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Thread: ESIs-ISFjs and keeping in touch with friends

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    Default ESIs-ISFjs and keeping in touch with friends

    Are ISFjs bad at keeping in touch with friends? Or, maybe I should phrase it differently. If, for whatever reason, one falls out of touch with an ISFj, is it hard to get back into their circle of friends? Is proximity everything, or what?

    I had two best friends growing up who were both ESI, and one of them was even in my wedding and they've both disappeared. Being an introvert myself doesn't help things as I don't reach out much. But on the occasions that I have, I've received a lukewarm response. As if to say they've moved on and don't consider me a friend anymore OR that it would take more than just a "hey how are you" for them to open up to me now. Like I have to start all over again. I tend to think "once friends always friends" even if you don't live in the same city or go without talking for decades. Is that crazy? It could just be these two individuals but I'm wondering if it's type related. Any thoughts from ESIs or those who know them?
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    They both moved away? If so, that's why.

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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    They both moved away? If so, that's why.
    well, we all went our separate ways for college. but I mean for whatever reason, if you move or stop being in daily proximity, do ISFjs stop seeing you as a friend or what?

    For example: I haven't seen one of the aforementioned friends in, um, 15 years. I found him on facebook. He accepted my friend request and I've casually commented on a couple of things on his page without a single reply. I mean, we were friends for 10 years way back when and we even dated for awhile. I dunno, I just tend to be happy when I see old friends and want to find out what they've been up to. I don't need a long biography or anything, just a hey how are you would do. I... feel... snubbed. hmph.
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    And you were the one telling me to go and knock on the door of someone I haven't seen in years! I daren't even contact her online, though I'm convinced I'd get a positive response.

    It would be nice if friendships and acquaintances could just start again from where they were left, and the very least, it would be nice if previous interaction was acknowledged rather than shrugged off or ignored. But I can certainly appreciate from my own experience that other people might feel unable to invest a high amount of energy in a brief encounter - it might be too upsetting to the psyche or it may mean the individual fears 'wasting' time with trivial banter which may lead onto many awkward activities and then finally not seeing each other for another fifteen years.

    I think perhaps some people may well consider their friends to be everyone who is agreeable in their surrounding environment - if someone pops out for five years and then comes back, they might as well be a stranger.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Subterranean View Post
    And you were the one telling me to go and knock on the door of someone I haven't seen in years! I daren't even contact her online, though I'm convinced I'd get a positive response.

    It would be nice if friendships and acquaintances could just start again from where they were left, and the very least, it would be nice if previous interaction was acknowledged rather than shrugged off or ignored. But I can certainly appreciate from my own experience that other people might feel unable to invest a high amount of energy in a brief encounter - it might be too upsetting to the psyche or it may mean the individual fears 'wasting' time with trivial banter which may lead onto many awkward activities and then finally not seeing each other for another fifteen years.

    I think perhaps some people may well consider their friends to be everyone who is agreeable in their surrounding environment - if someone pops out for five years and then comes back, they might as well be a stranger.
    I dunno. why? why a stranger? why not just say hey, nice to see you! You don't have to write a big long dissertation on what you've been doing, just hello is fine. good grief. why would it be investing a high amount of energy in a brief encounter? to say "thanks" to a birthday wish on facebook? Especially if you have real history with the person. even if it was a long time ago. My goodness, you can't make old friends you can only make new ones. I just don't get it. And the appropriate response instead is to just ignore??

    btw, I'll bet you would get a positive response from that girl. Unless she's ISFj. hehehe (just kidding)
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hostage_Child View Post
    I think my mom is ESI and I have a friend who is ESI and know maybe a few more. They are very good at keeping in touch, IME, even with someone as horrible in that department as I am.
    Okay, well that's good to know. I was just wondering if it's type related or not. The other ESI friend who was in my wedding is similar to my first friend. She just kind of faded away and I haven't heard from her since (to be fair, I haven't contacted her much either....)
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    this thread is hilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrious....
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    I think ESIs are good at keeping in touch - I think the lukewarm reception is just the Fe/Fi difference. I'm always surprised by how much my old ESI friends 'hold on'. In contrast, I move through various stages of my life, picking up new friends, adjusting to a different 'life-pace'. I'll look up old people sometimes, but I'm ashamed to say it, it's not a priority and I often do it in a 'wow, wasn't it great back then?' sort of way. I won't try very hard to incorporate them into my life now unless they happen to 'fit' in well. I'm happy to save it for the warm past memories.

