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Thread: ENFp cannot do casual relationships

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    Default ENFp cannot do casual relationships

    so heres the story, ive been seeing a girl for about three months now, great girl, and i fell head over heels for her after the first month of us dating. i'm not sure of her type, i would guess ESFJ probably. she just called it off and i'm heartbroken and i'm sitting in my house wondering why in the hell i did this to myself again. it seems that i just cannot learn how to be in a casual relationship with someone, its all or nothing, if i'm dating someone, i fall for her really fast every time. i don't hold back, over the years ive learned that we ENFP's can tend to be smothering in relationships, so i try to hold back my feelings at first but they still develop. i go crazy for people and always get a broken heart and dryer tear ducts out of it.

    is this normal for enfp's? do we tend to fall head over heels in love for someone really quickly, only to be heartbroken for a couple days and then go out and try to do it all over again? it seems so increadibly stupid to me but ive been doing it forever now and i doubt i could stop if i could.

    VENT WARNING!:
    anyways, im really confused and heartbroken over this girl and it sucks really bad and i hate the fact that i can't call her right now to talk to her. i miss her so bad and i just wish it would have worked out with her because i was crazy about her and it breaks my heart that she didnt feel the same about me. this sucks and i hate it and i hate the fact that more than likely in about 6 months i'll be going through all of this shit all over again because i just cant help it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by timeofurlife42 View Post
    VENT WARNING!:
    anyways, im really confused and heartbroken over this girl and it sucks really bad and i hate the fact that i can't call her right now to talk to her. i miss her so bad and i just wish it would have worked out with her because i was crazy about her and it breaks my heart that she didnt feel the same about me. this sucks and i hate it and i hate the fact that more than likely in about 6 months i'll be going through all of this shit all over again because i just cant help it.
    That feeling is the worst in the world.

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    Oh man, I feel you.

    Know that you can talk about w/e you want here re: what happened... I'm sorry that you're going through this... I've found, during break-ups--as weird as this might sound--music really helps.

    I've experienced what you describe twice in my life so far--two different, gut-wrenching break-ups. My only advice is to consider it a grieving process... Sit in and cry as long as you need to. (Personal tip: stay away from the needle hehe)

    Some ppl recommend seeking 'diversions' to get your mind off of her... In 2007, this advice led me into a rebound relationship that wasn't at all fair to the girl I pulled into it, or to the person I'd loved and lost... At the end of the summer I'd lost two good ppl, my self-respect, and never felt so low. So my advice there is: beware.

    If I am ENFp--and there's a large chance I am--I'm like you in that I don't hold back my feelings... Ever... This leads to intense relationships... And I wouldn't have it any other way... But when everything shatters, it REALLY shatters.

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    Quote Originally Posted by timeofurlife42 View Post
    so heres the story, ive been seeing a girl for about three months now, great girl, and i fell head over heels for her after the first month of us dating. i'm not sure of her type, i would guess ESFJ probably. she just called it off and i'm heartbroken and i'm sitting in my house wondering why in the hell i did this to myself again. it seems that i just cannot learn how to be in a casual relationship with someone, its all or nothing, if i'm dating someone, i fall for her really fast every time. i don't hold back, over the years ive learned that we ENFP's can tend to be smothering in relationships, so i try to hold back my feelings at first but they still develop. i go crazy for people and always get a broken heart and dryer tear ducts out of it.

    is this normal for enfp's? do we tend to fall head over heels in love for someone really quickly, only to be heartbroken for a couple days and then go out and try to do it all over again? it seems so increadibly stupid to me but ive been doing it forever now and i doubt i could stop if i could.

    VENT WARNING!:
    anyways, im really confused and heartbroken over this girl and it sucks really bad and i hate the fact that i can't call her right now to talk to her. i miss her so bad and i just wish it would have worked out with her because i was crazy about her and it breaks my heart that she didnt feel the same about me. this sucks and i hate it and i hate the fact that more than likely in about 6 months i'll be going through all of this shit all over again because i just cant help it.
    You sound really really needy. Stop it.

    Youve only been together 3 months, and youre already in love? Dude..enfps are also very picky about who they let into their lives. Paradoxical forces at work here.


    It comes down to controlling your emotions. Sure, you can feel strong emotions for someone, but theirs a time and a place for that.
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    I wish an ENFp would smother me.

