okay guys, help me type this guy I knew 20 years ago

[redbaron]

(darnit I just typed this whole thing out and lost it so here I go again):
I don't know him anymore but I know enough about him to help with narrowing a type.

He's always loved motorcycles and fast cars. He had a bike back in college and it was my first experience on a motorcycle (a love I've never shaken, but enough about me). He still has one today and I heard that he took a year off from his job to travel the US alone on the motorcycle. He doesn't mind spending a lot of time alone. When he was younger he constantly felt misunderstood by most people so he chose his friends carefully. The friends he did have were always loyal, fun and fairly close to him. He felt guilty for not adopting the religious beliefs of his parents and hides parts of his lifestyle from his mother even now. He doesn't like to be tied down, never married (he'll be 39 in a few days) but I think he's been living with someone for several years. not 100% sure about that. He has a heart for the less fortunate and social issues. He used to work in a prison, teaching English. I remember one time he left the dinner table rampaging against his mother for her racial prejudice (which WAS kinda bad but I was a guest so I just sat there, not sure what to to!). He plays the saxophone and can improvise like you wouldn't believe. He used to write the most amazing short stories too and almost applied for a creative writing master's program. He could draw really well and paint also. He was interested in my photography and jealous that I could play the piano. We used to drive out to the country and take black and white photos of old abandoned farmhouses. Seemed like he always had the ideas of what we were going to do (and really cool ideas) and he'd invite me along, it was constantly enjoyable. Oh and he loved to eat! We were always always going out to eat and his mother would give him tons of money so he'd pay for both of us. LOL

I was thinking ISTp. Does that sound right for him? But then I wondered about ISTj for a brief moment because our relationship was always very good. Only I think one of his best friends was ENFp.

[aka-kitsune]

I get a lot of in your description. Definitely Fi>Fe

Odd... I can actually map so many of those specific traits/descriptions with individuals I've been involved with over the years.

Maybe FiSe...? ESI?
Are you wedded to the idea that he's definitely an introvert?

[FDG]

Yes, ISTp seems very possible...

[redbaron]

I get a lot of in your description. Definitely Fi>Fe

Odd... I can actually map so many of those specific traits/descriptions with individuals I've been involved with over the years.

Maybe FiSe...? ESI?
Are you wedded to the idea that he's definitely an introvert?

I'm probably 85% sure he's an introvert. ESI, I hadn't even thought of that! I dunno why not....hmmmm

[jessica129]

That guy is cool.

[redbaron]

That guy is cool.

yeah I know it. I was so happy to be with him and actually really proud that he liked me!

[FDG]

I get a lot of in your description. Definitely Fi>Fe

Odd... I can actually map so many of those specific traits/descriptions with individuals I've been involved with over the years.

Maybe FiSe...? ESI?
Are you wedded to the idea that he's definitely an introvert?

I have thought about ESI being possible. What strike me as non-ESI was that "he doesn't like to be tied down", but that can have various different meanings.

[redbaron]

I have thought about ESI being possible. What strike me as non-ESI was that "he doesn't like to be tied down", but that can have various different meanings.

right. he always said he wouldn't get married until he was 40 years old and he'd never have kids. I kinda just thought he was saying that because he was only 19 at the time and, you know, 19 year olds will say stuff and then later find themselves doing exactly what they said they'd never do. But so far, he's stuck with his plan. lol

[Slacker]

I hear a lot of Si and Fi so I'd say ISTp. But there isn't much to go on. Could be ISFj too.

[jessica129]

yeah I know it. I was so happy to be with him and actually really proud that he liked me!

I secretely think IEI's and ISTP's are dualz.

[redbaron]

yeah okay. He's got a stocky build. Maybe 5'9" (which makes me slightly taller than him). Square jaw. Always walks with both hands in his pockets. Has a blank stare as his default expression. Won't smile for photos. He was very much "go with the flow" until something hit his sense of justice and then he'd get all upset. But that didn't happen very often. He was afraid of being disliked, judged for being different. Yet he enjoyed being different at the same time. He was always just ahead of the trends with music and clothes. He paid a fair bit of attention to how he dressed. I remember his mom would make him wear a suit on Easter Sunday. She'd take him to a nice department store and make him choose something. He looked totally dapper. I mean, he really could dress to kill. Now that I think about it, he paid a ton of attention to the things he was wearing.

[implied]

I have thought about ESI being possible. What strike me as non-ESI was that "he doesn't like to be tied down", but that can have various different meanings.

ESIs like to be tied down?

[Slacker]

ESIs like to be tied down?

The ones I know like to be in relationships, and that's how I'd define "tied down." But that's a generalization and wouldn't be true for all of them, so he certainly could be an ESI regardless.

