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Thread: Psychology of hetero/homo males

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    Default Psychology of hetero/homo males

    Sexual Orientation is realized at puberty, soooo:

    Straight Men

    Power conflicts and duality worship (Awkward Adolescence) Realizing sexual attraction to females as primary orientation, the heterosexual male sees the world in terms of strong/weak, bad/good. Morals and ethics aside, this just makes sense, males and females ARE different and a simple power structure based on such is understandable, and has its appropriate uses. To bully or be bullied is a common theme here. Escaping to study the higher esoteric truths at earlier ages like gay men did is something that straight men simply do not do at this bracket, they must mark or be marked in the concrete world. Most girls/women don't know themselves well either at this point, so it is a time when the simple brute gets the girl over the kid that is smart/more sophisticated. Physical presence, how one manipulates physical objects, are all that really matter. Strong, platonic friendships between males are validated as sexual tension between straight men is non-existent, society coaxes and feeds ego very much at this stage.

    Path of Introspection (Lost 20s): This is a lost time for all types, but for the heterosexual male it's especially so. Basically, they are beginning to realize the intuitive worlds beyond the duality of strong/weak, bad/good and are beginning to feel the true vulnerability and humanity inside of themselves. They begin to really understand how they were wrong to other people in the past, and begin to feel guilty, though hopefully in a realistic way.

    The heterosexual male is terrified because he is beginning to see what he's attracted to (females) as concepts inside himself. He is not dumb enough to think 'those make him weak' (well maybe the REALLY stupid ones) but it still makes him vastly uncomfortable. In truth what is really happening is he's struggling whether or not to keep all that in and use it to feed his own ego, or genuinely share it with others and 'let people in'.

    He is sorting things out, talking to people, trying to understand matter beyond gender, as he works his way up into adulthood. He might still seek to sleep with multiple women for kicks and because it feels good, but he's really beginning to wonder 'was/is my sperm good enough' to continue the human lineage, and/or by having a woman trust himself enough for intimacy that goes beyond raw sex. The natural female urge 'Am I good enough?' gets realized, as he pays the karma debt of his earlier attractions and juvenile treatment toward women. (This isn't naturally bad or misogynistic, but just a natural part of straight male psychology) He will spend time thinking about his father and parents too. (If he's naturally interfile or doesn't want kids for other reason, the 'father' part still applies, as father to society, where he fits in, etc- what we all think in this stage.)

    He's ultimately dependent on gay men, women, and the non-sexual for his sense of self as he is naturally lost and weak. He needs society approval, (as well as his own) as he truly sorts out if his sperm was/is good enough for reproduction. He will play mind/test games with women instead of outright targeting the weak ones like he did before, as he establishes a new hierarchy within his mind. Games are an improvement over outright bullying, so he should receive appropriate support during this time. He needs validation on whether he's a good guy or not.

    Confidence (Adulthood): The straight man feels whole and like he really has something to offer to people. Has a realistic self-concept of his own abilities. Feels 'ready' and baked enough to start thinking about having children and being a father. If felt he was a father too soon, makes peace with that with himself. If he doesn't choose that particular path, is still respected in other people's eyes as he understands the difference between jokes and really hurting people, porn fantasies, and doing that shit in real life. When frat boy humor is appropriate and when it's not etc. Has integrated both his understanding of his own vulnerability with his natural self-confidence, and doesn't view them as good/evil, wrong/bad anymore- in other words he's a whole person, his true self. Moves forward with the awareness of other people's feelings. Doesn't always have to be the hero either, empowers and encourages other people to step up to the plate.

