Type this email convo with my SO

[reckoner]

I'm still sort of in the dark over my type. Maybe y'all can glean something from this email exchange I had with my s.o. today. I'd be curious if anyone can get anything from this about either of us.

It actually starts from the bottom. So read from the bottom up. I know it's painfully boring. And sadly, yes, this is pretty much how we always communicate with each other.


From: Reckoner
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 3:30 PM
To: S.O.
Subject: RE:

I would be happy to. I'm surprised you haven't asked me yet. I would much rather go out for happy hour than this show, especially since it's a bit of drive down to Laguna Beach on a Friday evening. But if we can snag the tickets, I'd still like to go. Maybe it will stimulate some ideas for my project.



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From: S.O.
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 3:28 PM
To: Reckoner
Subject: RE:


I can’t wait to eat pizza. Well, we might have missed our chance tonight, so you’ll have to come to one of the upcoming happy hours or something…




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From: Reckoner
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 3:26 PM
To: S.O.
Subject: RE:



Yes you do. I know you do. You want me to meet your coworkers. I know that would make you happy. That's why I want to go. And who cares if we watch some stupid debate three hours late? I don't really care about it.

I'm still planning on going to gym after work. My anxiety is out of control right now - which is why I was being so wishy-washy on going out. BTW, I bought the pizza stuff on my lunch hour and brought it home, so we can cook that after the show.




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From: S.O.
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 3:23 PM
To: Reckoner
Subject: RE:

You’re so annoying. I really don’t. And now, we might not be able to go cuz I think the girl left before I could tell to get me tickets.




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From: Reckoner
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 3:21 PM
To: S.O.
Subject: RE:



Sounds good. I knew you wanted to go. I wish you'd just tell me that from the outset.


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From: S.O.
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 3:19 PM
To: Reckoner
Subject: RE:

YOU are so funny. See your email. You say you don’t want to go and you want to go. J Let’s just go. They all want to meet you, that is really the only reason.




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From: Reckoner
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 3:15 PM
To: S.O.
Subject: RE:



Lol. We are so funny.

I don't want to go. But, I won't be a grouch or anything if we go, I promise. If you would like to go (and it seems like you do), I think we should go together.

I know you just want me to be decisive. So, let's go. I want to go.




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From: S.O.
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 3:04 PM
To: Reckoner
Subject: RE:

I only want to go if you actually want to go. I am not trying to pressure you or anything.




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From: Reckoner
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 3:04 PM
To: S.O.
Subject: RE:



Sounds like you want to go. Let's go.




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From: S.O.
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 2:55 PM
To: Reckoner
Subject: RE:

I am really amped to watch the debates, but I suppose we could watch it late tonight.

I am actually thinking it might be cool to go. The people that are going are all nice (*S.O. names a bunch of generic coworkers), plus, it is a renowned dance troupe. So this would be a cool time to go. Let me know…




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From: Reckoner
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 2:53 PM
To: S.O.
Subject: RE:



Hmmmnnn...I really don't want to go, but at the same time I want to stay open to new experiences. I don't know. What do you think?




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From: S.O.
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 2:50 PM
To: Reckoner
Subject:

Just wanted to ask just in case you were interested. We got offered free tix to see this tonight (my coworker is a volunteer for the festival). I saw the Trey McIntyre Project perform in the Berkshires. They are pretty cool. I said we’d be watching the debates, but that I’d ask you (since they all want to meet you).

*referring to some modern dance performance

[munenori2]

lol, communication is so fun, isn't it? I take it you couldn't get the tickets then?

[Expat]

To me it sounds like two Alpha SFs needing - and not getting - Ne and Ti from each other. Also, I can imagine my SEI-ESE parents having had this kind of exchange at times.

[implied]

To me it sounds like two Alpha SFs needing - and not getting - Ne and Ti from each other. Also, I can imagine my SEI-ESE parents having had this kind of exchange at times.

why do you say that? you mean your SEI/ESE parents would be waiting for someone to say, "i want to go to x event. really. y event sucks and we shouldn't do that." and that be it? but the whole like, "i want to do whatever makes you happy at the moment," thing i understand as being alpha SF-ish.