[Slacker]

yeah okay. He's got a stocky build. Maybe 5'9" (which makes me slightly taller than him). Square jaw. Always walks with both hands in his pockets. Has a blank stare as his default expression. Won't smile for photos. He was very much "go with the flow" until something hit his sense of justice and then he'd get all upset. But that didn't happen very often. He was afraid of being disliked, judged for being different. Yet he enjoyed being different at the same time. He was always just ahead of the trends with music and clothes. He paid a fair bit of attention to how he dressed. I remember his mom would make him wear a suit on Easter Sunday. She'd take him to a nice department store and make him choose something. He looked totally dapper. I mean, he really could dress to kill. Now that I think about it, he paid a ton of attention to the things he was wearing.

The blank stare as default position sounds ISTp, but the interest in dressing nicely could be ISFj. It could be ISTp too but that's more Se than Si. Both types are strong in Si and Se and this person seems to be very strong in both, so that's hard. It would be helpful to hear examples that would show how he feels about Ne.

[FDG]

ESIs like to be tied down?

No, nobody "likes" to be tied down, but some types might be more willing than others to form permanent ties.

[implied]

The ones I know like to be in relationships, and that's how I'd define "tied down." But that's a generalization and wouldn't be true for all of them, so he certainly could be an ESI regardless.

to me, being in a relationship doesn't imply really being "tied down" though, unless your significant other is exceptionally demanding. i suppose i don't see a relationship as such. but yeah, perhaps you have a point.

No, nobody "likes" to be tied down, but some types might be more willing than others to form permanent ties.

forming permanent ties doesn't strike me as "being tied down" either. i don't know, every time i hear the phrase it almost totally seems like a negative way to say, "i'm not interested in relationships."

[FDG]

to me, being in a relationship doesn't imply really being "tied down" though, unless your significant other is exceptionally demanding. i suppose i don't see a relationship as such. but yeah, perhaps you have a point.

Yes, I agree, that's why I said that "being tied down" might have different interpretations

[redbaron]

I wouldn't say he's not interested in relationships! He's not interested taking on a traditional role as husband and/or father. He didn't like the stereotypical family unit I think. He would kind of wince when he'd see someone's baby or whatever. Too "cute" for him. But again, he was only 19 when I knew him. He wanted to be different than the people around him, have a different path in life. But I think he was living with a woman for years (don't know if he's still with her or not). And, I think he cheated on me and was really really guilty about it. (the ENFp told me about it later) Which is one reason why we haven't kept up the friendship. He was embarrassed and felt too badly about it.

[implied]

Yes, I agree, that's why I said that "being tied down" might have different interpretations

yeah, lol, but i guess when i hear it reminds me of dudes who refer to their wives as like, "the old ball and chain." or something. which seems just like not being happy with the relationship.

[redbaron]

The blank stare as default position sounds ISTp, but the interest in dressing nicely could be ISFj. It could be ISTp too but that's more Se than Si. Both types are strong in Si and Se and this person seems to be very strong in both, so that's hard. It would be helpful to hear examples that would show how he feels about Ne.

Ne. Hmm. Well, he got a kick out of the ENFp, for sure. We both did, that guy was great. Super nice, funny, expressive, up for anything. I could tell he would just stand there and laugh at the ENFp, found him so amusing. But he never seemed to be at a loss for ideas of places to go or things to do. He never asked me what I wanted to do (which was GREAT, I hate that question!), we just did what he decided. Maybe that makes him more Se than Si?

[Slacker]

I wouldn't say he's not interested in relationships! He's not interested taking on a traditional role as husband and/or father. He didn't like the stereotypical family unit I think. He would kind of wince when he'd see someone's baby or whatever. Too "cute" for him. But again, he was only 19 when I knew him. He wanted to be different than the people around him, have a different path in life. But I think he was living with a woman for years (don't know if he's still with her or not). And, I think he cheated on me and was really really guilty about it. (the ENFp told me about it later) Which is one reason why we haven't kept up the friendship. He was embarrassed and felt too badly about it.

I don't think ISFjs typically cheat, but again that's a huge generalization. And he was only 19 so he would have been pretty immature. And the ISFjs I know like the idea of marriage, but again that's a generalization and again he was only 19. So this might point away from ISFj but I don't think it's very strong evidence.

Which sounds more like him:

The individual is highly skeptical about ideas and opportunities that appear not to lead anywhere specific, and seeks assurance that new innovations will definitely bring material benefits. He prefers the kind of ideas and innovations that offer solutions to existing problems rather than the kind that have uncertain consequences and are likely to bring upheaval and unnecessary change.
The individual may tend to forcefully restrict other people's activities in areas he thinks they have no natural talent in. At the same time, he or she is prone to make errors when judging whether or not a person is capable of doing something.
The individual generally does not try hard to understand multiple viewpoints, but concentrates on developing only his own. He is not very good at intriguing others with his ideas, even when they have significant merit.
The individual dislikes it when people evaluate others' potential to engage in activities or develop skills in which they haven't had experience yet; above all he is uncomfortable with such discussions by other people regarding himself. He is inclined to be either over-skeptical of his own potential or going to the other extreme and overestimate his possibilities in specific areas on occasion.