    OR

    Narcissism (Adulthood): The straight man becomes lost completely in his own world with nothing but his ideas. Cannot understand true objectivity or empathize with anybody. Anything he does is all about him, cannot give up of himself to create life and contribute because deep down knows he never truly overcame his insecurities. Can still outwardly play the hero, because the blind need the archetype of the heroic straight man as the bedrock of society in order to feel protected, but the intelligent elite sees right through him and he knows that, so he avoids the good guys and will continuously target people he perceives as vulnerable. Ego is shaky and fragile, will get violent/shout and go back into how he acted when he was an adolescent, only this time it's not so cute or a growing pain anymore and it makes him feeling rejected and feeling like he himself should have never been born. So he then will repeat the cycle, and try to develop higher truths like in the lost 20s- but it's too late, as he will only use them to further satisfy his own agenda without understanding the feeling behind them.

    Has lifted weights and developed his physical body enough to be really wanted and admired, but somehow only truly shares that with himself. Never learned true intimacy. If very unhealthy, may even begin raping women or develop serial killer tendencies. Still can't truly read other people and what they want well, horrible lovers. Like 'they're not even there.' Can create a very good socially acceptable image but deep down corrupted as fuck and into all sorts of shady shit. Prison time is highly likely. Even the most insecure women gets fed up, and stops taking care of him - as he drives himself deeper and deeper down a dark hole. (In the bad way.)

    Will sexually tease people instead of sharing an enjoyment with them. Very common in unhealthy straight male adults.

    An unhealthy gay man teaching an unhealthy straight man is a funny thing, as it's like two narcissists talking to each other with no real human connection being made. The blind leads the blind down further psychological stress and states of unhappiness.

    Deep down he knows his ideas are corrupt when tested in reality by the female body-pain spirit, so he has to hide them from the world. Contrast this to unhealthy gay men at this stage, who readily vomit their ideals for the world to see but without setting an example. A straight man will *always* naturally set a world-wide example due to how the universe works, but the substance depends on how healthy they truly are underneath.

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    Gay Men

    Realization of Difference (Awkward Adolescence) Realizing sexual attraction to other males as primary orientation, the homosexual male understands himself to be different from most males and feels sexual tension in male group play that straight males don't, so avoidance of male group play to be with one other person is quite common. He might have innocently wrestled before with a friend, but this now turns him on. Will spend a lot of time masturbating, isolating self and will also ignore other homosexuals in group. (But will privately wonder about males and hopes very much if a boy crush will turn into something more one-on-one) He will *obviously* seem distant/weak to other males, and will be bullied by typical straight males into the power dichotomies and also by other insecure homosexual males. He will develop intelligent skills much quicker than most peers as he's cut off from raw brutalism. He's also insecure in his own feelings to seek out attatchment, so it's a period of loneliness.

    (Cusp of adulthood): There's a special, extra stage that most gay men go through before they get to their own 'lost 20s' stage, that is sudden bursts of self-confidence as their orientation is respected by others in the straight world. Straight society will see the orientation of the gay man as 'not just a phase' as he repeats it to people, and they will understand the patterns, and his point of view- and he will gain strength and inclusion from this. Also seeks out his own community to make peace with them, so tends to feel very self-confident, in charge, and a leader. Political alpha male, owns the school, socially fluent- and even competes for power with straight males.

    Straight guy worship (Lost 20s): The gay man will begin to feel confused and look at things in term of raw sex and power, and will revert to a place where sex is viewed in terms of how much it can turn him on. The values he had of his orientation will diminish and he will care only about his latest sexual thrill (things will become 'genderless' but in a morally awkward way)- which isn't bad per se, just a natural healing process of being cut off of his raw sexuality so much while growing up. Some sort of sexual addiction is very common in this stage. Gender is meaningless to the gay man here, but not in an enriching way. Very meaningless, hopeless sex with other males is common. Self-hatred comments fuel as they begin to feel the hurt from their inner child by heterosexuals not understanding them. Will tend to totally forget/not feel the lessons they learned about their own self-value from the earlier stage. Will both unnecessarily idealize/chastise gay men, crying about how they all should be tougher/stronger and fulfill his needs. Might experiment with women during this lost stage to see 'if he's really gay or not', the struggle between pleasure-acceptance and intimacy-acceptance are very common themes.

