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Thread: mama's boys

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    Default mama's boys

    A critical period in a man's development is that time between the ages of 10 and 14 when a boy's identity becomes firmly established as male. Prior to that time, a boy thrives in the secure, nourishing environment of his mother. Here, as a boy, he is safe to practice manly behaviors. Then, through identification with the father (or significant male role model) the essence of masculinity is allowed to flow to the boy. If this identification process is not made, a young man's essential identity remains either connected with his mother or becomes confused.

    What does it mean for a man if this identification process doesn't take place, if he stays in the sphere of influence of first his mother and then other women in his life?

    It basically means that a man will be dependent on women for his "power." This can look like either a soft male who has learned to behave in a way that pleases women and therefore receives their approval. Or it can result in behaviors which push against women, even to the extent of abusive or violent behaviors. Either form of behavior reflects a deep sense of inadequacy in the man. Although any one man may predominately show one or the other of these patterns of behavior (chronically pleasing women or pushing against them), it is not unusual for a man to move from one to the other.

    Please remember here that the term "Mama's Boy" is not derogatory. It is not an epitaph thrown out to indicate that someone is less than a man. It is simply a descriptive term for a man who remains in the sphere of influence of his mother and has not developed a strong masculine identity. A mama's boy is a man who has not been grounded in the masculine field.
    Does anyone see this as connected with certain male types, eg enfp or infj, thoughts, opininons?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ali View Post
    Does anyone see this as connected with certain male types, eg enfp or infj, thoughts, opininons?
    I don't think this is type related, but I would like to know why you associate this with male ENFps and INFjs.

    Please remember here that the term "Mama's Boy" is not derogatory. It is not an epitaph thrown out to indicate that someone is less than a man. It is simply a descriptive term for a man who remains in the sphere of influence of his mother and has not developed a strong masculine identity. A mama's boy is a man who has not been grounded in the masculine field.
    I fail to see how that's not derogatory.

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    implied's Avatar
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    yeah, this is something that would probably be interesting were it related to any type. i can't say i've noticed it in any one type over another though.
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    To be fair, the other side of the coin has to be presented

    Where does that leave the partner of a mama's boy? My suggestion is the same for women as it is for men. Begin with yourself! It has been my experience that whenever I find a mama's boy in a relationship, I also find a daddy's girl. In our society today, this term "daddy's girl" usually has positive connotations and many women refer to themselves with pride as a "daddy's girl." The truth is that it is as difficult for a women who continues in the realm of influence of her father to have a successful relationship as it is for a mama's boy. Please understand that this is not a value judgment, it's just a common observation. Every dependent (mama's boy) need a co-dependent (daddy's girl) and vice versa.

    The danger is not that you will marry a man like your father. The danger lies in marrying a man whom you can care for as you did your father or other father figure. A woman who remains in the sphere of influence of her father has to some extent had the experience of replacing her mother in emotionally, physically or spiritually caring for her father. Such a woman consciously or unconsciously seeks out other men who will let her take care of them, even demand that she take care of them. Just as the path to healing for mama's boys has to do with the men moving into the influence of their fathers, the path to healing for daddy's girls has to do with the women moving into the influence of their mothers.
    Does this fit in with ST women? Not really. I don't think any of this is type related.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

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    why you chose intuitive ethical types for your example
    Mostly random..perhaps because I've been reading up mostly on delta types so Ive put in the two of them for examples - I do not know if there is a correlation, nor do I associate them with the phenomena. But I am curious if someone else would consider that a correlation would exist

    For the soft male this can look like always putting his wife's or romantic partner's needs ahead of his own to the point of resenting her. He may feel an ever present sense of inadequacy as a man either at home, socially, or at work. He may find it hard to make decisions that are beneficial to others or himself. He may find it hard to take constructive action, which can look like procrastination. He may have experienced a mild depression for so long that he no longer recognize it as depression. He may find himself too frequently humiliated by his wife or romantic partner (chastised or corrected whether in private or public). He may be promiscuous, feeling victimized by his partner and desirous of a relationship with a woman who will not humiliate him.

    For the aggressive mama's boy, typical behaviors can look like always finding fault with his wife or romantic partner. He may feel she is inadequate or incapable, constantly in need of his correction. He may find himself frequently being the bully with women, children, and/or men whom he perceives as inferior. Bullying can be verbal attacks or physical attacks on another. He may find himself always competing, unable to maintain real friendships due to his need to compete. He may be promiscuous

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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    To be fair, the other side of the coin has to be presented
    Lol You're just trying to draw people's attention away from the fact that you're a mama's boy.
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jem View Post
    Lol You're just trying to draw people's attention away from the fact that you're a mama's boy.
    pft! I eat mom's for breakfast.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

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    What a fucking joke. So whoever wrote that nonsense is Mr. Perfect then, and all other males are either too soft or too hard according to him. Yet another crybaby man that thinks saying dude and playing sports will make him more likeable. As long as he doesn't show TOO much effort into something, of course, because that's too aggressive? Okaaaaaay.