    "His feeling that this world is not his Fatherland, and that it does not represent his proper condition, so to speak—his feeling that, basically, he 'comes from afar'—will remain a fundamental element which will not give rise to mystical escapism and spiritual weakness, but rather will enable him to minimise, to relativise, to refer to higher concepts of measure and limit, all that can seem important and definitive to others, starting with death itself, and will confer on him calm force and breadth of vision." — Julius Evola

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    You sound really really needy. Stop it.

    Youve only been together 3 months, and youre already in love? Dude..enfps are also very picky about who they let into their lives. Paradoxical forces at work here.


    It comes down to controlling your emotions. Sure, you can feel strong emotions for someone, but theirs a time and a place for that.
    IMO, Pirate, either you're ENFp and I'm not, or I'm ENFp and you're not... I've read your posts over these months, and we are not the same type.

    Essentially, you're telling him that his feelings are silly and to 'suck it up...' Do you think he really needs to hear that from you?

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    I would get destroyed when a relationship broke up, even if I did the breaking up, but I generally only felt that way for about 2 weeks. So my best advice is to wait two weeks and then meet other women. But go ahead and wallow in it for a couple of weeks. Listen to some sad songs, watch sad movies, talk to people about it, etc.
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    No offense is meant when I say this, but it's only three months. I know you can have extremely intense feelings for someone after only a month, but if I were in a relationship and someone started showing those sorts of feelings so early on, quite honestly, I'd run the other way. I'm not saying you're wrong for having them--that's just seems extremely fast. Personally, i'd feel like it was a little phoney and like he was trying to hard and it'd turn me off.

    Again, I'm not judging you for having those feelings because no doubt, they can come on that fast..but you just have to step back a second--take a deep breath and let things progress slower. I know for me, it'd be overwhelming having someone have such intense feelings after a few months. I dated someone two years and it took almost a year to grow enough courage to say the L-word. This is just how I like things to be in relationships. The slower, the better. Why rush things?

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    Quote Originally Posted by timeofurlife42 View Post
    so heres the story, ive been seeing a girl for about three months now, great girl, and i fell head over heels for her after the first month of us dating. i'm not sure of her type, i would guess ESFJ probably. she just called it off and i'm heartbroken and i'm sitting in my house wondering why in the hell i did this to myself again. it seems that i just cannot learn how to be in a casual relationship with someone, its all or nothing, if i'm dating someone, i fall for her really fast every time. i don't hold back, over the years ive learned that we ENFP's can tend to be smothering in relationships, so i try to hold back my feelings at first but they still develop. i go crazy for people and always get a broken heart and dryer tear ducts out of it.

    is this normal for enfp's? do we tend to fall head over heels in love for someone really quickly, only to be heartbroken for a couple days and then go out and try to do it all over again? it seems so increadibly stupid to me but ive been doing it forever now and i doubt i could stop if i could.

    VENT WARNING!:
    anyways, im really confused and heartbroken over this girl and it sucks really bad and i hate the fact that i can't call her right now to talk to her. i miss her so bad and i just wish it would have worked out with her because i was crazy about her and it breaks my heart that she didnt feel the same about me. this sucks and i hate it and i hate the fact that more than likely in about 6 months i'll be going through all of this shit all over again because i just cant help it.
    First of all, do not think that there is something wrong with you in having strong feelings about someone, or that you need to "surpress" them. The way I see it is that it's a gift to have strong feelings about anything, since it's almost impossible (idk, maybe someone has done it) to make yourself feel something from nothing... However, it's important to control and focus what you feel in order to for it to serve the higher purpose that it was given to you. From what you are saying, it seems like your feelings are living la vida loca . Have you thought about what it is that you need so much from the girls you date? Because you seem to have a lot of "need-love," rather than giving without wanting to receive... Maybe you should take a break from dating to first figure out what it is that you want from a girl or life in general, so you can have focus.

    Again, don't think your feelings are bad, but they seem to lack focus. This sounds like too simple a concept, but have you also considered that maybe these girls you've dated don't actually "need" or really can appreciate the qualities that you offer in a relationship? People who are not like you in what you feel might get spooked out about your feelings because they don't understand it... But you also have to keep in mind the other factors in determining who is right for you, not just the feeling part.

    I would recommend to not follow Socionics in that ISTps being a "dual" will compliment you in some way and help you with this. Actually, I would highly advise you to not get into close relationships with STs at this moment, because it will make it worse... I'm not telling you that they suck, just that before trying to tackle the difficulties involved you should be very tough emotionally.

