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Thread: SEIs-ISFps: what are you looking for in a relationship?

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    Default SEIs-ISFps: what are you looking for in a relationship?

    in a relationship?

    Also, ideally how would you want a relationship to start?

    What sort of pacing do you prefer? Really slow, spaced out interactions, or a faster ramp up?

    Do you typically know right away whether you're attracted to someone, and are you able to accurately gauge your feelings along the way, or is it some vague thing you're clueless about?
    ILE - Ti.

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    Quote Originally Posted by diljs View Post
    in a relationship?

    Also, ideally how would you want a relationship to start?

    What sort of pacing do you prefer? Really slow, spaced out interactions, or a faster ramp up?

    Do you typically know right away whether you're attracted to someone, and are you able to accurately gauge your feelings along the way, or is it some vague thing you're clueless about?
    depending on what answers you get how will that effect your everyday life?
    I will not aim for the head.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Darkstar View Post
    depending on what answers you get how will that effect your everyday life?
    This is Alpha, where it's all about conjecture and ideas and not worrying about practical application
    ILE - Ti.

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    Quote Originally Posted by diljs View Post
    in a relationship?

    Also, ideally how would you want a relationship to start?

    What sort of pacing do you prefer? Really slow, spaced out interactions, or a faster ramp up?

    Do you typically know right away whether you're attracted to someone, and are you able to accurately gauge your feelings along the way, or is it some vague thing you're clueless about?
    Well I guess I'll go first. I still never had dated though.

    For pacing I prefer to go really slow. I don't really know how to tell when I'm attracted to a guy. I prefer to be friends with them as first step and then see what happen from there. Like If end up just being friends or more. But I'm wierd for I will not want interest with him anymore if he ask me for sex (before marriage) a few times or pressure that. Hope good enough
    ISFP, SEI

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    Quote Originally Posted by taz View Post
    Well I guess I'll go first. I still never had dated though.

    For pacing I prefer to go really slow. I don't really know how to tell when I'm attracted to a guy. I prefer to be friends with them as first step and then see what happen from there. Like If end up just being friends or more. But I'm wierd for I will not want interest with him anymore if he ask me for sex (before marriage) a few times or pressure that. Hope good enough
    That sounds self-defeating.

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    yeah, kinda slow. makes it better.
    D-SEI 9w1

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    I don't like playing mind games or anything. I prefer it when all parties involved are upfront about their feelings and intentions and if it's a go, it's a go.
    I mean, I'm not saying I jump into things overnight... But I don't take things super slow at the beginning of a relationship. You know, like going on dates and stuff. It's more the serious stuff that I'd prefer to put off (sleeping over, saying I love you, talking about the future, etc).
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    As for pacing, I need fast in the beginning... I need someone to be able to get me to stop and steer my direction toward them. I feel like interactions of any kind should happen almost everyday, otherwise, I'll just assume he wasn't all that into me, and focus my attention onto something else and then I become very distracted and a very bad phone person. My energy toward someone is very very fleeting, as bad as that sounds, they need to seize the day, give some clue that they want me. Later on, when the relationship gets stronger and secure and more comfortable, interactions don't have to happen as often. Also, affection is a huge indicator that someone likes me, and a great way to keep me from being confused.

    Attraction... sometimes it's instant. Sometimes I have no idea how to feel about a person. Their being attracted to me, makes it a lot easier to be attracted to them too. Sometimes I'll stare at them or glance at them quickly over and over again, if I like them, trying to read their facial expression to see if they're having a good time and enjoying themselves. I become so focused on them, that I lose my sense of direction, personal items, and become very clumsy.

    It's nice if we did a lot of things spontaneously, have little sort of adventures together.. not go see a movie on every date, but be in a place where we could talk and walk around. I need someone to get me out of my comfort zone, be someone who can get me excited about the world with them, pull me out of bed and have breakfast together, at a restaurant we both have never been to before. A lot of times someone tells me that they want to do something, and I'll get so excited about it, then later it turns out that it never happens, this makes no sense to me. I also need someone I can act myself around. A lot of people think I come off as too weird or intense... I don't like being judged like that. Makes me feel like there is something wrong with me or they want me to change for them. But I also need someone to say it like it is and be direct, because it shows they care.

