sound weird, but, let me know what you think of this:


It has occurred to me, that, somewhat like ISFps, you can basically say anything to them, in terms of conversation. So long as you're not on odd terms, there can be sort of easy conversation. INFps will kind of just go along with things, flowingly. I never really saw this as an asset or how to use it, but now that I understand it, I kind of just see them as "easy social targets". The seem very receptive in general, so long as they aren't being weird. And I seem to find when they are being weird or defensive, it's mostly because they don't know if they fit in or are waiting for someone to initiate conversation or interaction with them (what do you think about that?)

[strrrng]

We're easy conversationalists because we are very in touch with the internal dynamics of whatever is going on. It doesn't mean we care about what you have to say lol. A lot of times I let people "come in" because I really don't know any other way. It is very common that people reveal personal things to me quickly. This isn't to say that I am trying to manipulate them -- quite the opposite; I like to bring out the inner person. It's just that our natural mode is fairly passive, but we do enjoy engaging with people in some ways, so it will usually end up in us creating an underlying "rhythm" for the conversation to progress along.

[07490]

You know I think NIck is a very understanding person, His TI-SE makes him a bad ass. but he is a good person at heart. Sorry for me saying this NIck but i just feel like that.

[strrrng]

You know I think NIck is a very understanding person, His TI-SE makes him a bad ass. but he is a good person at heart. Sorry for me saying this NIck but i just feel like that.

lol thanks. idk about the TiSe thing, might just be 3 wing sx crap, but I appreciate it

[Khola aka Bee]

Hmm. I'm not sure that I like the idea of being an easy target- I would rather be viewed as a source of inspiration and as someone who could empathise and relate when someone is feeling alone. Perhaps we are more social facilitators than easy targets?

Not so much in that we have the best parties and talk to "Like, OMG, everyone giggle giggle," but in that we can move people away from the issue at hand, take them away from the group one by one, tease the problem out, use communication on a more personal note to share understanding and thus create harmony.

I find a lot of friends will come to me if they are having an issue within a group dynamic- they will talk about problems. I will relate to the problem in terms of other scenarios, use comparation. Most importantly, I will show them that they are not alone, that whatever the issue is, there is an empathic understanding from me through conversation and a new perspective might make them see the issue in a completely different way.

If there are people having misunderstandings between each other, I find they both come to me in their own time, divulge a large amount of emotional and personal information, and take away from the conversation a more open point of view that then allows each of them afterwards to talk together about the issue without so much defensiveness.

Does that make any sense? I feel like I might be rambling here.

EDIT: Ok, further explanation... I find a lot of people tend to take any given expression from another as a direct personal and emotional response that relates to THEM, when in some cases, they are not even the focus. I guess it is just a human reaction. If you can open a hurt person to the idea that whatever *issue* is not a personal attack, and give them examples that allow them to relate to their aggressor's potential point of view, it can remove the hurt from the scenario.

[redbaron]

Yes, I've found that people tend to just tell me stuff. Not necessarily heavy duty emotional but just stuff that seemingly comes from out of the blue. Men more than women but I have no idea why that is.

[UDP]

Hmm. I'm not sure that I like the idea of being an easy target- I would rather be viewed as a source of inspiration and as someone who could empathise and relate when someone is feeling alone. Perhaps we are more social facilitators than easy targets?

That's reasonable, actually. And less negative, I suppose.

Not so much in that we have the best parties and talk to "Like, OMG, everyone giggle giggle," but in that we can move people away from the issue at hand, take them away from the group one by one, tease the problem out, use communication on a more personal note to share understanding and thus create harmony.

I find a lot of friends will come to me if they are having an issue within a group dynamic- they will talk about problems. I will relate to the problem in terms of other scenarios, use comparation. Most importantly, I will show them that they are not alone, that whatever the issue is, there is an empathic understanding from me through conversation and a new perspective might make them see the issue in a completely different way.

If there are people having misunderstandings between each other, I find they both come to me in their own time, divulge a large amount of emotional and personal information, and take away from the conversation a more open point of view that then allows each of them afterwards to talk together about the issue without so much defensiveness.

Does that make any sense? I feel like I might be rambling here.

That's actually pretty similar to how an IEI and I get along inside of one organization we both work in.