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    Let me be the first male ENFp to say


    fuck no
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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    pft! I eat mom's for breakfast.
    So you're into milf's eh?
    INFp

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    Sounds like the odipeus complex.

    I've read that intellectual people are more at risk to underdevelop their identity, so it might be related to NT club. (speculating here)

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    Sounds like criticism of the Infantile-Caregiver relationship to me. That stuff about how a man becomes a Mama's Boy can be safely ignored - it's just speculation about what causes a man to want a woman to take care of him.

    Some attention is given to the Aggressor-Victim relationship, but in that case the description becomes absurd - it's the Freudian "it's all about your mother" concept.

    I find it interesting that the "Daddy's Girl" is a counterpart to the "Mama's Boy," as though it is the woman's purpose to take care of the man, and that role must be thrown off at the start of every generation and reinstituted at marriage. The fact that the two roles are complementary does suggest that they belong together.



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    Quote Originally Posted by Brilliand View Post
    That stuff about how a man becomes a Mama's Boy can be safely ignored - it's just speculation about what causes a man to want a woman to take care of him.
    I don't know if -mama boy- by definition means 'wanting to get taken care of by your mother'. It sounds more like the bond between mother and child hasn't been sufficiently broken. Therefor the boy doesn't achieve full independence. Without this independence there is no chance for ones identity to grow.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    I don't know if -mama boy- by definition means 'wanting to get taken care of by your mother'. It sounds more like the bond between mother and child hasn't been sufficiently broken. Therefor the boy doesn't achieve full independence. Without this independence there is no chance for ones identity to grow.
    I think that is a very good definition of "Mama's Boy," but I don't think that it's what this article is saying. To me, the article hinges around the "Mama's Boy" and "Daddy's Girl" as codependents, which is supposedly a bad thing. The great danger of being a "Mama's Boy" as you define it is the "evil mother-in-law" - and the ensuing collapse when the mother is forcibly removed (by death perhaps). I think this article is describing someone who has left his original mother, but still expects a mother-figure in his life.



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    Quote Originally Posted by Ali View Post
    Does anyone see this as connected with certain male types, eg enfp or infj, thoughts, opininons?
    The flaw in that description is that it actually mentions individuals who can appear to be very - too - masculine (note: "Or it can result in behaviors which push against women, even to the extent of abusive or violent behaviors"), despite the fact that apparently the masculinity is lacking in these types of males. And while it may not be just Se adept individuals who partake in this kind of behaviour, the abusive, confused individual is clearly not a Delta NF; at least it certainly doesn't extend to those types exclusively.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    The flaw in that description is that it actually mentions individuals who can appear to be very - too - masculine (note: "Or it can result in behaviors which push against women, even to the extent of abusive or violent behaviors"), despite the fact that apparently the masculinity is lacking in these types of males. And while it may not be just Se adept individuals who partake in this kind of behaviour, the abusive, confused individual is clearly not a Delta NF; at least it certainly doesn't extend to those types exclusively.

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    to be honest, that description doesn't sound like some type of "pathology". It just looks like the author doesn't agree with the behavior of some people in relationship, but this says nothing about the health of it. I also can't see why it "must" be connected to the "critical" part of development of that age. I'm sure there are a lot of healthy males that have unfortunately grown up orphans of their father. I'm also sure this was even more common in the past,.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wittmont View Post
    So you're into milf's eh?
    hahaaha i just learned what that term means recently....love it

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze View Post
    hahaaha i just learned what that term means recently....love it
    Heh, I'd love to see the look on your face when you learned it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wittmont
    So you're into milf's eh?
    Yes. Yes I am.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze View Post
    hahaaha i just learned what that term means recently....love it
    lol

    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    Heh, I'd love to see the look on your face when you learned it.
    LOL

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    to be honest, that description doesn't sound like some type of "pathology". It just looks like the author doesn't agree with the behavior of some people in relationship, but this says nothing about the health of it. I also can't see why it "must" be connected to the "critical" part of development of that age. I'm sure there are a lot of healthy males that have unfortunately grown up orphans of their father. I'm also sure this was even more common in the past,.
    Yes, absolutely.
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