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    What do I want in a relationship? Gosh. Let me think? The simple things mostly. I mean, yeah, I definitely NEED stability, common sense, someone who can see through and look at a situation and know beyond what I'm saying/doing how I feel....but what else? Simple fun times together mostly. Sharing new experiences. Like, Locking yourself in a really well decorated room, with nice natural light (not too bright though), nice smells, exploring new music together, someone to give feedback, bounce things off, be inspired by....

    Someone who will "play" with me....make stuff in the kitchen, kick around at the beach. Bond, and frolic and be in that innocent form of love with, but still be serious about and committed to the relationship as well. Someone to hold me when I break. Someone I can make chicken soup for and watch TV reruns with when they are sick. Someone to throw the frisbee to the dogs with. That stuff mostly. I dunno how define it in one sentence? Oh and romance. MUST be romantic and thoughtful.

    Also, ideally how would you want a relationship to start?
    With no preconceptions on people's character, without fear of the future. All in.

    What sort of pacing do you prefer? Really slow, spaced out interactions, or a faster ramp up? Fast ramp-ups and excitement leading into quiet comfort, relaxation and understanding.

    Do you typically know right away whether you're attracted to someone, and are you able to accurately gauge your feelings along the way, or is it some vague thing you're clueless about? I'm typically very off or on. If I'm attracted it is there from the start and I'm head over heels, although sometimes I really don't think things through and I'm overcome with things that later turn out to be depressingly superficial when I'm after something deeper.


    Does any of this help?
    Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .



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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkcanary View Post
    As for pacing, I need fast in the beginning... I need someone to be able to get me to stop and steer my direction toward them. I feel like interactions of any kind should happen almost everyday, otherwise, I'll just assume he wasn't all that into me, and focus my attention onto something else and then I become very distracted and a very bad phone person. My energy toward someone is very very fleeting, as bad as that sounds, they need to seize the day, give some clue that they want me. Later on, when the relationship gets stronger and secure and more comfortable, interactions don't have to happen as often. Also, affection is a huge indicator that someone likes me, and a great way to keep me from being confused.
    Hmmm so I don't have to mess around with the bs "wait x days" rules with SEIs? Sounds like a pretty constant physical presence is pretty important, good to know. You don't get bored with people hanging around you all the time? What about the whole need for personal time?

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkcanary View Post
    Attraction... sometimes it's instant. Sometimes I have no idea how to feel about a person. Their being attracted to me, makes it a lot easier to be attracted to them too. Sometimes I'll stare at them or glance at them quickly over and over again, if I like them, trying to read their facial expression to see if they're having a good time and enjoying themselves. I become so focused on them, that I lose my sense of direction, personal items, and become very clumsy.
    That's interesting because I do the same sort of thing with the constant checking.

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkcanary View Post
    It's nice if we did a lot of things spontaneously, have little sort of adventures together.. not go see a movie on every date, but be in a place where we could talk and walk around. I need someone to get me out of my comfort zone, be someone who can get me excited about the world with them, pull me out of bed and have breakfast together, at a restaurant we both have never been to before. A lot of times someone tells me that they want to do something, and I'll get so excited about it, then later it turns out that it never happens, this makes no sense to me. I also need someone I can act myself around. A lot of people think I come off as too weird or intense... I don't like being judged like that. Makes me feel like there is something wrong with me or they want me to change for them. But I also need someone to say it like it is and be direct, because it shows they care.
    So basically avoid stereotypical date junk for the most part, I agree that stuff sucks
    ILE - Ti.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bee View Post
    What do I want in a relationship? Gosh. Let me think? The simple things mostly. I mean, yeah, I definitely NEED stability, common sense, someone who can see through and look at a situation and know beyond what I'm saying/doing how I feel....but what else? Simple fun times together mostly. Sharing new experiences. Like, Locking yourself in a really well decorated room, with nice natural light (not too bright though), nice smells, exploring new music together, someone to give feedback, bounce things off, be inspired by....
    That sounds pretty great.
    Quote Originally Posted by bee View Post
    Someone who will "play" with me....make stuff in the kitchen, kick around at the beach. Bond, and frolic and be in that innocent form of love with, but still be serious about and committed to the relationship as well. Someone to hold me when I break. Someone I can make chicken soup for and watch TV reruns with when they are sick. Someone to throw the frisbee to the dogs with. That stuff mostly. I dunno how define it in one sentence? Oh and romance. MUST be romantic and thoughtful.
    So you actually want for someone to take care of?
    Quote Originally Posted by bee View Post
    With no preconceptions on people's character, without fear of the future. All in.
    What sort of pacing do you prefer? Really slow, spaced out interactions, or a faster ramp up?
    Fast ramp-ups and excitement leading into quiet comfort, relaxation and understanding.
    Hmmm seems to a common theme here, lol
    Quote Originally Posted by bee View Post
    Do you typically know right away whether you're attracted to someone, and are you able to accurately gauge your feelings along the way, or is it some vague thing you're clueless about? I'm typically very off or on. If I'm attracted it is there from the start and I'm head over heels, although sometimes I really don't think things through and I'm overcome with things that later turn out to be depressingly superficial when I'm after something deeper.
    Quote Originally Posted by bee View Post
    Does any of this help?
    Yes its very helpful
    ILE - Ti.