I make fun of her "not remembering details", which she doesn't really like, and I don't like it when she tells me to "losen up" or did in the past. I kept saying "look, I just have to get to know you better". So, a few months into things, it's fine. (She was "forward" with me, so it sort of made me resistive. Forward in a victim, sort of "instigator" sort of way)

EDIT: Ok, further explanation... I find a lot of people tend to take any given expression from another as a direct personal and emotional response that relates to THEM, when in some cases, they are not even the focus. I guess it is just a human reaction. If you can open a hurt person to the idea that whatever *issue* is not a personal attack, and give them examples that allow them to relate to their aggressor's potential point of view, it can remove the hurt from the scenario.

Yeah. Well we need an INFp to deal with one person at work. The only issue is that said person and I seem to conflict, but the INFp doesn't think the other person is in the right at all, so.... : /

[Khola aka Bee]

I'm not sure if I would look at things in terms of "right" and "wrong" in a concrete way. I mean obviously there are things that are inherently wrong- intentionally hurting an animal purely for the sake of it is wrong. Hurting someone's feelings because you can is wrong. Hmm. I think intentional cause of harm is the thing that I deem as "wrong".

The thing is, some people do hurtful things to others without intent to harm. This is where empathy and understanding needs to be taken into account. It is just a matter of seeing when this is and isn't happening. I dunno. Sometimes I can look at someone and almost know why they are reacting in some way, and watch another person's response to this and just want to go "Look, it's like this" because they are hurting each other almost, but not intending to.

A perfect example- I was teaching my mum how to paint today (not that you can teach someone how to paint) and she's ESI. She has never really painted before and was really excited about it and searching for approval, positive reinforcement. I gave her a bit of philosophy on how art is supposed to invoke a reaction, not always a positive one, from the viewer, and how everyone will see the same work slightly differently, which is why criticism is not something you should be ashamed of. She was very concerned that her work might not be "good", to the point where if I criticised her then, she may never have painted again, it was a confidence thing. I went on to say that the most enjoyable part of creating art is not about living up to expectations but rather expressing yourself and learning new techniques, improving. I inspired her and gave confidence, and I meant it too, I like her work so far.

My ILI dad walked in and mum got really excited and asked him "Oh do you like my work so far, I really like it! Do you think it's good?". She was hunting for a positive response from someone she valued, she just wanted encouragement. His response was a very dry "It's early days yet, it's still wet and it isn't even finished yet. I guess it's ok." Now I know my dad and I know he was just being objective and probably did like it, but mum was slightly taken aback, so I went on a little more about the "movement" in her work and that she should go out, have a good night, think about it more as it dries and come back tomorrow, distracted her from his reaction. It was hard not to chastise him for his response, but on the same token, he was simply giving a frank, honest and objective response, which is what he does best. He meant no harm.

It was so blatant to me, but she was a little wounded by it.

[UDP]

The only issue is that said person and I seem to conflict, but the INFp doesn't think the other person is in the right at all, so.... : /

I'm not sure if I would look at things in terms of "right" and "wrong" in a concrete way.

I kept thinking after I wrote that "hmm, I bet I said things that way because I was thinking about what I want from INFjs" - . I figured I'd leave it there. Heh heh heh. I don't think it is how INFps work, either.

That's one of the issues I have with INFps, because I keep expecting that to be , but really it's not - it's not a concrete "judgement" of the situation that I can go off of. So it's somewhat "drawing my needs" from something that isn't there. (Which is very problematic).

Like when an INFp reacts positively to me stating a "fact" with force, thinking it is Se, sort of. But then being disappointed that it is just a sort of rational statement of "what is", and not the that she was actually looking for.

[misutii]

It is very common that people reveal personal things to me quickly.

Same, I suppose partly because they can say anything and not have to worry about it getting out to their "friends" that I don't really like and so will never talk to. Also sometimes people go a bit too far, as in telling me too much, things I don't want to know, things they ought to keep to themselves. Also just pointless dumb everyday things that don't matter but for some reason they want me to hear. When this happens I've learned to retaliate with the no-nonsense "shut the fuck up bitch I ain't your therapist" glare, . My SLE friends are victim to this often because, really, sometimes they just need to shut the fuck up, lol

[joseph]

I'm good at conversation because I'm focused on reacting to whatever the other person is saying in a supportive way. I let the other person lead, and further the conversation by offering insights which are generally appreciated.

Its a pretty one-sided affair. Even if people think I'm good at conversation, they take a long time to get to know me. Since I'm only offering opinion on topics they introduce, we have to carry on this way a great deal before it becomes evident who I am in the big picture.