Yawn. I could do this for a living. But I don't want to.
Signs of social phobia (also imo ties into the Loyalist, enneagram type 6):
You tell authorities what they want to hear. You put a ‘neat bow’ on everything. You may look completely well-adjusted to the outside world. You can crack jokes and be very socially responsible despite not feeling that way yourself. You feel clean enough to not hurt anybody in the outside world, but dirty enough to not really feel like you have a true place in it.
You are in a very dangerous, high-risk group because your intellect and natural independence (that you may not know you have yet) enables you to fool therapists and counselors into thinking that everything is all right, you don’t really need to be there. In fact, you probably even get promoted into leadership positions in the real world due to your behavior and presidential presence.
However, when it comes to actual responsibilities of progressing your own life (and truly helping others with theirs), you are stuck. Ambivalent. You do not know how to truly be honest with people and let yourself go. Or worse, you may overcompensate for this and trust the wrong people too early. You then may say something like ‘live and learn.’ Again with the bow.
You have an addictive personality. It doesn’t matter what it is. Porn. Drugs (both legal and illegal) Of course, these things are mere entertainment in moderation and can be extremely enjoyable after a hard day’s work. (And by work I don’t mean a dull job that’s below your standards, but by living life through real human contact and effort filled with new experiences and challenges) But eh still, a blue collar job would do the trick too. It applies to all classes.
You may be very intelligent. But you have a dull sense of awareness. You probably do not get enough exercise, although you are conscious enough to eat healthy. You have the ‘writer’s build’ body and look pleasing enough but a bit too bland and vanilla. You need to give yourself more oomph and wear colors that are more appropriate. You tend to look great in tribal necklaces.
Because at your core you are truly genuine while at the same time still being fresh, you constantly get invited to hang out with other people although for some reason you deny them most every time! People find you extremely likeable and eager to learn and discuss world affairs with and how to help humanity. You get invited to places constantly. But you keep on sabotaging your own success. So you may not show up. You’re so good at playing cool, other people might not notice until you have one of your nervous breakdowns that inevitably happens once you realize you can’t fool yourself any longer.
You need to be in an area that socially supports you for your inner values, so you can rebalance your energies and fit into external matter. They do not have to agree with you or understand your inner worlds completely, but they have to have some sort of peace or understanding with that part of you, so you then feel comfortable risking them with your physical presence and building natural trust.
You have natural leadership skills, an independence, and when you truly trust yourself you take on the world, and also begin having great intimate relationships with other people as they begin to see the real you. You begin to know your audience more, and you can strive for a real connection with your audience. Instead of one that is based on banal, stereotypical phrases. You would do best to just practice being reasonably honest in the right context instead of using whiny, self-defeating speak. It’s just too obvious what you’re trying to do, and although cute, it just comes off as too shallow. If you need support, love and care- just be honest about it. You can already sense intuitively who can understand and who can’t. People actually love you more than you love others. You are loveable. You need to work on being loving. You are a giver though. Remember love is pain and hard and fire. Love isn’t being overly polite in social situations and acting like 70 year old grandpa all the time.
Find some way to feel comfortable with your physical body. You need to find *something* physically active you enjoy. But don’t overcompensate. You can sometimes take what people say and go too much in the other direction. Remember your natural strength is your ability to be complex and balance seemingly contradictory traits that are more difficult for others. Sometimes when people see you listen to their advice they may get overconfident because you yourself have the appearance of having it all together. Again you cannot go back to the self-destructive patterns of playing suck-up to authority.
If you want to win friends, remember that people love those little inside jokey quirks about people. You don’t always have to be so perfect and take the grand, abstract concepts people say about you to heart. Your inner world is so rich, you are afraid by opening it up in public you are going to get emotionally abused for it like what happened when you were a defenseless child. So you take on this kind of wise, grandmotherly approach where you can easily pretend you are ‘doing the right thing’ but in actuality you’re not doing much at all, or not the things that will help you and help you help the world. You can climb the corporate ladder quite well. But this might be dangerous if you haven’t sorted out other things yet. Just try not to take things too far, and remember life is a play by ear basis. Just because somebody is successful ‘in the real world’ does not mean their lives have gained true worth yet. Your achievements are going to give you a sense of self-confidence and a sense of personal pleasure, and probably a more realistic observation of how you relate to the world. But they’re not going to cure everything that’s wrong.
Because people like you a lot, when you do win something they’ll probably make a big fuss over it since you’re a fun whore underneath it all. What you really want is them to still love the raw you, the kid that still ‘can’t make it’ so let them understand that.
Ideally though, you kinda have to be true to yourself even if you understand the weaknesses and ‘shadow’ and all that. So even though you’re so self-aware, it’s okay sometimes to ‘splurge’ and get into a relationship that’s fucked up. We’re all fucked up.
You may have a hard time forgiving others for disrespecting you. Try to come in some terms with this the best way you know how. Practice your assertive skills and don’t lash back out as that’s not going to solve anything.
Your loyalty is incredibly powerful. Just use it wisely. If something is truly dead, learn to just let it go. You’ll find another amazing thing to latch onto. Your biggest challenge is trusting yourself and not letting other people define you. You have to understand that, if an accident was to happen realistically to whatever you’re holding onto- if it goes away from you, you’d panic until you learn how to trust yourself. That you’re loyal isn’t a bad thing. Just remember other things that are important too. You’re overly attached to labels. You are obsessed with calling yourself a 6, or an INFp, or an ‘epic gay male shaman.’ The self-titles you give yourself, and what other people give you are cute. But they are not you. You are true freedom. Six types that reach transcendence understand this. Your ultimate goal in life will be to truly empower/liberate a deserving group of people from prejudice. Because with all your combined strengths at their best, this is what it will turn out as. But don’t get over-confident with that. You should already realize that it’s just your best potential fulfilled.
Wearing beige/light gold is a color that tends to suit you very, very well. You may wear white and yellows and ‘blahs’ too much. Try to get over this.
My personal opinion: Stay away from enneagram type 2s. Hang out with 4s and other 6s. The variety types and peace-making types make great pals as well.
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