Yes, you are making a lot of sense here. First of all, I agree that with age, comes skill and balance. I also agree that a lot of anxiety can be overcome by having someone around understand and support you without being judged. I speculate that this is because we are being to hard on ourselves, and by accepting us the way we are, our mates show us that it is okay to accept ourselves, and the tension/anxiety goes away.
I also think it's very funny how you contrast procedures vs. political games, because political games always energize me, but when people start forcing procedures on me, I start feeling like I'm doing it all wrong and insecure, I stick strictly to the procedures and become quite unproductive. This is happening to me right now: in the past year management only gave me targets and goals and left it up to me how to accomplish them, and this gave me the space to do things the way I thought was best, and to take away a lot of the 'pain' for other people in the chaos we were in. But now I have a new manager who's job it is to streamline the department into one that applies
ITIL procedures. All of a sudden, I feel like my accomplishments are no longer appreciated and no longer can do good.
As to my own fears, deep inside, they basically come down to not doing my responsibilities because I'm afraid that I will be judged negatively, regardless of how well I perform. So to avoid criticism, I don't do my chores.
With regards to what I said about the relationship between SEI and ILE, of course, you can also learn and be helped by other types, one better than another. It sounded like black-and-white thinking, but this is obviously not how I meant it. I do not believe I'm ILE, still, my SEI gf helps me a great deal.
I like the way you put into words the most effective strategy for avoiding interpersonal stress: lowering your expectations of other people you don't feel comfortable about, stop putting energy in them and focus more on people you get along with naturally. I couldn't have said it more effectively myself