    Unless you haven't done it yet, why don't you spend some time directing your feelings in other ways that are not "lover" type? as in showing the love to people who don't have it. Who knows, maybe that's what you should be doing right now instead? There are people out there that need the type of openness that you show and who will really appreciate it.

    Good luck

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    No offense is meant when I say this, but it's only three months. I know you can have extremely intense feelings for someone after only a month, but if I were in a relationship and someone started showing those sorts of feelings so early on, quite honestly, I'd run the other way. I'm not saying you're wrong for having them--that's just seems extremely fast. Personally, i'd feel like it was a little phoney and like he was trying to hard and it'd turn me off.

    Again, I'm not judging you for having those feelings because no doubt, they can come on that fast..but you just have to step back a second--take a deep breath and let things progress slower. I know for me, it'd be overwhelming having someone have such intense feelings after a few months. I dated someone two years and it took almost a year to grow enough courage to say the L-word. This is just how I like things to be in relationships. The slower, the better. Why rush things?
    I agree.

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    Quote Originally Posted by timeofurlife42 View Post
    so heres the story, ive been seeing a girl for about three months now, great girl, and i fell head over heels for her after the first month of us dating. i'm not sure of her type, i would guess ESFJ probably. she just called it off and i'm heartbroken and i'm sitting in my house wondering why in the hell i did this to myself again. it seems that i just cannot learn how to be in a casual relationship with someone, its all or nothing, if i'm dating someone, i fall for her really fast every time. i don't hold back, over the years ive learned that we ENFP's can tend to be smothering in relationships, so i try to hold back my feelings at first but they still develop. i go crazy for people and always get a broken heart and dryer tear ducts out of it.

    is this normal for enfp's? do we tend to fall head over heels in love for someone really quickly, only to be heartbroken for a couple days and then go out and try to do it all over again? it seems so increadibly stupid to me but ive been doing it forever now and i doubt i could stop if i could.

    VENT WARNING!:
    anyways, im really confused and heartbroken over this girl and it sucks really bad and i hate the fact that i can't call her right now to talk to her. i miss her so bad and i just wish it would have worked out with her because i was crazy about her and it breaks my heart that she didnt feel the same about me. this sucks and i hate it and i hate the fact that more than likely in about 6 months i'll be going through all of this shit all over again because i just cant help it.
    Dont be concerned with the relationships that fail...there is obviously something missing there from an interactive standpoint....just move on.... if she was ESFj she probably thought she was too good for you no different probably than an ENFp thinking he/she is too good for an ENTj i imagine. Dont know though...thats all i can comment for now.
    ENTP:wink:ALPHA

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    Not sure if this will help now, but maybe later you can think about it...

    The right person for you will be someone who responds positively to how quickly and strongly you become attached to them.

    The right person for you will be the person who responds positively to YOU, faults and all.

    Anyone else is just a stepping stone of life's (and love's) experiences.
    You can learn from these experiences...or not. That's your choice.

    But for now...let yourself experience it. You'll get through it as you've done before. And you'll probably go through it a few more times as well.

    And when that right person does come along, you'll finally be ready for them.

    and somewhere on this forum i have a humorous story about one of my interactions with trying on a relationship with an esfj. If you'd like, I can look it up for ya. At least it may give you a chuckle, heh.



    (note, i went ahead and looked for it just in case you wanted it sooner rather than later, if at all)http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...hip#post118150
    Last edited by anndelise; 09-22-2008 at 06:36 AM. Reason: added link
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    From what I can say is that I fall in love very easily...and just as easily fall out. After a breakup it usually takes a week or two and I'm with someone else or pursuing someone. Really makes you think if it was "love", most likely not and was just my imagination running wild.

    One way or another as JuJu said finding someone else just for the sake of it won't work probably... I'm in similar position (just I don't feel devastated, I perfectly understand why it didn't work out and accept it as it is) and I already messed around with other people. I already know its not the way to go as there's that guilt voice in the back of my head that is beating me up for it, but soon I will sort the mess out.

    I think what Sereno said is also a very good advice, one I want to follow, will see how it goes. Roaming around alone may not be as satisfying as being with someone but it gives you time to realize what you really want from a partner.

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    Oh now, let's see. Three months would seem like nothing to me now, at 38. I've been married 10 years and it doesn't feel like that long. LOL. But when I was 16 or 17, that would have been FOREVER. So, how old is the OP? I assumed quite young.
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    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu View Post
    IMO, Pirate, either you're ENFp and I'm not, or I'm ENFp and you're not... I've read your posts over these months, and we are not the same type.