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    Yeah I guess I do want for someone to care for. I must have "sucker" tatooed on my head. I kinda stupidly threw my last relationship away and some of the best times I ever had with him was when we were both ridiculously sick sitting on the couch covered in blankets with the dogs lounging on us, and I'd go get him a cup of tea, being the least sick one, and he'd give me those super-grateful omg thankyou eyes and then the memory would be there forever, for awesome instant-playback while commuting alone on the train, staring out at some landscape introspectively,or whatever. Yay for "the warm and fuzzies". I think I just derailed my own sentence.
    Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .



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    Quote Originally Posted by diljs View Post
    Hmmm so I don't have to mess around with the bs "wait x days" rules with SEIs? Sounds like a pretty constant physical presence is pretty important, good to know. You don't get bored with people hanging around you all the time? What about the whole need for personal time?
    Yeah, just the beginning part, then a need for some space after being more sure that there's a relationship going on. Need time for solitary hobbies.

    That's interesting because I do the same sort of thing with the constant checking.
    Really? That is interesting.

    So basically avoid stereotypical date junk for the most part, I agree that stuff sucks
    Yeah, I guess we get bored easily, so ILE must work out pretty well because they definitely aren't boring.

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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkcanary View Post
    Yeah, just the beginning part, then a need for some space after being more sure that there's a relationship going on. Need time for solitary hobbies.
    So ideally the time SEI wants to take a break for alone time would coincide with when ILE freaks out and question whether he wants to be involved for a few days. Then when that's over ILE returns to SEI, more fun, then the cycle repeats?
    Yeah, I guess we get bored easily, so ILE must work out pretty well because they definitely aren't boring.
    If you say so, do the rest of you ILEs see yourselves as interesting?
    ILE - Ti.

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    yes I find you very interesting diljs.
    D-SEI 9w1

    This is me and my dual being scientific together

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    Quote Originally Posted by diljs View Post
    So ideally the time SEI wants to take a break for alone time would coincide with when ILE freaks out and question whether he wants to be involved for a few days. Then when that's over ILE returns to SEI, more fun, then the cycle repeats?


    If you say so, do the rest of you ILEs see yourselves as interesting?
    Yeah, I guess so. lol. It's funny because I think the SEI also freaks out about continuing the relationship too. Like on my side of this world, I don't see any ILEs around me, and if ever I should come across one, they seem so different at first glance, and I won't even approach them. So I think perhaps SEI who doesn't know about socionics, or doesn't believe in duality might have a history of failed relationships, and will probably freak out after meeting ILE because it'll be sooo perfect, and won't be able to believe it, but would later come to realize how truly wonderful they are, and yeah, cycle would repeat? Doesn't ILE need alone time often too?

    and yes, you guys are not boring! Extremely interesting really!

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    "are not boring! Extremely interesting really"

    "after meeting ILE because it'll be sooo perfect, and won't be able to believe it, but would later come to realize how truly wonderful they are"

    So much pressure!I'd rather hear you say you liked ILE's because they are so dull, grey and strange, and say things that doesn't make sense sometimes. Koki husamaani nohaaaam!
    I will not aim for the head.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bee View Post


    Yeah I guess I do want for someone to care for. I must have "sucker" tatooed on my head. I kinda stupidly threw my last relationship away and some of the best times I ever had with him was when we were both ridiculously sick sitting on the couch covered in blankets with the dogs lounging on us, and I'd go get him a cup of tea, being the least sick one, and he'd give me those super-grateful omg thankyou eyes and then the memory would be there forever, for awesome instant-playback while commuting alone on the train, staring out at some landscape introspectively,or whatever. Yay for "the warm and fuzzies". I think I just derailed my own sentence.
    I THINK I'M GOING TO BARF NOW.