    The gay man will then realize that their own true happiness has always relied on straight people, they never really got to create their own gayness that wasn't judged by straight society. Growing up as a gay man they begin to really realize this, and then they seek to either include other gay men, or continue to exclude them- and thus exclude self. Whereas before, a straight person helped the gay man realize his own well-being and self-worth, the gay man realizes now that it's up to him to realize that on his own and make choices for himself and his own people.

    Confidence (30s): Appreciates and respects the support from heterosexual society and systems, but is not dependent on them for his own self-worth. Is a whole person with hobbies and interests that go beyond sexual pleasure, that ironically make sex all the more sizzling. It's not that the orientation is ignored, it's that the gayness is naturally integrated into all areas of life so natural erotica can breathe in the gay man's life again and he no longer becomes addicted to sex. So he comes out as much as possible, truly and fully. Is able to enjoy a wider variety of men without always exploiting or objectifying them. Begins looking for a mate that can provide for him. Still likes men for sex, but also likes them for a bunch of other reasons too. But doesn't fight their dark side, because when you do that you usually become even more dark, integrates all sides of himself and gives up his constant self-debating. At this point as hopefully honed some sort of skill to 'show the world' that he had to keep hidden from prejudice due to sexuality issues that were unfairly placed upon him. This is understandable and can be forgiven, but at this point in time it's time to move on and be healed. Begins having happy relationships with men and can enjoy conversations that go beyond sex. Respects straight people, doesn't always have to make a joke about the difference between orientations. Will get over his straight guy worship and internalized homophobia, will begin to see other healthy gay men as attractive and available. Won't always nag about how gay men should behave. Attracts the right kind of man by challenging and improving self.

    OR

    Deadly Stagnation (30s): If enough wrong choices are made, the gay man will live in hopeless denial about his True Self, constantly telling other people how they should be without really having a life of his own. Going back and forth between two worlds, will cry and nag about heterosexist norms but then in turn will actually *do* nothing to change them. Shaking up the system (heterosexual norms that rape gay male spirit) is only good when the system is actually being shoke. Will only preach and write about stuff, which is cute but does NOTHING to advance himself or the world. Not a man yet, more like an incorporeal ghost that just cries a lot. Will go into misty, do-nothing vocations like priesthood or psychology or creepy summer camps, trying to lure wayward gay men down a slippery slope with them in an inappropriate, secretive relationship. (ie my therapist). Still thinks there's something just 'wrong' about being gay, so tries to mindfuck all sorts of nonsense about sexuality. Still does things that makes him appear 'too safe' and doesn't even really give a chance for other people to understand. The hidden paranoia inevitably lets the wrong ones in and shuts the right ones out. He is faux-wise enough to avoid fucking around too much, but goes too much in the other direction to never really enjoy his sexuality at all, he seems eternally shameful. Ignores real homophobia in the world by living too much in fantasy. Might seem like some a spiritual guru at first glance, but really traded in all truth out of fear and is now living as a ghost. Lacks malleability, develops whacked out theories about orientation and misdirects sexuality when there isn't any need. Might have grand ideals about a perfect world where they can enjoy men in bed, but in actual practice they're really awful. Cannot integrate sex with intimacy, dwells on sex being an awful, rotten thing.

    Or as well, the hyper-sex, macho bravado worship will continue and the gay man will become a soulless ken barbie doll that can't see anything besides having sex and trying to relive what was taken away from him during childhood; over and over again. A sort of cartoony, cheap similarity to the Narcissistic straight male. Has so much sex it loses its power and awe- becomes dead and stays dead. Even all the drugs, condoms/pills can't fix stupid and lack of true erotica. Squeaky clean, overly politically correct 'gay' image that challenges nothing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    Not a man yet, more like an incorporeal ghost that just cries a lot. Will go into misty, do-nothing vocations like priesthood or psychology or creepy summer camps
    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

    This made my day.

    I hope I can salvage my lost 20s... There's still a lot to go.

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    I think I might be asexual.

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