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Thread: How can a person be liked by everyone? IEI/INFp issue

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    Default How can a person be liked by everyone? IEI/INFp issue

    Is it not just down to types, like say you describe a type as 'popular' or 'captivating', how can that be because different types would not view this person in the same way?

    How can one type be more popular than another?

    =/ Also, how do you feel confident around people you are not compatible with?

    & if you feel really hurt and rejected, and feel like people walk all over you, but you can't see a way of making things go smooth, and of them warming to you so how do you deal with that?

    So, as an INFp I have to face up to the fact that not everyone is going to have good feelings towards me, I just want to know what I have to do to be respected? I think its cause I am much too quiet and come across insecure, maybe if I build my confidence, would that help?

    ...thanks!

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    Is it not just down to types, like say you describe a type as 'popular' or 'captivating', how can that be because different types would not view this person in the same way?
    I agree about general compatibility, but there usually is a consistent popular crowd, typically populated primarily with betas lol, for whatever reason.

    How can one type be more popular than another?
    It isn't just about type. It's about looks, intelligence, charm and other factors.

    =/ Also, how do you feel confident around people you are not compatible with?
    Either through some internal sense of superiority or general indifference.

    & if you feel really hurt and rejected, and feel like people walk all over you, but you can't see a way of making things go smooth, and of them warming to you so how do you deal with that?
    Fight back lol. People shouldn't be walking all over you in the first place. And if they want to be cold, be colder.

    So, as an INFp I have to face up to the fact that not everyone is going to have good feelings towards me, I just want to know what I have to do to be respected? I think its cause I am much too quiet and come across insecure, maybe if I build my confidence, would that help?

    ...thanks!
    I don't necessarily have some great, solid foundation of confidence, but I do have enough to know how to utilize it. And along with other skills, I have managed to succeed socially. It's just a matter of leverage and illusion with people; they love to buy into appearances, for whatever reason. So, just step your game up; become a skilled actor.
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    It's just a matter of leverage and illusion with people; they love to buy into appearances, for whatever reason. So, just step your game up; become a skilled actor.
    *sigh* If anything about you indicated to me that you would be pursuing any kind of meaningful relationship with another human in the near future I would rip you a new one.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    *sigh* If anything about you indicated to me that you would be pursuing any kind of meaningful relationship with another human in the near future I would rip you a new one.
    Hrm, maybe he'd get his hands on another skilled actor, gilly? Hed prolly enjoy the competition.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    strrrng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    *sigh* If anything about you indicated to me that you would be pursuing any kind of meaningful relationship with another human in the near future I would rip you a new one.
    Um, what? Maybe you could be more direct. I'm not planning to con anyone lol; I was alluding to the general social scene when I wrote that post. It was a response to his concerns about "popularity," which typically deals with the more superficial aspects of socializing, and where certain tactics have certain benefits. Are you getting moralistic on me, gilly? I hope not. And lol @ you claiming you would "rip me a new one," let alone over the internet. Grow up.

    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard
    Hrm, maybe he'd get his hands on another skilled actor, gilly? Hed prolly enjoy the competition.
    Who says I haven't already met one?
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    Who says I haven't already met one?
    O I C
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    Um, what? Maybe you could be more direct. I'm not planning to con anyone lol; I was alluding to the general social scene when I wrote that post. It was a response to his concerns about "popularity," which typically deals with the more superficial aspects of socializing, and where certain tactics have certain benefits. Are you getting moralistic on me, gilly? I hope not. And lol @ you claiming you would "rip me a new one," let alone over the internet. Grow up.
    I'm not saying it because I'm trying to be moral; I'm saying it because I would want to knock some sense into you because the behavior you're describing is only going to isolate you from people in the long run.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    I'm not saying it because I'm trying to be moral; I'm saying it because I would want to knock some sense into you because the behavior you're describing is only going to isolate you from people in the long run.
    Yeah, except I was only referencing a specific branch of the social scene. Serious relationships are something completely different in my mind. I have a few slots reserved for special people (because you can only have so many people whom you devote yourself entirely to), and the rest are just kind of whatever, residing on various levels of the spectrum, but never crossing the threshold.