OR:

The individual has great respect and admiration for people who are always pursuing something new and different and are not tied down to material things. He easily becomes attached to people who believe in his potential and praise him for his unique skills.
He rarely emphasizes his talents, unique experience, or singularity publicly, but prefers to seem like "your average guy" so that others can relate to him easily. However, he is more open about his unique attributes in close personal relationships. He is sensitive about his talents and uniqueness because so often uniqueness creates distance between people rather than closeness. He dreams of having his uniqueness recognized, welcomed, and fostered by a close group, but "just in case" avoids emphasizing his uniqueness and talents in new or large group situations.
Since he finds it difficult to identify what unique talents he has, this often results in a tendency to avoid setting long-term career goals.

[redbaron]

Which sounds more like him:

Quote:
The individual is highly skeptical about ideas and opportunities that appear not to lead anywhere specific, and seeks assurance that new innovations will definitely bring material benefits. maybe.
He prefers the kind of ideas and innovations that offer solutions to existing problems rather than the kind that have uncertain consequences and are likely to bring upheaval and unnecessary change.
The individual may tend to forcefully restrict other people's activities in areas he thinks they have no natural talent in. At the same time, he or she is prone to make errors when judging whether or not a person is capable of doing something.

The individual generally does not try hard to understand multiple viewpoints, but concentrates on developing only his own. He is not very good at intriguing others with his ideas, even when they have significant merit. Yes, sounds like him.

The individual dislikes it when people evaluate others' potential to engage in activities or develop skills in which they haven't had experience yet; above all he is uncomfortable with such discussions by other people regarding himself. He is inclined to be either over-skeptical of his own potential or going to the other extreme and overestimate his possibilities in specific areas on occasion. very much like him, I'd say.

OR:

Quote:
The individual has great respect and admiration for people who are always pursuing something new and different and are not tied down to material things. He easily becomes attached to people who believe in his potential and praise him for his unique skills. yes.

He rarely emphasizes his talents, unique experience, or singularity publicly, but prefers to seem like "your average guy" so that others can relate to him easily. No, I don't think he cares about how the general public views him. He only wants to relate to the people who matter to him.

However, he is more open about his unique attributes in close personal relationships. He is sensitive about his talents and uniqueness because so often uniqueness creates distance between people rather than closeness. He dreams of having his uniqueness recognized, welcomed, and fostered by a close group, but "just in case" avoids emphasizing his uniqueness and talents in new or large group situations.
Since he finds it difficult to identify what unique talents he has, this often results in a tendency to avoid setting long-term career goals. I don't know.I don't think this sounds like him.

[Slacker]

I would say that points to ISFj > ISTp. Everyone likes praise so I would disregard that issue.

[redbaron]

I would say that points to ISFj > ISTp. Everyone likes praise so I would disregard that issue.

I was thinking the same thing about everyone liking praise.

[aka-kitsune]

I wouldn't say he's not interested in relationships! He's not interested taking on a traditional role as husband and/or father. He didn't like the stereotypical family unit I think. He would kind of wince when he'd see someone's baby or whatever. Too "cute" for him. But again, he was only 19 when I knew him. He wanted to be different than the people around him, have a different path in life. But I think he was living with a woman for years (don't know if he's still with her or not). And, I think he cheated on me and was really really guilty about it. (the ENFp told me about it later) Which is one reason why we haven't kept up the friendship. He was embarrassed and felt too badly about it.

Well... I've also never been interested in the traditional role of wife/mother, and I'm IEI. There's a load of obligation and investment that goes along with both that I've never been willing to acquiesce to. Frankly, I'm more interested in my own personal development and don't want to sacrifice that in order to follow a traditional family role just because it's "what people do".

I wince at babies as well. And am skittish around kids. Always have. Too much fuss, IMO. Great, it's a young human, congrats for procreating. Yes, rather the antisocial response, but I just fail to see that as something extraordinary. It's not how I see myself, that is defined by a role rather than my individual qualities.

As young as 4 or 5, I never played with baby dolls and staunchly resisted the cultural stereotype of conditioning young girls to be mommies. I had toy cars and action figures. I'd actually cry if someone gave me a doll as a gift.