    Essentially, you're telling him that his feelings are silly and to 'suck it up...' Do you think he really needs to hear that from you?
    If thats the case, you're not.

    Also, thats not what I told him. Re-read my post.

    Its also not an ENFP/whatever thing. Alot of bullshit I see around here doesn't really have anything to do with socionics(although its an easy scapegoat).

    ala 'OMG ENFPS LOVE TOO QUICK LOLZ IM DOOMED'


    Also, whats the point of your post? To say my advice is is unhelpful, while contributing nothing?


    the post wasn't for you in the first place
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    If thats the case, you're not.

    Also, thats not what I told him. Re-read my post.

    Its also not an ENFP/whatever thing. Alot of bullshit I see around here doesn't really have anything to do with socionics(although its an easy scapegoat).

    ala 'OMG ENFPS LOVE TOO QUICK LOLZ IM DOOMED'


    Also, whats the point of your post? To say my advice is is unhelpful, while contributing nothing?


    the post wasn't for you in the first place
    well, you did say:
    You sound really really needy. Stop it.

    Youve only been together 3 months, and youre already in love? Dude..enfps are also very picky about who they let into their lives. Paradoxical forces at work here.


    It comes down to controlling your emotions. Sure, you can feel strong emotions for someone, but theirs a time and a place for that.
    You tell him he sounds really really needy and to stop it. Stopping it could apply to sounding needy...in which case it sounds like you might be telling him he shouldn't vent those emotions...ala 'suck it up' and 'keep it to yourself'. Stopping it could also be applying to 'stop being so damned needy', in which case one could still see it as a possible suggest to 'suck it up'.

    As for the 3 month thing, surely an enfp would recognize that 3 months is plenty of time to develop an attachment to someone. An enfp would recognize that emotions aren't necessarily controlled before taking action on them. And that the pickiness of who they let into their lives is developed out of experience and learning about one's own priorities..and thus takes time to develop. Also that each person would develop it in his/her own way, and in varying amounts of time.

    And even the last part of your first response is suggesting that it all comes down to controlling the emotions...and for only letting the emotions out when the time/place is appropriate. To be quite honest, this not only supports the perception of 'suck it up' being said, but it also sounds like something a J type would advise an ExFp.

    Most common enfp responses are to point out silver linings, black linings, or other possibilities. It's probably very rare that an enfp would suggest to the person to stop being so ExFp-ish.



    I also think that JuJu was referencing more than just this thread. But, imo, this part should be in its own thread and not to hijack the OP's thread.

    It's also possible that the directness and seeming abruptness of the posts JuJu is referencing could just be that certain cues are being missed since this IS a written format and not one-on-one nor face-to-face. So maybe you aren't really being as direct, abrupt, or (possibly) rude as it might seem at first read.
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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    well, you did say:


    You tell him he sounds really really needy and to stop it. Stopping it could apply to sounding needy...in which case it sounds like you might be telling him he shouldn't vent those emotions...ala 'suck it up' and 'keep it to yourself'. Stopping it could also be applying to 'stop being so damned needy', in which case one could still see it as a possible suggest to 'suck it up'.

    As for the 3 month thing, surely an enfp would recognize that 3 months is plenty of time to develop an attachment to someone. An enfp would recognize that emotions aren't necessarily controlled before taking action on them. And that the pickiness of who they let into their lives is developed out of experience and learning about one's own priorities..and thus takes time to develop. Also that each person would develop it in his/her own way, and in varying amounts of time.

    And even the last part of your first response is suggesting that it all comes down to controlling the emotions...and for only letting the emotions out when the time/place is appropriate. To be quite honest, this not only supports the perception of 'suck it up' being said, but it also sounds like something a J type would advise an ExFp.

    Most common enfp responses are to point out silver linings, black linings, or other possibilities. It's probably very rare that an enfp would suggest to the person to stop being so ExFp-ish.



    I also think that JuJu was referencing more than just this thread. But, imo, this part should be in its own thread and not to hijack the OP's thread.

    It's also possible that the directness and seeming abruptness of the posts JuJu is referencing could just be that certain cues are being missed since this IS a written format and not one-on-one nor face-to-face. So maybe you aren't really being as direct, abrupt, or (possibly) rude as it might seem at first read.
    Thats EXACTLY what I was talking about in my last post. Im not telling him to stop being enfpish, his neediness has nothing to do with being an ENFP.

    SOCIONICS IS NOT A SCAPEGOAT.

