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Thread: ISTps and ESTjs: compartmentalizing feelings and "getting over it"

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    Default ISTps and ESTjs: compartmentalizing feelings and "getting over it"

    Consider this ability: to decide not to be sad about something, and then, almost as if miraculously, get over it really quickly. Is this a Delta ST thing?

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    wow. i'm definitely not delta ST then.
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    maybe. i can pretty much get over anything. even you songofasappho?
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    I've noticed this too...

    It's kind of amazing to me how Delta STs (ISTps in particular) seem to be able to compartmentalize their feelings, and then just move on... Their attitude seems to be: "well, that sucked but there's nothing I can do about it now, so... Time to do something else." (And then they do.) To me, it's admirable... I mean, I wish I could do it--I don't "get over it" for months and waste a lot of time.

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    Could you elaborate on what you mean by this? Because if you get over something so quickly, then it sounds like you were never really bothered in the first place.

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    Quote Originally Posted by songofsappho View Post
    Consider this ability: to decide not to be sad about something, and then, almost as if miraculously, get over it really quickly. Is this a Delta ST thing?
    It's an ability I don't possess.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu View Post
    I've noticed this too...
    Maybe you didn't notice LV's sarcasm. (Just maybe thou, cause it might not have been there at all, I ain't sure.)
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    It's kind of amazing to me how Delta STs (ISTps in particular) seem to be able to compartmentalize their feelings, and then just move on... Their attitude seems to be: "well, that sucked but there's nothing I can do about it now, so... Time to do something else."
    That's how I'd explain it. That's how it is for me, at least. Things bother me but I'm able to put it aside and move on with life especially if nothing productive will come out of worrying about said situation.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    maybe. i can pretty much get over anything. even you songofasappho?
    Pretty much anything, eh? Even me... yeah, I'm sure you could. It would take eight to ten days, though, as opposed to the usual seven

    Quote Originally Posted by JuJu View Post
    I've noticed this too...

    It's kind of amazing to me how Delta STs (ISTps in particular) seem to be able to compartmentalize their feelings, and then just move on... Their attitude seems to be: "well, that sucked but there's nothing I can do about it now, so... Time to do something else." (And then they do.) To me, it's admirable... I mean, I wish I could do it--I don't "get over it" for months and waste a lot of time.
    This is well-put. I like the term "compartmentalize" to describe the way I deal with feelings; that seems to fit.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    Could you elaborate on what you mean by this? Because if you get over something so quickly, then it sounds like you were never really bothered in the first place.
    It isn't that I was "never really bothered;" not at all. But I sort of... how can I explain it? It's like, certain feelings can be close to overwhelming to me... or, almost. But I am able to take it all in, really experiencing every ounce of whatever it is - the full, horrible weight of it - and then, once I have been through that period, which is short, it's almost as if I really do make the conscious choice to say, "Okay. Time to go ahead and do the next thing." And what's done is done; it's as simple as that.

    There are some caveats: if I don't feel like I understand whatever happened [as in, if I feel blind-sided], it can be harder to get past, but even then I don't dwell on the sadness as much as I overanalyze it.

    Thanks for this question, Cyclops. It was anticipation of this kind of response that made me really hesitate to post this in the first place; I’ve always been able to “get over” things quickly, but always felt almost embarrassed about it until recently when I was talking w my ESTj friend, who said she is the same way... which made me wonder whether it is a Delta ST thing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by songofsappho View Post
    Consider this ability: to decide not to be sad about something, and then, almost as if miraculously, get over it really quickly. Is this a Delta ST thing?
    Sounds about right...

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    Quote Originally Posted by songofsappho View Post
    It isn't that I was "never really bothered;" not at all. But I sort of... how can I explain it? It's like, certain feelings can be close to overwhelming to me... or, almost. But I am able to take it all in, really experiencing every ounce of whatever it is - the full, horrible weight of it - and then, once I have been through that period, which is short, it's almost as if I really do make the conscious choice to say, "Okay. Time to go ahead and do the next thing." And what's done is done; it's as simple as that.

    There are some caveats: if I don't feel like I understand whatever happened [as in, if I feel blind-sided], it can be harder to get past, but even then I don't dwell on the sadness as much as I overanalyze it.

    Thanks for this question, Cyclops. It was anticipation of this kind of response that made me really hesitate to post this in the first place; Ive always been able to get over things quickly, but always felt almost embarrassed about it until recently when I was talking w my ESTj friend, who said she is the same way... which made me wonder whether it is a Delta ST thing.
    No probs. I wasn't trying to put doubt into the question per se, fwiw. I think it's a valid question and I think it is only a short term fix in our own minds which comes from not fully understanding our emotions coupled with living in present.