    So, my acting statement was meant to be taken within a superficial context.
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    I agree about general compatibility, but there usually is a consistent popular crowd, typically populated primarily with betas lol, for whatever reason.
    No. I don't think this is true at all. Totally depends on what you're talking about. In high school, the alphas were the popular ones. Betas question and challenge too many things to stay consistently popular. Plus once you leave high school, nobody cares how popular or cool you are anymore so it's totally moot.

    If you were just joking, my bad.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    No. I don't think this is true at all. Totally depends on what you're talking about. In high school, the alphas were the popular ones. Betas question and challenge too many things to stay consistently popular. Plus once you leave high school, nobody cares how popular or cool you are anymore so it's totally moot.

    If you were just joking, my bad.
    If you claim that it depends, why are making stereotypes such as, "betas question and challenge too much to be popular"? That's dumb. I associated mainly with betas, and any alphas who were popular were dumb to us anyway lol. The Se/Ni quadras dominated that crowd at my school, and for good reason.
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    It's not a stereotype, it's true. And it's not dumb. Betas are the quadra most adapt at social activism because we have the oomph mixed in with the liberal ideals for change. Our 'fight the system, man' mentality is what brings down faulty structures that don't work.

    We also have a stardom quality to us when we're at our best. The actor, the romantic, the conqueror and the pragmatist all share this quality.

    No other quadra can do this. They're too conforming. And please, don't give me the response 'by not conforming you're conforming.' No. By not conforming, you're not conforming. We betas fight society. We do not work within it. Writers, poets, actors, and true leaders/warriors.

    A beta is usually very depressed if they don't challenge things.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    Is it not just down to types, like say you describe a type as 'popular' or 'captivating', how can that be because different types would not view this person in the same way?
    It's subjective.

    How can one type be more popular than another?
    [/quote]

    Breasts, chests. Social influence. Gushing.

    =/ Also, how do you feel confident around people you are not compatible with?
    Just act confident regardless. Don't base your confidence on other peoples compatibilities. Let them be in the dark.

    & if you feel really hurt and rejected, and feel like people walk all over you, but you can't see a way of making things go smooth, and of them warming to you so how do you deal with that?
    [/quote]

    Kill them.

    So, as an INFp I have to face up to the fact that not everyone is going to have good feelings towards me, I just want to know what I have to do to be respected? I think its cause I am much too quiet and come across insecure, maybe if I build my confidence, would that help?
    You don't have to have positive feelings towards them. But you can choose your feelings regardless of other peoples feelings towards you.

    Oh, you want to be respected?

    Maybe if you stop saying maybe, and say definite things. And just say things with confidence, that don't mean much, but just get you into teh frame of confidence.

    You can always say "I'm quiet", "I'm insecure" in a quiet voice, and see who pays attention. And might try to spin you up.

    ...thanks!
    YOU HAVEN'T RECEIVED ANYTHING AND YOU'RE ALREADY THANKING.

    One thing, you might want to look into is applying delayed gratification ..

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    lol benny you're crazy
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    Default Why can't we just be friends with everyone? INFp thing?

    Ughh. Why can't we just be friends with everyone?

    I am bewildered and pissed off that people can't like each other for no reason...it boggles my mind. Why the hell not? Why can't we love our conflictors? Why are we repulsed and aggitated by them, by them just being them.

    It doesn't seem right, le sigh, what is even the point of not being depressed and withdrawn, it won't change relationships... much at least.

    Lol, is this a common INFp thing? I feel so bumed haha.

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    Now that I know about Socionics, I'm much better at getting along with conflictors. I used to think there was something wrong with them. Now I know they just see things differently, and that they probably think there's something wrong with me, and that they're every bit as right and wrong about that as I am. It gives me a much better perspective.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    Ughh. Why can't we just be friends with everyone?

    I am bewildered and pissed off that people can't like each other for no reason...it boggles my mind. Why the hell not? Why can't we love our conflictors? Why are we repulsed and aggitated by them, by them just being them.

    It doesn't seem right, le sigh, what is even the point of not being depressed and withdrawn, it won't change relationships... much at least.

    Lol, is this a common INFp thing? I feel so bumed haha.
    I sometimes feel this way too. I feel this resolve inside of myself to not let it affect anything. but then when you're relaxed and just being yourself, you realize that it does affect things. One example, I know this LSE guy at my church. He's a respectable guy and I want to like him. So I went up to him on Sunday and tried to joke with him about something. Only... he took it seriously, it was random! It was like I was completely misunderstood. We weren't in a fight over it or anything but I was like whoa, that seemed fairly obvious to me that I was making a joke and yet it wasn't obvious to him. I don't know, sometimes you just can't get away from it. But SM is right that it helps to understand WHY you're not seeing eye to eye with someone.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    Ughh. Why can't we just be friends with everyone?