    Also, we can argue back & forth..but I told him to stop being needy by controlling his emotions.

    So now, thats not 'sucking it up'. Controlling emotions is an art in itself, I dont think you quite understand it.

    And yes emotions aren't neccessarily controlled, but thats my advice on THIS particular situation.

    You assume alot.
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    You assume alot.
    yeah, all those 'seems' and 'maybes' and 'mights' and 'could bes' and 'it's possible thats' are just way too judgmental and linear, aren't they



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    screw you pirate man you've never even met me lol (also, just a note, but this is a socionics forum so i would assume lots of things get blamed on peoples types.. just a thought) no feelings hurt here tho, i did sounds pretty damn needy in that post, whatever tho, i felt that way when i posted it lol

    anyways, after a day of thinking about it i feel much better. thanks everyone for your support when it was given. anndelise that story was pretty funny i like it. i like your opinions too, lol, we think alike

    i still wonder about the reason i brought the issue up in the first place tho which is, do enfps, or just even just nf types in general, tend to fall for people quickly? i have noticed a pattern of this in myself. i tend to have really intense feelings from a relatively early point in a relationship, and then when the relationship ends the same thing happens, i get over it really quickly, usually within a day or two (just compare last nights post to this one if you dont believe me lol) anyways, i would apreciate thoughts or experiences or whatever on this topic since its one i'm kinda close to at the moment. maybe i just havent learned how to take things slow yet? i dont really know, anyways tho i've noticed a pattern of this type of thing within myself and wondered if its a trait of my personality type or whether its just my own issue.

    (another note, i took about a one and a half year break from dating to try to focus on other things, and i'm 21 years old, and i think that answers all the questions brought up to me).
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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    Not sure if this will help now, but maybe later you can think about it...

    The right person for you will be someone who responds positively to how quickly and strongly you become attached to them.

    The right person for you will be the person who responds positively to YOU, faults and all.

    Anyone else is just a stepping stone of life's (and love's) experiences.
    You can learn from these experiences...or not. That's your choice.

    But for now...let yourself experience it. You'll get through it as you've done before. And you'll probably go through it a few more times as well.

    And when that right person does come along, you'll finally be ready for them.
    I agree with this. Thanks, I needed a reminder.

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    "ENFps and falling",

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    Quote Originally Posted by timeofurlife42 View Post
    i still wonder about the reason i brought the issue up in the first place tho which is, do enfps, or just even just nf types in general, tend to fall for people quickly? i have noticed a pattern of this in myself. i tend to have really intense feelings from a relatively early point in a relationship, and then when the relationship ends the same thing happens, i get over it really quickly, usually within a day or two (just compare last nights post to this one if you dont believe me lol) anyways, i would apreciate thoughts or experiences or whatever on this topic since its one i'm kinda close to at the moment. maybe i just havent learned how to take things slow yet? i dont really know, anyways tho i've noticed a pattern of this type of thing within myself and wondered if its a trait of my personality type or whether its just my own issue.

    (another note, i took about a one and a half year break from dating to try to focus on other things, and i'm 21 years old, and i think that answers all the questions brought up to me).
    Hmmm, well, upon reading this I can say that I don't really identify to this type of feeling... Especially "getting over it quickly" within a day or two. My feelings toward people are generally stable and grounded, not saying yours aren't, but it's almost like I can't take back the feelings if they were serious. It takes a while for me to love someone, sometimes shorter than others, but it's something that stays... I can't say for how long though, but it lasts. Maybe your quickness to become enfatuated and then to get over the loss is what potential mates will find hurtful, and prefer not to get seriously involved... Well, I'm only basing this on what you have written, of course I don't know you, but it's based on the impression.

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    Quote Originally Posted by timeofurlife42 View Post
    i still wonder about the reason i brought the issue up in the first place tho which is, do enfps, or just even just nf types in general, tend to fall for people quickly? i have noticed a pattern of this in myself. i tend to have really intense feelings from a relatively early point in a relationship, and then when the relationship ends the same thing happens, i get over it really quickly, usually within a day or two (just compare last nights post to this one if you dont believe me lol) anyways, i would apreciate thoughts or experiences or whatever on this topic since its one i'm kinda close to at the moment. maybe i just havent learned how to take things slow yet? i dont really know, anyways tho i've noticed a pattern of this type of thing within myself and wondered if its a trait of my personality type or whether its just my own issue.