    I guess what i'm getting at, is we can be so out of touch with our feelings, as SLI's. I've observed in SLI's that they don't realise their regrets fully, or understand what's bothering them when there is something to regret. Part of this is seeking, the idea that "what's for us won't go by us" and part is weak F. Often the case ISTp's don't realise what therefore is affecting them, which can lead them to depression.

    For my part I have had some regrets. Some things I have had to work to get over, like failed relationship were two of us lived together for some time, or a job which hasn't worked out as it should, after working hard to get there etc.

    Recognising how I work
    means knowing what I have to loose. Probably would be useful to all ISTp's in long term.

    And I think your overanalysing is your T trying to compensate for your weak F. In that situation bet you find it hard to come to a conclusion, because what is T rational when it comes to understanding feelings really?

    So like most things, it has it's good and not so good aspects.

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    I seem to get over *some* things pretty easily ...
    But in many cases, as Cyclops said, it later turns out that I just wasn't in touch with my feelings. Like I blocked them away in order to continue to deal with life as it goes by. There have been several experiences in my adult life that have made me feel like my ability to deal with deep, long-lasting emotions is somehow deficient.
    Grieving is the worst for me. Every now and then I get a wave of sadness over a person I've lost, but then it fades in anywhere from a few minutes to maybe a couple of hours, and afterwards I always feel like I'm not done yet - that sometime in the future I'll have to endure another episode. At such times I really envy people who can cry at the time of the cause - when my niece drowned, it took me months to be able to cry, no matter how many times I tried to tell myself it was OK to. The emotions that I reasoned I had stayed hidden for a long time, and even now years later I suspect I have traces left to deal with.
    Quote Originally Posted by Charles Bukowski
    We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.
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    Quote Originally Posted by iAnnAu View Post
    it later turns out that I just wasn't in touch with my feelings. Like I blocked them away in order to continue to deal with life as it goes by.
    I du dat somtimz.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
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    Quote Originally Posted by iAnnAu View Post
    I seem to get over *some* things pretty easily ...
    But in many cases, as Cyclops said, it later turns out that I just wasn't in touch with my feelings. Like I blocked them away in order to continue to deal with life as it goes by. There have been several experiences in my adult life that have made me feel like my ability to deal with deep, long-lasting emotions is somehow deficient.
    Grieving is the worst for me. Every now and then I get a wave of sadness over a person I've lost, but then it fades in anywhere from a few minutes to maybe a couple of hours, and afterwards I always feel like I'm not done yet - that sometime in the future I'll have to endure another episode. At such times I really envy people who can cry at the time of the cause - when my niece drowned, it took me months to be able to cry, no matter how many times I tried to tell myself it was OK to. The emotions that I reasoned I had stayed hidden for a long time, and even now years later I suspect I have traces left to deal with.
    That sounds exactly like me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post

    I guess what i'm getting at, is we can be so out of touch with our feelings, as SLI's. I've observed in SLI's that they don't realise their regrets fully, or understand what's bothering them when there is something to regret.
    This is what worries me.

    Quote Originally Posted by iAnnAu View Post
    I seem to get over *some* things pretty easily ...
    But in many cases, as Cyclops said, it later turns out that I just wasn't in touch with my feelings. Like I blocked them away in order to continue to deal with life as it goes by. There have been several experiences in my adult life that have made me feel like my ability to deal with deep, long-lasting emotions is somehow deficient.
    Grieving is the worst for me. Every now and then I get a wave of sadness over a person I've lost, but then it fades in anywhere from a few minutes to maybe a couple of hours, and afterwards I always feel like I'm not done yet - that sometime in the future I'll have to endure another episode. At such times I really envy people who can cry at the time of the cause - when my niece drowned, it took me months to be able to cry, no matter how many times I tried to tell myself it was OK to. The emotions that I reasoned I had stayed hidden for a long time, and even now years later I suspect I have traces left to deal with.
    Me too - I get "waves" of sadness the way you describe, every once in a while, and I have to stop and think to try to figure out what brought it on... I feel wierd writing about this, ha.

    ISTp's = emotionally crippled?

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    ISTp's are emotionally crippled. in form of friends or partner helps us face our problems

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    I'm afraid SLI's are emotionally crippled. Anyone ever notice a vague sense of unease that you can't quite put your finger on only to find out days later that it was such-and-such that was bothering you? This happens to me a lot. I'll feel 'off' for awhile and then have an Aha! moment and realize what was bothering me. That becomes a problem in relationships. I notice that happens a lot..I won't realize something was bothering me so much until it's too late and I explode. I was once told I needed to express my feeling as they came but that's impossible for me.