[redbaron]

Well... I've also never been interested in the traditional role of wife/mother, and I'm IEI. There's a load of obligation and investment that goes along with both that I've never been willing to acquiesce to. Frankly, I'm more interested in my own personal development and don't want to sacrifice that in order to follow a traditional family role just because it's "what people do".

I wince at babies as well. And am skittish around kids. Always have. Too much fuss, IMO. Great, it's a young human, congrats for procreating. Yes, rather the antisocial response, but I just fail to see that as something extraordinary. It's not how I see myself, that is defined by a role rather than my individual qualities.

As young as 4 or 5, I never played with baby dolls and staunchly resisted the cultural stereotype of conditioning young girls to be mommies. I had toy cars and action figures. I'd actually cry if someone gave me a doll as a gift.

Well it's good to know yourself and what you really want and/or don't want. And you're right, it's not necessarily a type-related thing. I was just throwing out things I remembered about him.

[aka-kitsune]

Well it's good to know yourself and what you really want and/or don't want. And you're right, it's not necessarily a type-related thing. I was just throwing out things I remembered about him.

Um... didn't mean to imply that what you wrote was irrelevant, just really resonated with the bit you posted about what he stated at age 19. People always used to assume I'd "grow out of it", or change my mind about wanting a family.

[redbaron]

Um... didn't mean to imply that what you wrote was irrelevant, just really resonated with the bit you posted about what he stated at age 19. People always used to assume I'd "grow out of it", or change my mind about wanting a family.

It's pretty interesting that you've always been that way and never grew out of it. Are you in your 20s or 30s now?

[aka-kitsune]

It's pretty interesting that you've always been that way and never grew out of it. Are you in your 20s or 30s now?

Um... 39, actually.

I'm sure you don't mean to imply that there's something inherently *wrong* with not "growing out of it" (although it might be I'm just quite sensitive to that reaction). That sounds like a suggestion that I'm immature because I just don't fall in line with everyone else and want the Wholesome American Dream of a husband and kids.

I think of it more that my path is different. Perhaps this "lifetime" is more about self-development. I also think it's better to know your own mind and motives than many people who seem to just accept blindly that marriage and family is just "what you do". I've found lots of folks don't think about their choices in too much depth.

[redbaron]

Um... 39, actually.

I'm sure you don't mean to imply that there's something inherently *wrong* with not "growing out of it" (although it might be I'm just quite sensitive to that reaction). That sounds like a suggestion that I'm immature because I just don't fall in line with everyone else and want the Wholesome American Dream of a husband and kids.

Of course there's nothing wrong with it!

I think of it more that my path is different. Perhaps this "lifetime" is more about self-development. I also think it's better to know your own mind and motives than many people who seem to just accept blindly that marriage and family is just "what you do". I've found lots of folks don't think about their choices in too much depth.

I admire the fact that you know this about yourself and feel free to take a different path. I agree with you that plenty of people just do what's expected of them without thinking it through. Which isn't great.

[redbaron]

So... GET THIS. I just FOUND this guy on facebook. haven't seen him since 1993 and I sent him a friend request and he accepted it! So now I guess I'm wondering if I'll try to talk to him, or what? Just make comments to his updates randomly? Facebook is so weird!! I mean, we were like great friends on and off for 8 years and then we dated for 6 months and went our separate ways. But that was sooooo long ago. Anyway. Interesting.

[Park]

So... GET THIS. I just FOUND this guy on facebook. haven't seen him since 1993 and I sent him a friend request and he accepted it! So now I guess I'm wondering if I'll try to talk to him, or what? Just make comments to his updates randomly? Facebook is so weird!! I mean, we were like great friends on and off for 8 years and then we dated for 6 months and went our separate ways. But that was sooooo long ago. Anyway. Interesting.

That's great. Talk to him.

And yeah, probably SLI.

[Khamelion]

I have thought about ESI being possible. What strike me as non-ESI was that "he doesn't like to be tied down", but that can have various different meanings.

i can imagine an esi would say that when imagining not wanting to be tied down to the wrong person specifically. especially a young one...and ever more likely if they have had mates that they don't find adequate for their needs.

this can be true of many types though...

[Khamelion]

picssssss =D

[aka-kitsune]

So... GET THIS. I just FOUND this guy on facebook. haven't seen him since 1993 and I sent him a friend request and he accepted it! So now I guess I'm wondering if I'll try to talk to him, or what? Just make comments to his updates randomly? Facebook is so weird!! I mean, we were like great friends on and off for 8 years and then we dated for 6 months and went our separate ways. But that was sooooo long ago. Anyway. Interesting.

Facebook IS weird...! Just this week, my bff from GRAMMAR school friended me. So odd. Really haven't talked to her much since high school when we kinda drifted apart.

But it does help me feel in touch with friends more. When they update of course... sometimes I feel more like "People!! Entertain me!!"