    (another note, i took about a one and a half year break from dating to try to focus on other things, and i'm 21 years old, and i think that answers all the questions brought up to me).
    fwiw, and I can't say that it's an enfp thing to do, because much of it could have been related to reaction to previous life circumstances, but for me....
    (note, summary-ish portion at the bottom, in case you want to skip the long post )

    Prior to my current relationship, the longest relationship I had been in was 9 months. That was my first serious relationship, which also began when I was 17yo. After that my next longest relationship was 6 months. Then I began averaging three months, and eventually...3 weeks.

    Now, I know that many people don't consider 3 months nor 3 weeks to actually be a relationship. But the fact of the matter is, on my end, it was a relationship. During that time I was relating to that one person, and only that one person, until such time as there was no more relating going on, and then the relationship would end.

    I never had gotten the hang of dating. As in, going out to the movies, dinner, walks, etc with a person, while doing so with another person. I did attempt that twice, not too long before my current relationship. I wasn't very successful nor good at it. And I always felt as if I was cheating on both of them. Even though they both knew about the other, and in the second case, actually knew the other person.

    I think it's called something like 'serial monogamy'. Where you move from one relationship to another to another. And this is pretty much what I did. I meet someone, start to get to know them, become attached to them as I'm getting to know them, we're relating, everything's going pretty good, etc, and then it starts to get boring being around them..because...well...I've reached a point where they are fairly predictable. Also, I think, life finally reasserts itself. Then we'd go our separate ways, and not too soon afterwards I'd meet someone else and the process would begin anew. Most of the time a friendship remained even after we went our separate ways, and usually even during the process of it. My thought was always "just because something deeper didn't work out, doesn't mean that the friendship aspect needs to be ruined". Usually that was reciprocated.

    I did take a few years off from relationships of any kind. I had some major issues that I needed to work on. During this time I also sat myself down to figure out what aspects of a person would be compatible with my own aspects? Which would compliment certain ones of mine, which would support certain ones of mine, which would actually counteract certain ones of mine (these of course were things to be avoided). When I began seeing people again, this list of traits helped me along, and helped me learn to end a relationship fairly quickly before the countering affects could do me much damage. This never meant that the person themselves were bad, only, not very good for me...and also that I might not be very good for them. This is probably around the time when relationships began lasting no more than 3 weeks, and eventually I got to the point where I could tell within 3 dates. By this time, one could say I was closer to dating than I'd ever been. But still, my attention, and emotions, were on one person, and one person only.

    Eventually I was seeing someone who I believe is SiTe. On his side it wasn't a relationship. On my side it sorta was. Heh. Being a pilot, he was often out of town. Perhaps that plus him being introverted helped it last quite a while, to the point where even now I still have a crush on him. Through his interactions with me, I came to learn that there are actually some good decent guys out there who really could accept some of my faults, perhaps not even notice them, and even better, have qualities that complimented the faults.

    A little while after that I met an SiXe. Our relationship lasted only a couple of months because we met just as he was preparing to move out of state. We were thrown into a loop because we were very compatible, but things had already been set into motion in other aspects of life. We eventually decided that it would be better for both of us if we just accepted the absence of the other. And in a couple of years we could re-evaluate the situation if we chose to. This was the time, and guy, when I learned that I actually wanted to live with someone again. That I was finally ready to take that risk with the right kind of person.

    My list of traits became tighter, tossing out the things that could be negotiated, and keeping only those things that were of high priority not only for my own mental/emotional wellbeing, but the other person's in dealing with me, as well. Heh.

    Just as I dispaired of ever finding a person that would match the list, I met someone to whom I was instantly attracted to. The relationship moved quickly. This was the second time when I had tried seeing multiple people, and those other two relationships ended within 2 weeks of meeting this person. By 3 weeks he was practically living with me, and by the end of the month he was completely moved in. We've been together for 4 years. Things aren't perfect, we do have some minor problems. But in 4 years we've only had a total of 3-4 arguments, and those were within the 1st 6 months. He fits each of the traits that I needed/wanted for a successful relationship. His Fe creative and Ti HA sometimes conflicts with my Fi creative and Te HA (he's SiFe) but we get through it.


    Summary-ish
    So what do I think of forming attachments quickly? Some people form them faster than others. Some slower than others. Nothing is wrong with either way. And the only person who needs to change this is the person who feels that they need to change it, not someone else telling them to change it, or to not be that way.

    You are who you are.
    The other person is who they is.
    Accept that, or move on.
    Eventually you'll find someone with whom you are compatible with.
    (as long as you continue to relate with others, at least)
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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