    What I don't get is this whole "sickness act" thing where people kind of "want" to be sick. Like it gratifys them. Mind you when I'm "sick" I'm cranky as fuck. And kind of demanding.

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    Anyway, onto more relevant tangents. There were a couple of people that I had this "strange" idea that they were ISFp's at some stage. It wasn't really logical - it was just this "idea".

    Anyway, both of them .. seemed to have this same kind of nervous stomach affliction at times .. where they seemed slightly sick.

    And it's like they were muted to a degree. Kind of like they didn't want to have to try and deal with things.

    So anyway - when people are "sick" they often seem to have different areas of their body that they are sick to me. And these two seemed to get sick quite low down . .just below their stomach kind of. Like they were suppressing their base emotions or something.

    Anyway, that brings me to people who tend to "vomit" when they're sick. I often seem to think that they "vomit" on demand. Like they want to be sick. Like they can't cope so they vomit. Or they can't act rationally or something.

    So I was thinking .. smoe people when they're sick .. they like to have lower stress .. they like to not have too much "drama" .. etc .. around them. It's like they want to .. lie low .. take it easy...

    But some people .. they latch onto anything or everything. They're sick. They have a stomach bug. They must have eaten something bad. They can't swallow etc .. all those other kind of sickness affiliations.

    So I was thinking .. some .. less active people they like to say that they're sick. That they're tired. That they're cold etc. As an excuse to not being up to .. doing things etc.

    Like they feel sick so they cant' do things. They feel sick so they have to "tend" to ... their . .. "self-induced psychosis".

    And a lot of these ideas or notions of sickness. THEY REALLY DO SEEM MAKE BELIEVE TO ME. IT'S LIKE BANG, IT's A FUCKING EXCUSE. IT'S A LIE, IT'S A TRICK.

    So then I got to thinking some more. And a lot of these liars .. they start sitting around .. with each other .. and bulid this kind of toxic sickness .. or deprivation environment.

    They kind of "compare" their "inabilities" .. their "limitations" ... how "unable" they are. . and they trade "secrets" on how to "get" things without putting in "hard work".

    So it's like they don't want to fucknig do anything. They just want to see if they can just say they're sick, and get special treatment!

    Now tell me what do you think! Do you think ISFp's like to be lazy? Do you think they're good at it?

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    Can't you see I'm busy sitting on the couch on stickam with a headcold here Merky?!?!!?

    *evil eyes*

    Actually, I'm seriously doing just that. Huh.

    Also I can't stop looking at your avatar. It's like staring at the sun. You know you should look away, but you're just so damn curious...
    Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .



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    Quote Originally Posted by Kamangir View Post
    yes I find you very interesting diljs.
    <3, although you're a dude so I guess...

    Quote Originally Posted by Darkstar View Post
    So much pressure!I'd rather hear you say you liked ILE's because they are so dull, grey and strange, and say things that doesn't make sense sometimes. Koki husamaani nohaaaam!
    IK,R? (I know, right? ) mooby gooooooby ranb!?

    I guess an SEI would find it amazingly interesting the way I stumbled out of bed today, halfway cooked and managed to eat some breakfast, came into work and sat around for half an hour before trying to call some people who don't want to buy my services or don't have money, and then screwed around at fine websites such as this one while dreaming of being on the road doing something awesome with a sexy caregiver.

    Maybe SEIs just want to feel wanted and needed to provide care and that's interesting?
    ILE - Ti.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bee View Post
    Can't you see I'm busy sitting on the couch on stickam with a headcold here Merky?!?!!?
    I CAN'T SEE YOU.

    *evil eyes*
    YOU HAVE EYES.

    Actually, I'm seriously doing just that. Huh.
    WELL DO SOMETHING ELSE THEN.

    Also I can't stop looking at your avatar. It's like staring at the sun. You know you should look away, but you're just so damn curious...
    SEND ME A PIC OF YOU DOING THE SAME AND I'LL REPLACE IT.