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    Being emotionally crippled has its ups and downs.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    I'm afraid SLI's are emotionally crippled. Anyone ever notice a vague sense of unease that you can't quite put your finger on only to find out days later that it was such-and-such that was bothering you? This happens to me a lot. I'll feel 'off' for awhile and then have an Aha! moment and realize what was bothering me. That becomes a problem in relationships. I notice that happens a lot..I won't realize something was bothering me so much until it's too late and I explode. I was once told I needed to express my feeling as they came but that's impossible for me.
    Yeah. It's like I'm trying to figure out my emotions from a logical standpoint, which is not natural. Sometimes I just feel like I'm grasping at straws to try to lay a reason on what I'm feeling, but the feeling erupts from some part of my past, so it's just a guessing game. Then some amount of time after the inner storm has passed, something clicks in my brain like my subconscious has been working on it in the background, and I get the sense that I've earned some small measure of closure to the matter. There's always still the vague uneasy sense that the reason was arrived at arbitrarily ...
    Quote Originally Posted by Charles Bukowski
    We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.
    SLI

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    I know a couple of ISTPs that walk around with pent up emotions that they cant seem to adress. One is married and his wife complains that the only person he really opens up to is his cousin to whom he is very close. His cousin doesnt even live in the same state. :S Theyve had a bumpy marriage and it hasnt even been that long. I dont know her type but I gave her Keirsey's test and she came out ENFJ. I dont think she is ENFJ though. I dont know what her type is really. Her personality seems neutral with no high points. She changes when around her family though and I think it may be that she expresses her true personality with them in her native tounge. Her ISTP husband is funny, terse and has coarse manners but he has a good heart. I feel bad for him because he has things he would like to express but its blocked. Interestingly, I find that he even suppress my emotions when Im around him. Even if I mentally reherse something to say to him, something else would come out.

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    Hm. This is an interesting discussion... I don't know.. most SLIs I know have a lot of baggage. Yeah, they push it aside, but it's still there. I'm not sure if they're aware of it or not, but it comes out all the time in the things they say or the ways they behave. In fact, that's probably how I notice them half of the time.
    IEE

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    This is... disturbing. Can you elaborate on this?
    Its not that bad really. I think it might be because we really dont have much in common. All the things I get excited about are just information to him and visa versa. He really likes his baseball and keeps track of all the players and their stats. Im not so much into it. Its fun to go to games though. So anyway, sometimes there's this dead air thing happening. I think the more time we spend together the more things we begin to see eye to eye on but for right now I only see him once in a while. But Ive also had similar experiences with other ISTPs who were not neccessarily focused on one thing so, I dont know really. Its a strange friendship for me.

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    Quote Originally Posted by songofsappho View Post
    Consider this ability: to decide not to be sad about something, and then, almost as if miraculously, get over it really quickly. Is this a Delta ST thing?
    I can do this relatively well. And it really is kind of a, "well, that is that and I can't change it, so there's no point in stressing about it." Not to say that I don't feel acute emotional pain, but I can deal with it quite quickly, sometimes within seconds.

    As a student, I find this ability invaluable. I know people who are emotional wrecks because they can't let go of the times they fucked up.
    SLI/ISTp -- Te subtype

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    Quote Originally Posted by force my hand View Post
    As a student, I find this ability invaluable. I know people who are emotional wrecks because they can't let go of the times they fucked up.
    yeah, i feel i'm quite good at not beating myself up over things like this (not making any claims to delta ST because i think it's unlikely, only that i relate with what you're talking about.) but yeah, isn't it sad to see the reverse?
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    Quote Originally Posted by implied View Post
    yeah, i feel i'm quite good at not beating myself up over things like this (not making any claims to delta ST because i think it's unlikely, only that i relate with what you're talking about.) but yeah, isn't it sad to see the reverse?
    Certainly painful when it's your more-intelligent-than-yourself friends who would do just that much better if they learned how to take an insignificant hit and move on.
    SLI/ISTp -- Te subtype

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    Quote Originally Posted by force my hand View Post
    Certainly painful when it's your more-intelligent-than-yourself friends who would do just that much better if they learned how to take an insignificant hit and move on.
    ah! yeah, i used to know a guy about like this. he still beats himself up over 2 C's he made through the course of his whole college career. otherwise, i think he's quite intelligent and competent, too, and it's weird how he lets that get him down.
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    Just keep moving forward.
    You do what you need to do to keep going.


    There's a lot of stuff about this in ESTj profiles. "Vomiting" negative relationships, and just avoiding them. I think ESTjs may deal with most things in a rather visceral way, to be honest - at least this is what I'm learning.

    Also, there is a description about how ESTjs are "courageous in love", and cannot love someone who does not love them. I relate to that as well - I feel like if it is just me, then it's some sort of a sham, and see no reason to further waste my time. The problem of course is the accuracy of when I can realize whether or not it is just me, or, what the other person feels about me.


    Also, delta STs are caregivers, and there's an inborn sense of "I don't need help", even though they do in their own way.