    But when meeting up with old friends, I'm very very warm, because I want them to know I remember our friendship and I'm still open to them. On the other hand ESIs seems to take it for granted that of course the friendship is still there and won't do anything 'more' to reassure me when we meet up. It can confuse me sometimes I admit.
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    Are ISFjs bad at keeping in touch with friends? Or, maybe I should phrase it differently. If, for whatever reason, one falls out of touch with an ISFj, is it hard to get back into their circle of friends? Is proximity everything, or what?

    I had two best friends growing up who were both ESI, and one of them was even in my wedding and they've both disappeared. Being an introvert myself doesn't help things as I don't reach out much. But on the occasions that I have, I've received a lukewarm response. As if to say they've moved on and don't consider me a friend anymore OR that it would take more than just a "hey how are you" for them to open up to me now. Like I have to start all over again. I tend to think "once friends always friends" even if you don't live in the same city or go without talking for decades. Is that crazy? It could just be these two individuals but I'm wondering if it's type related. Any thoughts from ESIs or those who know them?
    ESI are very good people, but keeping in touch has alot of factors, I think the easiest to keep in touch with is of course people in your quardra, i never have a problem to hesitaite to keep in touch with my beta friends, I think ESI do truly wants to keep in contacts with close friend more so than our Beta counter-part. It just other factor you ahve to consideed such as like introvert feeling or extrovert thinking that you might not be able to relate to an ESI, I blame Quardra differences, with also the chances that inter-Quardra relations just doesn;t understand each other in full, I have the same problem with ENTps.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I dunno. why? why a stranger? why not just say hey, nice to see you! You don't have to write a big long dissertation on what you've been doing, just hello is fine. good grief. why would it be investing a high amount of energy in a brief encounter? to say "thanks" to a birthday wish on facebook? Especially if you have real history with the person. even if it was a long time ago. My goodness, you can't make old friends you can only make new ones. I just don't get it. And the appropriate response instead is to just ignore??
    Well I just said all that because I didn't want to say that he is an asshole. Or on the bright side, he might have died.

    If he said "Hey, nice to hear from you", he would get a reply like "remind the good old times?" and he'd say "hmm, I guess...", and then you'd say "hey, let's meet up!" and then he might really be worried...things could really get out of hand at that stage, as you can imagine.

    Or if he was merely to say 'thanks'...he might think that was a wholly inadequate response, and therefore the logical thing to do would be to do absolutely nothing at all...anything to prevent him having to drink coffee with an old friend and all the possibilities that could ensue as a result.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana View Post
    they were still to me my friends. Time doesn't change that for me
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    [21:29] hitta: idealism is just the gap between the thought of death
    [21:29] hitta: and not dying
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    Quote Originally Posted by Subterranean View Post
    Well I just said all that because I didn't want to say that he is an asshole. Or on the bright side, he might have died.

    If he said "Hey, nice to hear from you", he would get a reply like "remind the good old times?" and he'd say "hmm, I guess...", and then you'd say "hey, let's meet up!" and then he might really be worried...things could really get out of hand at that stage, as you can imagine.

    Or if he was merely to say 'thanks'...he might think that was a wholly inadequate response, and therefore the logical thing to do would be to do absolutely nothing at all...anything to prevent him having to drink coffee with an old friend and all the possibilities that could ensue as a result.
    okay, you make a good point here. I'm going to drop it. I don't really care THAT much, I just found it odd, that's all. It's interesting how different people react. I'm not trying to insinuate in any way that all ISFjs are like him. obviously not. I just wondered if they're perhaps more stand-offish once a bunch of time has gone by. But I guess it depends on the individual and the relationship. Well and the other ISFj I knew really well kind of did the same thing. So that's how I started to think it could be type related.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I feel like I could be better at keeping in touch with people but I still think I do a decent job. Facebook helps a lot since I can just shoot most of my friends a quick message. As far as I am concerned as long as we did not end on a bad note in the friendship we are still friends and I would find it cool if someone contacted me again. It might be a little odd in the beginning but I am sure our friendship would soon revert back to what it was.
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

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    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    I think this is true. If I didn't want to continue a friendship I certainly wouldn't have gone out of my way to meet up with someone in the first place. Nothing else is necessary to "prove" it.
    is allie really an isfj or does she truly in her geart thinks shes an isfj?
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    I truly in my geart thinks I'm an isfj.
    *snickers*
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    [21:29] hitta: idealism is just the gap between the thought of death
    [21:29] hitta: and not dying
    .

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    alright we will be the coolest illusionary partners then, i was hoping to benefit you, you providing some TI, i baked you some cookies do the chores for you and etc, now you must listen to my stupid ENFj opinion and you will free yourself from me.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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