[Expat]

why do you say that? you mean your SEI/ESE parents would be waiting for someone to say, "i want to go to x event. really. y event sucks and we shouldn't do that." and that be it? but the whole like, "i want to do whatever makes you happy at the moment," thing i understand as being alpha SF-ish.

They would not be doing that typically; if one of them did care a lot about going to x event, they would say it. But I have seen them getting stuck in this kind of dialogue when neither of them cared that much, although one cared more about it than the other.

[olduser]

my conversations with my significant other:

me: Sorry I couldn't make it.

her: You'll make it up to me.

[jessica129]

I miss having a boyfriend

[redbaron]

To me it sounds like two Alpha SFs needing - and not getting - Ne and Ti from each other. Also, I can imagine my SEI-ESE parents having had this kind of exchange at times.

yeah totally. Or even a convo between my ESE and me (IEI). We sound like this a lot actually. Usually it's me making the decision since he's just wanting to please. If I can tell that he really wants to do something, then I'll just straight out say yes. But if he's being wishy washy, then I'll say what I really think (which is also often wishy-washy).

[Satan]

Reading that conversation makes me cringe.

You both do the "If you want to", "Only if you're keen" kind of thing.

That whole "I know it would make you happy", "I won't be grouch" etc sounds kind of passive-aggressive to me. Like I find if someone's not "interested" and they do it anyway to "make you happy", then they're going to be like a lump, and then say it's not a problem and that they didn't want to go out anyway. And keep on bitching.

So it's better to shift. Do something else - If they don't want to do it, then they'll be vague, if they want to do it then they'll be straight.

And then to show more disinterest you start talking about your anxiety. And try to talk about pizza.

So you want a pizza date?

I don't know what that makes your type. But that indecisiveness would drive me crazy.

I kind of read through picking up key points, I got:

"New experiences", "Let's go", "I don't want to go", "I want to go". "I knew you wanted to go", "I know that would make you happy", "I would much rather".

Like you're aware that you're fussy, that you're not really that interested. Like you want to please him. And yet, he doesn't want to be pleased, that you're decisive but don't know where you stand. That you want to please, but you'll drag yourself down, in the process. And then you'll want to do something else instead, which he may might want to do. Then you can say how you did something you didn't want to do, so he should do the same!

BANG.

Dead,. I hate that shit.

[Satan]

I reckon that you should find someone else that can determine what you want, what you're interested in etc. And who won't start an invitation with "Just wanted to ask just in case you were interested".

I mean, let's see. How could he reword.

Hey,

My work mate just offered tickets to this really cool concert. I got you one, just in case you were keen, it's tonight, sorry about the short notice. My work mates would all love to meet you. It starts at 9:00, be ready by 8:30; and we can have a drink before hand.

Love,
Blah blah.


Or something to that effect. He didn't even say what time it is. He carried across his unsureness. My idea tried to carry an opt-out aswell, with two possible excuses: Short notice, and whether you were keen. So there was an apology for the short notice, and a taken ticket that would be wasted, if you weren't keen.

That means you can say: "I'm not keen", "It's too short notice", and write it off. Or you can join in. And then you won't get to see him if you don't join him.

So if you want to see him, you join him. If you don't really care, you don't, and live with the guilt-trippyness of wasting a ticket. (Which can probably be passed on to someone else)

[reckoner]

To explain my end of this conversation, I didn't want to stop her from enjoying this show if it was something that she really wanted to do, but I thought I made it clear to her that I didn't want to go. In a relationship sometimes you have to sacrifice your selfish interests to maintain smooth relations with your partner. I wanted to do this, but at the same time, I so loathed the thought of going to this show that I couldn't just decisively commit to it (immature, for sure). My initial response was, "I really don't want to go." If someone wrote that to me, I would completely drop the idea. She, however, pushed back and kept testing the idea - at which point I gave in and figured she must want to go to this show more than I want to stay home - why else risk pissing me off by trying to gain my grudging acceptance? I guess I just want people to be straight with me. When I really want to do something (or want someone to do something with me), I'm pretty clear about it...at least I think I am (ok, maybe this is a fib). I don't know, I just felt like I was in a no-win situation.