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    boo sex sucks. i hate the idea of it.
    D-SEI 9w1

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    Sex gets me into trouble :'(
    Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .



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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    That sounds self-defeating.
    yeah. I just typed it quick and not really thinking, I aint good with guys. I just so far notice I tend to get attention from guys that are short, controlling, bossy/rude, and care too much about there looks and body (especially the hair, lol). Sex is stupid
    ISFP, SEI

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    Quote Originally Posted by ephemeros View Post
    hahahah...
    off-topic: you know, my gf asked me "what's the type of those who behave bossy with me, in a negative matter?". in fact her first bf was short, bossy and was using hair-jell, a think she hates and interdicted. i believe you.

    you consider sex stupid because you haven't had a relationship, yet.
    I know alot the guys have issuse if they threw a tempertantrun if I just try to touch there hair, lol. I typed them ISTX. True I haven't had sex yet nor had a b/f .

    I know sex as hollywood display is different from real life . I'm thinking the idea more of people having sex for pleasure/entertainment before marriage. But my reasons more personal. As I am one of the examples from result of my parents having sex for fun, and one of the things I have to deal with thoughts on and off in my life of having no idea who my real dad is nor his family (even though it his choice, and have no contact with him nor his family even know I exist), and why he doesn't care about me.
    Im just thankful my mom love me enough to not kill me nor my sister (who not alive anymore) and have a step dad who doing better with anger issues. I know, alot of the similar situation worked out and alot of them chose to abort there child and go on doing the same thing.
    ISFP, SEI

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    ephemeros, I am:

    1. a man.
    2. I was kidding about the sex thing. I already have my idealized image about it, no worried.
    D-SEI 9w1

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    what's so funny, because I have dreams or I'm a guy?
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    Your DNA is mine. Mediator Kam's Avatar
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    spanking it.

    poor man.

    anyway, no problem i get the woman thing a lot.
    D-SEI 9w1

    This is me and my dual being scientific together

  35. #35
    Creepy-Pied Piper

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  36. #36
    <something> Wynch's Avatar
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    Uhhh...Why would an ESE write a speech for a Catholic Church...where themes usually revolve around fire and brimstone and making people feel bad about not being INFj?
    ILE
    7w8 so/sp

    Very busy with work. Only kind of around.

  37. #37
    Your DNA is mine. Mediator Kam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mn0good View Post
    Uhhh...Why would an ESE write a speech for a Catholic Church...where themes usually revolve around fire and brimstone and making people feel bad about not being INFj?
    Because you can be any type and be religious.

    I am looking for someone who is supportive and doesn't sit around and pick on my flaws.
    D-SEI 9w1

    This is me and my dual being scientific together

  38. #38
    Creepy-Pied Piper

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    Quote Originally Posted by ephemeros View Post
    well that's pretty bad .
    could SEI females make a constant behavior from a reaction to some injustice(s) made to them in the childhood? for example my SEI gf is a grim enemy to the religion because her (like her father) was an atheist living in a part of the country where the church, exorcisms, beliefs, etc have a high role. firstly, she was beaten by the teacher in the first classes because she didn't know the ten commandments by heart. later, when she developed some principles, she realized the church requirement for obedience is an assault to her freedom then generalized the hate against all enforcing religions and systems (muslim, for example, but not buddhism). as a result, she even enjoys the idea of "blasphemy" .
    I don't know the answer to the question, I am little more cautious around quiet/serious guys cause most of the guys in my step dad family quite serious and controling toward people (especialy there family and as put you down if they don't like your opinion) or there the youngest of the nine brothers and sisters and was spoiled. I think that just how there raise (or culture thing) cause there friends even act like that too. and half the people at my old high school act like that and most of that group from Mexico. I guess they like the challenge from a talkative/stern woman but without the emotional drama, lol. And I'm an avoider and can easily cry : ) .

    little off topic:
    When playing sports I love to get attention from guys that I feel comfterable with by knocking them down or tripping them (not hard) hoping they get me back, lol. Or try to compete with them in weightlifting even though I have no chance, but not that far off. I wounder if that could be an SEI thing or just me?



    I say for the religion thing that harsh of the people to beat her and should just let her learn if she wanted to, what country that in?
    Last edited by taz; 09-15-2008 at 06:59 AM.
    ISFP, SEI

  40. #40
    Creepy-Pied Piper

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