    I am bewildered and pissed off that people can't like each other for no reason...it boggles my mind. Why the hell not? Why can't we love our conflictors? Why are we repulsed and aggitated by them, by them just being them.

    It doesn't seem right, le sigh, what is even the point of not being depressed and withdrawn, it won't change relationships... much at least.

    Lol, is this a common INFp thing? I feel so bumed haha.
    you can; never fear little one.

    even if you cant agree or like them you can still respect them. And you can still disrespect them for reasons that don't include their type.

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    Because the functions and their placements just get in the way? A person eventually does something that you just naturally for some core primeval instinctual indescribable way.... do not like, no matter how much we naturally just want others to love and care for one another. And it seems like nothing they can do will change that perception they have of you. They can try but of course, the only thing that ends up going wrong in the world is the way people treat one another.

    It sucks so much. Of course you shouldn't dislike/hate somebody based on a perception, or psychological phantom that technically doesn't even fucking EXIST. True shamans and buddhists/priests practice a technique to give up the mind/concept of perceptions and see with the heart, and see the 'human family connectiveness' (for gayness) in order to do good works and truly forgive people (and have them realize that they mean it). This is a technique you might be naturally good at. But it's not something most people seem to be adapt at. And it also creates even more psychological phantoms of its own unless one can stay at that place (but we're humans, not Love Gods so we can't - even if you can reach the state of Nirvana states you won't feel comfortable staying there and you can't naturally anyway with brain chemicals science-y shit. Most likely. I'm afraid even love has to be balanced my dear one.)

    A lot of people are too busy judging each other and themselves on harsh ideals that are false. But I don't think you have to give up the ego entirely, that is scary - and you'd just end up then instantly killing yourself for the greater good. Okay. Obviously everybody can't start doing that- that would end the human race! Okay maybe now you're thinking that's a good thing, it's the planet you know. We're just a small part of it. But I still think a balanced approach is best for life. You have to just come in some sort of inner peace with yourself.

    Remember, grasshoppa (LOL) you say you want others to love each other more. But hatred is truly only defeated from within, not without.

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    It doesn't seem right, le sigh, what is even the point of not being depressed and withdrawn, it won't change relationships... much at least.
    I used to think that all humans were meant to do is to hurt each other. Then I met people that really wanted to help. I mean really. Not just creepy social worker types that got a job psychologically abusing marginalized people because they themselves have been hurt. You just have to find that group of people to see what you want accomplished. The 'love' you speak of is going to be a selfish thing in a way, ime. Any social advocacy groups you could join, not just a basic volunteer thing, but something that you know you'd put your heart into? Just a suggestion.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    I am bewildered and pissed off that people can't like each other for no reason...
    It's not that people can't "like" each other; simply that, if I were to develop a relationship with an EII in the future, after what could be weeks or months (hopefully not years, or they're probably not EII/I'm not SLE), I will come to see that the relationship is not right for me (or they for them). However, if I got with you, after weeks or months or years, I would discover that the relationship was definitely the right one for me.
    Ideas don't determine who's right. Power determines who's right. And I have the power. So I'm right.

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    Yeah, don't take this forum *too* much to heart. This place is its own time zone. IRL, I hang out with an LSI nearly every weekend (along with a group of alphas and gammas) How conflictor-y can you get?? But they're pretty tight. (And now I find it vastly amusing thinking about how the super-scattery ILE desperately wanted to date the ESI and she said "You must be out of your mind." lolol But they're still friends, so it's cool.) Sooooo you probably shouldn't marry your conflictor, but as for general fun-having, it seems to work out just fine for me.
    IEE

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    Ughh. Why can't we just be friends with everyone?

    I am bewildered and pissed off that people can't like each other for no reason...it boggles my mind. Why the hell not? Why can't we love our conflictors? Why are we repulsed and aggitated by them, by them just being them.

    It doesn't seem right, le sigh, what is even the point of not being depressed and withdrawn, it won't change relationships... much at least.

    Lol, is this a common INFp thing? I feel so bumed haha.

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