Warning: LONG POST.
1. Three female fictional characters I have always identified with strongly are Teresa from Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being and Anna from Tolstoy's Anna Karenina and Jane from Bronte's Jane Eyre. All three were pivotal books for me. Nevertheless, this identification is not complete. Both characters resonate deeply with me, but what is ultimately lacking is that I cannot always identify with the decisions they make. Anna for instance, to me, could not expect forgiveness, for she acted against her better judgement and on a whim. That doesn't mean I believe she should be punished or condemned, but there had to be consequences for her action, because she knew she would hurt numerous people and yet did it anyway.
2. I have a strong sense of appropriateness, but one which I think is borne out of consideration for other people and not because I have been taught 'thou shalt behave this way'. I've always been sensitive to the way people express themselves; the way the same sentiment can be harmless or destructive, depending on the way in which it is expressed. I take a great deal of care not to hurt other people and to express myself as diplomatically as possible.
3. As I expressed in another thread, the three qualities I like most about myself are optimism, adaptability and my communication skills. The qualities I don't always like about myself are that I can often come off as aloof, that I often hold myself back from acting on my impulses and then regret the missed opportunities, that even though I seek to not hurt people through my behaviour, often I hurt them inadvertently because I am not as emotionally invested in them as they are in me. I cannot 'fake' that; I can only be sorry for my inability to reciprocate.
4. Although idolatrie and I were convinced of my 'irrationality', I am actually quite a controlled personality. I can be spontaneous, unpredictable and do and say shockingly unexpected things, but I am very rarely impulsive. Most of my actions are planned in some way. When I withdraw into myself if I feel I'm being 'attacked' in some way, I am not shutting down to protect myself, but rather pulling back so as to assess my options for action. Unless my head is clear, I will usually not act because I am too aware of the possibility of bad and regrettable outcomes. This awareness of possible consequences holds me back from doing a lot of things that I might want to do, such as insult people, approach people I find interesting or throw things and misbehave generally.
5. My favourite theorist is Michel Foucault, whose methodology and philosophy has deeply influenced my own approach to analysing political problems. I think I have a strong identification with Foucault - all my lecturers have commented my uncanny knack for understanding and being able to explain Foucault's theorising, especially as a lot of my peers have often found him influential but alien and difficult to access.
6. Idolatrie and I have, since high school, had long lively discussions about power. POWER and its theorisation and manifestations is something which has long fascinated us. Even my current areas of study reflect that. It's less of an obsession with having power, but more of a concern with the existence and permeation of power, which colours the relations between people, institutions and nations.
7. I hate being told what to do by someone who makes it seem that is my only option and I have no choice in it. It frustrates me. Even if I have already decided on that course of action, I will deliberately rebel or sulk and hold off from doing it, simply because it thoroughly irritates me. I often know I am not acting rationally then, but something in me just simply RESISTS. And I have to let that feeling subside first, before acting.
8. I always say I want to 'fly free'. What I really mean is that I want 'wide horizons'. I don't want to be limited in any sense, I want to feel as though the breadth of the world is open to me. The distinction I make with flying free is that I need an ultimate destination, somewhere I am going, or somewhere I can return. I say 'oh, let's just wander, why plan everything?' but I only mean 'let's wander for NOW', knowing in my head exactly where we're going to be once that wandering if over.
9. I have a tendency to 'take over' when I think someone is doing something badly or incompetently. I try to explain what's going wrong, but because I don't want to insult them too much, if they don't really understand immediately, I will 'teach by showing'. In that sense, I can be quite controlling, I suppose, though I've never thought of it that way. I have very high standards and people always call me a perfectionist. Whenever I join a student organisation, the first thing I need to know is what our 'purpose' is to really contribute. What are we trying to achieve/do?
My Relationship with Idolatrie:
We've been best friends since we were 14 (so 7 years now, I guess). We originally thought our relationship was activity, but it might be duality. I don't know. I tell her everything. I share every aspect of my life with her. No one knows me like she does. She's the only person I really show all vulnerabilities to - no other relationship has yet reached that point, unfortunately. In senior year of high school, I was really emotionally messed up inside and I feel that our friendship was the only thing that got me through it. Whenever I'm stressed or in a panic or about to breakdown, she's the first person I turn to. What I like about her is her firmness, her concreteness. She very much keeps me grounded. I tell her how things are going to happen; she makes them happen. I often say 'we should do this' but then I hesitate - she will promptly act and I can follow her into action, relieved.
Questions about EIE/Fe-Leading: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...ad.php?t=20976
Hating the Enneagram 3: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...ad.php?t=20847