    Furthermore, letting emotions or relationship hangups influence you too much will affect productive capabilities, so it must be dealt with. Delta Sts don't feel "less pain" or anything like that, they just "deal with it". There seems to be some strength in the thought of "ok, well, what do I do now?". Whatever the situation is, basically just apply that, and you can find ways to deal.


    Getting burned a few times or haphazardly placing feelings or being unaware of feelings growing for someone wisens you up, and you get "careful". It's easy to see how an idealist is the dual.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Relations with its disappointed people Of shtirlits it vomits without any regret and tries hence about them not to think. Any reference about these people to it is extremely unpleasant. (when to it about them they resemble, it usually it puckers and it turns away.)
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...ead.php?t=5319
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    Just keep moving forward.
    You do what you need to do to keep going.


    There's a lot of stuff about this in ESTj profiles. "Vomiting" negative relationships, and just avoiding them. I think ESTjs may deal with most things in a rather visceral way, to be honest - at least this is what I'm learning.

    Also, there is a description about how ESTjs are "courageous in love", and cannot love someone who does not love them. I relate to that as well - I feel like if it is just me, then it's some sort of a sham, and see no reason to further waste my time. The problem of course is the accuracy of when I can realize whether or not it is just me, or, what the other person feels about me.
    This isn't what love really is!!! And it is NEVER a waste of time. Love is unconditional. You love someone when regardless of how they feel towards you, the feelings you have for that person do not go away. This does not mean that one should stand by and be abused by the person if he/she has a negative influence, but it has nothing to do with your desire for that person's well-being and growth.

    It is disturbingly WRONG to say that ESTjs or any "type" is defined by what is said in a "description" when it comes to love and the like!! This is devoid of Christian values at least. Please, don't let yourselves be manipulated with all this bullshit.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sereno View Post
    This isn't what love really is!!! And it is NEVER a waste of time. Love is unconditional. You love someone when regardless of how they feel towards you, the feelings you have for that person do not go away. This does not mean that one should stand by and be abused by the person if he/she has a negative influence, but it has nothing to do with your desire for that person's well-being and growth.

    It is disturbingly WRONG to say that ESTjs or any "type" is defined by what is said in a "description" when it comes to love and the like!! This is devoid of Christian values at least. Please, don't let yourselves be manipulated with all this bullshit.
    So that's what that part means! I was confused. I can love people who don't love me, and I can't love people who don't love me. There are four types of love, after all.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    So that's what that part means! I was confused. I can love people who don't love me, and I can't love people who don't love me. There are four types of love, after all.
    Caritas! (not "little faces" in Spanish though, but the Greek word) This makes me want to read C. S. Lewis' book, which I never have dedicated the time to do.

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    I can't tell if your post is a satire or joke, or not.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereno View Post
    This isn't what love really is!!! And it is NEVER a waste of time. Love is unconditional. You love someone when regardless of how they feel towards you, the feelings you have for that person do not go away. This does not mean that one should stand by and be abused by the person if he/she has a negative influence, but it has nothing to do with your desire for that person's well-being and growth.
    Do you understand that this thread and these recent threads are not comments about what "love" is, philosophically?

    It is disturbingly WRONG to say that ESTjs or any "type" is defined by what is said in a "description" when it comes to love and the like!! This is devoid of Christian values at least. Please, don't let yourselves be manipulated with all this bullshit.
    Why do you even mention Christian values? (That's what makes it seem like some sort of satire)
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    I can't tell if your post is a satire or joke, or not.
    I'm serious, no satire or joke, and I didn't mean it as an "attack" towards you, but rather towards a personality description that explains how each type "loves."

    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    Do you understand that this thread and these recent threads are not comments about what "love" is, philosophically?
    I know, but I am talking about the bolded parts.

    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    Why do you even mention Christian values? (That's what makes it seem like some sort of satire)
    I mention it because it's the truth, in that it's a fact. You can say that I'm appealing to those who are Christian here, as in following the teachings of Jesus. I'm sorry that it might have looked like a blew it out of proportion, but what I read just wasn't right. It wasn't an attack, It's actually something that worries me because to me it's completely wrong, and I would hate to see people believe in things like that.

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    For those who don't know, this is (some of) the material I was referencing:


    Their attraction to the opposite sex (?) is completely conscious and they don’t fear it. They pity those who try to hide it. They have more difficulty with feelings. The ESTjs feel the need for love, they want to be loved and be needed, but they don’t know how to write a poem out of their love. An ESTj man tries to attract the girl with kindness, services, gifts, but not with beautiful words about feelings. This torments him, it seems difficult, meaningless. Feelings are their passive and therefore vulnerable side. They cannot quickly fall in love, they fear to be deceived, to mistake their wishes for reality. If love contradicts logic, they reject it. This is one of those types that are considered courageous.
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...ight=infj+estj
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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